Company Carnage

[warren t claim]

As a miser with a good grasp of the value of money I'd never go out and buy a brand new car but there's been occasions in my life when I've been given them as part of a job package.

 

The first was a decent pose and was a newish XR3i back in 1989, one of the very few cars I actually remember the reg to, E985AVX. It was leased with absolutely non of the option boxes ticked, it even had white wheel trims instead of the dog leg alloys. I wonder if it's still alive?

 

A couple of years later and in a different job I was given a hideous blue Mk2 Astra 1.6 Merit Diesel with a 4 speed box that had been hammered by plenty of staff before, in fact it was a relief to be given a different posting and get the much sought after Yugo van! I still shudder at the memory of enforcing Poll Tax debts in Litherland and Bootle to this day.

 

A swift move into a similar role at the county court gave me my first chance at actually choosing a car. The system worked in a strange way, you had the no cost option of an Astra Diesel (no fucking way) or you could contribute your own funds and get something better, the only snag was that the court had a contract with Vauxhall so it had to be from them. For the first six months I took over a 16v Astra GT/E from another enforcement officer who had a growing family and wanted an Astra estate and when the GT/E was up for renewal I decided to lob a large chunk of my wages (no kids or mortgage in those days) and get a new 8v Calibra. This was not really an inspired move by myself cos Calibras were still pretty new and noticeable which isn't what you want when your doing a job where the general public hated you...

 

I went back to work in the private sector after that and was given an ex-plod Range Rover 3.5 efi (again manual) and a large trailer to "collect" cars from around the country. Within a year I was sick and tired of the abuse/violence and decided to check out of life for a while and find something less stressful to do.

 

Fast forward a couple of years and I took a repping job in Altrincham (about 40 miles from my home) and decided that my 1300 Bravo Fiesta, mentioned elsewhere, would be up to the task. All was well until I had to go to Manchester and pick up a client who happened to be the then multi millionaire clothing company boss of Joe Bloggs and his accountant. The MD witnessed them arriving in my Mk1 Fiesta and literally went bezerk and insisted I used the my bosses Omega for future client collection duties. When my boss went on extended leave taking his Omega with him I was given a 1989 Mk 3 Granada 2.0 Ghia for free off the company to do as I pleased. Sadly the Granada met an untimely death being shunted up the arse by a lady in an Astra on Dunham Road in Altrincham and the company washed their hands of finding me a replacement. This forced me to throw in the towel and take up a long standing offer of work from a company in Stockport that I used to deal with subbying IT sales out to. They were a new start up and promised me a mk1 1.8 lx Mondeo that the engineer was currently using. Sadly the engineer wasn't in the least bit happy about the situation and was kicking up a fuss about being promised a (then just out) Audi A3. I was told to go and find a three month lease/rental from somewhere for less than £100 a week including insurance. Fortunately a local hire firm was renting out Granada Executive Turbo Diesels for £90 a week all in so I had what everyone in the office referred to as the Transit GTi to smoke about in. Things didn't work out as planned and I quit a few months later and handed the Granada keys back to the rental company and decided to take a boring desk job nearer home.

 

There's a lot to be said about the merits of having a car you didn't have to pay for or look after but I must say the happiest times where when I was running my mk1 Fiesta on someone elses fuel and having the company service it for free at the main dealers. The service receptionists face was something to behold when I took it into Quicks of Altrincham to be serviced, I strolled into the service reception and the conversation went something like this...

Me, "I'd like to book a service please".

Quicks, "Certainly sir, make and reg please".

Me, "It's a 1300 Fiesta".

Quicks, "that's fine, and the reg?"

Me, "C......"

Quicks, "C reg sir? Are you sure you want to take a 1986 car into a main agent for a service?"

Me, "Let me finish please, CLV78...."

Quicks, "Are you taking the piss sir?"

The mechanics all used to come out and chat whenever I picked it up and loved servicing it commenting on how great it was for its age and how fast it seemed for an old car (it used to easily run off the 100mph speedo).

