Project Dr.Fraud's Private Scrapyard

[Sigmund Fraud]

Right... We've had a huge amount of lovely cars and many excellent write-ups on here lately. I find this completely unacceptable and I've decided to do something about it !

I therefore welcome you all to a blog dedicated to my "private scrapyard", as Mrs.Fraud affectionately* calls my collection of... erm... not-so-mainstream classics*.

If you don't like awful cars, please move on - there's nothing to see here. But if you do, I'm sure that you'll find my struggle with poverty, hoarding and mechanical incompetence truly fascinating.

So let's start...

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[purplebargeken]

Daf/Volvo?

[robinmasters]

If you don't like awful cars, please move on - there's nothing to see here. But if you do, I'm sure that you'll find my struggle with poverty, hoarding and mechanical incompetence truly fascinatingremarkably familiar.​

EFA.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Earlier this month, I travelled to the idyllic city of Sheffield for work-related reasons.

 

 

I was staying in a remarkably dull and shockingly overpriced "business hotel" and by 9pm I was really, really bored. The city was completely unknown to me and the weather was grim, so going out was not an option. I had tried the hotel bar, in hope of socialising with someone, but there was nobody there under the age of 80. I didn't really want to become involved in a brawl over denture adhesives, so I quickly retreated to my room.

So there I was, in a state of silent despair, admiring the engineering of the wall-mounted Corby trouser press, when I caught a glimpse of the "free WiFi" card sitting on the coffee table ! YES !

Within seconds, my tablet was on and ebay was loading... A quick check of my watchlist and... hang on... what's this piece of shit ? It's hideous !

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​I turned the tablet upside-down and realised the vehicle in question was an early Polo 6N that I had come across while looking for parts for Mrs.F's daily. Why the hell had I added it to my watchlist ? It looked completely knackered !

Still, it was only a ton with no bids. I laughed to myself, convinced that some idiotic VW scenester was going to bid it up to £300. Twits.

"Say what... I'm bored, so I'll bid £100, just for fun. I'll never win it for that..."

[vulgalour]

Promising start, 8.3/10.

[doug]

That starter looks like the one on my Moto Guzzi motorbike.

[purplebargeken]

I'l start with 7/10 'cos I hurt my neck turning the monitor round to look at the Polo. 

[Guest Old_Fart]

Ah Sheffield. A dirty, grimy, obsolete relic of the Industrial Revolution. Needs bulldozing.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Now, you can see where this is going... Two days later, the dreaded email from ebay arrived : ​"You won !".

 

"No I bloody didn't !", I thought to myself, realising I had lost a minimum of £100 and potentially much more.

A few messages were exchanged with the seller, and a week later I visited the delightfully radioactive village of Aldermaston, to collect the Polo.

 

The car truly was a sight to behold : every single panel apart from the roof was damaged and it was sitting on a mix of alloys and steels shod in perished, balding tyres. The interior was far worse, with a saggy headlining and various bits either broken or missing. The owner was a pleasant chap who explained that his wife had bought the car earlier that month but had discovered a myriad of faults and had decided to cut her losses and get rid as quickly as possible.

 

In summary, the car seemed only fit for the bridge.

 

Still, there was oil on the dipstick and coolant in the expansion tank and the engine did start after a bit of persuasion, so I gave him five £20 notes, shook his hand and drove the thing back to my workshop.

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[3VOM]

You've got three alloys on it, what are you complaining about?

Actually it doesn't look that bad and is in an unusual colour for a Polo - Storm Grey? Shark Gray? Something like that. Sticker in the boot will tell you. Good info on ClubPolo if you can avoid the dubber posts.

[fatharris]

Following with interest.

 

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

[purplebargeken]

It is a similar grey to the strip of sky that I can see whilst sat here at my desk. Less rain though.

[Sigmund Fraud]

My initial impression that the car was knackered was certainly confirmed by the 20 mile drive back to base.

