Shite deal-breaking selling points

[Station]

"Offers"

 

[Shep Shepherd]

Any online ad (eBay, Gumtree, Auto Trader, etc.) written entirely in upper or lower case with no punctuation or full stops.

[Cavcraft]

'I know what it's worth'*

'I won't take less than £500'**

 

 

*Usually 15 times the actual value.

**On a no reserve eBay listing.

[Alexg]

"Great on fuel- it only costs £40 to fill up!"

 

"spears or repair"

 

"once owned by *insert Z-List herbert* "

 

"rolling shell.... FSH"

 

"My M8 is a macanic and he says its ok"

[autofive]

Any online ad (eBay, Gumtree, Auto Trader, etc.) written entirely in upper or lower case with no punctuation or full stops.

 

AND IN HUGE LETTERS

[Guest]

The paint looks great, is it?

[face]

"Never been frashed"

 

"LOL"

 

"Show car"

 

Any non-standard paint in the interior.

 

Fake carbon.

[messerschmitt owner]

I find the mention of a bit of damage but no pictures that ever show it off putting too.

[cort16]

In no hurry to sell

[Formula Autos]

"Real head turner" - which usually means a complete w@nker chariot, modified by a moron using back issues of Max Power for reference.

 

It usually means it's a Corsa as well.

 

 

"Profeshunal ICE install" - which normally turns out to be a Halfords stereo installed by some bloke called Gary, who the owner met in the nearest Wetherspoons. Gary reckoned he could do it, no bother. It really wasn't that much bother to Gary either - seeing as how he just twisted the wires together and wrapped them in insulating tape.

 

It usually means it's a Corsa as well. With a boot filled with ill-advised stereo equipment.

 

 

"In dash DVD player" - which, if it isn't a BMW, Merc, Lexus, Audi, or Volvo usually means it is the sort of car that spends most of the hours of darkness in the vicinity of McDonalds.

 

It usually means it's a Corsa as well. With strange white-ish stains on the seats that you try to convince yourself are mayonnaise; but you know, deep down, that they're probably cum.

[Richard]

Conflicting pictures in the listing always put me off, especially when they aren't explained. This comically overpriced C5 is a mild example http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/261091494171 as the only difference is the poundland trims but sometimes there are significant differences between pictures.

[Lankytim]

"pic is what the car would look like

completed" or " pic taken 15 years ago"

[Cavcraft]

Something like a Clio or Mondeo and 'Only selling as want a smaller car' Followed by 'swap for Corsa, 206, 4x4 or BMW 7 series'.

 

People selling one car off that looks a bit dodgy and they have a similar car on their drive. I always think they've robbed the good bits off the car they're selling and swapped them for the shit bits on the other.

 

As previously mentioned, anyone who can't spell the name of the car they're offloading and 'txt tlkrs' , both are sure and certain signs of morons. If they cannot be arsed to check the logbook, look on the back of the car or type full words then they quite obviously cannot be arsed maintaining their motors.

[Tayne]

Khan.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

"Air con only needs regas" = the condenser, drier and probably evaporator and compressor are all fucked.

[willswitchengage]

"Been garaged all its life"

 

Then why is it photographed outside a street of terraced houses or in a disused industrial estate?

 

*

 

"Has featured in Redline magazine"

[HMC]

"company director owned"

so has the servicing been skimped to shore up his business?

[HMC]

Typical e bay headliner to ad

"immaculate condition"

 

... but later... rust starting on x, bumper scrapes on corners etc etc etc

 

What!!?

[Pillock]

"No MOT but will sail through". Go on then Mystic Meg, get it sorted. Oh, you probably meant to type "I've just taken it for an MOT and the fail sheet runs to four pages so I shredded it and am going to pretend I just haven't got the time". My mate viewed a car under these circumstances once, and the underneath looked like a pre-school class had gone mental with a box of yellow crayons..... but no, it hadn't been for an MOT guv'nor.....

