Bad design bloopers

[Lankytim]

Maestro bumpers weren't made by OP (aka Plastic Omnium) in Telford were they? They certainly made other later Rover bumpers and grilles.

 

Plastic omnium makes my wheelie bin!

 

The following fault is present in many cars, but I can only enjoy it on my 240 at the moment. With the seat in the right position for me (i,e high as it will go and quite far back) the steering wheel rim obscures the instruments. Can't see how fast i'm going unless i'm going unless i'm doing less than 20 or more than 120mph.

[gricer]

Wheelie bin technology was used to make this, the CCV, Chrysler's 1990s vision of a cheap emerging markets car. Which is nothing like what people in emerging markets actually want...

 

[quicksilver]

^That may not be what people in emerging markets want but Chrysler managed to recycle the shape into the PT Cruiser with some success. I see more than a hint of 2CV in it too, plus a bit of Nissan S-cargo for good measure,

[dollywobbler]

Aye. I think the 2CV was a major inspiration to the design team, which is probably why I've always wanted one.

[Morgan84]

A dangerous Citroen blooper is front springs on the C3;the final turn of the coil is much smaller than the upper sections,and sits on a small cup.when the spring breaks,the spring drops down past the spring cup,and the car collapses on that corner,leaving the front bumper dug into the road.The trouble is that it also takes out the driveshaft gaitor,sometimes the brake hose,as well as a tyre,and bends the stabiliser link or added good measure if the rain gods are looking down upon you.The last one I saw which had done this collapsed in a carpark - imagine it going at speed;would probably turn the car over.

Citroen did recall some early cars ( about 2002 ish build ) and fit bolt on safety cups to prevent suspension collapse in the event of spring failure;you would think they would have done the lot,and changed the design - think again,even 06 plate Citroens have the same design which will leave the car literally grounded,and Citroen will NOT supply them under any warranty,as they say there isn't a problem. Ask someone who's been unfortunate to have a spring break !

[Pete-M]

Coil springs. You want Merc W123s and W124s for that.

 

When you've had the front coil spring on a W123 snap it's an experience you don't want to repeat. Fitting replacements is an experience best left to others. It's a ball-ache of a job. The springs are about 400m longer than the space they fit into and need about 50000000000000000 tons of pressure to compress the buggers 0.000001 mm.

[Morgan84]

Coil springs. You want Merc W123s and W124s for that.

 

When you've had the front coil spring on a W123 snap it's an experience you don't want to repeat. Fitting replacements is an experience best left to others. It's a ball-ache of a job. The springs are about 400m longer than the space they fit into and need about 50000000000000000 tons of pressure to compress the buggers 0.000001 mm.

 

We have a W124 and changed what we thought was a slightly sagged spring ... yes,lovely things to change aren't they. NOT !

[cobblers]

Coil springs. You want Merc W123s and W124s for that.

 

When you've had the front coil spring on a W123 snap it's an experience you don't want to repeat. Fitting replacements is an experience best left to others. It's a ball-ache of a job. The springs are about 400m longer than the space they fit into and need about 50000000000000000 tons of pressure to compress the buggers 0.000001 mm.

 

We have a W124 and changed what we thought was a slightly sagged spring ... yes,lovely things to change aren't they. NOT !

 

 

 

What would you even do at this point? Hide round the corner and throw bricks at it till you see something sail into orbit?

[Minimad5]

^Holy shit

 

If i recall correctly Rover 75s' had the exact problem with front springs snapping too.

Rovers fix = tiny bit of metal, to stop the broken spring falling into the tyre.

[Pete-M]

LOL, I broke two (borrowed) sets of Snap-On spring compressors trying to change the fronts on my old W123. Because mine was a 280TE auto with aircon the springs were about the hardest ones ever fitted to a W123. Heavier gauge than 300TD ones anyway.

 

Nothing more scary than the thread giving up on spring compressors....

[Barry Cade]

Coil springs. You want Merc W123s and W124s for that.

 

When you've had the front coil spring on a W123 snap it's an experience you don't want to repeat. Fitting replacements is an experience best left to others. It's a ball-ache of a job. The springs are about 400m longer than the space they fit into and need about 50000000000000000 tons of pressure to compress the buggers 0.000001 mm.

 

if you make up a spring compressor that goes up the inside of the spring, you can change them in 10 minutes without even taking the wheel off. I learned this after pi$$ing about the whole day with various levers,spring compressors,some heavy mates and beer.

 

Proper tool to copy.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 3838776006

[Morgan84]

MK3 Mondeo front springs are a pain in the backside as well

 

If only car designers were mechanics,they would maybe think about the poor sod who's got to work on their creation !

[Morgan84]

Fiesta MK4 and Ford Puma

 

The carpet style rear wheelarch liner,which reduces noise to the interior,and stops the sound of stones rattling about inside the arches,but hold water like a sponge,and rests nicely against the rear brake pipes,and rots them out nicely,if not rust proofed properly.I always soak them in oil !