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The engine ran like shit and idled at 1750-2000rpm. The suspension was truly fucked : there were various creaks and knocks when driving over bumps and the car wandered all over the road at anything over 30MPH. To make things slightly more alerting, one of the bearings did an excellent impression of an air-raid siren.

Various electrical bits were not working, including the washer pump, the heater fan, the cigar lighter and the temperature gauge. More worryingly, even though the heater was set on baking hot, there was only cold air coming through the vents.


Interestingly, ​the car had over 6 months test left, which suggests that it had been tested at the "Three Wise Monkeys Garage" - see no failures, hear no failures, tell no failures.

By the time I got to my workshop, there was only one thought on my mind :



That's what any sane person would have done. Cut their losses and bridged the fucker.

Unfortunately, I'm not sane. So the following day, my trusty daily Megane went up for sale...

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...and was sold to Mr.Castro within two hours !

With the Megane gone, the plan was simple : repair the Polo and use it as a daily !



(More to follow soon...)

[Sigmund Fraud]

Daf/Volvo?

44, but those Bosch starters can be found in all sorts of different cars...

 

 

That starter looks like the one on my Moto Guzzi motorbike.

...and indeed Guzzi motorbikes !

 

 

You've got three alloys on it, what are you complaining about?

Actually it doesn't look that bad and is in an unusual colour for a Polo - Storm Grey? Shark Gray? Something like that. Sticker in the boot will tell you. Good info on ClubPolo if you can avoid the dubber posts.

It looks bad, and is worse in real life. Storm grey is correct, well spotted !

[scruff]

 

...and a week later I visited the delightfully radioactive village of Aldermaston, to collect the Polo.

 

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Genuine lol

[BorniteIdentity]

I've left this page open on the laptop and am going out for the night.

 

Wife sees thread - Realises that I'm a mere rookie at chod bothering in comparison - Allows purchase of Austin Maxi in lime flower.

 

Good work. I'm off down the pub.

[Split_Pin]

Tip top chod bothering there.

[3VOM]

My initial impression that the car was knackered was certainly confirmed by the 20 mile drive back to base.

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The engine ran like shit and idled at 1750-2000rpm. The suspension was truly fucked : there were various creaks and knocks when driving over bumps and the car wandered all over the road at anything over 30MPH. To make things slightly more alerting, one of the bearings did an excellent impression of an air-raid siren.

 

Various electrical bits were not working, including the washer pump, the heater fan, the cigar lighter and the temperature gauge. More worryingly, even though the heater was set on baking hot, there was only cold air coming through the vents.

Don't worry about the idle speed yet. It could have done a "throttle body reset" due to the battery going flat while not in use, plus the lack of heater may be messing up the temperature sender. Check, but my guess is that you need to replace the suspension arms on the front. You can buy them complete with ball joints at reasonable prices. Check for air lock in the coolant. If that doesn't fix everything then check the thermostat which has a habit of not working due to the housing frame it sits in developing a hole. Also check you have a thermostat and it is working. People take them out and the cheap versions are crap. Wheel bearing is usually in my experience the rear. Again, not expensive but do be careful about how little you torque them up. Is it supposed to have central locking?

[Sigmund Fraud]

Shortly after the Megane was collected by its new owner, I discovered a slight oversight in my plan to use the Polo as a daily... The very minor fact that it needed a fair bit of work before it could be pressed into daily use - many of the faults were safety-related and would have definitely been MoT failures.

"No problem !", I thought to myself, "I'm still left with seven cars in my fleet, so I have plenty of choice..."

Erm... Well... Not quite !

 

The master cylinder of car A was sitting on my workbench awaiting a rebuild. Next to it, was the alternator of car B, also in need of a rebuild, and the cylinder head of car C, which needed to be taken to a local engineering firm for work. Car D was in need of... erm... a fair bit of reassembly and car E had been sitting in a nearby field for months due to a very, very broken gearbox.

