A communal list of CELEBRITIES WOT WE WANT TO SLAP

[lancashireclamper]

Jamie Oliver, would love to sandpaper his eyeballs whilst reducing him to a pukka residue of pulp and organs, annoying middleclass cockney who mistakenly believes his rectum is a source of solar energy

[bigstraight6]

Harriet Harman. Slithery harpie. Don't get involved in a traffic accident with her.

Ah yes, the highly offensive Harriet Harwomen, said traffic accident would definately involve the back end of a bus

[bigstraight6]

Graham Norton, the very sound of his voice has me reaching for the television controller he is just not funny, I love 'camp' comedy in a Kenneth Williams, Frankie Howard and even Larry Grayson kind of way! But Norton, NO!

[Torsten2001]

I have met most of these bastards and what really pisses me off is the fact that they're all actually really quite nice, most disappointing being Peter Mandelson, I really wanted to hate him but he was a funny and likeable bloke, bollocks!I've held back an N-Dubz harddrive though!

[CortinaDave]

that slug Gordon Brown, who seems to be out to personally make sure I go bankrupt and can't afford to do anything.

 

Arse!

 

David van Day.. got to be one of the most loathsome people in the world. Just a twat.. end of.

 

Just look at how slappable that face is.

 

 

and..not a celebrity but...the head of my local council..Peter Grant who spends his life inserting monsterous speed bumps on every single road in the whole of fife, and gives me 5 different bins and a stupidly complicated system of when they are collected.

 

[chester drawers]

Mariah Carey. Mostly for her appallingly epic vocal gymnastics (several notes where one would suffice) but also for this kind of thing.Yes she’s hugely “successfulâ€Â, but then popularity isn’t necessarily synonymous with talent is it?

 

More contemporary irritation. Walked into Argos yesterday and it seems Lilly Allen now has her own brand of jewellery. Presumably she’s doing her bit for women’s empowerment by helping them look glamorous at an affordable price. No wait a minute, that was the excuse for the clothing range wasn’t it

[Justin Case]

Graham Norton, the very sound of his voice has me reaching for the television controller he is just not funny, I love 'camp' comedy in a Kenneth Williams, Frankie Howard and even Larry Grayson kind of way! But Norton, NO!

I agree completely but even Graham Norton is as relatively funny as Frankie Howard when compared to the loathsome Alan Carr (Not to be confused with Jimmy Carr who is just unfunny )

[Mr H Sceptre]

Bono.

Seconded. I can't even begin to articulate my absolute contempt for this man.

[barrett]

There are too many to even start listing....but i'll give it a go!

 

Mick Hucknall (x2)

 

Bono (X3)

 

Nic Cage - makes my skin crawl, I cannot stand the man, he has made mulitple millions of dollars from a profession he is terrible at. he has been in a few good films, but they would've been so much better if the director had cast someone else.

 

David Cameron - ok, not a 'celeb', but he thinks he is. How anyone can be fooled into believing this slimey little twerp is beyond me. He'd be a more viable Prime minister if he walked around with a Thatcher mask on shouting 'Arabs out!' at the top of his voice. ugh.

 

Tom Cruise (X2)- mainly because he has obviously coerced his young wife (who by all accounts seems like a sweet, slightly naive girl) into joining his ridiculous cult. And also because it could've been me shagging Nicole Kidman all those years (excluding the 3 before i was born)

 

anyone involved in X-factor - face it, you're a twat. (With the exception of Dermot O'Leary, who seems like an intelligant and witty chap everytime he's on Buzzcocks ,which is the only time i've seen him, - with apologies to Pompei). I also think he's got good style.

 

Also, I must contend James Blunt, as much as his music makes me want to ram nails into my ears just to STOP THE TORTURE, when he was on Top Gear (of all places) he came across like a perfectly nice chap, and not at all afraid to make fun of himself. so there.

[AXrescuer]

Gordon BrownGordon RamsaySimon CowellCatherine TateVictoria BeckhamAll of the above, in no particular order make me vomit.

[nottinghamphil]

Russell Brand - About as funny as a dose of the ClapRicky Gervais - As Above but worseJordan - Who gives a **** about her or her lifePeter Andre - Antipodian Arseh*leKerry Katona - Talentless ChavAlan Carr - Another unfunny chutney locker raiderAlesha Dixon - Would turn up at the opening of an envelopeMaria Carey - Catawalling female with an arse the size of a small countryAnd a few more...

[Cavcraft]

Class suggestions so far, can't remember any I disagree with.Just a thought but can we have a league table at some point? It'd be kwal if we found out the most hated and sent them a virtual AS Christmas card

[Richard]

The "famous for being famous" people are only famous because people talk about them. Talking about them, even in a negative way, contributes to their fame.Dermot O' Leary is my nomination though. Odious little shit.

[garethj]

I've never heard of most of these people, I feel like a high court judge

 

Not sure if I hate Gordon Brown more (is he a celeb?) or the entire opposition parties. He spent years trading on that "iron chancellor" thing but if he was even slightly careful with our money we'd be in a stronger position to deal with this worldwide recession.

 

These are the facts, why is nobody prodding him with it? I'd be announcing it in the Commons every day, and twice on Fridays.

 

And why do I think the next lot won't be much better

 

TV celebs rant: I sometimes catch a minute of that Masterchef show, and the one with Gordon Ramsey. While I'd certainly smack Ramsey in the face with a bit of 4x2, why can't either of them speak to the camera? You're on TV, presenting your own TV show. Don't speak to the bloke standing next to the camera, speak to the audience. Is the lack of confidence because you know you're crap at it?

