i haz new shite - Rated PG13

[254575]

be prepared for a tale of planes, maestros (x2), AA men, council garages and Nicolette!

 

will do a full write up later, this is just the trailer. *no pun intended

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

The preceding preview has been approved for all audiences

 

The advertised film has been rated R for 'Really looking forward to it'

[greengartside]

*buys a Grab Bag of cheese Doritos and a large coke*....

[Parky]

Get us a bag of Haribo love, its just about to start.

 

pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa papapa, pa pa pa pa pa pa pa paaaaaa yah!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Get on with it then!

[Pete-M]

Get ON with it

[Alexg]

Ouch.... Who's throwing skittles?!

[Station]

[mobile ring tone]blip bleep bing bing blip[/mobile ring tone]

 

shhh tut etc.

[Lord Sterling]

Popcorn - Check

Cola with Ice - Check

Relaxed - Not really (See GOM)

 

Do we have to sit through loads of adverts?

[Timewaster]

Hungry? After the film, why not visit the Sha of India? Just 2 minutes from this thee-aiter....

[Tayne]

.

[greengartside]

 

Erm, Mr. Dogg, have you ever thought about using a ringtone for your next single release??

 

yo, fo sho, ma shizzle sayin its da izzle....

 

***remember to turn off your phone...*** bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep....

 

*random outbursts of laughter and the occasional shout of FUCK, WHOREBREATH and KEZZIE'S MUM SUCKS COCK!*

[Albert Ross]

Would you rabble at the back PLEASE stop throwing things around and shouting? I would rather like to watch the advert for the orthopaedic trouser press cum sit-up bath. I am rather old you know. I should complain to the Manager. Now where ARE my teeth?

[254575]

so. as promised here is a story!

 

a few weeks ago, i was telling anybody who would listen that my next car was going to be an austin princess, and I spotted one around the corner from me on ebay.

Was going on holiday the day the auction finished, so i was keeping an eye on the auction on my mobile phone. Was the highest bidder with 5 seconds to go then was sniped! Gutted. was upset. even the missus was being nice to me about it!.

 

however, overnight i had a dream about owning an MG maestro, and god damn it, i wasnt going home without one! so i trawled the classifieds, ebay etc. and found one down the road in southampton. a lovely MG Maestro EFi 2.0 complete with red carpets and seatbelts, every old tax disc, and not too rotten.

Agreed on a price with the owner and drove away a happy owner!

 

however, during my search for an MG maestro, i had emailed a guy though the owners club, who had recently bought an EFi himself of ebay, but was looking to sell on his MG 'HENZ TEETH' 1600 Maestro, complete with Digtal Talking dash. he had got back to me after i had purchased the first one, but you can never have too many

 

He was a fellow enthusiast, and just out of curiosity I enquired how much he wanted for it, it was very cheap. just £200 for the car, plus the value of the tax left. there was only one problem. he was in manchester and i was in sunny surrey.

 

got the missus to agree to a 'day out' in manchester. but found out i could fly one way with BMI for £38 (including taxes) so the day before our trip i switched to plane travel! informed the guy and he kindly agreed to meet me from the airport.

 

so, with a flight to catch at 7.15 i decided to go to sleep about 3am (not very clever) after messing about on the computer for far too long.

 

Checked in online the day before, so not to worried, i arrive at my gate 5 minutes before boarding. only to find to my horror it had switched from gate 8 to 80!!! after much jogging i made it to my gate and boarded a virtually empty plane for my 45 minute flight.

 

arrived and met the bloke ok, went back to his place to see the car etc. he also had a mint rubber bumpered MG B in the garage, owned since new.

so after a nice chat, toast and a cup of tea, i was on my way. by this point, i was quite tired, but i decided to drive the 200 miles home in one go. this passed without incident, and the car was drving fine.

 

when i arrived back at my home town around lunchtime , i decided to stop at a local takeaway, to pick up some food for the family.

 

i made the final leg of my journey home...was about a mile away from the house when...

