Autoshite lexicon

[Parky]

“Haven’t had time to get MOT done”

Meaning - I have had the MOT done or rather I sat in the waiting room while mechanics pissed themselves laughing before bringing in a failure slip extending for five pages.  Despite this I am hoping that you aren’t aware of the existence of the MOT history checker online which would prove conclusively the car is fucked and that I am a cad, bounder, charlatan, and shower of the highest order (in Essex Colloquialism - a cunt)
 

 

“MOT extended owing to Covid”

Meaning - phew, that was a result, I got another six months out of this heap for free.  You won’t though

 

”Selling for a friend who hasn’t got internet”

Funny thing this internet, still quite a selective thing which is only available on a limited basis, I.e cheaply and simply to all humankind.  Unless the friend is a large cat called Derek or Doris the enormous Codfish (and if it is where did she learn to drive?) you are basically selling a car through a web of confusion so you never know who to approach when you realise you have been stitched up like a drivers seat bolster.  

 

“Tester says it looks like new underneath”

Indeed it does.  However the tester was talking about his coffee mug at the time

[HMC]

Just now, HMC said:

“Xyz parts that have been removed/ replaced / upgraded (commonly alloy wheels) will come with the car”

- my garage is a tip and I’m going to clear some of it out and fill the boot with it, ta.

 

[Soundwave]

"Doctor owned". Who fucking cares? So the car was owned by a human being with a job, and that's a selling point? Doctors are just as capable of neglecting and/or ragging the shit out of a car as the rest of the population.

[New POD]

On 9/22/2020 at 5:02 PM, Parky said:

 

”Selling for a friend who hasn’t got internet”

Funny thing this internet, still quite a selective thing which is only available on a limited basis, I.e cheaply and simply to all humankind.  

 

 

At yet, it turns out that trying to educate lots of children remotely is impossible, because they don't have internet or suitable hardware.  

Or their friend has a court order forbidding them to use the internet.  

 

[New POD]

7 hours ago, Soundwave said:

"Doctor owned". Who fucking cares? So the car was owned by a human being with a job, and that's a selling point? Doctors are just as capable of neglecting and/or ragging the shit out of a car as the rest of the population.

It suggests 2 things.  One they can afford a professional service and two, they are intelligent enough to check it's vital signs occassionally. 

My understanding of the medical profession it a total lack of interest in any thing mechanical.  Its just a tool. 

[spartacus]

I can confirm the above posts regarding Dr owned cars. Mrs Spart has many fine qualities but mechanical sympathy is not one of them. Anecdotes she has related to me confirm that her colleagues are worse. Dr owned cars should be approached with caution!

[HMC]

“Comes with spares package”

Some random bits and bobs, but I want it to sound posh like I’m selling you a 1960s grand prix car.

[Richard_FM]

1 hour ago, HMC said:

“Comes with spares package”

Some random bits and bobs, but I want it to sound posh like I’m selling you a 1960s grand prix car.

Probably with a crucial part missing that's now unobtainium.

It does seem with some cars that the achilleas heal part will be this, and all the examples in scrap yards will already be robbed of this part or have the same fault.

[HMC]

 £ POA

Price on application

or- I’m going to size you up and see what I can ask for it.

or- Pretty much Any Offer accepted. 
 

hard to tell. I may put that on my next gumtree scrap money banger and see what happens. Along with “ serious expression of interest only” which Is glossy magazine car dealer speak for “no tyre kickers” presumably.

[chaseracer]

6 hours ago, HMC said:

...“ serious expression of interest only” which Is glossy magazine car dealer speak for “no tyre kickers” presumably.

Good one I saw recently in this vein was "we deal only with principals or trusted brokers".

[HMC]

Variation of the finger wagging at prospective buyer vein.

“No test pilots” 

rarely seen if it’s a lambo etc, usually a fairly mediocre “performance” car that the seller has an inflated regard of. 

 

[Jamie]

'never bothered me' 

 

to put into context , a Golf mk5 i have just seen on Marketplace. 

'doesn't select 3rd gear, but never bothered me' 

Meaning, it probably will bother everyone else the fact that 20 percent of the gearage, alas, quite an important one, is missing entirely, but if I try and convince you to adapt the same ludicrous mindset that I have, I guess I've got a slight glimmer of hope of offloading it onto some brainwashed mouthbreather.

[Arthur Foxhake]

20 hours ago, jamiechod said:

'never bothered me' 

 

to put into context , a Golf mk5 i have just seen on Marketplace. 

