Tales of a "plater"...........

[Taff]

I've had a couple of company cars delivered by these blokes and I've always ran them back to their dealers, when the last one realised what I had in mind he asked if I could drop him at Costa in town so he could go for a brew and kill some time! As for Hitchens, I stopped picking up any hitch hikers after one cheeky twat moaned he was cold in my Spitfire. I hope he enjoyed his first class walk as opposed to my 3rd class lift.

 

 

tapped on the radiator using morse code

[Alan_Green]

• Yeah, you should always pick them up when driving shite because they are the kind of guys who are mechanically savvy and well used to breakdowns. It's like having your own on-board AA man. 

There is a BCA auction near me and the platers at the gate seem to get picked up immediately.

Platers are fine but hitch-hikers always seem to have hygiene or mental health issues (not that there is anything wrong with that but you don't want to be stuck for hours next to someone in the middle of a psychotic/paranoid/eccentric episode). They should make up fake trade plates to fool us. 

There was a great guide (I think on Ebay) on how to get trade plates without premises by applying saying you only needed them to take export cars to the docks. Something like that.

[brickwall]

I can't see I've noticed these guys. Around here all cars go to auction on a transporter and new cars are delivered on one.

[Lankytim]

I did this for a while when I was out of work. I loved it as it all felt like a massive adventure, met all forms of human life but the money was a pittance, often earning a tenner or so for 17 hours work or something. As has been mentioned loads of retired people do it as a way to get out the house, but also loads of druggies with no other way of getting work.

[Rocket88]

last week, 1889 miles at 28p per mile..................spent about £120 on bus/trains/taxis........................long trips are nice, fave ride so far has been fully loaded V6 dizzler Discovery.....................................like sitting in a comfy armchair listening to Radio 4 ................

[Pillock]

I nearly picked up a hitch hiker once. She was in a layby near Irlam, and I was headed down the motorway. Pulled in, she started to walk towards me, looked properly fit. Shorts, vest top, massive wangers. I then realised that either it's a trap and I'm going to get stabbed, or she's a hooker and I'm going to get arrested. So I floored it.

 

Sorry if you were genuine love, but you'd have more chance if you were ugly and smelly.

[Taff]

I nearly picked up a hitch hiker once. She was in a layby near Irlam, and I was headed down the motorway. Pulled in, she started to walk towards me, looked properly fit. Shorts, vest top, massive wangers. I then realised that either it's a trap and I'm going to get stabbed, or she's a hooker and I'm going to get arrested. So I floored it.

 

Sorry if you were genuine love, but you'd have more chance if you were ugly and smelly.

 

the F is too small for smelly hikers, mate. Talking of which, can I ask a favour?

[Pillock]

Depends if it's a trap and I'm going to get stabbed!

[worldofceri]

There was a well ropey looking bird hanging around at Corley services when I was there a couple of weeks ago.  Seemingly trying to look alluring despite the pissing rain and angling for a ride with a trucker.  Sounds like just your type, Pillock.

 

Only once have I picked up a plater...  He was waiting at the big island on the A50/A38 outside Toyota at Burnaston.  He was well chuffed that I was able to take him almost all the way to his next port of call near Barnsley (I was on my was to Shipley).  Luckily he wasn't smelly of annoyingly talkative - just engaged in amiable conversation - some of the platers I've seen come into work to drop off trucks I wouldn't want to give a ride to the end of the road, quite honestly.

 

That was a few years ago and every time I've seen a hitcher since it's been a case of full car of they're stood somewhere stupid where only a mentalist would risk stopping.  I can't pick up hitchers of any description at work as the stuff we carry is too high value; I'd have my pants round my ankles in the gaffer's office if I got caught out.

[Pillock]

Yeah, that's true... Never thought of that.

"What you carrying then mate?"

"Oh, twenty iPads and half a dozen ultrabooks"

*stab*

[Lankytim]

I was once picked up by a trucker carrying raw sewage, when he found I was from Stoke he said "oh, I was in prison there".

 

Very nice guy though..

[cros]

Plate – A once common British rhyming slang for fellate

 

A "plater" is someone who performs cunnilingus. Presumably they also deliver cars when demand is slack.

And while we're down there, does anyone remember the adverts in performance car magazines for 'Muff Diver' exhausts? The company slogan at the top of the ads was 'No muff too rough, we dive at five'.

[New POD]

Sounds like a pretty shit way to make a living if it's your main income.

