Jump to content

Shitting in the shallow end. *LS400 ROFFLE*


Jim Bell

Recommended Posts

I've been listening to some podcast where an irish dude with a carrier bag on his head talks me through mental health strategies and I thought this was going to be a helpful post along those lines. It's not but there's going to be a car in the end so I'll absolutely take that.

Irish dude with a plastic bag on his head?

 

 

Also, I'll laugh like fuck if it's one of the cars mentioned in that song.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Module 2.

 

FEELINGS.

 

What distressing emotion/s did you feel when you saw a reasonably priced car from the 1990s for sale locally?

E.g. Anger, anxiety, terror, rage, depression, frustration, guilt, shame.

 

What did you notice in your body?

E.g. In anxiety and anger (and excitement) the body's adrenaline can result in us feeling physical sensations which include: heart pounding or racing, palpitations, rapid breathing, difficulty breathing, massive erection or 'wide-on', feeling light-headed, dizzy, shaky, sweaty, hot, red, pins & needles, tense or sore muscles, urge to go to the toilet, butterflies in the tummy, warm uncomfortable feeling in the abdomen or chest, difficulty concentrating, lump in throat. This is the fight & flight response - the body's survival mechanism which helps us escape or to stand up to the threat at times of real danger. The body is unable to differentiate between a real or imagined danger, so the alarm signal is pressed and activated regardless.

 

In depression, we can feel tired, lethargic, exhausted, experience appetite and sleep changes, aches and pains, headaches, digestive changes (e.g. constipation), agitation and feel unable to settle, experience lack of interest in sex, and have slow movement or speech.

 

All of these things are common when you decide to buy a car tomorrow and put a deposit down blind on the internet to some stranger called Gavin.

 

See fig 2.

 

post-5435-0-86879200-1548460347_thumb.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Module 7..

 

Fight or flight.

 

Imagine you are walking through a forest alone and hear the rustling of leaves and the ominous crack of a branch behind you. You freeze, listening hard to figure out what is back there. For fucks sake it could be a 1991 mark 5 Escort diesel with a full service history with a reasonable asking price of three hundred and fifty pounds. You turn slowly and see a E36 staring at you, ready to drive away for a good cash offer. Your heart is racing and you are rigid with fizzing energy. You have three choices: stay frozen, run, or turn and fight. And buy fight, I mean BUY A CAR.

 

 

The fear responses are generally considered:

 

1. Bid low and Avoid (vigilance, scan for bargains, avoid the danger if possible)

 

2. Flight (submission or retreat. I.e. be a timewaster)

 

4. Fight (dominance or attack buy doing a buy)

 

5. Freeze (immobility, paralyzed in fear, “scared stiff”)

 

6. Fold/Faint (bad fright immobility, helplessness, “panic attacks,” or dissociation once captured)

 

When humans detect a possible bargain car, the signals go to various parts of the brain, which triggers the adrenal glands to release hormones such as epinephrine (adrenaline). The body instantly responds with increased blood flow, heart rate, breathing, and sweating, left foot twitching in the case of manually geared cars, all preparing the body to quickly make an offer or shit pant. This process happens at a biochemical level that we are unaware of, yet is so powerful it allows us to instantly jump out of the way of a runaway car.

 

These hormonal responses also heighten the emotions. When you feel the urge to buy a reasonably priced car, your emotions are on high alert and can feel overwhelming. If you have ever been in a car accident, you know the sensation of your heart pounding and palms getting clammy afterward. You may also have shidded pant. This is nothing to be ashamed of. You may have been quick to anger afterwards they may have been nice trousers– did you want to yell at the other driver even if the accident was your fault? And let's face it, it was. Later, you may have felt shaky and tearful and wanted to leave the scene (flight). After stressful situations, such as arguments or crying, we often feel exhausted (fold response) and want to buy a brand new Kia on finance. You may not have realized you were at the mercy of a primal survival reaction.

 

The best way to remain prepared is to always carry £400 cash along with a spare pair of brown or yellow underpants.