'doesn't select 3rd gear, but never bothered me' 

Meaning, it probably will bother everyone else the fact that 20 percent of the gearage, alas, quite an important one, is missing entirely, but if I try and convince you to adapt the same ludicrous mindset that I have, I guess I've got a slight glimmer of hope of offloading it onto some brainwashed mouthbreather.

I saw a car advertised once that had second gear missing, the text said "never bothered me as I'm a 1st to 3rd kinda guy".

Priceless.

[Cord Fourteener]

On 9/29/2020 at 7:26 AM, New POD said:

It suggests 2 things.  One they can afford a professional service and two, they are intelligent enough to check it's vital signs occassionally. 

My understanding of the medical profession it a total lack of interest in any thing mechanical.  Its just a tool. 

My wife is a medical doctor.

She used to think that taking a car for an MOT counted as maintenance and service.

At one point she was going through a set of front tyres every six months. For ages I thought there was an alignment issue or something, actually she corners hard and says 'weeeeeee'.

She thinks the clutch doubles as a handbrake..

She's always losing bits of bumper trim and gaining scratches.

Doctor owned!

[Cord Fourteener]

"Anyone contacting me asking 'Is this still available?' will be kicked in the bollocks/ignored/ have a hex placed on them."

- I haven't read that the social media website I'm selling on actually auto-suggests that respondents use this useful conversation-starting phrase, I think that perhaps 'Oi, nutter!'is better.

Perhaps this wish of the seller ought to be written: "If you don't mind awfully please author a diverse and interesting sentence that conveys the sentiment of 'is this still available' whilst simultaneously showing that you have too much time on your hands and a tendency to over-think this issue to which we allude."

[Jamie]

4 hours ago, Tim_E said:

"Anyone contacting me asking 'Is this still available?' will be kicked in the bollocks/ignored/ have a hex placed on them."

- I haven't read that the social media website I'm selling on actually auto-suggests that respondents use this useful conversation-starting phrase, I think that perhaps 'Oi, nutter!'is better.

Perhaps this wish of the seller ought to be written: "If you don't mind awfully please author a diverse and interesting sentence that conveys the sentiment of 'is this still available' whilst simultaneously showing that you have too much time on your hands and a tendency to over-think this issue to which we allude."

 pisses me off aswell. You get the odd mong adding onto the end now with a random insulting offer...

 

is this still available450

[Cord Fourteener]

7 hours ago, jamiechod said:

 pisses me off aswell. You get the odd mong adding onto the end now with a random insulting offer...

 

is this still available450

Lol that two things I put on Facefook Muppet place £450 would have been overly generous!

I also don't like people asking what the lowest I'll take is. It's like people can't be arsed to haggle, they expect the seller to haggle in the seller's head and spit out the result.

[lesapandre]

On 9/22/2020 at 5:02 PM, Parky said:

“Haven’t had time to get MOT done”

Meaning - I have had the MOT done or rather I sat in the waiting room while mechanics pissed themselves laughing before bringing in a failure slip extending for five pages.  Despite this I am hoping that you aren’t aware of the existence of the MOT history checker online which would prove conclusively the car is fucked and that I am a cad, bounder, charlatan, and shower of the highest order (in Essex Colloquialism - a cunt)
 

 

“MOT extended owing to Covid”

Meaning - phew, that was a result, I got another six months out of this heap for free.  You won’t though

 

”Selling for a friend who hasn’t got internet”

Funny thing this internet, still quite a selective thing which is only available on a limited basis, I.e cheaply and simply to all humankind.  Unless the friend is a large cat called Derek or Doris the enormous Codfish (and if it is where did she learn to drive?) you are basically selling a car through a web of confusion so you never know who to approach when you realise you have been stitched up like a drivers seat bolster.  

 

“Tester says it looks like new underneath”

Indeed it does.  However the tester was talking about his coffee mug at the time

There is also the vendor telling pork pies about the MoT who still does not realise that you can look online...😁

[Parky]

On 9/29/2020 at 12:10 AM, Soundwave said:

"Doctor owned". Who fucking cares? So the car was owned by a human being with a job, and that's a selling point? Doctors are just as capable of neglecting and/or ragging the shit out of a car as the rest of the population.

And Doctors aren’t all consultant surgeons spending chunks of time playing Golf.  Some of them work stupid hours and struggle with overwhelming med school debts leaving little time, cash, energy or inclination to have their vehicles expertly tended by the McLaren F1 team mechanics.  Like many it goes into Kwik Fit when the red light comes on or when the MOT man fails it

[Richard_FM]

I imagine Doctor Owned made more sense when they needed a car for house calls & kept their cars well maintained as their patients depended on them to respond to emergencies.

