Shite Vans.

[freebird]

I did check to see whether this has been covered before ( it must have!) but when I typed "shite vans" into the search facillity, it came up with 145 pages and I really dont have enough life force in me to go through every bloody page.

If there is one and a mod would like to mer, oh yeah, there isnt one....

Anyway, shite vans.

My all time favourite.

A Standard Atlas powered by, IIRC, all the verve of a sub 1000cc Triumph Herald lump. I want one so bad! Hey, even a drive of one would be deeply fulfilling.

There used to be loads of these around when i was a kid, now there are fook all.

This is my second favourite.

They just dont make shite like "real" shite anymore.

[RedSparrow]

It's true that vans of this era were truly abysmal and horrible to drive. The Ford Thames springs to mind as another example.

 

The Transit really was revolutionary when it came along.

[Spiny Norman]

They just dont make shite like "real" shite anymore.

All things are relative, and it's true that any new van is 100 times better than even a good one from the 60s but these were crap even when they were new...

 

[willswitchengage]

I like the one in Withnail and I

 

 

Oh, and the Dodge Spacevan, and UAZ 452, respectively:

 

1978 Dodge Spacevan Post Office Telecommunications by Spottedlaurel, on Flickr

 

 

Basically, anything that reminds me of Dougal from the Magic Roundabout.

[freebird]

They just dont make shite like "real" shite anymore.

All things are relative, and it's true that any new van is 100 times better than even a good one from the 60s but these were crap even when they were new...

 

I agree, they aint brilliant but I think i will trump you and throw this in.

Possibly the very worst Transit that Ford ever made.

Style over substance and i will tell you what, having seen the "New Transit" out and about, I will be very suprised if those smug "Backbone of Britain" shift production to Turkey wankers havent monumentally fucked it all up.

[Volksy]

Some Spanish ones for you...

 

 

Ebro F350 'Trade'

 

 

 

Siata 850

 

 

Sava/Pegaso J4

[RedSparrow]

Ha! That Pegaso J4 based thing looks like it would be particularly crap.

 

Barkas:

Not really shite, just were never upgraded much in their extended lifetime.

Actually pretty clever when they first came out - I believe the first ever FWD van which meant a large capacity and low loading area at the back.

I would love to try one of these one day. I think nigel bickle of this parish has one?

[oman5]

IIRC Standard did actually go on to make an Atlas Major with the bigger 2 litre standard vanguard engine. the normal 948cc van was so ludicrously low geared to enable it to get moving it was pretty much all out of ideas by about 50 mph. Went on to become the Leyland 20 when standard/triumph was bought out by BMC, then remained in production in India under the standard name well into the '80s.

Briefly used as the basis for a 4 wheeler version of the scammell scarab urban artic, didnt come to much because it was "bloody stupid"

I'm just trying to think of any van from the '60s that wasn't shit, and they all were; no wonder the Transit was such a revelation.

Stylistically I like the J4 and the Commer PB but they are dire machines to drive, just awful.

Bedford CFs were fuggin ace, especially with the 2.3 slant 4 petrol engine. when empty you could drift them just by sticking your boot down.

[Mr Lobster]

Whilst the new Transit might not be the last word in reliability, they are pretty nice to drive and live with.

 

This however is just plain shit -

 

 

Massively unreliable with very regular mechanical failures and various other bits - door locks especially - that were incredibly poor quality. Actually ok to drive but otherwise hopeless.

[Micrashed]

49cc of throbbing tripod powAhhh

[Tayne]

I see the other side of the iron curtain has already been mentioned, but not the RAF 2203!

 

RAF 2203 by Tayne, on Flickr

 

 

And the ZAZ Tavria

ZAZ Tavria Pickup by Tayne, on Flickr

[Mr Lobster]

These look spectacularly terrible -

 

 

And also Transit based?

[Tayne]

Transit rip-off, but officially an original Russian design.

[Junkman]

FWD Van available a full 14 years before the Barkas:

 

But still not nearly the first FWD van.

 

I'm a bit surprised that the shittiest van of all times hasn't been posted yet:

 

[catsinthewelder]

Just spotted this in town, belongs to a friend of our lass.