 

Not having a go I've been there myself but surely even tesco would be better conditions / dough?

 

 

I once applied for jobs at TESCO, Homebase, Waitrose, and Iceland, and a Grave Digging Company.  The only one that I came close to getting an interview was grave digging, until the boss realised we had the same name, and that would be too confusing to him.  I offered to let him call me Frank, but it was too much for his brain to cope with.

[New POD]

Ive picked up a couple when I have been on my own in the car, but then I'll pick up hitch hikers too. Partly for someone to chat to but partly because it must be no fun watching scores of cars go past with everyone thinking you are an axe murderer.

 

 

I used to pick up hitch hikers all the time, until I had a meeting at Bath University with some professor, and as I was leaving saw two students wanting a lift back up the M5. 

 

They were the most ungrateful cunts I've ever met, asking me to go out of my way to drop them off at Frankley Services, when I was planning on coming off at the Lickey Hills and Heading home.  It was pissing down with rain, so I took pity on them and went 15 miles out of my way so they wouldn't get wet.

[AlabamaShrimp]

Never picked anyone up and probably never will. I hate talking to total strangers and there's no way I want to be hitting their leg every time I changed gear in the fiesta...

 

Really though I just don't notice them half the time or aren't going far enough to make it worth their while.

[DS20]

 

And while we're down there, does anyone remember the adverts in performance car magazines for 'Muff Diver' exhausts? The company slogan at the top of the ads was 'No muff too rough, we dive at five'.

 

Half my family live not far from the Muff Diving Club, to be found in County Donegal, on the road from Derry/Londonderry to Moville.  Although Muff wouldn't be more than half a mile from the coast, I'm not sure quite how much, ah, sea diving the club gets around to.  

[UltraWomble]

Half my family live not far from the Muff Diving Club, to be found in County Donegal, on the road from Derry/Londonderry to Moville.  Although Muff wouldn't be more than half a mile from the coast, I'm not sure quite how much, ah, sea diving the club gets around to.  

Thats my secret santa present idea sorted this year

[gordonbennet]

Bugger me i'd forgot about this day.

 

Must have been around '82, early morning travelling from Wellingborough and was going empty with Sed Ack artic tipper up to one of the Donny coal mines for a load of the black stuff.

 

By the time i reached the A1 at Stamford i'd got 4 of JSM's (currently Paragon after umpteen name changes) platers in the cab, 1 on the passenger seat and 3 on the bed all going up to Immingham for Volvos, anyway we're piling up the A1 at a good 60+, no speed limiters back then, when a bastard pheasant flew up and smashed straight in the front panel with an almightly bang which dented the panel right in...they were all chopsing at time and thought i was gunna have 4 heart attacks to sort out.

 

Funnily enough had a pheasant fly up on me a few months ago at Peterboro, hit the MAN's screen squarely on the nearside but the shock travelled across and turned the drivers side into close crazy paving leaving the NS undamaged with just the dust mark where the pheasant hit.

[Taff]

Yeah, that's true... Never thought of that.

"What you carrying then mate?"

"Oh, twenty iPads and half a dozen ultrabooks"

*stab*

 

was the same when I was in the gun trade, "what's in the boot, mate?" "six assault rifles" stab...

 

Depends if it's a trap and I'm going to get stabbed!

 

No stabbing, does the flash function work on your car?

[gordonbennet]

You didn't get sleeper Cab and tipper on the same vehicle too often '82. On the other hand 5 in the cab would be considered worse than banking fraud now.

 

Funny how we all managed to rub along together though despite the lack of H&S gestapo leading us by the dicks,  and amazingly not run over the other thousands of normal working blokes who didn't have a hi viz between 'em.

 

Not rosy specs, it really was a better country back then.

 

Didn't find many platers wanting a lift in day cabbed Scammell Crusader (fold down cushette, there's posh for you bach) when i had one of them on the same job, needed a bloody steering wheel to hang onto to stay in the seat, and they all went like hell....pfft 55 mph was only half way up the box.

[cros]

Its odd to think that even the battered Dodge tippers I sometimes had the 'priviledge' to drive could do 10 mph more than a 2015 Scania is allowed. Uphill it would be a different story though.

[Rocket88]

More modern stuff to avoid in future;

 

Fiat 500, especially if you do long journeys. Seats are just re-upholstered church pews.................agony after about 2 hours.

As previously stated, any Peugeot with a slush box

Modern Ford stereos................totally counter intuitive.

