220ish* BrokeHorsePower collection - The Result!

[Jim Bell]

Just pop to Halfords. The 'missing' 20bhp is easily put back. Turn left at 'batteries' and into 'floormats and stick-on shite'

Easy.

 

I think youll find it already has an induction kit AND a dump valve, so in reality its probably putting out nearer 500bhp, but I don't want to make this a thread about who has the most power.

 

[Six-cylinder]

The other point is what max bhp limit should Autoshite set!

 

Should there be a minimum bhp?

[Jim Bell]

 

What will it be this time? A wasps nest in the boot, seagull eggs in the fuel injections system or a police marker for it being involved in smuggling illegal cheese in from Belgium?

 

 

 

The smart money is on the clutch giving up completely when I'm trying to climb the steep gradient out of the Tyne Tunnel at rush hour.

[Six-cylinder]

I think youll find it already has an induction kit AND a dump valve, so in reality its probably putting out nearer 500bhp, but I don't want to make this a thread about who has the most power.

 

 

 

To get up to 500bhp you would need other important performance items such as furry dice!

[Bobthebeard]

I think youll find it already has an induction kit AND a dump valve, so in reality its probably putting out nearer 500bhp, but I don't want to make this a thread about who has the most power.

 

Ignore the nay sayers and doubting Thomas's.

You have a crinkly brown air filter*.

Well bought sir!

[Bobthebeard]

The other point is what max bhp limit should Autoshite set!

 

Should there be a minimum bhp?

Minimum of one, and a maximum of seven should nicely see us going extinct soon...

C'mon Bren, you were joking right?.

[Six-cylinder]

Minimum of one, and a maximum of seven should nicely see us going extinct soon...

C'mon Bren, you were joking right?.

 

Just bored at work writing nonsense, instead of getting on with my work. Slapped hands.

[Junkman]

It doesn't matter how many OMGBHP your car has. What counts is how much lower the current real output is compared with the advertised figure.

The biggerer the difference, the shiterer is your car.

[Spiny Norman]

Autoshite now has MOAR VOLVOS than the VOC forum, OFFISHUL*.

(And it's a damn sight more pleasant a place to be too.... )

 

Top bombing, & I'm assuming the previous glitch in pleasantness was an temporary or unintended glitch.

[Six-cylinder]

Talking of Volvos reminds me of more bad news today, my farther in law has a 1990 Volvo 740 GLE Auto which was formaly my wife's but it will not start and he suspects the lift pump. Unfortunately I live 200 miles away and he is 80+ so I am not sure what will happen to it.

[Junkman]

Oh, and that there is enough Pils.

Now that's important!

[brickwall]

Very few people understand BHP, torque, work done and energy transfer anyways. Just look at all those kids on Youtube crashing their cars trying to show off.

[Bobthebeard]

Talking of Volvos reminds me of more bad news today, my farther in law has a 1990 Volvo 740 GLE Auto which was formaly my wife's but it will not start and he suspects the lift pump. Unfortunately I live 200 miles away and he is 80+ so I am not sure what will happen to it.

You could always buy it off him, do a road trip, fail to get it started and post up a new thread.........

Hardly helpful of course. Sorry.

[Bobthebeard]

Very few people understand BHP, torque, work done and energy transfer anyways. Just look at all those kids on Youtube crashing their cars trying to show off.

I am almost 53, and don't understand much of it..... However no crashes on Youtube.

I am content to waft about in my 1990 Honda Auto at sensible speeds just loving the tranquility!

[brickwall]

I am almost 53, and don't understand much of it..... However no crashes on Youtube.

I am content to waft about in my 1990 Honda Auto at sensible speeds just loving the tranquility!

 

 

That's the way to go!

[Six-cylinder]

You could always buy it off him, do a road trip, fail to get it started and post up a new thread.........

Hardly helpful of course. Sorry.

 

Shame I did not know when we were at Autofest Wales as we were only 40 miles away, 20 plus of us could have turned up at his house to fix his car!

[Richard]

My 850 with 140BHP has been officially declared to "go like fuck" by the SVM so a 220BHP version must be quite impressive.

[jonathan_dyane]

SVM?

[EssDeeWon]

Original post resurrected due to peer pressure.