 

Happy times but nowadays the vehicles I drive for my job are a lot more fun and I wouldn't turn the clock back if I could.

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

I had an interview yesterday for a 'field HR' job with a smallish retailer (i.e. you go to stores all over the country whenever they've got problems with staff). They went through employee perks and main T&Cs of employment (which is quite odd as they don't expect to make a hiring decision until next week), and they mentioned nothing about car allowances etc. So I asked them about it, and they said "as this is a field role, a company car will be provided". For some reason, this caught me by surprise and my head instantly filled with thoughts of being handed a shitty Nissan Puke and expected to drive all across England in it. I said 'ah, that's fine then, very good', but I'm sure I was giving out some uncomfortable body language. Of course, as always, the interview went pretty well, but I am sure they'll find some reason to reject me.

[Micrashed]

Quicks of Altrincham to be serviced,

 

God they were awful. I had my mk2 Fester taken there for repair when someone reversed into the side of it when I was working at Withington hospital (but living at Wythenshawe).

 

They tried to give me an entirely different Fiesta back telling me it was mine - I kept telling them "you must have resprayed it then, because it was red when I brought it in and that one is clearly blue". Then a week later in York all the smoke escaped from the loom when the wiring loom that they had thoughtfully bolted to the rear bulkhead shorted out. Wasnt a big fire, but took a lot of sorting out with who paid for it.

[cms206]

Never really had the liberty of a modern company car... used various Golf vans on and off with my previous employer, but the only vehicles I had regular use of for going back and forth to work were...

 

aviance AV02217 - K730 ANV by cms206, on Flickr

 

N302 URJ by cms206, on Flickr

 

aviance AV03015 - MT53 NHG by cms206, on Flickr

 

 

And in my current job before it was scrapped...

 

DJ International - P492 VDS by cms206, on Flickr

[Mr Lobster]

Had loads of company cars up until going self employed - mainly new run of the mill stuff - Golf, Kia Ceed, Mazda 6 but I think my highlights were as follows

 

When I was about 25 I worked for Evans Halshaw. This was about 2000 when the MK2 Mondeo was getting towards the end of its life. This meant that Ford had some good offers for dealers registering them and thats how I ended up with a shiny new Mondeo ST24 to run about in. That got replaced by a Mondeo Ghia X V6 which was superb altough sadly its engine *ahem* broke on the way home one night. That may have been after a particularly unpleasant day when I took my anger out on it

 

Went to work for the manufacturer after that and was told that I caould run pretty much what I wanted within reason so had a '54 Focus Ghia TDCi then Focus 2.0 Zetec petrol Estate with a few RS bodykit bits on which was massively thirsty but pleasing and then the one I really liked and wish I still had - Focus 1.8 TDCi Zetec 3dr in Black which was nothing fancy but I really loved that car. Passed up on the option to buy it cheap as well which was a mistake.

 

 

Only other one I really liked was an '06 Mazda 6 2.0 petrol. Did about 40k in that in just over a year but it was a great car and I'm actually half tempted to find one to replace the Kangoo at some point.

[scruff]

I've never had a 'proper' company car either. My first proper job came with a gaff but we had a 205 diesel and a borked old Defender as the farm hacks, both J plates, I often used them for 'personal' duties.

When I later worked for a land drainage company covering the whole south of England I was handed an R reg SWB Transit which was brilliant. I off roaded it on sites, nearly rolled it off the side of a low loader, drove it flat out down motorways and loaded it to the brim with tools, cans of diesel, materials, implement spares, work experience students etc and it never complained once. The worst bit of leaving was giving up my van!!

[MrDuke]

I went back to work in the private sector after that and was given an ex-plod Range Rover 3.5 efi (again manual) and a large trailer to "collect" cars from around the country. Within a year I was sick and tired of the abuse/violence and decided to check out of life for a while and find something less stressful to do.

