Automotive bull5hit facts thread

[castros_bro]

French farmers keep their old cars in barns for people to find.

 

 

http://www.gleems.com/734211/19-million-lost-car-collection-found-after-being-abandoned-for-50-years/

[Tamworthbay]

As part of the government cutbacks, Osborne and Cameron are getting rid of the ministerial cars, from now on they will simply ride the nearest peasant (anyone who didn't go to Eton) to their meetings. Anyone who complains will be made to watch a Bobby Davro DVD on repeat.

[CHRIS1980]

Hyundais are cheap cars when new.

[pshome]

Tagora's are utter shite

[New POD]

When the Powers that run Rallying, came to view 200 RS200's with a view to homoglating them for group B, in a field near Tamworth, there were 200 bodyshells in that field, about 20 complete cars, 50 rolling chassis, 50 with wheels and tyres propped up in the arches, and 80, just bodyshells with no chassis at all.

 

That is True.

 

What is bullshit is that Tickford built them. Er no. Reliant built them, but Tickford was more marketing friendly, so they were allowed the accolades.

[New POD]

The MINI built by BMW, was going to be called the Metro.

 

Clearly the engineering teams that worked on it from Rover were trying to create the spiritual successor of the metro turbo.

 

I mean shite gearboxes, dodgy trim, and dodgy electrics (mainly the electrical part of the PAS)

 

The actual shape, was because, someone in authority told the head of the styling team (EurENG Herr Hanns Off Mien Gestwaten), that it was to "look a bit like a mini metro but bigger", but the longbridge internal phone went a bit hydrospastic, and all he heard was "so viel wie ein Mini, aber größer aussehen"

[quicksilver]

When the Powers that run Rallying, came to view 200 RS200's with a view to homoglating them for group B, in a field near Tamworth, there were 200 bodyshells in that field, about 20 complete cars, 50 rolling chassis, 50 with wheels and tyres propped up in the arches, and 80, just bodyshells with no chassis at all.

 

That is True.

 

What is bullshit is that Tickford built them. Er no. Reliant built them, but Tickford was more marketing friendly, so they were allowed the accolades.

 

The RS200 was actually supposed to be a new Reliant, commissioned by Princess Anne as she was fed up of forever being associated with the Scimitar. The chap who delivered Ford engines to Tamworth snapped the prototype and Ford bosses took one look at the photos and decided it was just what they needed for Group B rallying so they bought the design. As Reliant had already tooled up for production Ford let them build it but refused to let Princess Anne have any more to do with it. This upset her so much that to this day she won't even go near a Ford. 

[fred]

Tagora's are utter shite

Now thats true - cant be having that on here !!

[New POD]

You can buy three types of power bands for the most popular of two stroke motor bikes, the Yamaha LC350

 

Green - slightly less power but better torque and better fuel consumption

Blue - standard power

Red - 40% power hike, wheelies off the throttle in third, will out accelerate a GSX-R 1000CC to 100mph

 

I had the 3 mm oversize rebore on standard pipes and carb settings, making it an RD375LC so probably standard power, better torque and would out accelerate a GSXR 750 to 5 or 6 mph

[New POD]

The RS200 was actually supposed to be a new Reliant, commissioned by Princess Anne as she was fed up of forever being associated with the Scimitar. The chap who delivered Ford engines to Tamworth snapped the prototype and Ford bosses took one look at the photos and decided it was just what they needed for Group B rallying so they bought the design. As Reliant had already tooled up for production Ford let them build it but refused to let Princess Anne have any more to do with it. This upset her so much that to this day she won't even go near a Ford. 

 

That's strange because I understand that Princess Annie was actually on the Austin Martian design styling team, doing grill design mainly, and when Ford sold Astin Mental, she transferred back to Ford, where she used the same CAD model for the fronts of the mundane, fuckos, and sowesta, with just a little resizing to fit. She also worked on the 3 cylinder turbo 1.0 ecotwat engine, in particular she was awarded a Phd from the university of central daventry, in order to get it to balance without the need for balance shafts.

[fred]

Princess Anne was behind the Princess Vanden Plas, and the Allegro Vanden Plas.

 

The design was based on on her nakkid in a doggy style whilst she grinned, hence the wedge and huge grille

[fred]

Vanessa Feltz did the same with the Renault Scenic - I see you fatty shaking that ass .....

[rml2345]

The Jaguar XJ220 is well known for each wheel being a different size. What is less well known is that for the first six months of production, the Maestro also had each wheel in a different size, due to a misplaced coffee stain on the engineering drawings.

[LC Torana]

One my nephew believes:

 

Positive-earth cars don't rust.

[Vince70]

Vauxhall oil filters are designed to last the lifetime of the car

[LC Torana]

Vauxhall oil filters are designed to last the lifetime of the car

 

So is the coolant, the PAS, the diff oil, the sump oil, the air in the tyres...

 

Modern cars are sealed for life*.

 

(*life means until I sell it on)

[Taff]

Halfords is owned by two brothers, Brian & Martin Halford, from Tamworth. Brian's son is Rob Halford, singer with heavy metal legends Judas Priest.

 

Their 1987 hit "Screaming for vengeance" was written following his uncle's repeated failure to source the correct spark plugs for KK Downing's Renault 5 Gordini

[quicksilver]

The Vauxhall Zafira was designed as a small rear-engined camper van to cash in on the popularity of the Volkswagen Type 2. Unfortunately cost-cutting by Vauxhall's American overlords dictated that Astra running gear had to be used so the engine was moved to the front. The innovative Flex7 folding seats were invented by accident when an engineer was desperately trying to find something to put in the hole in the back where the engine should have been. The name Zafira comes from a variety of pineapple, thus betraying the original intention to those in the know.