Kia Venga.....horrible in every possible way

BMW X1..........see Kia Venga........

 

Surprisingly nice;

Volvo XC 60...although gopping to look at, nice to drive

BMW "1" series......go well, quite comfy

All Fiestas, apart from the "Duratec" engine ones, which are dreadfully slow.

[Alan_Green]

More modern stuff to avoid

Kia Venga.....horrible in every possible way

 

Eh? What's wrong with Vengas? I've done 30,000 miles in 2 years in a 2011 diesel Venga and it is brill in every possible way. It's like driving a death star shuttle pod. Genuinely cant see what anyone could dislike. Would like to try a 1.25 petrol Picanto next.

 

Sent from my Dell Streak using Tapatalk 2

[Rocket88]

To be fair, this one was an auto, with your finest North Korean fuk me ditchfinders on the front.....understeered like a pig, auto box was dreadful, in fact, almost down to Peugeot standards...................

[FakeConcern]

Being a delivery driver must be like this............

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62UEDyEzpXQ

[AlabamaShrimp]

More modern stuff to avoid in future;

 

Fiat 500, especially if you do long journeys. Seats are just re-upholstered church pews.................agony after about 2 hours.

As previously stated, any Peugeot with a slush box

Modern Ford stereos................totally counter intuitive.

Kia Venga.....horrible in every possible way

BMW X1..........see Kia Venga........

 

Surprisingly nice;

Volvo XC 60...although gopping to look at, nice to drive

BMW "1" series......go well, quite comfy

All Fiestas, apart from the "Duratec" engine ones, which are dreadfully slow.

The company you work for do they pay travel expenses to get you home or do they just leave you to it?

[Rocket88]

They usually manage to get me "one to take home" for onward delivery the next day..........Volvo XC 60 outside, going to BCA Peterborough in the morning..........4 am start then!

[Rocket88]

Drove another auto 3008 yesterday...............gearbox on the way out.............after 26k miles. Did anyone from the upper echelons of Peugeot management actually DRIVE these heaps of crap before production started?

 

Other stuff..............

.Renault Captur....................badly build Juke

VRS Skoda Octavia Estate...........lovely, although a real licence loser.............

Volvo V70........the Scottish massif are in for a treat in a few years time.................

Peugeot 308 manual...........THAT dashboard................

New Discovery............lovely.as long as my name isn't on the V5 when it inevitably explodes

[Bear]

Ive picked up a couple when I have been on my own in the car, but then I'll pick up hitch hikers too. Partly for someone to chat to but partly because it must be no fun watching scores of cars go past with everyone thinking you are an axe murderer.

 

I always pick up hitchhikers, particularly platers. One day I flew past a studenty-looking type on a roundabout on the M4 bit, and then got stopped doing a stupid speed further up the motorway and spent six months waiting to see if I'd lose my licence*. Karma.

 

And I tend to drop them where they're going. Last one was a middle-aged woman who sounded like she'd just started - she was amazed that I stopped, turned around and came back (she was on a corner so not easy to prep to stop). Took her to the station where she was going rather than stopping in the town centre where I was going.

 

Once I saw a bunch of students on the A68 outside St. Boswells, handbrake turned the Manta, and took them (two girls and a guy with a guitar IIRC, Dutch), they said Manta drivers were all the same even in the UK, made jokes about having one tanned arm, and invited me to the pub afterwards. Admittedly, I had just gone "Where you going?" "Newcastle" "Sure. I'm bored anyway".

 

* true story; I don't know where or who I have as friends, but that three figure ticket was made to go away, and it was made clear that someone in the local force had told South Wales that I wasn't worth the bother. I drove like an IAM tester for 3 years after that.

[CHRIS1980]

More modern stuff to avoid in future;

 

Fiat 500, especially if you do long journeys. Seats are just re-upholstered church pews.................agony after about 2 hours.

As previously stated, any Peugeot with a slush box

Modern Ford stereos................totally counter intuitive.

Kia Venga.....horrible in every possible way

BMW X1..........see Kia Venga........

 

Surprisingly nice;

Volvo XC 60...although gopping to look at, nice to drive

BMW "1" series......go well, quite comfy

All Fiestas, apart from the "Duratec" engine ones, which are dreadfully slow.

I had the displeasure of a 500 back in feb. Up to 40mph it was slow,above 40 was a chore to get up to motorway speeds. On the third day of having it I hit a cat,I'm sure I felt it slow down a little. And as for fuel consumption, it made my old range rover look frugal.