Things in car adverts that make you go "Oh F*** Off"

[Lord Sterling]

'For Sale'

'For Shale'

'Bore Tale'

'Raffle/Roffle/boffles/shoffles/Chris Goffles'

'£POA' - Just display the f*ckin' price man.

 

I think a lot of you here just don't like any kind of 'for sale' advert.

[dieselassist]

7 or 8 pics of a nice polished shiney car, with clean glass, glittering chrome - pics 6, 7 and 8 are arsty'fartsey fishbowel, Black n White, 'Acid Flash back' effect taken at a show or some disused mill/factory etc, taken by his mate/bird hes currently 'slipping one to'...

 

Paragraphs of waffle in the ad about the car having been supplied by the revered  'NoOneAyoneHas Heard of Motors', to Sir HandShuffle of Fuckwittingdom, for his wife.... en on en on...

 

Scroll onto pic no 9 with a cell phone pic of the car stoved up to front Pillars after a front end smack...

 

"...AZ IN EXCEPTIONALIZ CONDITION B4 CRASH...."

 

what am I bidding on here, Memories??

 

 

"EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY TO WRIGHT PERSON"

 

...etc etc

[clayts450]

Advert headers that tell you everything the car they're selling isn't, and you need the discovery skills of Christopher Columbus to work out WTAF they are flogging.

 

You know the drill

 

NOT SEAT VAUXHALL ROLLS ROYCE PHANTOM TUK-TUK PARTRIDGE CARNIVAL UNDERFELT PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER

[forddeliveryboy]

  On 04/10/2018 at 03:02, New POD said:

I know that there's not much to see in engine basis these days but I'd you have 12 pictures why not take an underpinned picture. And if you are a dealer and have access to a ramp why not take a picture or two from underneath.

 

I agree but some would think it implied something wasn't working, as suggested in those ads which have no description of a car's condition but state, "study pictures carefully".

 

 

Ads which are intended to be misleading can usually be spotted, but when worded with such care and skill they're not obvious, even someone who otherwise knows their onions can be drawn in.

 

Those most skilled at subterfuge are well known to 'hide' things in full view, the brain tends to look for clues for concealed items and can look right past something laid out for all to see.

 

Using this technique to relegate serious faults can be enhanced by creating the impression they're not at all serious through positive word and phrase use and positioning in an advert, for example after having described the car in honest-sounding glowing terms. Adding an aside that a tiny fault was discovered which was rectified and could plausibly have been the cause of the much more serious real reason for the fault further leads a keen buyer along the route of, "it'll be fine".

 

The final pieces of genius in this deception are to price as if. All the important stuff is fault-free then carefully place the advert on a place known for its honesty and scruples by sellers.

 

List faults in a column for yourself (this clarifies things), never take anyone on trust. It's sad to have to say this, and I definitely don't always follow this advice myself. It's a bit like solving a mystery when it comes to buying a car, I tend to look to the owner as much as his car. Does everything add up?

[uk_senator]

  On 15/01/2015 at 20:15, Station said:

You're basically buying off an invisible man you will never meet, so makes it easier and possibly non-traceable if something goes wrong.

Expand  

I've sold numerous cars for giffers who don't know how to turn a computer on. Its that or they often scrap a perfectly decent, often one owner, shitter..

 

[alcyonecorporation]

  On 02/10/2018 at 12:19, Lord Sterling said:

I CAN'T STAND ADVERTS THAT ARE WITTEN LIKE THIS WITH CAPITAL LETTERS AND NO FULL STOPS OR COMMAS OR ANYTHING TO IDENTIFY WHERE A SENTENCE STARTS AND ENDS IT LOOKS LIKE A PAGE FULL OF JUMBLED UP CAPITAL LETTERS AND THEREFORE MAKES THE ADVERT HARDER TO READ SELLERS THINK ADVERTS LIKE THESE ARE MORE NOTICEABLE SO BUYERS WILL TAKE NOTICE BUT IN REALITY IT MAKES THE ADVERT HARDER TO READ AND IS THEREFORE OFF PUTTING TO POTENTIAL BUYERS YES THERE ARE SENTENCES THAT ARE ANNOYING BUT TRY READING AN ADVERT LIKE THIS AND SEE IF YOU STILL FANCY BUYING THE CAR AFTER ALL THE EFFORT OF READING SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS FULLY VALETED FULL SERVICE HISTORY IN A GENEROUSLY COLOURED PAINTWORK THIS CAR COMES WITH EW AC FSH ACDC NWA, CROOKS AND GRANNIES AND ODD AND SODS PLEASE CALL SO I CAN SHOUT AT YOU DOWN THE PHONE PROBABLY THINKING THAT THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO SELL A FUCKING CAR

ART

[rovamota]

I saw an ad for the new Mercedes A Class on TV which looks very plush for £269 a month, but if you read the small print at the bottom of the ad the car shown is not a UK spec, not the car available for that price (you'll get the povvo spec with a gutless engine) and some items shown are not available in the UK at all. Oh, and you'll need £4708 up front and you will never own it. It says so. In the small print.

 

Oh, and voice overs for car ads that put the word 'just' in front of the price, e.g. "for just £350 per month", as if it somehow makes it sound cheaper. 

[uk_senator]

Bring back back-to-basic financing.
 

  On 06/10/2018 at 19:47, rovamota said:

I saw an ad for the new Mercedes A Class on TV which looks very plush for £269 a month, but if you read the small print at the bottom of the ad the car shown is not a UK spec, not the car available for that price (you'll get the povvo spec with a gutless engine) and some items shown are not available in the UK at all. Oh, and you'll need £4708 up front and you will never own it. It says so. In the small print.

