Project Dr.Fraud's Private Scrapyard

[Mr_Bo11ox]

"I promised I would waxoyl her polo" flippin brilliant man.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Is that a Panhard 24CT?

 

It's actually a BT (long wheelbase), but your shite recognition skills are still impressive !

[Sigmund Fraud]

"I promised I would waxoyl her polo" flippin brilliant man.

 

Worst thing is, I didn't notice the double entendre until I proofread my post... I blame the paint fumes !

[r.welfare]

It's all about the rakish glasshouse angles on those Panhards. Can't wait to hear more.

[Tamworthbay]

Panhard made some of the most beautiful cars ever, truly an automotive giant that doesnt get 1% of the recognition it deserves. I take my hat off to you and am truly jealous!

[Sigmund Fraud]

Not much has happened chez Fraud over the past two months, as I've been super-busy with that annoying thing called "real life".

 

The Ignis has now covered 4K miles in my hands and I'm really enjoying the 1990s Japanese car ownership experience : I put petrol in it, and it takes me where I want to go with no fanfare. Just the thing one needs, when they have far too many cars and far too little time !

 

The ScAAB remains in use as parts chaser and trans-continental express*. In mid-September, it became reluctant to turn over, which took a while to diagnose but was easily cured with a new battery. I also investigated a high-speed vibration, that annoyed the hell out of me during a recent trip to the low countries. I was hoping that the front wheels just needed to be balanced, but when my local tyre fitters put them on the balancing machine we discovered that both wheels were slightly bent. So a new set of wheels is on my shopping list... The SAAB will also be going for its MoT in the next couple of weeks, so watch this space !

 

The Doloshite is running well but isn't getting used a huge deal. I do occasionally drive it to work, where it attracts looks of puzzlement and pity from my prestige*-marque-driving colleagues. With no more mechanical work to be done, I got started on the bodywork by going around the car and poking any suspicious-looking areas. This revealed that both front wings and the nearside sill are in need of some patching - typical Triumph ! I'll hopefully be able to do all the welding and filling over the winter, with a view to giving the thing a lower-body respray once the weather warms up.

 

Last, but not least, the 66 Kombi is ready for an MoT but won't be going in for one. I realised that, with the Dolomite around, there's little chance I would be driving the 66 much over winter. So there's no point in rushing it to the MoT station ; I'll do some more (cosmetic) bodywork over the winter and take it for a test in spring !

[SiC]

I thought the Dolomite was on the for sale list?

 

What's the status on the Panhard?

[Sigmund Fraud]

I thought the Dolomite was on the for sale list?

 

What's the status on the Panhard?

 

Why sell the Doloshite now for £1000 when I can spend a few hundred hours working on it and then sell it for... erm... £1000 ?

 

The Panhard is slowly being taken apart, in preparation for a veritable weldfest. I'll take some pictures of the scariest areas for the next blog update.

[Tamworthbay]

Why sell the Doloshite now for £1000 when I can spend a few hundred hours working on it and then sell it for... erm... £1000 ?

 

The Panhard is slowly being taken apart, in preparation for a veritable weldfest. I'll take some pictures of the scariest areas for the next blog update.

Exactly the principle I used on it, I think that I had earned about -57p for every hour I put into it. That's a result in my book.

[SiC]

Funny enough I was thinking of messaging you to find out if you still had it. I resisted as I'm supposed to be saving to move house (but we've not sold as quickly as I hoped) and one BL money pit is enough at the moment! Also I'm only allowed to own what I can fit on the drive, which is already occupied by a driveway ornament.

 

However I may ask my FiL (who really wants a VP Allegro) if he wants to be a temporary custodian, I use his driveway and he gets to drive whatever it is for free... And I get another storage location.

[Sigmund Fraud]

So... In the last update, I had shamelessly boasted about the Ignis' typical Japanese reliability :

 

I'm really enjoying the 1990s Japanese car ownership experience : I put petrol in it, and it takes me where I want to go with no fanfare. 

 

Unsurprisingly, karma intervened shortly after I had posted the above line. The nearside rear wheel bearing started making an awful howl at anything over 30mph and, when rotated by hand, felt as rough as the proverbial badger's arse.