Thankfully, there was car F :



What a marvellous contraption ! I had always wanted a three-door R8 and when this appeared on ebay for a very sensible price last autumn I simply couldn't resist ! It had needed light recommissioning (belts, tyres etc.) when I bought it but it's been a paragon of reliability ever since.

So I gave it a wash, checked the oil and coolant levels (this particular K16 manages to keep those two fluids segregated for now !), pumped up the tyres and used it for my 100 mile daily commute for two weeks without any issues. It even returned 40MPG, while chasing Audis at 70(ish)MPH !

The moral of the story is : if you haven't owned an R8 before, get yourself on ebay/C&C and BUY ONE, while they're still cheap !
 

[Sigmund Fraud]

I must confess that I enjoyed driving the R8 on a daily basis so much, that I began having thoughts of scrapping the Pooloo once again... But the poor beast had had such a hard life, that I felt pity for it. It deserved another chance !

So the following Saturday, I was up early. I had a bucketful of coffee, put my boiler suit on and drove down to the workshop.

I had decided to sort the engine out as a priority. It was running so badly that even driving it around the farm was a real pain. My previous contact with Mrs.F's hideous little VW had taught me that if they run like a bag of shite AND the temperature gauge isn't working, it's usually the fault of this little bastard :

 

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Polo bits are cheap as chips - this temperature sensor is under £10 ! So I had bought one in advance hoping that my expert* diagnosis would prove to be correct. And sure enough, it was. With the sensor replaced and the coolant topped up, the thing fired up at the first turn of the key and soon settled to a nice, steady idle. Good. One problem solved, only a hundred more left.

I celebrated by removing the airbox to check the condition of the air filter and clean the throttle body - doing the latter every couple of oil changes is essential on those engines ! I was surprised to find that the filter was recent and the throttle body remarkably clean - I presumed that someone had tried cleaning it to improve the running. The same person had covered the intake pipework in electrical tape - perhaps a grossly misguided attempt to cure air leaks ? All the pipes were intact, so the tape was duly removed and binned.

[Stanky]

Good point re the throttle body, they get all grotty quicker than anything I've owned before or since on an AEE (1.6 74bhp) and AEX (1.4 60bhp) engine - I assume this is the latter?

 

Interestingly* these engine also respond extremely well to a dose of STP fuel system cleaner every 10k or so - they WILL get worse afterwards, but it perks them right up for a good few thousand miles after adding it to the fuel. I've tried it on other cars subsequently and the verdict has been SNAYK OYL M8 and made no difference, but these do respond well to it.

 

Also Also - the crankcase breather pipe gets clogged incredibly easily with what looks like lung butter on these engines, if you ever have it up on ramps, pull it off (fnarr etc) at the engine end and crack (fnarr) the pipe like a whip to clean it all out. this is especially prevalent in winter as the breather pipe is routes via a fairly chilly breeze at normal speeds so the grot condenses and eventually blocks the pipe. Its not terminal, but doesn't improve idling or MPG by being full of snot.

[Sigmund Fraud]

A quick test drive around the farm confirmed that the thing was back to running just as The Fuhrer VW intended ! Good...

By now, caffeine had really kicked in, so it was time to get my hands dirty :

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Hmm... I can't seem to see any prob... Oh ! Bugger !

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It was obvious that the wishbone had to come off. Internet experts* will tell you it's a piece of cake - just three bolts to undo - even an idiot can do it. Don't believe them.

The rear bolt goes into a captive nut inside the chassis leg - VW fasteners are shit to begin with and twenty years' worth of British weather can make them seize quite impressively. Apply too much torque to the rear bolt, and the captive nut stops being captive. Then, you're truly screwed, as fixing the problem requires cutting an access hole in the chassis leg. Undoing it is, therefore, a nerve-wracking experience. Thankfully, I managed it OK.