 

I remember visiting friends in a newish but pretty rough housing estate when I was about 18; although the houses were crap, most of them had brand new cars parked outside. On this occasion, I saw a gleaming 3-series being winched onto the back of a Bedford beaver-tail. It struck me as odd that the Bedford was sprayed in plain white, with only the words "Recovery Service" on the doors - no name, phone number, dayglo stripes, nothing. I commented to my friend on the irony of a brand-new BMW breaking down, and he explained to me that it wasn't THAT kind of 'recovery' at all. Well, I was a bit naive in my youth...

 

I doff my hat to anyone who does it for a living, though - much as I'd enjoy smugly relieving the greedy oiks of their status symbols, I don't think I'd cope with the unpleasantness for very long. You need skin of industrial thickness to do it.

 

 

Oh, and back O/T - the only brand new company car I've driven was a Mk1 Focus. After 100 miles I couldn't wait to get back in my beaten-up Mk3 Cav. Appallingly disappointing.

[warren t claim]

I went back to work in the private sector after that and was given an ex-plod Range Rover 3.5 efi (again manual) and a large trailer to "collect" cars from around the country. Within a year I was sick and tired of the abuse/violence and decided to check out of life for a while and find something less stressful to do.

 

I remember visiting friends in a newish but pretty rough housing estate when I was about 18; although the houses were crap, most of them had brand new cars parked outside. On this occasion, I saw a gleaming 3-series being winched onto the back of a Bedford beaver-tail. It struck me as odd that the Bedford was sprayed in plain white, with only the words "Recovery Service" on the doors - no name, phone number, dayglo stripes, nothing. I commented to my friend on the irony of a brand-new BMW breaking down, and he explained to me that it wasn't THAT kind of 'recovery' at all. Well, I was a bit naive in my youth...

 

I doff my hat to anyone who does it for a living, though - much as I'd enjoy smugly relieving the greedy oiks of their status symbols, I don't think I'd cope with the unpleasantness for very long. You need skin of industrial thickness to do it.

 

 

Oh, and back O/T - the only brand new company car I've driven was a Mk1 Focus. After 100 miles I couldn't wait to get back in my beaten-up Mk3 Cav. Appallingly disappointing.

 

I might do a Tales of the Repo Agent thread one day when I'm bored. Never dull and I literally still have the scars to show for it, mainly on my right hand and back of my head. Some of the cars I've uplifted are well and truly into any shiters wet dream.

[cort16]

When I worked in the mill we used to get access to the managers cars if we need to go and visit another factory. At the time this was a brand new Xantia 1.8 SX, Mazda 323, Volvo v40 and Audi A4. The A4 had just came out at the time and he'd obviously just scraped getting it with his allowance as it was a 1.6 with total misery spec. I was so excited to try it back then but like every Audi I've driven since I found it boring.

The Xantia was okay but needed thrashing. I took it to Dalkeith one day and HAD to have it back for 5.15 as my boss was leaving early. I was fannying around with something or other, ran late and hammered it down the back roads of to get it back to Selkirk on time. The next day he said "I take it you were driving quite fast?", "err no, why" says me looking all innocent. "Well when you left it it had a 3/4 tank of petrol and had just had it washed when you brought it back the fuel light was on, it was splattered in cow shit and there was steam coming out the brakes". Ermm...

 

The funny thing was there was a choice of all these cars but we always used to battle to get the Citroen Dispatch Turbo diesel van.2. They had just came out and just felt sooo fast . Where ever you went in the mill the first thing anyone would say was "OMG have you driven that van yet!" although it was the 90's so they hadn't actually invented OMG.

[Spiny Norman]

My years as a BSM driving instructor meant a new Metro 1.3L every year or so.

They were OK, you felt like you'd won a watch if you managed to blag one in the colour you liked as they came off the transporter, I regarded the day I managed to swipe the keys to a blue one as a small personal victory over my colleague who had been after it but had chosen the wrong moment to slope off for a coffee.

We all cheered when the new K series 1.1 replaced the old A series Mk1s, they felt like BMWs in comparison.