 

Now, the Ignis is a relatively obscure car that didn't sell particularly well in the UK, so the choice of replacement parts isn't great. I ended up buying a Blueprint bearing kit off Amazon for £25, a price that is nearly double of what the equivalent part for a Polo 6N costs. I wasn't pleased.

 

Thankfully, replacing the bearing was really straightforward. The Suzuki workshop manual insists that a hydraulic press is used, but the pikey alternative worked fine for me :

 

 

With the bearing replaced, the Ignis returned back to its quiet, reliable self. It has now done 6K miles in my ownership, and yesterday it had its second oil change :

 

 

The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice that it's still on its summer wheels. I was planning to change to winters, but the summer tyres are surprisingly good (chinese Runway Enduros, who would have thought !) and weather has been really mild, so I haven't bothered.

 

On the subject of wheels and tyres, you may recall that I had been looking for a decent set for the ScAAB, after I discovered that its front wheels were buckled.

 

Through sheer luck, I found a set of 16" Ronal Anniversary wheels on evilbay for £20, complete with a pair of nearly-new Michelin Primacy tyres. The other two tyres were on the wear indicators, so Tyreleader supplied a pair of winter tyres, manufactured by Taiwan's premium* tyre manufacturer :

 

 

First impressions are really positive, but I'll be able to tell you more once I've tested them in proper SNO KAOS conditions.

 

 

While searching for SAAB bits on ebay, I came across something I really, really had to have :

 

 

FRAUD GARAGES : your working comfort is our concern !

[sierraman]

Surely you could make one?

[Sigmund Fraud]

Surely you could make one?

 

I'd been meaning to make one out of an old MX5 seat for years... But I never found the time.

 

So when the SAAB one popped up for £10, I decided to treat myself to an early Christmas present !

[Sigmund Fraud]

Four months later and not much has happened here at Fraud Garages.

 

The little Ignis continues to withstand daily (ab)use remarkably well, and the only work it has required has been a brake light bulb ! It will be due an oil change soon, and I also have to do something about the offside outer CV joint which is becoming noisy. A Comline replacement is £22 and it shouldn't take more than an afternoon to change, so I'm not too worried.

 

The ScAAB demonstrated its qualities as a long-distance tourer over Christmas, when it took yours truly and Mrs.F to the continent. I had expected SNO KAOS but the weather proved to be remarkably mild, and I was a bit disappointed to have forked out £££ on winter tyres.

 

SNO KAOS did, of course, arrive last month and the ScAAB proved unstoppable, unlike dozens of bloated soft-roaders on summer tyres that lay abandoned everywhere ! Needless to say, I was now very happy to have bought the winter Nankangs, which were excellent in fresh show and surprisingly competent in the icey slush that followed it.

 

The older members of the fleet have been tucked away, waiting for spring.

 

Last, but unfortunately not least, Mrs.F's cars have been trouble as usual...

 

"Dear, my car has a funny smell !"

"Well, it's high time you gave it a clean... It's like a bloody tip in there... I can't..."

"No, no, I mean it smells like burnt oil !"

"Oh, let me have a look."

 

 

A couple of days and £8 later, this arrived :

 

 

Cam cover off :

 

 

Back together, with the bolts finger tight :

 

 

And let's check the Haynes BoL for the recommended torque... Oh, that's strange... 5Nm plus 90 degrees !

 

Surely, they haven't used stretch bolts for a bloody cam cover ! VW engineers are morons, but not to that extent... I am sure they will be fine to re-use... It's only a cam cover, for God sake...

 

5Nm... Click... Click... Click... Good.

 

Now 90 degrees... One done... Second almost... SNAP ! FOR FUCK SAKE !!!

 

OK... Deep breath... Two bolts will hold it together until I've sorted the thread out and bought a new bolt.

 

Now, let's very very gently tighten the third... SNAP !

 

 

As you can see in one of the pictures above, VW engineers decided that the cam cover bolts had to bolt into the cam carrier caps... Splendid !