[ruffgeezer]

The mk2 focus, what cunt decided that in order to put a new pollen filter in, you first have to remove the fusebox?

 

What a fucking stupid idea that is, he should be taken away from the drawing board to go smoke on a sack full of dicks.

[Morgan84]

With the MK1 Focus having the indoor pond option if changing a pollen filter,I have a policy regarding pollen filters - I don't change them,and if anyone wants one changed,take it to the Ford dealers so they can cause it to leak instead,and then have the pleasure of sealing the leak,and drying the car out !

[cobblers]

Speaking of Pumas, the back seats don't fold down, wtf is that about? They are normal back seats like in any hatchback, but the fuckers are bolted upright - It's not like there's a bulkhead on the way or owt.

[kinkersaab]

Are you sure? dont think so....

[cobblers]

Not 100% sure, but loads of people who own them have told me this, and I had a neb in the back of a mates can and there wasn't an obvious way of moving them?

[cobblers]

WELL NOW I HAVE EGG ON MY FACE

 

Inside the boot, behind each tail lamp is a yellow pull catch, pull these and push the backrest forward.

 

 

Although I stand by the fact that it's still a stupid bloody design

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

That sounds similar to the arrangement in the late Orions. That counts as good design, you open the boot, pull the knob and then knock the seat backs down with whatever the long thing you're carrying is.

[garycox]

Ah, so that's what the knob thing in the boot of the Escort cabrio I had must have been for then...

[messerschmitt owner]

Ah, so that's what the knob thing in the boot of the Escort cabrio I had must have been for then...

no, normally the knob thing in the boot of an Escort cabrio is the drug dealing owner, just been stuck there by his suppliers for not paying for the crack hidden in his crack!

[tonedepear]

The 1st shape mazda6 has a great seat back design like that. There's little handles (look like daihatsu charade interior door handles circa 1985), and you pull them and the seats fold themselves flat without you lifting a finger. Fab.

[e287yba]

One knows of an Astra G (Mk IV, launched in 1998) Estate which had a permanently locked tailgate - the remote central locking worked as usual, and all the doors responded to the central locking from the key in either front door lock or by pressing the interior locking buttons on the front doors - again in the usual fashion.

 

But the tailgate remained stubbornly locked, seemingly to the paranoid extent of raising two fingers and darkly muttering "Yer not coming in here, pal!" even when the key was used in the tailgate lock barrel...

 

 

 

 

There's a "control unit" that 'controls' (ho ho, who's actually in charge here???) the central locking. It's mounted behind the A pillar trim in the driver's footwell. The connector was loose, falling away from the bottom of the unit - on a 4 year old car in 2003. Why it stops the tailgate from being unlocked with the key is beyond my ken... The owner couldn't open the tailgate for the best part of a year; it seems a fairly fundamental issue to me, when a connector is mounted on the bottom of an important box o'microchips and can work loose causing chaos on a relative-toddler of a car as it does so... .

 

Oh, and I fixed it - went straight to it (after a bit of research) , but this '90s stuff is still a bit dark arts to me .

 

I mean, what's wrong with having a central locking unit - that does what it says on the tin, for the 4 doors and tailgate, no questions asked - mounted in the glovebox with the rest of the control units??? One shouldn't have to carve away at the interior trim in awkward areas!

 

And there's something to be said for a tailgate lock that responds to the key regardless of what else is going on with the car. I'm a luddite, I know...

 

GAH!!!

[Pete-M]

You want vacuum locking matey. It's the engine powered future. (As long as you don't lock and unlock the car loads of times without running the engine).

 

It amuses me that someone has fitted a remote locking alarm to the 604 and had to use a normal solenoid to activate the locking. So instead of being a nice silent elegantly engineered vacuum operated central locking system, it's now a nice silent elegantly engineered locking system that is apparently activated by cannon fire - or may as well be.

 

It's not a 'factory' blooper, but I reckon it counts as some poor French engineer slaved away for a few weeks to make a quiet central locking system. He put loads of effort in as it's quite good fun to see in operation. This is a sad thing to admit, but quite often I can recognise certain makes of car just by listening to the central locking on 'em. A strange talent, and one I appear to have developed completely without knowledge of how it actually happened. Mid '90s GM central locking always sounds particularly grating to the ear. Bschhhhhzzzzzzztum-clunk. Mercedes use vacuum ones, yet somehow manage to sound smug about it - Vitos clang. Mid '80s Fords came with two different systems - one clunks, the other sounds like a door in a dodgy Star Trek rip off. BL ones from the '80s often sound like little plastic hammer drills as the solenoid can't quite do the job. Mid '80s Peugeot ones often sound similar, but a lot less substantially made. Higher pitched too.

 

Anyway...

