The grumpy thread

[cort16]

Sorry 4 UR loss Hillman Imp. If it makes you feel any better I've been a Tesco Sexual for many years. As in my sex life revolves around when my wife goes to Tesco for the shopping.

[theorganist]

Just to prove I was not going mad! Here is the advert for the Allegro and it definately states that it is a 1300cc!

 

http://www.gumtree.com/p/cars-vans-motorbikes/austin-allegro-1979-spare-or-repair/1029913835

[Tetleysmooth]

 

My sex life has sadly died. It had been on a gradual decline for several years now and had been on a support machine for the last 6 months. However the doctors said that whilst it gave the impression of being alive, there is actually nothing there and its been switched off for good.

+1

[Tetleysmooth]

 

My grumbles of the day;-

Signs that say "ROAD WORKS" when it obviously doesn't.

Signs that say "USE BOTH LANES" my car isn't that wide to use both!

Signs that say "KEEP APART TWO CHEVRONS"  What do they expect? Lay on the road and hold two apart?

 

Have a nice day........yeuch

Well, while we're taking things literally.......

Many moons ago, I used to work for a second rate haulage company, driving Scania 110's - DVK 817K - that shows how long ago. One day I defected my tractor unit because it just wouldn't run right, the filters kept clogging up with muck, so I wrote on the defect note 'SHIT IN TANK' meaning the main diesel tank needed cleaning right out. A bit later, I wandered into the workshop to see how the fitters were doing only to find one of them perched up on the diesel tank with his trousers down, When I asked what he was doing, he told me he was trying to shit in the diesel tank, but the filler hole was very small, because that was what the defect note had told him to do. Knob.

[inconsistant]

More sad news... I walked past an AA van this morning, and the bloke inside was sobbing uncontrollably.

I reckon he was probably heading for a breakdown.

[Cavcraft]

Found my cat dead in the washing machine this morning

[Cavcraft]

Oh well, at least he died in comfort.

[chaseracer]

Badum-tish.

 

[Angrydicky]

Sorry to hear that Cav

[chaseracer]

There are two possibilities here:

 

1) Billy and I share a similarly twisted sense of humour;

2) He's not kidding and I'm going to feel a right shit quite soon.

 

:-/

[Cavcraft]

1.

[chaseracer]

Thought so...

[Hendry]

Fucking Virgin Media and their PITA recycled phone numbers, we had to change the first phone number they gave us because all manner of debt collectors kept phoning looking for "Margaret" and leaving nasty messages on our answering machine when we didn't answer because we knew it'd be them again and they wouldn't believe us when we told them she clearly wasn't at that number anymore.

 

Now the new number they've given us usedto belong to "Robert Kilpatrick" as Penicuik windows and conservatories keep calling looking for him, and other companies wanting to speak to him about fucking daft surveys etc FUCK RIGHT OFF

 

Best of it is fucking Virgin want to charge us to change number again.

[warren t claim]

I had a number that was a digit different to a local tool hire company and I'd get all sorts of phone calls asking about hiring generators and the like. Eventually I got bored and pretended to be the manager when someone called and tell the punters they could have whatever they wanted for £2 a week.

[autofive]

Fucking Virgin Media and their PITA recycled phone numbers, we had to change the first phone number they gave us because all manner of debt collectors kept phoning looking for "Margaret" and leaving nasty messages on our answering machine when we didn't answer because we knew it'd be them again and they wouldn't believe us when we told them she clearly wasn't at that number anymore.

 

Now the new number they've given us usedto belong to "Robert Kilpatrick" as Penicuik windows and conservatories keep calling looking for him, and other companies wanting to speak to him about fucking daft surveys etc FUCK RIGHT OFF

 

Best of it is fucking Virgin want to charge us to change number again.

 

 

tell them you have threatening phone calls, then they have to change it for free (ofcom rules)

[autofive]

I had a number that was a digit different to a local tool hire company and I'd get all sorts of phone calls asking about hiring generators and the like. Eventually I got bored and pretended to be the manager when someone called and tell the punters they could have whatever they wanted for £2 a week.

 

 

we have a similar number to Minories mainstealers at sunderland

 

we get muppets ringing asking when their car will be ready

 

i usually tell them to come in as we have found a major problem that could write off the vehicle

[dollywobbler]

£365 of Vehicle Excise Duty due this month, another £225 next month if I tax them all for 12 months. Ugh! Six months it'll have to be I think.

[vulgalour]

The dog won't stop barking.  He's been barking quite loudly every hour or so since about 11:30pm last night.  Combined with the fact I've contracted a cold from my brother I'm not in the brightest of moods today.  SHUT UP YOU STUPID DOG!

[autofive]

is it your dog?

 

if so, give it something to chew and find out who has the dog whistle

[Bobthebeard]

is it your dog?

 

if so, give it something to chew, go back to bed, get barked up again in ten minutes, give it something else to chew, go back to bed, get up in ten minutes......etc etc. Repeat until morning.

EFA

[Angrydicky]

£365 of Vehicle Excise Duty due this month, another £225 next month if I tax them all for 12 months. Ugh! Six months it'll have to be I think.

Absolutely zero in excise duty this year, just to make you jealous. I did have to pay £83 for a parking permit to the council though, robbing bastards.

[chaseracer]

I'm sure you've made Mister Wobbler feel much better about the situation, Dicky...

 

[vulgalour]

Do you know what, complaining about the dog on Autoshite appears to have shut him up.  I'm concerned that this means the dog can both read and use the internet.

[chaseracer]

He's picked up the frequency modulation in the broadband signal.

 

Or something.

 

[Bobthebeard]

Sky broadband. It is acting up!

Have Sky broadband and telephone at home and having problems with Internet connection.

Phoned Sky customer services, and really, it was like ringing Basil Fawlty. Albeit a female I spoke too.

" I am experiencing intermittent problems with my router. Working fine now, but it will cut out for hours"

" Just checking your line sir.... Yes. All is in order "

" Yes it is NOW, but it won't be soon. It goes off at random "

" Bear with me sir.................... Hello? Yes, all seems to be working "

" No it isn't. It has just gone off again "

" Oh, in that case how are you managing to speak to me "

" I am on the phone.... The phone is fine... The broadband isn't working "

" Try logging onto My Sky. Try the diagnostics section "

" How? My broadband isn't working "

" Just a second sir, I am checking your line "

 

Hard to remain calm in the face of the above....

Sky Technical Services are going to ring me back tonight after 7.

Joy.

Meanwhile I have broadband for ten minutes every hour. At random.

[Bobthebeard]

Do you know what, complaining about the dog on Autoshite appears to have shut him up.  I'm concerned that this means the dog can both read and use the internet.

I have a one year old Lurcher. She can't use the Internet because it keeps going off...

FFS Sky sort it out!

[purplebargeken]

Only 2 year old Lurcher's can use the internet. It's the law.

 

Try Talk Talk for crappy connections....... actually, no don't 'cos they're pants (nylon one's). 

[Lankytim]

The AX, great car but will probably be scrapped

Astra estate, great car but will probably be scrapped.

Citroen XM, great car but will possibly be scrapped. (Hopefully not though)

 

I hate not having enough time or room to play with my motors! IT'S MEGA FRUSTRATING! It's a quandary as old as time itself.

[brickwall]

Everytime I step iutside the rain comes on...I go back in and the sun peeks through....ffs

[Partridge]

Mate, it's been just the same here. Been wanting to do my garden all day.