My Mum remarked when watching Call The Midwife that she remembers doctors always used to have more expensive then average cars when she was young in the 1950s-60s.

 

 

[DoctorRetro]

Can I get away with saying my cars are Doctor owned? 😂

[Cord Fourteener]

22 minutes ago, TheDoctor said:

Can I get away with saying my cars are Doctor owned? 😂

I think so!

 

35 minutes ago, Richard_FM said:

I imagine Doctor Owned made more sense when they needed a car for house calls & kept their cars well maintained as their patients depended on them to respond to emergencies.

 

 

I think it's a lazy assumption based on a character stereotype thats not really based on much, not with regards attitudes towards cars at least.

Like saying 'lady owned'. What does that even mean?

[Richard_FM]

Lady owned also produces as stereotype of a car that's been mostly used for around town driving with the choke used for hanging a handbag on, & has picked up a few car park scrapes.

Even my normally clueless with technology Mum knew how to put the choke in once the engine had warmed up, but the other things are true, though she did start to do some more long distance driving.

[95 quid Peugeot]

Good work horse = Fucked

[Coprolalia]

On 9/29/2020 at 7:26 AM, New POD said:

It suggests 2 things.  One they can afford a professional service and two, they are intelligent enough to check it's vital signs occassionally. 

My understanding of the medical profession it a total lack of interest in any thing mechanical.  Its just a tool. 

Your understanding of the medical profession apparently excludes the fact there are doctors like me on this forum, but equally my mate who thought an MOT was a service, or my other mate who didn't know you needed a yearly MOT (whilst she was working as a GP doing callouts in said car).

There's no one size fits all.

[strangeangel]

On 10/14/2020 at 7:15 PM, Tim_E said:

"Anyone contacting me asking 'Is this still available?' will be kicked in the bollocks/ignored/ have a hex placed on them."

 

 

You might be fastidious about taking down your ads once the deal's been done, but many Facetards and Scumtree users are not. I find it equally irritating to ask to view something only to get 'sorry blud, sold/scrapped wks ago m9' by way of a reply.

 

[Cord Fourteener]

16 minutes ago, strangeangel said:

 

You might be fastidious about taking down your ads once the deal's been done, but many Facetards and Scumtree users are not. I find it equally irritating to ask to view something only to get 'sorry blud, sold/scrapped wks ago m9' by way of a reply.

 

I entirely agree, what I'm saying is that I think that people who make ads saying that they will ignore the suggested phrase "is this still available" annoy me. I'm happy to use that phrase, I'm happy for people to contact me with that phrase.

I find it odd people would turn away from a potential sale because the respondent asks if the vehicle is available!

Equally it is annoying when people leave ads up, but more so when they leave the as up saying 'now sold' rather than just taking it down.

[Cord Fourteener]

36 minutes ago, Coprolalia said:

Your understanding of the medical profession apparently excludes the fact there are doctors like me on this forum, but equally my mate who thought an MOT was a service, or my other mate who didn't know you needed a yearly MOT (whilst she was working as a GP doing callouts in said car).

There's no one size fits all.

There's a GP lives near me who restores classic cars professionally from his huge barn! How he finds the time I don't know, but he does employ two guys so that helps.

But then if he were a hospital doctor he would truly have no time, I think he works office hours. Clearly a slacker 😅

[warch]

Long MoT. Vendor will be long gone/dealership site will be an Eastern European car wash by the time you realise you've been sold a pup.

Excellent pre accident condition. So what? The Titanic was in superb condition pre accident, doesn't mean anyone would to buy it afterwards.

[New POD]

10 minutes ago, Coprolalia said:

Your understanding of the medical profession apparently excludes the fact there are doctors on this forum, but equally my mate who thought an MOT was a service, or my mate who didn't know you needed a yearly MOT (whilst she was working as a GP doing callouts in said car).

There's no one size fits all.

Yes, it ignores the Medical profession that understand and like cars.

It's based on a combination of anecdotal evidence, from members of the family, who have or do work in hospitals (Nurses and a Pharmacist), and my own dealings with a certain Doctor Callow, whose level of medical understanding, empathy with patients, and generally appearing to give a shit, was lost in the move from from quills to ball point.  A man I call Shallow Callow.  

Back off the point, i've met science graduates, working in the nuclear industry who seemed surprise that thier new car destroyed it's engines at 3 years old and 60k miles which were done without an oil change.