 

 

French engineer bloke slaves over the system and some alarm fitter type chap turns up one day "Yer mate, I'll fit remote locking, no problem, it'll take half an hour" and fits a solenoid to make the remote locking work. Doesn't care what it sounds like, "it'll do the job for years that" which to give him his due appears to be true. It does work. Works well. It just seems a bit of a shame that he doesn't care that it clunks. That means it's working, if nothing else. It's just when I was a kid and I was waiting for someone to open Dad's 604s the fact that the doors all used to unlock near silently made it kinda magic. Now there's no magic. Don't get me wrong, I still grin sometimes watching it work, but it's just not quite the same now. I want them silent again. But I don't want to lose the remote facility, as that is actually useful.

 

Weird the way bits of cars stick in the memory. P6 rear quarter light levers always make me grin too. I need therapy.

[cobblers]

Haha, I've fitted RCL to my old t25 van with the usual Rclick.co.uk cheapo kits. The motors bang the locks open with so much force the van nearly does a bunny hop, it's great. I've given more than a few people a heart attack when unlocking it across a carpark and they have been innocently walking past.

 

My sister has a Ka and the central locking on that sounds like a Bush VCR ejecting a tape.

[jonny69]

These cars (I'm looking at YOU VW) also have poor lighting configurations. Front indicators Mk4 Golf. Rear Indicators on later Pisshats. Front Indicators Mk1.5 Focus. Great, but if you are turning left, and I am waiting at the side road, and it's dark.... I sit there, and wait. You turn, I still wait, as I never saw the lamp. As for Passat rear lights.... why put one inside the other? 21W bulb inside a 21W bulb? That's going to be visible mate. Slam on the brakes... I still can't see it properly. It's all form over function. I like separate lamp units. Much nicer.

Hooray, it's not just me! Who thought it was a good idea on the Golfs etc to put the indicator inside a cluster of the rear bulbs? You can see the damn thing if the brakes are on. Definitely with you about the front ones too. It's much worse as a pedestrian though, you literally can't see the indicators now that they are inside the headlight cluster and on many cars the side repeaters are hidden underneath the wing mirror casing. I think the regulations state this is so that they cannot be seen from the front or rear of the car. What a stupid, stupid idea. As an ex designer I can't believe these sorts of schoolboy arse-ups get signed off by the design manager.

 

My one: replacing the headlight cluster in a series 1 Scenic. To get to the bolts in the top you have to remove the trim piece that goes across the front of the car. Ok, except it's clipped underneath both wings, so you have to take both wings off to replace a broken headlight. And then you can't get to the bolts underneath because the bumper is in the way, so that has to come off too. It's like they put the lights on the bare chassis before everything else and then assembled the rest of the car around it, absolutely crazy.

 

And when you have an oil filter, you know that at some point in its life it will be full of black oil and you have to keep it upright to stop any of it spilling everywhere. So why, Renault, did you mount it sideways on the block so that when you unscrew it the whole lot pours down the side of the block and all over the plastic pan under the car?

 

LED lights annoy me in general, actually any excessively bright lights annoy me. I thought we had a wattage limit on bulbs because they were getting excessively bright when people were fitting 80/100W front bulbs etc? So now we have HIDs and LED rears that pale all of them into insignificance. It's bad in town but it's literally unbearable on unlit roads.

[MrDuke]

LED lights annoy me in general, actually any excessively bright lights annoy me. I thought we had a wattage limit on bulbs because they were getting excessively bright when people were fitting 80/100W front bulbs etc? So now we have HIDs and LED rears that pale all of them into insignificance. It's bad in town but it's literally unbearable on unlit roads.

 

 

+ twelvety. I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but when a modern car (actually, anything less than 10 years old) comes around the corner of a B-road in front of me, I literally have nearly a second of complete & total vision black-out after the initial glare hits me. Now my eyes are definitely not defective enough to hinder my driving, and maybe 1 second of blindness doesn't sound like a problem at sensible speeds, but it properly scares me sometimes. I'd really love someone from VOSA (or whoever gets the final say on such regs) to explain to me how lights which render me unable to see anything are an actual step forward in 'safety'.

[e287yba]

Anyone mentioned the keyless theft of modern BMWs yet? It doesn't affect us, but it seems to be a major security issue and may potentially affect us in years to come.

 

It allegedly involves a cheap 'radio code grabber' as imported from China, and plugging something into the OBD socket which is easily accessible inside the car, then driving away. Alternatively, forcibly twisting the lock in the driver's door (which doesn't set the alarm off), then entering the car and plugging 'the device' into the OBD circuit which is in a 'blind' area of the interior as far as the car alarm is concerned, then driving off. Or something - but it's not unusual, apparently... There's a few cases and some discussion here.

 

Oops .

[scaryoldcortina]

http://www.keyprogtools.com/locksmith/

 

It makes you wonder what was wrong with a proper key in a proper lock.