 

"BING BONG - Warning, High Engine Temperature"

 

i look down at the gauge, its sitting in the middle, where it had been all journey, so with a shrug of the shoulders, i tell nicollete she is wrong and carry on driving... a few more seconds pass

 

"BING BONG - Warning - Low oil pressure

 

no sign of a warning light on the dash, but as i put the clutch in to reach the last traffic lights before my house she stalls and wont start again

 

bugger, i'd driven 200 miles home, and i'd broken down 1 mile from my front door. I had contemplated pushing the car home, but i was faaar to tired after my late night, early morning, and long drive!

 

with a heavy heart, i pull out my phone and give the missus a call to let her know i've broken down. and tell her if she wants her dinner she'll have to come out with the kids and get it. he duly does, and i send them home while i wait for the AA man to arrive whom i had called.

 

by this point, i was just expecting a tow home, but when the AA guy arrived he was the most helpful chap you could ever have met, he was 1 year from retirement, and knew all there was to know about older cars and spent a good hour methodically working through what could be wrong.

 

as it turned out, there was a small hole in the fuel pipe just before the pump, which was sucking air in, and not fuel!

 

he sorted the pipe out for me, and i was on my way, to take the last, very short leg of my journey home! parked the car up and had a very early night!

 

drove around in the 1600 today, and she is fine. at one point it decided to warn me of low oil pressure, 20 times consecutively! i didnt turn her voice off, I like to think of nicolette as a nagging other half, who is very often wrong!

 

apologies for the length of the story, but it was a very fun day which i felt i had to share with people who might think it as rewarding as i did!

 

just to finish off, here is a picture of the terrible two !

 

 

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

[greengartside]

Epic story!

 

That red MG is drool-tastic! Even has the Supercover sticker on the windscreen

[254575]

Epic story!

 

That red MG is drool-tastic! Even has the Supercover sticker on the windscreen

better than that, it still has the supercover/AA membership card in it. expired 1985!

[greengartside]

wonder if the AA would still accept it?

 

Has a Manchester reg - maybe that's the first time it's been exiled from there since it was new?

[barrett]

Nicely done!

 

That photo is very much in the 'living the dream' category

[Angrydicky]

Fantastic - talking dash ftw!

 

What sort of mileage has it got? Looks tidy from what I can see of it.

[warren t claim]

1600 FTW!!!!! I heard a story that these will NEVER run properly.

[boobydoo]

So you got up at the crack of dawn to catch a 7.15 flight, had to drive 200 miles home AND had to pick the dinner up?

 

Did you have to do the hoovering when you got in aswell?

[greengartside]

Were these the 1600 R-series which the carbs used to catch on fire regularly??

[254575]

Were these the 1600 R-series which the carbs used to catch on fire regularly??

i could quite imagine, very poorly placed carbs.

 

the maestro 2.0 efi on the other hand is the most beautiful engine known to man.

[254575]

So you got up at the crack of dawn to catch a 7.15 flight, had to drive 200 miles home AND had to pick the dinner up?

 

Did you have to do the hoovering when you got in aswell?

hehe, its an arrangement we have, she turns a blind eye to my autoshite-ing as long as there is a dinner/present in it for her

[Alexg]

Fantastic buys mate. Very well done

[trigger]

What a cute pair of honeys, I'd like to get involved in a threesome with them...

[VWPowered]

ohhh they are lovely, im very jealous

[Albert Ross]

I have a feeling that most of the MG 1600s went to Jersey as hire cars?

[eddyramrod]

the maestro 2.0 efi on the other hand is the most beautiful engine known to man.

Not quite, it needs another bank of four to be that, but it's a very sweet thing to sit behind. Well bought sir, nice pair!

[greengartside]

Aww, the red MG was registered exactly a month after I was born!

 

To give it the ultimate shite feel, I think you should play one of 'my' tapes - preferably Cupid & Psyche '85. I feel it would fit in well, driving down the fast lane of the M1, pretending to be a Smith's Crisps rep (other companies are/were available) late for a meeting..