 

Who had Volvo? You win 18 pts.

 

Anyone got a T5 clutch kit they dont need? Ebay and factors are quoting some horrible numbers.

 

...ang on ang on ang on I didn't only guess Volvo I guessed a T5, only 18 points? Pah!

 

EssDeeWon

Rank: BL Wedge

• 
• 796 posts

• Locationessex

Posted Today, 02:42 PM

245bhp and already has a tow bar, I am thinking a Volvo T5?

[KruJoe]

SVM?

Scottish Volvo Massive.

[Richard]

SVM?

 

Scotoshite Volvo Massive- me, cms206, rml2345 and David Fowler. There was a bit of discussion over the walkie talkies along the lines of it having no right to go like that because it runs on The Wrong Fuel.

[HillmanImp]

BHP, 

 

Its how many horses get broken running into trains.

[brickwall]

Its how many horses get broken running into trains.

 

Potato x squirrel = Broken horses

[Jim Bell]

Scottish Volvo Mafia more like.

They make an extortionate racket.

[forddeliveryboy]

*Deleted as to not to offend any other AS members*

 

 

*Re-instated due to popular* demand*

 

 

It was a cold, wet spring evening in mid two thousand and fourteen.  The rain outside beat onto the glass in a soothing rolling rhythm. I opened a bottle of continental lager and fired up the laptop. The cooling fan spun, the rain continued the roll down the glass and my mind slipped back to the summer of 84.  And the Gypsy.

 

The Gypsy had told me, when I was eight years old, never to mix ebay and booze, ever.  She looked me dead in the eye, and said the sentence slowly, twice.  Her eyes went big as she said the last word.  She looked very much like she had been practicing in front the mirror.

 

I'd never heard of ebay, and was more into pulling skids and yoyo tricks anyway so brushed off the warning without much consideration.  I certainly never planned to drink any horrible lager.  No way.  I'm a dandelion and burdock man, and always will be. I put it to the back of my mind and went back to dancing like a robot.

 

The fan stopped spinning, a familiar website popped up with a gentle "boop" and a took a sip of my fourth bottle.

 

 

So many lovely things...................

 

Hang on. Ive always wanted one of those...................

 

 

OH

 

 

MY

 

 

EFFING

 

 

GOD!

 

 

BOOP! YOU ARE WINNER.

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/201094061848?ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1497.l2649

Hooray!

 

I own a Volvo flavoured Scottish Turbo car with many redeeming features:

 

New battery and altenator! (intermittent electrical fault expected then)

 

New Exhaust!

 

Towbar!

 

Cloth!

 

Many pedals!

 

Minor triffles:

 

No glove box lid.

 

It lacks the amount of clutch required to enable rapid forward motion.

 

Insurance cost.

 

Managed to sort one of the three above already.

 

Tomorrow morning, I shall be collecting Overrun, a packet full of hope and we will be carrying it south with the intention of attempting to limp it home 150 million miles.

 

Do toot if you see us on the A19.

 

Updates to follow tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"They never listen"

 

 

 

 

With such scribbling there's no wonder car magazine subs are dropping. Is this Colin Goodwin's half-cousin?

[cms206]

Talking of Volvos reminds me of more bad news today, my farther in law has a 1990 Volvo 740 GLE Auto which was formaly my wife's but it will not start and he suspects the lift pump. Unfortunately I live 200 miles away and he is 80+ so I am not sure what will happen to it.

200 miles north of you is where...

 

IF YOU CAN FIND US, MAYBE YOU CAN HIRE - THE V-TEAM!

 

(Seriously though, location and pitchers if it's binward)

[Spiny Norman]

Scotoshite Volvo Massive- me, cms206, rml2345 and David Fowler. There was a bit of discussion over the walkie talkies along the lines of it having no right to go like that because it runs on The Wrong Fuel.

 

OI, did my membership get revoked?

[Bren]

Nothing producing 245 bhp should be allowed on this site - not in the spirit of autoshite.

I was taking the piss - i am not the Mary Whitehouse of cheap motoring websites.

[Bren]

How much for a clutch? I would imagine it will not be cheap, although the rest of the car looks ok.

[overrun]

'I' like this colonthumbscolon