 

 

 

post-5435-0-53252500-1548461450_thumb.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't accidentally exploded a stress toy all over myself, the desk, and my neighbouring colleague so it's definitely doing better than the last meeting I was in.  Still, it meant I found out who was a human being and who wanted to climb the Ladder Of Despair and Incentivise Their Promotiveness to The Position Of Head Brown Nose by who found it amusing and who found it the least professional incident they'd ever witnessed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a duality thing, yes? Yin, the contemplative side wishing to bash Yang's incontinently auto-purchasing brains out with a rock for the good of humanity. I've never considered the irrational desire to buy random chod to be analogous to a rapey-looking bloke with a ski-mask. I'll be in the corner, rocking gently in my happy place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, good! Ill advised collections are my absolute favourite. I get to live vicariously through the documenting of another shiter's new encumbrance. Its minging bits. Its bodges. Its expensive and inevitably missing parts of unobtainium. Its FTPs.

 

Please, do go on...

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Module 19c.

 

Coping mechanisms.

Weighing the pros and cons.

 

When faced with a decision about buying a car on impulse though it would be detrimental to our mental health, we sometimes may feel paralyzed or trapped. We may not know what is the best choice. One way to move forward is to weigh the short- and long-term pros and cons of a situation. Doing so can help us identify the best path (that is, a path that is associated with low risk and is consistent with our goals and priorities) to take. Take into consideration how much you value your testicles and how irate your loved ones or partner may be if a 1993 Toyota Carina appears on the driveway without warning.

 

It may be prudent to remind yourself periodically of your goal.

 

See fig 9.

 

post-5435-0-38966400-1548490297_thumb.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is all very well, but when a sensible car turns up which you have no need for and is only slightly more than a full electric car chargers away, how could you not find some neighbouring street to keep it in far away from your newly double glazed home?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Module 69 (nice).
Family.

Thoughts are powerful, and negative ones can create a host of communication and relationship problems within a family when you Buy a Car Tommorow without notice or warning. Try to work on replacing negative thoughts and beliefs with positive ones to improve family behavior. Try to be understanding of your partner's obsessions when it comes to knackered old motor vehicles. Remember to avoid direct confrontational behaviour and avoid using negative terms.

See fig roll.

post-5435-0-80676100-1548492310_thumb.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Jim Bell changed the title to Shitting in the shallow end. *LS400 ROFFLE*

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Similar Content

    • By loserone
      I reckon I fancy a change.  This is nice.  Really, quite nice indeed.
       
      But regular readers will know I am growing keener on having a comfortable ride quality these days, and this has 17" wheels on.  Wheels bigger than 15" are suitable only for bicycles.  Hence, here's a roffle.
      WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
      GOOD:
      Black
      Tan leather in good nice
      Dual zone climate control which works
      Heated leather front and rear
      It's the top spec 250BHP HOT one so it's not entirely slow
      Two good keys
      Memory seats
      Stack of history rivalling a CISSP textbook
      MOT until 03/08/2021
      I'm getting 33 MPG from it.
      Everything works.
      BAD:
      Lacquer peel.  The roof and bonnet have been resprayed at some point, and nearly all the lacquer has come off.  I reckon 5 minutes with a jetwash would make it look matt and less noticeable. 
      The exhaust has started blowing recently.  I've not even looked at it, it's fine from the inside but throaty from the outside.
      It will need a small patch on the bottom of the wheel arch on one side, but looks nothing like as bad as the maroon one which was recently for sale on here.
      @davehedgehog31 reckons it sometimes uses a bit of oil.  The owner previous to him had the turbo changed 50k ago (!) in an attempt to resolve this.  However, I've found that generally it's not using oil any more than I might reasonably expect - say, half a pint every 1000 miles?
      The OSF wheelbearing drones at 50-55MPH.  I don't do 50-55MPH anywhere, I'm either doing 30 or 80, so this hasn't affected me.  However, there's a new wheelbearing for it in the boot.  I'm THAT lazy.