 

After that the only company car I ever really had was an old boss's then new Mk2 Cavalier that he'd only just bought, then managed to get himself banned from driving for a year. He gave me the car on condition I go pick him up and take him home every night after work, and occasionally scoop him up out the pub once in a while.

I'd just passed my test about a year or two previously so the lure of what was at the time an almost new, really nice car (compared to the shitters I'd been used to so far) was immense and I bit his hand off for it. God the fun I had in that car, to this day I love Mk2 Cavvies!

 

The other partner in the business went through cars like crazy for a while, and I'd occasionally get to drive his as well, high point was a Fiat Supermirafiori, low point was a gutless Audi 100 with the 1.8 engine AND a slushbox.

Luckily it broke fairly quickly and he asked me what I'd recommend he buy. Given his need for carrying capacity, the fact he was doing about 30-40k a year and reckoned London (from Glasgow) was 'about 4 hours away if I leave at midnight' I suggested a Citroen BX Diesel estate. 160k miles in 5 years later he gave it to his brother and bought another one so I guess he liked it.

 

Beyond that I've had to finance my own wheels and that's the way I like it. One place I was in recently offered me a Fiesta Diesel van, I politely turned them down....

[eddyramrod]

Van and lorry drivers don't get company cars as such; you're lucky if once in a while you get to take the van home. In that respect I've actually done quite well, as there was a period in about 2001 when I brought home the van I was using, every night for most of the week. Unfortunately it would be ready-loaded for tomorrow's work, which was going to begin at 2am, so there wasn't a lot of own-mileage going on, and I couldn't have it at weekends. There have also been short bursts of "take it home if you want" with a Leyland Daf 400 and a Roadrunner, both usually empty but not a lot of good for domestic duties. Well the 400 was...

There have been times when I've been flung out onto the motorway network in the boss's car for a few hours, but I've obviously been working for the wrong firms. 1989 and 92 Escort 1.3L; 2002 Astra diesel estate. Whoopee.

[Lord Sterling]

I've never ever had a company car. I have however had minor use of a few. A few years ago I used to work as a CNC machine operator, I did night shifts and as there were only ever a few of us during that time, we got to park inside the goods-in area of the warehouse. Some of the company pool cars were also parked inside this area, they were often left blocking the entrances and somehow I was allowed to move them. As I was the unofficial vehicle company 'shunter' I'd sometimes take them for a minor blast up the road.

 

The cars were your normal run of the mill company cars of a few years ago, being a couple of Audi A4s, Volvo S60s and my most favorite, a Volvo V50:

 

 

Missing from the above pics is a long-wheel base Mercedes Sprinter which was hoot and a laugh to drive.

 

A couple of years later saw me working at my mates garage. As we had very limited space outside the garage (literally space for about 4 cars at a push) we'd often have to park them down the road, as well as being the customer services man the other part of my job was a driver (or vehicle 'shunter' again). I got drive many many different cars and vans, everything from newish cars to powerful cars to mundane everyday cars to the down-right horrible cars that were scary to drive and felt like they were about to fall apart or blow thier engines.

 

I've got loads of pics, too many to stick in this post, the ones I did find were:

 

The garage does also now have a van which I do use now and again if I'm fetching parts/petrol and so on (and I'm supposed to be a customer )

[RobT]

No company cars for me, but I can recount the cars my Dad had back in the 80s. He was Stock Control Manager for a publishers and because he did mega long hours, including doing courier runs for the company from Sevenoaks up to Central London in the evenings, they gave him use of the 'pool' cars. It was great as he used to come home from work about 6, pick me up (i was in my teens then) and we'd both drive up to London in whatever they had as part of the fleet. Over the course of several years he had a gold Renault 18 GTL estate (which he ended up buying off them), then a mk2 Golf auto, BX automatic, Renault 21 Savannah (not as good as the 18 ), Alfa Sprint Cloverleaf, Sierra 2.0 Ghia (white with pepperpot wheels, I loved that one!), mk2 Cav estate, mk2 Passat and a BX GTi. We'd get home about 10pm and he'd often let me rag the cars around the local hospital car park - I remember scaring the shit out of him doing handbrake turns in the BX GTi - what a hooligan!

