Shitting in the shallow end. *scrap sadly*

[Schaefft]

I couldn't help but chuckle, I'm sorry.

It might be time for attacking it with an angle grinder. Or try removing the socket with the bread technique.

[3VOM]

Welding? Remove other nuts and drive around private car park?

[ruffgeezer]

Remove the other lock nuts before anything else.

You can buy a Vauxhall master key set for about £30 from the tool academy. 

[loserone]

HAMMER A SMALLER SOCKET OVER IT

[loserone]

No, A SMALLER SOCKET

[Jim Bell]

After a few days of just fucking driving it with that brake dragging and a socket stuck over a wheel nut, I decided to do what all red blooded males would do. I downloaded the grinder app and googled HOT MIDDLEAGED MEN IN MY AREA  WHO TWIST YOUR NUTS FOR CASH. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fantastic service. Whipped the other three locking nuts off within the hour for less than the price of a round of drinks.

 

[Jim Bell]

4 minutes ago, ruffgeezer said:

Remove the other lock nuts before anything else.

 

They have indeed literally been thrown into the river Wear. Not my favourite river, but it was the closest. 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

On 7/29/2023 at 9:08 PM, Jim Bell said:

Sport Xtra Injection aparently man. 

 

Vauxhall

L = Lux

LS = Lux Special

GL = Grand Lux

GLS = Grand Lux Sport

SR = Sports Refinement

SRi = Sports Refinement Injection

SXi = Sports Xtra Injection

GTE = Grand Touring Einspritz (German for Injection and probably spelt wrong)

GSi = Grand Sport Injection

CD = company Director

CDX = Company Director Xtra

 

 

(Or so says the internet)

The internet is obviously a cunt.

SR is Sport Rallye. Opel badged various Sporty cars as “ Rallye” until a GM bean counter pointed out they could save millions by abbreviating it to R , this was patented by The Rover Motor Car Company for their ultra high performance 105 R and 110 R not to be confused with the Skoda S110R Coupe which got around the copyright infringement because of the communists regime not respecting British Empire traditions , hence their downfall not long after Vauxhalls adoption of SR  for semi sporty small and mid range hatchbacks .

The Company Director nonsense has already been dealt with and the designations implied connection to the ter Corps Diplomatiq and its little CD plaques accepted. Although Vauxhall very cleverly avoided saying anything in this non information.

Your Astra in this great tradition of nonsensical badging appears to show no Xtra Sportiness to the untrained eye band you should remove the lying badges as soon as possible. Maybe find some from a more suitably monikered vehicle ; Citroen Traction Avant Normale or if your status allows a Renault 21 Manager.

 

[Jim Bell]

With that sorted, it was time for a run out to Weardale to see shitter extraordinaire @Jimbob McGregor for a good look over it on the ramp to see what the unseen delights on the dirty side were. 

Hup!

 

Computer, track up and left. 

*Clicking noises*

Computer, enhance. 

*Exhaust fart noises*

Rotted through at the lowest point like one of them cars that's been sat still for a few years. 

 

Rest looked ok. 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Timing belt inspected and declared FINE by professional and shopping list drawn up. 

 

 

 

After a front to back and a drive up and down the road, we decided on a nsf shock (was leaking and only slightly damping) a back box, front and back brake clean up and grease, alignment and hoover the Mr Kipling crumbs from the passenger seat. 

 

Verdict:

[Jim Bell]

It had a service light fault for one fan open circuit and a eml for LEAN running. 

 

Grabbed some fan relays from eBay

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tried a whole PUZZLE of combinations of relay combinations and finally managed to get it from ONE fan open circuit failure, to TWO fan open circuit failures. 

 

 

FFS. 

[Jim Bell]

Cooling fans still operate on speed one and on speed three so theres just the middle speed missing. Why? Who knows? Car stays cool on the road, in traffic and the fan kick in when running parked, so it's a head scratcher but not a massive concern. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

 

 

Achievement unlocked. 

No EML. 

[Jim Bell]

 

Dang it shut up Bobby. 

[Matty]

It's blown my mind this. I never had you down as looking so much like Peter Falk. It's uncanny

[Jim Bell]

Collected today and in fine fettle. 

Set off for home on a lovely summer day feeling great. 

 

 

 

 

I made it about 4 or 5 villages then beheld a great wailing from the osr. Like grinding. Combined with a smell I recall well enough. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right, that's it, I'm going for a toilet. 