      Given the SMOLL HOLES in the exhaust and wheelarch, I'm sure it's not worth as much as the marvellous looking one for sale on here elsewhere with the lower spec and smaller engine and wrong gearbag.  So I reckon £12 a ticket, or three for £30.  Sound alright?
      1 - 
      2 - 
      3 - 
      4 - 
      5 - 
      6 - @Andy F
      7 - 
      8 - 
      9 - 
      10 - @sdkrc
      11 - 
      12 - 
      13 - 
      14 - @Jim Bell
      15 - 
      16 - @Andy F
      17 - 
      18 - 
      19 - @Jim Bell
      20 - 
      21 - 
      22 - 
      23 - 
      24 - 
      25 - 
      26 - 
      27 - 
      28 - @sdkrc
      29 - 
      30 - 
      31 - 
      32 - 
      33 - 
      34 - 
      35 - 
      36 - @cort1977
      37 - 
      38 - 
      39 - 
      40 - 
      41 - 
      42 - 
      43 - @Andy F
      44 - 
      45 - @task
      46 - 
      47 - 
      48 - 
      49 - @sdkrc
      50 - 
      51 - 
      52 - 
      53 - @Jim Bell
      54 - 
      55 - 
      56 - 
      57 - 
      58 - 
      59 - 

    • By loserone
      Not actually a roffle, sorry.  What have been our best roffles? I quite liked winning a Lexus LS400..
    • By Six-cylinder
      Six-Cylinder Entertains – Virtual Roffle of my Maserati BiTurbo
      As I can’t sing or dance I had to think up an alternative entertainment. I have noticed how much people enjoy a Roffle and obviously collection is difficult at the moment so I am holding a Roffle for one of my cars, the difference is it is virtual and no collection needed!
       
      You can dream for a short while of having a Maserati BiTurbo. I value the car at £5,000 so tickets are £84.00, usual format after all numbers are “sold” the bonus number of the next National Lottery draw is the winner
       
      To make it clear you will not get my Maserati at the end of it, neither will you have to pay £84 for a ticket.
      I do have a little treat for the winner as I have a 1:43 scale model of a Biturbo saloon to send them as a gift. If you are the winner and want to be taken out in the real one or maybe even have a short drive after lockdown I will be pleased to accommodate you.
       
      Up for Virtual Roffle is my :
      1987 Maserati 425 biturbo saloon, 2.5 carburettor twin turbo V6 190 bhp and feels more because of a great wedge of torque in the mid range. 5 speed gearbox with dogleg 1st.
      Owned for 7 years.
      MOT 13th November 2020, but I believe it will benefit from having 6 months added to mean it will not need a fresh MOT until May 2021.
      Excellent running condition. Just 60, 000 miles, original leather book pack with service history to 48,000 miles then lots of invoices. Cambelt 2 years ago, brake callipers, recent pair of new tyres. Several rubber fuel lines replaced including the dangerous one that lives in the turbo pressure box.
      The Bodywork is always a bugbear with these and we have chased rust a couple of time, windscreen surround, front wings and boot floor. Now a very sound and tidy car if not prize winning.
      Of course there are some negatives:
      Radio/cassette is not working
      Wheels need refurbishing
      Some wear to the interior
      Idle a little high
      Electric boot release can be a bit problematical
      Bonnet 2nd catch release needs a clip.



       
       
      Limit one entry per shiter. Just pick your numbers!
      1. brownnova
      2. richardmorris
      3. sickboy
      4. Shite Ron
      5. angle
      6. Asimo
      7. Chancer
      8. Shep Shepherd 
      9. Eyersey1234
      10. chaseracer
      11. Flat4
      12. jonathan_dyane
      13. Crispian_J_Hotson
      14. Cookiesonwest
      15. loserone
      16. Conan
      17. Morris ItalSLX
      18. TheDoctor
      19. robinmasters
      20. rantingYoof
      21. Saabnut
      22. outlaw118
      23. Tim_E
      24. Twiggy
      25. cavcraft
      26. Zelandeth
      27. HMC
      28. wack
      29. vulgalour
      30. reb
      31. Talbot
      32. Puddlethumper
      33. RetrOnaut
      34. Andyrew
      35. eddramrod
      36. meshking
      37. Hairnet
      38. Sir Chocolate Teapot
      39. paulplom
      40. wuvvum
      41. rainagain
      42. 83C
      43. DVee8
      44. Doctormop
      45. dome
      46. Floatylight
      47. Springer
      48. Nyphur
      49. wgl2019
      50. Spottedlaurel
      51. Macscrooge
      52. MikeR
      53. New Pod
      54. Skizzer
      55.Three Speed
      56. aldo135
      57. Tigerfox
      58. flat4alfa
      59. LightBulbFun
       
      Remember you only win a 1:43 model, but there is nothing to pay to enter.
       