 

I won't bore you with how much of a pain in the backside it was to remove the snapped bits, without damaging the thread, maiming the cam carriers or filling the head with swarf.

 

But I eventually managed, and victoriously phoned the local VW dealership to see if I could pick up some replacements.

 

"Yeah mate, them little funny bolts, you need to replace them whenever the valve cover is off."

"Thanks for the advice... I guess you keep them in stock, then ?"

"No, mate... Special order... Five working days... £5.50 plus VAT... Each, that is."

WHAT ? BILLIONS OF BILIOUS BLUE BLISTERING BARNACLES !!!

"Sorry, mate ? Didn't get that ?"

"Ahem... Yes... Erm... Could you please order me some ?"

 

 

One week later, Mrs.F's car was finally back on the road.

 

"Dear, do you think I should also go for a Japanese car next time ?"

"YES"
 

[Guest Hooli]

Stretch bolts there? FFS etc

[3VOM]

Stretch bolts there? FFS etc

I don't think they are stretch bolts but if you look at the shape they are almost designed to shear off at the end of the threaded part. You can never win with that VW design, either you break the bolts putting them in or taking them out and/or your rocker cover leaks. The design is also crap in that tightening the bolts spreads the base of the cover, making it more likely to leak. I think mine is sealed with mayonnaise.

[Guest Hooli]

They remind me of security bolts on steering columns tbh.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Whatever they are, they're clearly not fit for purpose... Well done VW !

[SiC]

Whatever they are, they're clearly not fit for purpose... Well done VW !

Depends on the design criteria. If it's to cause maximum profit for VW for a simple job, it's succeeded! Just be thankful they didn't bond the cover on too and making it out of weak aluminium that cracks on any attempt to be removed.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Just be thankful they didn't bond the cover on too and making it out of weak aluminium that cracks on any attempt to be removed.

 

Such features* don't really seem to be beneath them...

[Shirley Knott]

_{I've just spent a delightful and enjoyable hour reading through this little lot with my morning coffee}

 

_{Great thread and good work Sir.}

[Kiltox]

I sheared one of those bolts doing the same job on an old Golf

 

A LOT of black liquid gasket was deployed

 

Never leaked....

[panhard65]

I don't suppose you might be thinking about selling the Panhard ??? I really fancy another sometime and have been searching leboncoin for ages.

[Sigmund Fraud]

No, if I do I'll never be able to afford another one !

[tooSavvy]

Would a hex capscrew + tinplate inverted bell shape washer do as a substitute for the VW design [and don't use a scaffy pipe... lol] ?

[tobyd]

I once encouraged Stanky to snap off some of these on his old golf. I forget how many we managed. good times.

[Sigmund Fraud]

So... What has been happening over at Fraud Garages during the past four months ? Not a lot, is the answer.

 

The Ignis continues to be my daily, and continues to be absolutely brilliant. It's covered nearly 16K miles in my ownership so far, and has only needed routine maintenance and a rear wheel bearing. Fantastic !

 

The ScAAB is also still around, and has been earning its keep as a parts chaser :

 

 

I've finally gotten round to replacing the exhaust downpipe that had definitely seen better days :

 

 

Here it is resting in the shade, looking pretty (yes, beauty IS in the eye of the beholder !) :

 

 

I haven't had much time to work on my proper old shite, but did spend a pleasant afternoon doing some precision* engineering to the replacement head for my blue DAF 66 :

 

 

Mrs F has kept me busy, as I've been summoned to repair a leaky Karcher pressure washer...

 

 

...rebuild a leaky strimmer carb...

 

 

...and replace a worn-out rear wheel bearing on her Polo :

 

 

The above earned me a whole load of brownie points, which I cashed in when I asked her to drive me across the country so I could collect my latest acquisition :

 

 

 

[Tamworthbay]

What is it? Front looks like a Ginetta G20

[Sigmund Fraud]

It's like a Ginetta, only even more shite... Fibreglass monocoque with Alfasud running gear.

 

And, like most kitcars, originally put together by someone who would struggle to even complete a Lego Technics kit.

[HMC]

Wow! looks like a one piece front end?