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Wolsingham Public Conveniences, 7/10. 

 

 

EXASPERATION SHIT completed, I bought some fresh friction cooland and called the river a cunt. 

 

Cunt. 

 

[Jim Bell]

Once the the brakes had cooled, they were absolutely spot on. Went the long way home and they were faultless even up and down all the countryside hills and dales. No dragging, no noise, just great pedal feel and excellent stopping. Greatly improved at the front and the back and I'm over the moon with how the car drives now. Big thanks to @Jimbob McGregor for getting the old G in top shelf fettle.  

Rides fantastic now. The Sxi having the SPROTSIER suspension and seats, you're really held in place when winding it out through the scenery. 

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

And yes, before any of yous start, I have indeed put some rubber mats in it. 

 

 

 

No. This will not do. 

 

 

 

 

[Spiny Norman]

Sunday evening viewing currently consisting of Columbo: A friend in deed. 😛

[Jim Bell]

5 minutes ago, Spiny Norman said:

Sunday evening viewing currently consisting of Columbo: A friend in deed. 😛

 

[UltraWomble]

Quite jealous - despite owning a vehicle that runs on fresh air, I really really liked my Astra G.

I wish I hadnt driven it into a lake now.

 

[Jim Bell]

2 minutes ago, UltraWomble said:

Quite jealous - despite owning a vehicle that runs on fresh air, I really really liked my Astra G.

I wish I hadnt driven it into a lake now.

 

Ah man. I remember when @Micrashed did that. Ballsy but soggy. I wonder what ever happened to that handsome bastard. 

[High Jetter]

All these pages for an Astra. I'll look up to the stars...

[New POD]

On 29/07/2023 at 23:14, Jim Bell said:

 

Where the ven diagram meets, is where we play. 

https://news.lettersofnote.com/p/arkell-v-pressdram

May I refer you to Pressdrams response to Arkell and wish you the same. 

Cheap fucking joke is what your Venn diagram is. 

 

[New POD]

On 29/07/2023 at 12:24, Jim Bell said:

So be aware, those who aren't. AA Ts and C's say if it's the first 24 hours of ownership, your cover isnt valid. So he said if you find yourself in this situation, next time lie. 

That's a good reason not to go with the AA. 

[New POD]

7 minutes ago, New POD said:

https://news.lettersofnote.com/p/arkell-v-pressdram

May I refer you to Pressdrams response to Arkell and wish you the same. 

Cheap fucking joke is what your Venn diagram is. 

 

 

Having owned 4 (yes 4) mk2 cavaliers, 1 mk3 cavalier, 3 (all which I wrote off) Mk3 Astras, I have a weird thing for the mk4 astra. 

Son learnt to drive in a mk3 cavalier, and later was given a mk4 astra (a 1.6 16V club) when his grandad gave up driving. I then bought a 1.6 16V Sport.  Son described his as more like a mk4 cavalier and I couldn't argue with him. 

The only problem I had with mine was a sport and was too hard with its 16 inch wheels and rock hard suspension. (and not gifffer enough. After 2 hours behind the wheel, I couldn't walk.) 

[Jim Bell]

Well the Astra has been providing sterling service as a 10 mile commuter to and from work every day. Nothing of note, so I've made no notes. 

That was until today when I had to tour county Durham and Teeside to a range of pre arranged appointments. Ooo great, some nice quick country roads. 

Hang on. 

What's that smell?

 

 

Yep. After being cleaned up and lubed twice, that passenger side caliper is dragging again. 

It's a theme. 

 

[Jim Bell]

Used the last of the COOP water that I still had in the boot from the initial BRAKE down too cool the whole shebang. 

Then popped into Sainsburys (oooo la da fuckin daa) to buy more. 

 

Stay hydrated lads. 

 

Eeee remember the brakes seizing at the co-op. Seems like just yesterday. 

 

[Jim Bell]

Limped it home 40 miles stopping at Washington services to let it cool again. Eventually home and back on the naughty step. 

 

I'm fucking sick of it now mind.

ALL VAUXHALLS ARE SHIT. 

why was I not informed of this earlier?

Tossing up in my mind scrapping the cunt or spending money on new calipers/discs/pads. The latter makes more sense but I'm sure that as soon as I've finished putting my hand in my pocket again, the gable end of a building will fall on it.