The front bolt is facing the road - it doesn't take long for its head to become a blob of ferrous oxide that requires frantic hammering of smaller sockets and plenty of profanity to undo. I ended up taking my rattle gun to it, while shouting "DEATH OR GLORY". Thankfully, it worked. The farmer, who was observing from a safe distance, probably thinks I'm insane though.

Last, but certainly not least, was the balljoint. The factory workshop manual proudly shows you a large, scissor-type splitter undoing it. Unfortunately, there's absolutely no space for one to be used unless you remove the driveshaft. I therefore had to enlist the help of my fork-type splitter and my BFO hammer. It took a fair bit of time, and even more swearing, but it eventually worked.

Here's what the autopsy showed :

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The rear bush was completely displaced and I easily pushed it out of the wishbone with my finger. The front bush was perished but mostly present. The balljoint was worn out and I could easily move it around with my little finger.

 

That would account for the poor road manners of the car, then !

Old versus new :

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And all bolted up and ready to go !

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[doobietoo]

Is the starter in question from say a standard ten or other 10 related car..... as in "your starter for 10" ??? 

[Sigmund Fraud]

Another short test-drive, and the thing felt transformed ! Great stuff !

 

Back to the unit to check the offside front suspension : the right wishbone had previously been replaced, and was still in acceptable condition, so I didn't touch it.

Before calling it a day, I decided to do something about the wheels. It should have been a straightforward job, but the hubs had never seen copper grease in the car's 19 year life so the alloys were really, really seized on. The fronts had not been too bad, but the rears required a fair bit of bashing with my BFH.

 

The car is now sitting on Mrs.F's winter wheels - she's very understanding of my illness hobby and kindly donated them to the cause :

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That's all for now, more to follow soon !

[STUNO]

Your lack* of skill is wonderous. This will turn into a daily in no time.

[fatharris]

It's almost looking mildly desirable*

 

Love the colour though.

 

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

[Justin Case]

Dr F, I can only dream of rising to your level of 'incompetence', my efforts at wielding the BFO hammer invriably end up with my clouting a passing radiator or delicate but pristine casting Please continue, attend to all of the poorly Polo's problems and there is the making of an epic thread.

[Sigmund Fraud]

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Don't worry about the idle speed yet. It could have done a "throttle body reset" due to the battery going flat while not in use, plus the lack of heater may be messing up the temperature sender. Check, but my guess is that you need to replace the suspension arms on the front. You can buy them complete with ball joints at reasonable prices. Check for air lock in the coolant. If that doesn't fix everything then check the thermostat which has a habit of not working due to the housing frame it sits in developing a hole. Also check you have a thermostat and it is working. People take them out and the cheap versions are crap. Wheel bearing is usually in my experience the rear. Again, not expensive but do be careful about how little you torque them up. Is it supposed to have central locking?

 

​You are clearly a seasoned VW fettler... Excellent advice there ! The Pooloo is a CL model, and is therefore luxuriously* equipped (electric windows, electric mirrors and central locking).

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Good point re the throttle body, they get all grotty quicker than anything I've owned before or since on an AEE (1.6 74bhp) and AEX (1.4 60bhp) engine - I assume this is the latter?

 

Interestingly* these engine also respond extremely well to a dose of STP fuel system cleaner every 10k or so - they WILL get worse afterwards, but it perks them right up for a good few thousand miles after adding it to the fuel. I've tried it on other cars subsequently and the verdict has been SNAYK OYL M8 and made no difference, but these do respond well to it.

 

Also Also - the crankcase breather pipe gets clogged incredibly easily with what looks like lung butter on these engines, if you ever have it up on ramps, pull it off (fnarr etc) at the engine end and crack (fnarr) the pipe like a whip to clean it all out. this is especially prevalent in winter as the breather pipe is routes via a fairly chilly breeze at normal speeds so the grot condenses and eventually blocks the pipe. Its not terminal, but doesn't improve idling or MPG by being full of snot.