[inconsistant]

Tarmac is biodegradable, and breaks down due to exposure to UV light from sun's rays. This explains why roads need regular resurfacing.

[Pillock]

All Skoda Octavias begin life being assembled inside out like a knitted cushion. Before the front bumper is added, workers reach inside and pull the car the correct way around. This is done to avoid any seams being visible on the outside.

[quicksilver]

Scots have a natural genetic affinity for Volvos because, many millions of years ago, Scotland formed part of the same land mass as what is now Scandinavia before breaking away and colliding with the rest of the UK. This particular Scandinavian gene has not only survived but grown stronger with each generation, resulting in regular cross-border raids to smuggle in the objects of their desire.

[anonymous user]

97% of all Rovers produced will eventually end up being raffled on Autoshite

[Pillock]

You've not understood the point of this thread, have you? It's meant to be a made-up fact.

 

Entering a Ford dealer in the late 1980s and repeating the phrase "We shall be requiring a raincoat, I fear" to the senior salesman would prompt him to lead you into a backroom where you could order cars from the "Black Brochure". This had cars and options not available to the general public, such as:

 

• The special edition Razzle model, available on the Fiesta and Escort ranges, which came with a camera mounted between the passengers feet and an anti-slip bonnet coating to allow the classic "wide open beaver" shot without risk of personal injury.
• The Sierra Sapphire XR7x4TI utilising AWD technology - a 2.8 Cologne driving the rear wheels and two 1.6 EFI engines up front, one for each wheel.
• The Granada Banga - available in a choice of 2,500 colours from the Dulux range, and each model comes with a years sponsorship of a Staffie puppy. All interior trim is an extra-cost option

[New POD]

The Jaguar XJ220 is well known for each wheel being a different size. What is less well known is that for the first six months of production, the Maestro also each wheel in a different size, due to a misplaced coffee stain on the engineering drawings.

 

I'm sorry, but that was actually TEA. It was the afternoon when I accidently put my china cup and saucer on my drawing board, which I failed to notice was at 35.56 degrees of an angle, and the whole lot was about to come sliding down, into my section leader's lap, and one of the apprentice wheel design technical team members managed to save the day, but not the drawing.

 

Had it been in the morning, it would have been coffee, laced with rum, but I only drink tea in the afternoon, (with a drop of the scotch back in my wheel designing days) .  It being tea time, we didn't have long left before our daily union "everyone out" meeting, so we left it til the following morning (double time on a Saturday to make up for the strikes during the week). By that time, I couldn't remember if it was imperial or metric I was working in (although going down the Lickey inn on a Friday night and getting hammered don't help), so I left the dimension open to interpret. i.,e. it said about 13 inches or metric equivalent.

 

I believe it was the purchasing department who'd decided to dual source, that really made the actual mistake. 7 suppliers of wheels, and 14 different sizes, but only 5 different tyres. I still can't explain that.

 

Talking of the XJ220. (and this is true, because Mark Sealey told me so)

 

When Mr S first met his future father in law, a certain Jack Randle, father of  Sally, the soon to be Mrs Sealey, Mark was charming enough to bring enough wine, to the meal, that they all got rat faced.

Jack, who had been the Chief  Design Director at Jaguar, explained whilst rat faced, although he denies the story when sober, that he'd always wanted a TVR when he was little, so when they made him in charge of designing stuff, he convinced the management team, by using man maths or lying, that a rear engineed beast was a great idea. It would help them sell shit cars, it would make money, and it would piss off Porsche and Ferrari and TVR. So whilst still pissed he admits (or concedes perhaps) under pressure from his future son in law, that yes well, perhaps if we had concentrated on making the shit cars not so shit, that would have helped to sell them, and perhaps would have pissed off BMW and Mercedes and Reliant More.  

And that is why jaguar is now a successful company owned by an Indian family, who live in a reservation, and shoot buffalo. Sorry, wrong Indian ? Oh yes, that's why the biggest ship building firm now owns half of everything british.

[fred]

Most Taxi drivers are Ex India touring car legends

[inconsistant]

Street lights have their own electricity supply independent of the national grid.

[vulgalour]

The Citroen LNA was initially designed as an emergency lifeboat for use at sea, opinions differ on what LNA is an acronym for.  Reliant won the contract at the time with their newly designed Rialto and then welched on the deal just to piss Citroen off who had retooled all their LNA production facility to accommodate the modification of the LNA lifeboats into car form.  Citroen refused to allow Reliant access to their small car diesel development plans thus forcing the British manufacturer to eventually cease trading.

[fred]

Zafira - is Russian for hairy clunge

[Station]

Some interesting car name facts for you to share with friends down the pub.

 

The name TVR was made up from the letters of the name of the original founder and owner of TVR - a military class android called TransVaporizoR 5000.

 

The original pronunciation of FORD? The letter O in Ford was was actually a zero. Fzerord.

 

The Renault Clio Cup 172 RenaultSport 2.0 Pantalon was so called to allow a perfect 50:50 weight distribution between the mass of the driver and the badge on the boot. But only on left hand drive cars!

 

The Mercedes three point star badge looks like it does because of what the 150 year manufacturer originally produced - Mercedes badges.

 

The Allegro is more aerodynamic in a light easterly wind.

 

And here's one for our very own broken Rover-hoarding LordSterling:

 

The Rover 800 was so called because of the engine the designers planned to use - a 300,010 litre, 800 cylinder nuclear generator driven 20 turbine power plant.

[Station]

The Citroen LNA was initially designed as an emergency lifeboat for use at sea, opinions differ on what LNA is an acronym for.

Easy! 'Le Nauticulè Autômøbïl (du la męr) (et la gròund)'