Bipolar Volvo owner. What next?

[pandamonium]

I have decided for 2016 to have a thread on here to document my crap car capers.

 

I have also decided (After being messed about by idiots) to keep the haunted Volvo of death.

 

So - Page one of my year's Diary: I have acquired a Volvo 740 in a raffle I didn't win but then paid to a charity for the honour of owning it.

 

So, to sum up, this Volvo is awesome, I hate it. I love the way I bloody can't stand it. Confused? So am I.

 

 

 

[purplebargeken]

   

[pandamonium]

Yes I used it to go an pick up my dry cleaning. The interior is a lot cleaner now.

 

[purplebargeken]

Ok, my 2p worth.

 

Firstly, well done for keeping hold of the old hound. This will ultimately pay off. I think.

 

Secondly, strip all of  the seats, carpet and so on out of the car. Scrub them to death, let them dry, chuck em in the loft for now. 

 

Clean and dry the bodywork that is left, chuck copious amounts of water over the bastard and see where it leaks.

 

Find leaks, sort leaks.

 

Clean up all of the electrical contacts/connectors and shit.

 

Give the outside a fuggin good scrub. Service the fucker and put all the trim back.

 

Then sell to me.

 

Easy.

 

Happy to gallop over if you want a hand with any of the above. I could do with a day away from Edmonton in all honesty.

[pandamonium]

Here is the 'bad' news.

 

I am very much a 'blue forum' type of person, so this car will be lowered at some point in my ownership - if I keep it long enough.

 

I am going to see what it needs for its MOT next month, then decide from there,

[purplebargeken]

I have a metric fuckton of valeting shite too

[pandamonium]

You're on. It isn't really too bad, just a bit funky smelling.

 

I am going to remove the roof rails and seal up the holes, that will help.

I have gaffa taped the sunroof for now, but may either seal it up permanently, or find some replacement seals.

 

I will replace the dodgy relay (has been fine today) as it seems to 'stick' when it gets hot - is that even a thing?

 

The idle definitely needs looking at, as it stumbles, and the mixture / vacuum advance, as it pinks a bit under acceleration.

[purplebargeken]

Cool! PM me for when is convenient

[danthecapriman]

Here is the 'bad' news.

 

I am very much a 'blue forum' type of person, so this car will be lowered at some point in my ownership - if I keep it long enough.

 

I am going to see what it needs for its MOT next month, then decide from there,

Do what pbk said to bring it back from a rancid filthy heap to something clean, tidy and what you don't mind being in.

Then tidy up and fix the damaged bits, leaks etc and power wash off that shitty black paint on the door bottoms.

 

Once that's all done it's the ideal car to modify if that's your thing, as your not destroying a nice original car by doing it.

In fact by doing it, your probably giving a bit more life because as it stands it's banger track fodder unfortunately.

[Split_Pin]

Can't see anything wrong here!

[jonathan_dyane]

Christ it's more awful that I thought!

 

Wouldn't a V8 engine transplant be the most appropriate course of action?

[Angrydicky]

Essex 'shiters meet at Panda's house? Happy to pop over if I'm around then.

[DVee8]

Boy that is grim,but you never know with a little time that could Autishite car of the year 2016.

 

A new game as well Autoshite car of the year. voted on by us

[Dick Cheeseburger]

Wow, there's an interior which requires Vulgalourisement. Whenever I see these, I think of that video where some bloke tries to kill his by driving it off ramps and into various cars in a yard. It looks much the same shape when he's finished with it, and still suitable for a quick jaunt to the shops. Maybe your should set up weekly TG style 'kill the Hilux' type stunts; I recko the Ovlov would laugh in your face.

[EssDeeWon]

The Rover is currently filthy and could also do with a PBK Valet Service 

 

I like Dickys idea, best get the kettle on Panda.

[hairnet]

crazy mf

 

when you jet wash the outside do the inside too

 

andy - thats a REAL cooncil estate

[D Spares & Tyres]

Wow, there's an interior which requires Vulgalourisement. Whenever I see these, I think of that video where some bloke tries to kill his by driving it off ramps and into various cars in a yard. It looks much the same shape when he's finished with it, and still suitable for a quick jaunt to the shops. Maybe your should set up weekly TG style 'kill the Hilux' type stunts; I recko the Ovlov would laugh in your face.

Nah Volvo's aren't as tough as people think. Too many crumple zones mean they just fold up when banger raced.

 

You tube volvo vs Renault Modus. Can't do links sorry

[rantingYoof]

I always thought that the Volvo in that particular Fifth Gear test had nothing in the engine bay....either that it was literally atomised by the Renault.

 

 

 

I love the fact this Volvo is going to live on and be hopefully returned to a less rancid state. If it's MOTed and cleaned and scrubbed up and you then decide to move it on, I'll probably end up in my first Autoshite raffle, too, even if the tickets shoot up in price.

[pandamonium]

I'm definitely up for an Essex division meet up. Bring various cleaning equipment and I'll supply endless cuppas and biscuits.

[rml2345]

That has loads of potential to be a decent car with a bit of effort. Getting it to the stage of not smelling like dead dog will be the hardest part as the interior only comes apart in one way and it's a bit laborious. If it's the fuel pump relay then sticking when warm/after sitting/when it bloody well feels like it will be a thing. My last 740 used to do it with absolutely no rhyme or reason but would always fire if you gave the actual relay a tap or a wiggle would get it relaying again. 
One thing to do is keep it a bit scruffy looking. Despite many years of progress there's something about a scruffy old Volvo that terrifies other road users and it's a great advantage in traffic.

[Dick Cheeseburger]

Nah Volvo's aren't as tough as people think. Too many crumple zones mean they just fold up when banger raced.

You tube volvo vs Renault Modus. Can't do links sorry

Hmm.

http://youtu.be/u7V-G3PiRUc

Sorry Pandemonium, I'll stop clogging up your thread now.

[Cleon-Fonte]

I always thought that the Volvo in that particular Fifth Gear test had nothing in the engine bay....either that it was literally atomised by the Renault.

 

 

Yes, the Volvo had had its engine removed.

 

 

I wonder if that series of Fifth Gear being sponsored by Renault may have had anything to do with it?

[D Spares & Tyres]

Great video but that 850 has been strengthened....

 

The one I saw was a 940 on fifth gear I think

[pandamonium]

Oh yes, I do get plenty of space on the road! I like the tatty but solid look of the exterior, so my efforts will be focused around making it watertight, and less scruffy. To be fair, it wasn't too bad after a hoover and a wipe down. And since sealing the sunroof, the water ingress has slowed.

[Lacquer Peel]

Great video but that 850 has been strengthened....

 

The one I saw was a 940 on fifth gear I think

 

Top tip: don't drive a wobbly old car into a modern stiff-shelled EuroNCAP 5 star rated car head on at high speed.

[vulgalour]

A clean up and a dry out will make it that much better, for definite.  The 740 body style (yes, I know this is a left hand drive 760) responds quite well aesthetically to a bit of altitude adjustment.

 

 

They're a tough looking old thing when you do see them out and about, which is getting to be a much rarer occurrence now.  I hope you can get its foibles resolved and you continue to freshen it up, its something of a survivor to have got this far really.

[beko1987]

I agree. Mintola the interior, but leave the outside as is, just tyres if needed!

[purplebargeken]

Right then, when we doing it?

[pandamonium]

Probably Saturday two weeks from today

[pandamonium]

I want to get some US spec lights!