Yeah, 60 wild* horses under the bonnet of this AEX-powered beast. I'm very sceptical about fuel additives, an Italian tuneup is my preferred alternative. The oil breather system on those cars must have been designed by a work experience student - cleaning it is part of the throttle body cleaning routine for me.
 

 

It's almost looking mildly desirable*

Love the colour though.

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

Desirable ? Not even when looking through beer goggles !

The colour is boring but pretty good at hiding the fact that the Pooloo hasn't been washed since about 2013.
 

 

Dr F, I can only dream of rising to your level of 'incompetence', my efforts at wielding the BFO hammer invriably end up with my clouting a passing radiator or delicate but pristine casting Please continue, attend to all of the poorly Polo's problems and there is the making of an epic thread.

I'm pretty good at avoiding important car bits whilst swinging the BFO - what I'm not too good at is missing my own fingers.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Having reassured myself that the front wheels were no longer about to fall off, I turned my attention to the rear wheels. I knew that at least one of the bearings was borked, so I made sure that a replacement was in stock. A Febi kit, which I consider good enough, was ordered for just over £10.

With the nearside rear wheel in the air, the bearing felt really rough though axial play was unimpressive. Taking the drum off revealed various issues : a worn out bearing (still the factory SKF item), a wrongly routed handbrake cable (which meant that the shoes were dragging all the time) and a stuck wheel cylinder piston.

Here you can see the piston unstuck and lubricated and the handbrake cable clipped in its correct place.

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Changing the rear bearings on those Polos is great fun, because you get to hit various things with a large hammer : the inner bearing races, the outer bearing races, the grease seal, your fingers (optional). In later models, you can't buy the bearings alone, you need to fork out £££ for a complete hub. So much for progress, Mr.Hitler Piech Winterkorn Muller.

 

Here's a picture of the nearside drum after the bearing replacement, ready to be installed.

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Moving to the offside, it was evident that someone had been there recently - lithium grease was smeared on the wheel and the bearing grease cap looked really battered. I tried to rotate the wheel and realised it was binding ! Fuck !

Taking the grease cap off revealed why : the imbecile who had done the bearing had completely ignored VWs advice and had tightened the stub axle nut so much that I needed a breaker bar to undo it ! Thankfully, the new bearings hadn't been (too) damaged and were still fairly smooth. So I took the drum off, removed and re-greased the bearings, and put them back on, leaving the stub axle nut only finger tight.

 

No more binding and one more job off the long list !

[Sigmund Fraud]

With the running gear almost sorted, I decided to turn my attention to the electrics.

I started by checking the heater fan fuse, as this is what "Car Electrics for Dummies" suggests you do first.

Unfortunately, the fuse was absolutely fine. I was not too pleased, as this meant that bits of dashboard had to be disassembled so I could get to the heater fan. Thankfully, the entire glovebox assembly can be removed by unscrewing six self-tappers, and you can then access the heater fan and the infamous resistor pack :


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The four connectors on top are the input, corresponding to the four speeds of the heater fan. The connector at the bottom is the output and directly feeds the heater fan.

VW have very usefully placed this resistor pack in its own sealed* compartment in the firewall. Unfortunately, water always finds its way into this compartment, causing all sorts of problems. In the case of the Pooloo, the output connector had corroded a fair bit, causing the fan wiring plug to overheat and melt (!!!).

A good clean with emery paper was all the resistor pack needed. The molten plug was replaced with a standard spade connector and the damaged wiring was replaced with some wire of a similar gauge that I found in my box of random electrical junk. Job jobbed, all four fan speeds working !

The next bit was the windscreen washer. Experience has taught me that when this stops working, it's due to a seized pump. A spare pump costs £6 but this serious money in the world of Autoshite. I therefore spent half an hour removing the pump and carefully disassembling, cleaning, un-seizing, lubricating and re-assembling it.

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