 

 

I've been meaning to take a photo for ages but the camera cable is knackered and I'm lazy so you can have a pic I've googled

[Rusty Pelican]

How about a rear engined van , strange concept

 

[Junkman]

Two-stroke FWD Van introduced 12 years before the Barkas:

 

 

DKW F89L 'Schnellaster'.

[Vin]

Some Spanish ones for you...

 

 

Ebro F350 'Trade'

 

About twenty years ago the fruit & veg shop in our local town had a very rusty right hand drive Ebro van. A bit like this one, but with more plastic attached to it. I think it also said 'powered by Nissan' or some such on it. I have never seen any other evidence of UK market Ebro vans, so I assume the number left from this time is ZERO %...

[Junkman]

How about a rear engined van , strange concept

 

Indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

[bub2006]

I would love a piaggio ape 50. Vespa 2 stroke lumps in them so easy engine upgrades but standard brakes for extra shiteness. There is one knocking about on the internet somewhere with a r1 on a modified subframe in the back

[chaseracer]

Reliant Ant.

 

 

Saw one in Stafford last week. It was underwhelmingly shit.

[willswitchengage]

 

It's a shame the ally Grumman-Olson walk in van thing never caught on over here... much

 

 

I do reckon UPS drivers here in their Varios do have more fun than other multi-droppers, though.

[RedSparrow]

AVIA A series.

 

Still a fair few of these smoking around. Slow and smokey but apparently very torquey, you can hear them coming a mile off. Much better survival rate than the Skoda vans, I think they're a bit more hardcore. Also they were still making them until recently.

[gearoil]

Whilst the new Transit might not be the last word in reliability, they are pretty nice to drive and live with.

 

This however is just plain shit -

 

 

Massively unreliable with very regular mechanical failures and various other bits - door locks especially - that were incredibly poor quality. Actually ok to drive but otherwise hopeless.

 

I had one of these for a week, expected the worst, but have to agree with you, ok to drive.

 

Deffo built to a price, and the centre speedo wasn't a great idea. Are they based on something else? Who's parts bin did they raid..?

[Micrashed]

GR9 for delivering poodles or other small useless shit.

[Justin Case]

The ultimate shite van

 

 

The Jensen Tempo, front wheel drive, based on a German van (Matador) but with a BMC B-series engine and screwed together in the same factory as the Interceptor (actually the 541 at the time) Top of my wants list of vehicles made in the Black Country, but probably extinct now

 

Game, set and match?

[Volksy]

About twenty years ago the fruit & veg shop in our local town had a very rusty right hand drive Ebro van. A bit like this one, but with more plastic attached to it. I think it also said 'powered by Nissan' or some such on it. I have never seen any other evidence of UK market Ebro vans, so I assume the number left from this time is ZERO %...

 

Yep, were definitely sold here, through (and badged as IIRC) a Nissan, called a 'Trade'.

 

 

There was an intermediate one which looked like this...

 

 

I would love any of them!

 

According to 'How many left' there was one on a Sorn up until last year. So yet another Spanish vehicle gone the way of the Seat Malaga..

[messerschmitt owner]

I can't be arsed to find, then scan in some of my own pics, so here are some proper shite vans!

 

 

mochet camionette and berkeley by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

This is one of mine - the Berk was swapped for the French oddity!

 

 

[dollywobbler]

There was an intermediate one which looked like this...

 

 

Yes, I remember one of those in the area I grew up in. Definitely not something you saw a lot of.

 

With the Citroen H van, it annoys me that they did absolutely nothing to update the mechanicals (apart from fit an alloy cylinder head from the mid-1960s and give a feeble diesel option) during its production run from 1947 to 1981. Why didn't they give it later mechanicals and a half-way decent turn of pace? Here was a van which handled brilliantly, and had a ridiculously low load space. Hampered by 1930s running gear (Traction Avant but with the engine ahead of the gearbox) and an archaic three-speed gearbox, so 55mph is hard work.

[Vin]

Seeing that pic above, I can definitely confirm that that was what was used by the Fruit & Veg shop twenty years ago