Things in car adverts that make you go "Oh F*** Off"

[Bamboocarman]

'Trade cars'  / ' trade sale' - FFS - an invitation to a con of some kind.

[brickwall]

^haha so true.

[Bamboocarman]

'Getting rare nowadays'

[Bamboocarman]

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201501150194177/sort/default/onesearchad/used%2Cnearlynew%2Cnew/model/golf/make/volkswagen/postcode/dl131ef/maximum-age/over_10_years_old/usedcars/radius/1500/page/1?logcode=p

 

 

Some more price twisting fuck-wittery in an ad: £100? £1,000? No, £1250 ! Including, amongst much other bollocks, the immortal phrase  ' I've been as honest as I can'.

[Bamboocarman]

' Low millage"

[dave21478]

If we're doing tv adverts here too the recent Toyota Yaris advert really boiled my piss. They told you nothing about the car at all, it was all footage of youngish people driving around singing along with their bloootoothz-MP3-ipod-connected-shit.

 

Thats all that young people care about from their car now - can they plug their telephone into it? 

Its marketed perfectly at their target audience who are interested in bluetooth, a long warranty and pastel colours to match their handbag, with no interest in performance, driving feel, engine specification or anything else actually car related.

[Bamboocarman]

' Find another . . . '

 

(sorry, these phrases keep occurring to me)

[BavarianRetro]

it will rupture your spleen, empty your wallet and your haemorrhoids will curse you for buying one....

And that's just trying to get into the back seat.

 

It's a real BMW niche market, the four door 2 seater. Any others?

[MarvinsMom]

And that's just trying to get into the back seat.

 

It's a real BMW niche market, the four door 2 seater. Any others?

 

the off roader that is a hopeless piece of wank on the road and undrivable off road, and also makes the driver look like and behave like a total grade a* cunt?

 

they do a few of them. 

[overrun]

Hadaway an shite, man !! (canny aad Sunlan, like).

Haha

 

Whee's this spunk trumpet, like?

[Bamboocarman]

Haha

 

Whee's this spunk trumpet, like?

Ex Suddick an Witherwack, like.

[Bamboocarman]

Another annoying phrase:

 

' Upgrades '

[PiperCub]

' Find another . . . '

 

(sorry, these phrases keep occurring to me)

 

Think your reply to that would be the same as mine..................  "OK then, I will, bye"

[wuvvum]

GRAB UR SELF A BARGIN.

[dangerousdave]

talking of car ads the one for the Vauxhall mocca got me with the line "stand out from the crowd " but blend in with the 1000s of others that have been sold

the most infuriating ones are the ones on dave or radio for Halfords we fit like the radio one " don't lick the battery " whos got a tongue wide enough to lick both terminals on a car battery

my last one is when you put in a search on ebay for parts for a car and you see loads of pages but over half the pages are the same ad for brake pads really pisses me off

[Matt]

"Low mileage for age"

 

I don't care if it's low mileage for it's age, it's still been to the flipping moon and back forty-five-thousand times regardless.

[steve_earwig]

my last one is when you put in a search on ebay for parts for a car and you see loads of pages but over half the pages are the same ad for brake pads really pisses me off

Or light bulbs or seat covers or furry dice or anything else that's generic but surprisingly specific to the car you're looking for because some dolt has spent months typing all in just in case you didn't know it existed or something.

[greengartside]

Haddaway an shite, man !!

 

EFA.

 

[overrun]

Ex Suddick an Witherwack, like.

Glad to hear you got out.

 

Howtaner, here.

[Cavcraft]

I've had quite a few trying to sell me bikes that they state cost £XXX new, when they didn't at all. You even get the odd one trying to sell you a bike second hand at more than they cost new.

Usually any 'upgrades' they've listed are actually the standard parts, too.

[UmBongo]

'I don't need to sell this car and it will go back in the garage if I can't get the money I want for it.'

 

So you are doing us a favour by allowing us to view and possibly buy your overpriced, rusty piece of junk?

 

'No tyre kickers, timewasters or test pilots.'

 

The first thing I do is kick the tyres, I happen to be a test pilot for Boeing and if I don't want to buy your car because you lied about it's condition then I'm a timewaster?

 

OK, I'm a timewaster, then.

[HH-R]

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201501150194177/sort/default/onesearchad/used%2Cnearlynew%2Cnew/model/golf/make/volkswagen/postcode/dl131ef/maximum-age/over_10_years_old/usedcars/radius/1500/page/1?logcode=p

 

 

Some more price twisting fuck-wittery in an ad: £100? £1,000? No, £1250 ! Including, amongst much other bollocks, the immortal phrase  ' I've been as honest as I can'.

 

Bonus points for the blinkered Volkswagen reality distortion field brain washing: "if you know these cars you know they will go forever", then later on "Starter motor sometimes makes a wineing noise on start up common fault".

 

Brilliant. Reminds me of my mate the other day who said his 58 plate Golf with 70k on the clock was "feeling its age", then I was told to shut up when I questioned all the VW build quality/top notch engineering bollox he has bought into...

[davidfowler2000]

 

Away an' take yer face for a shite!

 

I hate a cunt I don't like!

[JohnK]

Just had a right chuckle at this advert on Facebook.

 

'Got 12 points on me licence this needs to go' translates to 'I've ragged the holy c*nt off it since I bought it'

 

[Richard]

I heard about somebody yesterday who is trying to sell a 14 plate Octavia without letting the buyer view it prior to sale. I'm not sure what kind of money is involved but it's got to be in five figures he's asking somebody to hand over for a car he's not seen in real life.

[Bamboocarman]

'Summer's coming' - seen on an ad for an MR2 yesterday !

 

'Get ready for summer' seen on ads for MR2s last autumn, not having sold during the summer of 2014; the vendors without the wit to update their ads before relisting; oh dear.

[DS20]

Just had a right chuckle at this advert on Facebook.

 

'Got 12 points on me licence this needs to go' translates to 'I've ragged the holy c*nt off it since I bought it'

 

 

 

That sort of punctuation-free stream-of-consciousness advert does my head in.  I'd swerve it for that reason alone - not to mention the service history to 80,000 miles, which makes me think it hasn't seen so much as an oil change since.  

[Alan_Green]

• Every LPG van still says "Congestion Charge Exempt" despite the exemption ending years ago.

Similarly "MOT exempt" on beaver tail recovery vehicles,  

[HH-R]

I thought 12 points was AN BAN?

[DS20]

It is - it's the reason that the car is up for sale, if I understand the appalling advert correctly.