 

To some extent, the "only needs xxxx for MOT" also annoys me, unless accompanied by a recent fail sheet. Can't figure why someone wouldn't just get the work done, it's very rarely that money wouldn't be made back unless it's gallons of welding at garage rates. I have been guilty of doing this myself, but I was kind enough to enclose the sheets and be honest as possible when letting the car go for buttons.

[Negative Creep]

"No MOT but will sail through". Go on then Mystic Meg, get it sorted. Oh, you probably meant to type "I've just taken it for an MOT and the fail sheet runs to four pages so I shredded it and am going to pretend I just haven't got the time". My mate viewed a car under these circumstances once, and the underneath looked like a pre-school class had gone mental with a box of yellow crayons..... but no, it hadn't been for an MOT guv'nor.....

 

To some extent, the "only needs xxxx for MOT" also annoys me, unless accompanied by a recent fail sheet. Can't figure why someone wouldn't just get the work done, it's very rarely that money wouldn't be made back unless it's gallons of welding at garage rates. I have been guilty of doing this myself, but I was kind enough to enclose the sheets and be honest as possible when letting the car go for buttons.

 

At least now you can check it online

[hauserplenty]

"Great fixer-upper"

"Mechanic's special"

"Ran when parked...yrs. ago"

"Great for parts or restoration"

"Minor cosmetic damage but otherwise fine"

"Pride of ownership shows" = OMG HGF on the way home...

"Rust in the usual places but hey it's XX years old..."

"Needs driver's seat"

"i bot a new car thats why im selling it for so cheap"

"No eng or trans" -- but it's priced as though there were...

"Reg expired xx years ago but thats why im selling it for so cheap"

"You won't find a better deal for this price" = No, but I'll take my chances...

"Needs breaks" = Don't we all?

"As-is, you haul it away, no test drives" or any combination thereof...

"My loss your gain"...

[Cavcraft]

'Bort' and 'bumber' piss me right off.

 

Also 'never had a minutes bother' and you look through their feedback history to find K-seal, oil addative and Stop Smoke etc.

[chaseracer]

'Bort' and 'bumber' piss me right off...

Or... "brought"

[skattrd]

"Offers"

 

 

Totally agree with this one - when you're selling a car you know how much you want for it. When I'm buying a car I want to pay as little as possible, so you will reject my offer ... just tell me how much you want for the damn thing.

[Tag26]

One lady owner = Never washed, never serviced, bald tyres because they're never checked, covered in parking dints as its spent 80% of its life "at the shops " and full of

junk as its never cleaned out.........or am I just going on my own wifes car

[Ross_K]

POA

 

No, I don't want to waste 10p phoning you just to find out how overpriced your 1.6 Vectra is.

Just put the price in the ad like normal folk do, you fuckwit.

 

I fact I'm going to use your number to advertise "Lead flashing and copper pipes. Free to take away" on Gumtree.

[HMC]

A friend of mine does this on E bay, but nothing puts me off an otherwise reasonable car more than

 

'the tax is not included in the auction but can be bought afterwards'

 

I have yet to see

 

'the diesel in the tank isnt included in the sale but can be bought afterwards'

 

but its probably only a matter of time!

[Micrashed]

"No MOT but will sail through".

^^^^

 

THIS

Nothing boils my piss more than someone trying to flog an un-MOT'd car or motorbike for more than scrap value.

 

Sorry, but a car or motorbike without an MOT is scrap unless you can prove otherwise, and that means taking it for an MOT.

No MOT, means bridge money, or at best parts money. So fuck off mr seller of "will sail through MOT Honda SGX for £600" seller as its worth the square root of fuck all without an MOT.

 

 

 

 

You can possibly tell I have been looking at motorbikes for a fucking ice age on ebay cant you?

[HMC]

'Excellent pre accident condition'

[Cavcraft]

'Should polish out'