Shitting in the shallow end. *Collection*

[Momentary Lapse Of Reason]

17 minutes ago, Momentary Lapse Of Reason said:

A One Ton  Supply Depot has been established on the route of the Rail Replacement Bus

Due to "a slight cock-up on the catering front",

The Depot consists of 1000kg of Chinese Won-ton Dumplings.

[hairnet]

bdsm dungeon in leith

[Jim Bell]

Apologies for the radio silence. 

I was hitherto engaged piloting my large executive luxobarge home through some treacherous conditions. 

Big thanks to the seller for being a gent and meeting me at the railway station. 

[Jim Bell]

Everyone has no doubt long guessed what it is. 

 

 

 

It's an absolute honey. And if it ever breaks down, I can just pop it in my pocket and walk home. 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Inside there's SO MUCH ROOM FOR ACTIVITIES. Im 6ft 4 and 23 stone and even I have a lot of room and comfort in here. 

 

Fits like a glove. Or a comfortable pair of old slappers. 

[Barry Cade]

Did you have to convert it to LHD to get over the border?

[Jim Bell]

Drive home was a gorgeous through Scotland, then hairy through Northumberland's snow. 

It's hidden somewhere in the last picture. 

Pez shot. Got home on about £10 worth on the 200 miles home. 

 

Lovely view. 

 

The dash at night. 

 

Pee-poo. 

 

 

Great car, great seller. Great day out. 

[sdkrc]

9 minutes ago, Jim Bell said:

Just in case the law is following this thread, did your passenger take this photo? 

[Dan302]

Terrific colour too!

[Jim Bell]

7 minutes ago, sdkrc said:

Just in case the law is following this thread, did your passenger take this photo? 

Yes I hired a sex worker. 

[High Jetter]

4 minutes ago, Dan302 said:

Terrific colour too!

Yeah, he's been out in the sun a fair bit this year. 

[Sunny Jim]

1 hour ago, Jim Bell said:

Inside there's SO MUCH ROOM FOR ACTIVITIES. 

 

54 minutes ago, Jim Bell said:

Yes I hired a sex worker. 

 

[UltraWomble]

Dibs.

 

[Jim Bell]

40 minutes ago, UltraWomble said:

Dibs.

 

Well it's certainly a lot closer to you now man. 

[Jim Bell]

13 hours ago, Barry Cade said:

Did you have to convert it to LHD to get over the border?

Yeah, switched it back at holy island though. It's a miracle!

[Jim Bell]

It is a day. 

The air bites crisp but dry. The sun climbs its steady rise. 

Adventure awaits. A black and white car blessed by Saint Christopher himself lies far away and in jizzers name, shall be collected by setting of the sun. 

(Foreboding)

Amen. 

[Jim Bell]

Up early and gathered up my bespoke collection kit. Better to be safe than sorry. 

 

No breakfast, no poo. All business. Let's hit the road. 

 

 

 

 

 

Speed: 50 mph. 

Direction: West. 

Pc: zero. 

[UltraWomble]

Chod Speed Young Harry....

[Jim Bell]

On today's journey from my black and white town to collect a black and white car, we will remember the black and white saints and their patronage. 

First stop is Darlington. Home of Saint Christopher of Waddell. 

 

 

 

Saint Christopher of Waddell. Patron saint of missing things. 

Saint Christopher was born in Darlington in the 1850s, born of Gordon and Mary Waddell. He was the first person to invent running for a bus after he tried walking again once he was already walking. He was canonised during the 86 world cup and doing a poor kick for a dangerous penalty and cursing the world to sorrow and pain for 20 year. His relics lie in Gosforth Weatherspoons in a big glass box in jizzers name armen. 

May Saint Christopher make me miss my turn off and lose my keys. 

[Jim Bell]

 

 

Chrains. 

Heading: South. 

Speed: 120 mph. 

Pc: one. 

 

 

 

St Peter of Beardsley. The patron saint of the ugly and abandoned things. 

St Peter of Beardsley was born into a shallow depression that his mother scratched into the ground just outside of York in 1854. He spent his formative years scaring mice away from cheese and scaring the life out of spiders. He was canonised in 1994 when he somehow had an affair with local news celebrity Kathy Secker. 

May Saint Peter bless this ugly car and all the ugly men who traverse the land in it. 

His relics lie strewn around in the mud, left unloved and uncared for. 

Armen. 

[loserone]

Super omen when the big man Don himself kicks off and operation on the morning 

[Jim Bell]

Doncaster achieved. 

 

 

 

Saint Anton Dec. 

Saint Anton Dec was born with two heads and four arms round the back of a betting shop in Doncaster in 1854. He spent his life telling people to do things in their ear and doing bad paintballs. He is the patron saint of bad accidents and drink driving. He was canonised in 1990 when he lost vision in both eyes following a vicious paintball attack by local girls. Soon after he appeared in vision form to Geoff who heard him say spectrally "he cannat see Geoff. He cannat see"

May any accidents we have in this black and white car be instantly fatal and may Anton Dec ensure our drink driving only ever injure ourselves.  

Armen. 

[Jim Bell]

Missed a pic as I was in the loo, but Newark achieved. 

 

Saint James of the Nail. 

Saint James of the Nail was a metalworker and fabrication specialist born in a caravan on some waste ground on Newark Town Centre in 1854. He is the patron saint of casual violence and manual labour. He crafted the nails used in the crucifixion of Christ and was cannonised in 1988 when he headbutted a postman and made the joke "I always warned jesus to be careful with his cash. I said mind you don't get hammered with tax"

His relics are held in a cigar box that hangs with string around the neck of disgraced prime minister Tony Blair's. 

May our journey home be a difficult labour and peppered with violence. 

Next stop, Peterborough!

 

[Tickman]

1854 seems to have been a very significant year for the production of saints.

May travels of the safe variety be bestowed upon you.

[Jim Bell]

 

Pc increased. Up one to two. 

[Agila]

8 minutes ago, Jim Bell said:

 

Pc increased. Up one to two. 

Fucking hell it's been 7 minutes. Shit faster.

[Agila]

Should somebody go knock on the door to make sure he's alright. Do you need paper Jim?

[Jim Bell]

Collection paused due to unforeseen electrical issues with the car in question. Sorry for the disappointment everyone. This may be concluded another day depending on how investigations go. 

[Dick Cheeseburger]

Electrical issues... did you buy the Pugmarine?!

[CaptainBoom]

Yes!  A Jim Bell collection thread, this is going to be tremend... oh.

May all of your electrons be restored and you be on your way, either this day or the next.  It's has been a thoroughly good read so far and really cheered me up (well, until your last post anyway).