      No I don’t want to sell the BiTurbo this is just for fun.
    • By loserone
      This roffle DOES NOT include two new genuine wings. They would be available to purchase by the winner, or I'll sell them separately.
      12 months MOT 

       
      1 - @davehedgehog31 courtesy of @Jim Bell
      2 - @loserone bought out by @CortinaDave paid
      3 - @Supernaut paid
      4 - @Iamgroot
      5 - @sdkrc oaid
      6 - @TheDoctor paid
      7 - @Tickman paid
      8 - @yes oui si paid
      9 - @jamhowe paid
      10 - @garbaldy paid
      11 - @sdkrc paid
      12 - @barefoot paid now @holbeck
      13 - @robinmasters didn't pay, now @twosmoke300
      14 - @Tickman paid
      15 - @loserone now @Lacquer Peel paid
      16 - @jamhowe paid
      17 - @sdkrc paid
      18 - @Tickman courtesy of @Jim Bell
      19 - @davehedgehog31 paid
      20 - @fatharris courtesy of @twosmoke300 paid
      21 - @DodgyBastard paid
      22 - @davehedgehog31 paid
      23 - @barrett paid
      24 - @Tamworthbay paid
      25 - @TheDoctor paid
      26 - @DodgyBastard paid
      27 - @bramz7 paid
      28 - @Iamgroot
      29 - @garbaldy paid
      30 - @Shirley Knott paid
      31 - @robinmasters didn't pay, now @twosmoke300
      32 - @Jim BellBell's mate paid
      33 - @robinmasters didn't pay, now @twosmoke300
      34 - @Shirley Knott paid
      35 - @Jimbob McGregor paid
      36 - @yes oui si paid
      37 - @fatharris courtesy of @twosmoke300 paid
      38 - @Jimbob McGregor paid
      39 - @jamhowe paid
      40 - @Tickman paid
      41 - @TheDoctor paid
      42 - @loserone
      43 - @Shirley Knott paid
      44 - @LightBulbFun paid
      45 - @Schaefft I'll let you off for 50p
      46 - @garbaldy paid
      47 - @Shirley Knott4Knott4Knott4KnoKnott4Knott4Knott4Kno no, not him, @barefoot paid now @holbeck
      48 - @davehedgehog31 paid
      49 - @fatharris courtesy of @twosmoke300 paid
      50 - @barefoot paid now @holbeck
      51 - @Jimbob McGregor paid
      52 - @LightBulbFun paid
      53 - @Iamgroot
      54 - @DodgyBastard paid
      55 - @loserone no not him, now @puddlethumper paid
      56 - @Shep Shepherd paid
      57 - @yes oui si paid
      58 - @petermcpete paid
      59 - @LightBulbFun paid
       

      VID-20200215-WA0072.mp4
    • By gm
      this is mother gm with her little "redster" on the day I handed over the keys

      many adventures have been had over the past year but it is now time to find a new home for the plucky pug
      basic infos : 126350 miles, mot until October 2020, in the last year it has been serviced, had a new exhaust, battery and a set of winter tyres, it's a fun little thing to chuck about the back roads and, as you can see, is a breeze to park


      (she will kill me for using those photos)
      the waving elf has sadly been removed, it was deemed to be inappropriate for a funeral convoy last week
      the bodywork looks better in the pics than in the flesh, there are a number of scrapes and dings, at some point it's had an accident repair





      but the steelies are painted "Peugeot Rallye White" which more than makes up for it 
      inside is pretty clean, everything works as it should - not that there are many toys, the CD player has an aux in and the windows are electric, the gearnob is a genuine JakeBullet poolball, the parcel shelf is a gm original with one sony and one jbl speaker
      that speedo optimistic, it will not top a ton but will do 70 in second if you push it, 90 can be achieved in third, fourth or fifth - it doesn't seem to matter which 




      there is a spare tyre and toolz and a tottie wee engine in there somewhere


      so who's up for a random or two ? 
      tickets are £12 each or 2 for £20, PayPal preferred, it is taxed (only £20 a year) but not currently insured, location is Chester-le-street, the lucky winner can be collected from Durham or Newcastle station
      who wouldn't want to be this happy ?


       

×
×
  • Create New...