 

Oh, and voice overs for car ads that put the word 'just' in front of the price, e.g. "for just £350 per month", as if it somehow makes it sound cheaper. 

 

[sierraman]

22.7% APR. Wow.

 

Doesn’t mention about having to refinance on another one after 3 years because nobody will allow it as part ex.

[drivewaymyway]

These Headlights !! They're so bright !!

[GrumpyCat]

  On 02/10/2018 at 17:39, spartacus said:

This is the one, knob head.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Austin-1300-1971-MOT-Tax-Exempt-Rolling-Restoration-NO-OFFERS/232919882850?hash=item363b1b5c62:g:rpsAAOSwSZBbkWCH

 

 

 

  Quote

 

Mileage: 100,000

 

MOT Expiry: Nov 2018

 

Suggested Retail Price: £4,999

 

Estimated Value In 10 Years: £25,000

 

 

[adw1977]

If a 1988 Escort is worth nowhere near £25k now, why would a 1998 example be worth that in 10 years?

[twosmoke300]

Shame to see it scrapped !

 

 

How about you looked after the fucking thing over the last 5 years then ?

[Sir Snipes]

  On 06/10/2018 at 22:25, GrumpyCat said:

 

 

 

I love how their adverts say they will only accept cars of "distinction" for p/X while their stock list is the very definition of worthless old rammel.

[HMC]

Saw one the other day

“will fly through any test”

But also

“ no mot”

 

Obv if it’s a trader there’s scope for a discussion about that, but privately it’s generally asking for a leap of faith on the buyers part, based on the apparent supreme confidence of the seller, at odds with being able to ask more and attract more buyers if said jalopy had one. Either it’s got one, or it hasn’t.

[pshome]

  On 06/10/2018 at 19:47, rovamota said:

I saw an ad for the new Mercedes A Class on TV which looks very plush for £269 a month, but if you read the small print at the bottom of the ad the car shown is not a UK spec, not the car available for that price (you'll get the povvo spec with a gutless engine) and some items shown are not available in the UK at all. Oh, and you'll need £4708 up front and you will never own it. It says so. In the small print.

 ...

Congratulations on your 85" 4K TV, I'm jealous.

[pshome]

https://suchen.mobile.de/fahrzeuge/details.html?id=268264035

 

it can't get much worse than this, Talbot Tagora written on a 604 is a sin to start with, but then read the text:

The rare V6 TI. Erich Honecker, Hannelore Kohl, Valéry Giscard d`Estaing , they all knew 
to appreciate the opulent comfort of this French litter. 
This particularly well maintained specimen in new car condition did cost in March 1978 
exactly 28065 DM. The Schwacke list price in March 1979 was exactly 20 000 DM. 
Therefore the car is offered for 10 000 Euro. 
[...] 
The car is registered and can be conveyed immediately on own axle to South France or further. 
Every kilometre is indescribable.

[Bobthebeard]

A car on the side of the road for sale nearby. A 2006 Jaguar. 177,000 miles and a poor MOT history.

Sign in windscreen.

"2006 Jag. Crakin car with only to owners. Has MOT . British racing green and one new tire. Deisel. £3700."

Err...

[sierraman]

  On 10/10/2018 at 14:41, Bobthebeard said:

A car on the side of the road for sale nearby. A 2006 Jaguar. 177,000 miles and a poor MOT history.

Sign in windscreen.

"2006 Jag. Crakin car with only to owners. Has MOT . British racing green and one new tire. Deisel. £3700."

Err...

I’d love to hear his reasoning as to why his X type was worth £3000 over book.

[Bianconeri]

  On 07/10/2018 at 06:28, Snipes said:

I love how their adverts say they will only accept cars of "distinction" for p/X while their stock list is the very definition of worthless old rammel.

 

 

Examples of cars of 'distinction' are interesting* too.

[HH-R]

From the same seller, Mercedes-Benz "portfolio", how pretentious.

[sierraman]

I’d love to meet these people. They’re no more than a bomb site trader selling old tat.

 

I’ve got to hand it to them though at least they are making a living off the backs of these Facebook wheeler dealer type morons thick enough to believe it all. Good luck to them.

[sierraman]

Adverts that expect a really high price because they’ve had to pay out on a few jobs lately.

 

Or those that trivialise an issue. Saw an 02 plate Mondeo recently, looked ok, nothing to write home about but the clutch had gone. How much might you ask £150? £200 tops? No, £450. So plus another £500 (minimum) to get an 02 plate Mondeo. I think not.

[Aston Martin]

Paragraph 1 of 8

 

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/rover/53-rover-75-1.8-classic-se.you-ain-t-ever-seen-this-before-1-owner-from-new-£499/1316278327

[Datsuncog]

  On 11/10/2018 at 09:33, Aston Martin said:

Paragraph 1 of 8

 

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/rover/53-rover-75-1.8-classic-se.you-ain-t-ever-seen-this-before-1-owner-from-new-£499/1316278327

 

Proper laugh-out-loud moment with that ad!

 

Yeesh.

 

Though I also love the tagline for this particular dealership:

 

 

  Quote

 

"operating the most precision choice of cheaper cars that limited budgets can buy"

[Aston Martin]

  On 11/10/2018 at 09:48, Datsuncog said:

Proper laugh-out-loud moment with that ad!

 

Yeesh.

 

Though I also love the tagline for this particular dealership:

Check his other ads.