Wanted Uber cheap long MOT shite to piss off neighbour from hell required.

[R9UKE]

Picture the scene - a sleepy cul-de-sac nestling in the heart of bustling Birmingham, beside a babbling brook and littered with greenhouses and neighbourhood watch stickers - a scene of sheer domestic bliss.

 

That is until you witness the never ending feuds between my elderly Asian uncle and his Renault-Vel-Satis-owning Carribean neighbour.

 

 

I couldn't care less about what's going on - nor do I particularly approve, but the jist is that he wants a very cheap car to exercise his right over a particularly part of land that will no doubt piss the neighbour off and gain a lot of Vel Satis contact.

 

It's going to be insured and should preferably have a good long MOT.

 

It won't be driven but does need to run. What it looks like doesn't matter, it'll look a whole lot worse after a few months.

 

It will be taxed so preferably the old under 1.5 PLG bracket.

 

It must be very close to Handsworth in Birmingham.

 

It must have the capability to really piss of neighbours and make a white haired Indian man in his 70s EVEN MORE arrogant.

 

Come at me.

[scaryoldcortina]

Sounds like you need a laguna.

[Monkeh]

I was going to suggest a volvo limousine, but it's nigh under the cheap bracket or nigh under 1.5...

[Cleon-Fonte]

It's not Autoshite exactly but would piss the neighbour off no end:

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Vw-polo-1-4i-CL-auto-modified-full-mtx-audio-setup-/141869650545?hash=item2108171271:g:dIsAAOSwX~dWjBAk

 

Edited to add - just saw that it needs to be close to Birmingham. Which this isn't. D'oh.

Edited January 5, 2016 by Cleon-Fonte

[SiC]

Some sort of nearly broken Clio DCI or 206 HDI? £30 tax on some of them iirc and both don't seem to rust that badly, so likely to have a full MOT. Those Delphi fuel pumps on the Clio especially like to go and loose pressure, requiring a good dose of easy start to get them turning ... until they break soon after. Built in anti-theft measure!

[SiC]

e.g. 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/renault/renault-clio-dci-cheap-car/1149292356

 

or

 

https://www.gumtree.com/p/renault/renault-clio-dynamique-1.5-dci-2002-52-diesel-3dr/1149115509

 

 

"No have problem just needs glow plugs." Nice smoke screen on startup then

[NorthernMonkey]

If I was your uncle, I'd be more pissed off about the four foot tall foxcote ave graffiti in white paint all over the road!

[Timewaster]

If the Bellend parking skills in the Google image are anything to go by then no wonder there is a parking feud going on.

[320touring]

I'd be wary of doing fuckall unless I owned the land it would be parked on TBH.

 

I cant see the logic in spending initial capital and ongoing revenue cost to do this.

 

In essence, doing this only means your uncle gets inconvenienced financially as well!

[thedonkey]

Hmm im sure my mate has a few shitters at his unit in stourbridge that we could fudge through an mot at cheapness.... let me call him tomorrow drop me a pm to remind me

 

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

[Junkman]

You, sir, need to join the Midlands Massive in an upcoming Autoshite In the Community spree to the Cannock car auctions.

Help* is guaranteed.

[Jimmycrackcorn]

My Picasso would be perfect for this but I haven't finished the C4 yet (and won't til the rain fucking lets up) but it might be available soon. Even comes with fetching blue tarp rear window tinting.

[STUNO]

Can I come and watch?

[vulgalour]

I have no car to offer but I could come and chant FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT in the street at the disgruntled pensioners if it helps?

[sierraman]

Buy an old Renault 50 minibus. No seriously as 320 said I wouldn't bother it's just creating more bother.

[purplebargeken]

He has a Vel Satis? Why isn't he on here?

[BorniteIdentity]

Sounds like you need a laguna.

He said it needs to run...

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Sounds like the pair of them need their flippin heads banging together, the daft twats. Whose life is so empty they have nowt better to do than wage a parking war against their flippin neighbour.

[trigger]

I'd imagine any of the current Cavcraft stock will forfill your uncles current needs.

[castros_bro]

Sounds like the pair of them need their flippin heads banging together, the daft twats. Whose life is so empty they have nowt better to do than wage a parking war against their flippin neighbour.

 

^^  +1 on that.

 

The cure for being a couple of twats is ample parking on Reynolds Road then they could spend  time + energy volunteering for the local mental health charity.

[R9UKE]

Well exactly, I completely agree but tbh it's a chance to have another golden turd sat around.

 

Thanks for the PMs and links, hoping to get something by the weekend.

[vulgalour]

It's got to be terrible having so much time hasn't it?  Retirement must be a chore if the only thing to look forward to is setting up pointless feuds.

[BorniteIdentity]

It's got to be terrible having so much time hasn't it? Retirement must be a chore if the only thing to look forward to is setting up pointless feuds.

Exactly.

 

I can't fucking wait tbh.

 

I can smell the sweet aroma of bitter, twisted resentment from 35 years away.

[carlo]

Parking seems to have the ability to reduce the most self-composed amongst us to quivering masses of unconstrained rage.

 

Interesting, I was listening to 'Handsworth Revolution' by Steel Pulse when I read this thread.  Seriously.

[Inspector Morose]

So having wandered down the road to have a squint, I take it one wants to stop the other parking in such a way that it blocks their drive by buying a car and parking it to block the others drive?

 

Yeah, that'll end well.

[Bobthebeard]

Oh dear.... As previously stated, this will not end well. A shame that actual grown ups engage in such nonsense really. Life being far too short. Only one householder seems to have actually parked a car on their own driveway also.. WTF?

[HH-R]

Vel Satis owner? Sounds like someone you should befriend.

[dollywobbler]

This really isn't on. The only solution is an article in the crappiest local paper, with your man arms folded looking grumpy and some shit parking in the background.

[Bobthebeard]

Foxcote Avenue. The reality parking wars. Only a matter of time until it appears on Sky TV.

[garethj]

I have found that if you go around to your neighbour with a few bottles of beer and ask for a chat to clear the air, things can go well.

 

Any action that will sound vindictive read out in court, or by some failed ITN reporter is to be avoided IMHO.