 

And on a few occasions, normally near Christmas, he would be given one of the directors brand new Renault 25s to run for a week or so. He never let me drive one of those though (teenage son breaks bosses car, instant dismissal I'd say) but that is what made me want a 25 when I got older. It's taken me 20-odd years to get one, but it's been worth the wait

[vulgalour]

I have never had (or wanted) a company car. However, one relevant anecdote sticks in the brain of when Dad had one of his many driving jobs. For some reason, Dad was given custody of his boss' metallic green with cream leather interior Audi Quattro, this sort of shape:

 

Imagine being taken to junior school in that! Of course, I'm a grown up now and I wouldn't be so thrilled but back then, compared to the stuff Dad was usually driving, it was pretty awesome to arrive at school in it and pretend my Dad had won the Pools.

[Pete-M]

Had a large number of bizarre and wonderful company cars over the years. Not for long, a few weeks at a time mainly, but there have been some strange ones. A brand new P plate Polo 16v with all the options. Thing had close to £5k worth of toys on it, ffs. Company I worked for at the time (flogging VW and Audis back when it was one dealership...) had a weird company car / demo arrangement. If you sold x number of cars there was a notional £x to spend and that was your car for six months. Unfortunately, one of the long term salesmen who'd worked there for donkeys years insisted that in order to get a Golf or Pisshat you'd have to be some sort of manager. Service manager had a Passat VR6, Parts manager had a Golf VR6 Highline, VW Sales manager had a Golf Cabrio with all the toys.Audi Sales manager somehow blagged an S8, Audi salesmen all got A6s. Audi parts manager had an A6 estate. Van sales bloke had somehow blagged an S6 from somewhere.

 

I had the 'budget' for a Golf GTi 16v, but the mad rules said I had to have a Polo. So, I spent my notional budget on a metallic black Polo 16v with aircon, 6 cd changer, uprated speakers, heated sport seats (never saw another set of those), BBS 15" split rim alloys and a couple of other bits. VW motorsport catalogue yielded lowered springs, sport exhaust, strut braces and a couple of funky VW Motorsport badges.

 

It looked cool as fuck for a Polo. Not overdone to look at, but it just had all the right bits. Unfortunately, I ended up leaving the job a matter of days after the Polo finally arrived. Possibly because the Polo arrived...

 

That's the only company car I've actually chosen. Rest of the time it's 'get what you're given'. That's ranged from a 1.4 Equation Almera on a T plate, to a three year old BMW 540i 4.4 and loads of mad stuff in between.

[PhilA]

Not technically a company car, but I did so many miles in the dratted thing, it almost felt like it. Bristol to Shoreham, or up to Gloucester on a regular basis.

 

The 'Take The Van' Van

 

It was hateful. The driver's seat had foam in the wrong places and exposed frame in the wrong places, the gearshift was linked to the gearbox via springs and elastic bands by the feel of it, the clutch was assisted by having large leg muscles, the steering wheel had the big bulbous SRS AIRBAG wheel fitted to all Fords of that era, which severely hampered actually steering with it. The brakes were made from African Ironwood and the wheezy 1.8 Dizzler lacked a turbocharger due to some clerical error at Ford and therefore was as much a delight to drive as having a root canal.

 

Luxuriously appointed powerplant

 

Eventually it went bang in a spectacular fashion in lane 3 of the M5 doing somewhere near the top rated speed of the vehicle trying to get past someone with a real car who could accelerate uphill. The cambelt tensioner let go. Rebuilt the top end, it lasted 30,000 miles more over the course of 2 years whereby I had the delight of watching it get loaded up onto a Beavertail after having spectacularly failed MoT on rust.

 

Don't miss it, but it could be kinda fun. Sometimes. When it would start.

[scruff]

10 years ago as an agri student I worked for a summer on the Royal Farms at Windsor. We had several shitters to use about the place. But this was the best of all...

 

 

With a new clutch in it, the Audi soon became the favoured 'company car' for us students, I loved it!

 

 

Happy days

[phil_lihp]

In my previous job as an engineer we had a couple of newish Berlingo vans and a very sheddy Mk4 Astra 1.7 diesel estate. I always preferred the Astra to drive, despite it being terminally knackered and in the last year I worked there, it was all I ever drove. The boot leaked in the rain so it smelt permanently like wet dog, it had a long history of diesel leaks which meant the engine was coated in it and therefore the car absolutely stank (I stopped noticing it until I had a passenger complaining bitterly and hanging out the window) until my collegue finally had enough and got them to have the engine jetwashed. It had a very hard life being thrashed up and down country roads, was hardly ever washed, the dashboard was a christmas tree of warning lights and it could be a pig to start in the cold but I spent so much time in it I got rather attached to it!

 

I'm now becoming convinced it's some sort of zombie car. The boss used to say they'd keep it until it died. Eventually it did when the injector pump packed up, which is usually the death knell for these. Given the huge repair quote, I assumed it was dead, used my own car and waiting for a replacement to be found. Staggeringly, they spent more than the car was worth mending it, slapped two new tyres on it and it served me for another 8 months until I left, at which point it was retired and I assumed it had been scrapped. I was a bit taken aback to see it back on the road with the same people last week after nearly two years, now with a coating of green mould to add to its general patina.

[r.welfare]

I've only had one company car, doubt I will have another. At the time the company I worked for gave me an allowance - take the cash (but be taxed on it) or convert the gross value into a car and get taxed on the benefit-in-kind. £360 a month as I recall. At the time the man-maths stacked up, a 50mpg dizzler (20mpg up on my Accord) with no insurance, road tax, servicing or MOT to pay (which aggregated to about £1000 a year) seemed worth it against the drop in take-home and benefit-in-kind, due to the fact I was doing 30k a year.

 

Most of my colleagues went for 1-series, A3s or Golfs - I spent ages playing with the configurator tool and chose a Saab 9-3 120TiD over an Octavia vRS. I couldn't believe the prices they were leasing for - a basic Mondeo 1.8 diesel was £40 more a month, although the benefit-in-kind would have been less on the £5k lower list price. I'd have liked a 318d but couldn't justify the fact I'd need to put £100 of my take-home pay each month into the deal. GM must have been discounting the hell out of Saabs at that point. This was in late 2006, so they'd sorted the build niggles and it was before they ruined the styling. I remember the day it was delivered, 70 miles on the clock. Beautiful. Good car, did 25k in 10 months then I changed to a new employer and a job which had no car allowance, and replaced it with a 405TD saloon I'd owned before and bought back for £50.

 

My current employer does one of those car ownership scheme things which gets around the benefit-in-kind bit, but the downside is you can only have a BMW or MINI and as I take the train into the office in central Reading ('cos the traffic is a pain) it wouldn't really be of any benefit to me.

[stuboy]

one similar to this, mitsubishi canter..

these when being serviced..all brand new.....

then a 1.1 fezza van thrashed just wouldnt die..

then 2 of these combo 1.7d canned to death..

nissan terrano utter crap cost more in repairs in 3 years than originol purchase price..the 2.7 td was fast and torquey

then the pope partner 1.9d.. slow as shit handles like crap

[Ross_K]

Where do I start?

 

Combo. No turbo and no power steering. Sloooooow.

 

Disastra 1.7dti. Wasn't serviced for two years.

 

Combo 1.7dti. Horrible slug of a thing.

 

Escort. The previous review says it all really...

 

Kangoo. So many electrical problems it wasn't funny... The Renault that turned me off Renaults for good.

 

Partner. Died when the cam chain wore a hole in the top of the engine and let all the oil out on the outside lane of the motorway at 80mph.

 

Another Partner. Still a crap van but at least it doesn't have the crippling driving position of the old model.