 

And basing your whole delivery on swearing is entertaining when you're 9 years old, but it's a bit of a one trick pony when you're an adult.

[whitevanman]

anyone involved in X-factor - face it, you're a twat.

Guess that means I'm a twat as of Tomorow night............thanks !!

[AnthonyG]

I've never heard of most of these people, I feel like a high court judge

Same here , not watching television much apart from classic 70s/80s tat on ITV4 and the like helps a lot.Guy Ritchie came across as a right smug twat on TG last weekend, although his first two films were superb. Everything since has been shit though - another reason to hate Madonna!Who on earth is David Van Day? - I must say he looks like a right knob!P.S. I forgot the below:Stephen Fry, he used to be a good comedy actor, but ever since he's become the offical conscience of gay twitter freaks, he has become a solid gold TWAT. David Mitchell (boring one out of Peep Show) , again amusing enough as a comedy actor, but why the hell would I care about your political views or take your advice on who to vote for etc. Nob off you Guardian groupie!

[Cavcraft]

I think David Van Day was one half of puke inducing 80's pop duo 'Dollar'.By the looks of things he hasn't let go of his dreadful hairstyle either.

[pompei]

I can't say that I'm drawn to James Blunt's music at all but he came over as a Very Nice Guy when interviewed by The Pub Landlord. I think he was ok on TG too.Compare and contrast Lembit Opik, who Al Murray said was by far the most obnoxious guest he had on the show.While I'm here can I add Piers Morgan to the list. Plenty of reasons but if only for being a prat to Ian Hislop, who in my book is a Top Man.

[brammy777]

I absolutely detest Piers Morgan. Lets face it, he was dismissed from the Mirror for fabricating something pretty serious, and all of a sudden hes all over the TV. Hes a twat, and doesnt deserve anything he has. I also hate Simon Cowell, money grabbing chode shaped person.

[Vin]

Oh definitely agree. Piers Morgan is a prize CUNT. I can forgive Clarkson anything on the basis he twatted the feckless gobshite

[AnthonyG]

Oh definitely agree. Piers Morgan is a prize CUNT. I can forgive Clarkson anything on the basis he twatted the feckless gobshite

Did he? TOP MAN.

[Mr H Sceptre]

There are too many to even start listing....but i'll give it a go!

 

Mick Hucknall (x2)

 

Bono (X3)

 

Nic Cage - makes my skin crawl, I cannot stand the man, he has made mulitple millions of dollars from a profession he is terrible at. he has been in a few good films, but they would've been so much better if the director had cast someone else.

 

David Cameron - ok, not a 'celeb', but he thinks he is. How anyone can be fooled into believing this slimey little twerp is beyond me. He'd be a more viable Prime minister if he walked around with a Thatcher mask on shouting 'Arabs out!' at the top of his voice. ugh.

 

Tom Cruise (X2)- mainly because he has obviously coerced his young wife (who by all accounts seems like a sweet, slightly naive girl) into joining his ridiculous cult. And also because it could've been me shagging Nicole Kidman all those years (excluding the 3 before i was born)

 

anyone involved in X-factor - face it, you're a twat. (With the exception of Dermot O'Leary, who seems like an intelligant and witty chap everytime he's on Buzzcocks ,which is the only time i've seen him, - with apologies to Pompei). I also think he's got good style.

 

Also, I must contend James Blunt, as much as his music makes me want to ram nails into my ears just to STOP THE TORTURE, when he was on Top Gear (of all places) he came across like a perfectly nice chap, and not at all afraid to make fun of himself. so there.

Spot on there Barrett.

 

I agree - Dermot O'Leary seems like a decent enough chap. OK, so he hosts a bloody awful TV show (X Factor), but in his position who would turn down such a no doubt highly lucrative job?

 

Agreed also that James Blunt seemed like a good egg on Top Gear. Bloody appalling music though.

 

Tom Cruise - right up there with Bono (almost) on my hate list.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Oh definitely agree. Piers Morgan is a prize CUNT. I can forgive Clarkson anything on the basis he twatted the feckless gobshite

Really? Clarkson twatted Morgan?? Wow. Have you got any more info re. this?

[warren t claim]

I'm surprised Brewer and Littlewood have escaped this thread so far!

[Guest]

I won't do politicians because it'll take me too long.

 

 

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. Just can't get on with him and he's seemingly ALWAYS ON.

 

 

While we're at it, Gordon Ramsay. I find his childish tantrums very tiresome.

 

 

Tracey Emin. Wonky-faced and incredibly smug "artist".

 

 

Robbie Williams. Hate his music, hate the way that he appeals to a load of slightly sad mums who desperately want to mother him.

 

 

Mark McGowan. Protester with some "issues", surfaces every so often with some kind of pathetic publicity stunt and for some reason the papers always cover it.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Bloody hell, its true, Clarkson did twat Piers Morgan!!

 

[Guest]

The other interesting Piers Morgan story is the one where he was unhappy with Ian Hislop. Since he was the editor of The Mirror at the time, he spent an enormous amount of time and effort having their photographers stalk him, tasked his journalists to ring people who know him in an effort to dig up "dirt" on him, etc. But he couldn't find anything remotely of interest, so it was just a complete waste of time. What a bell-end.

[Station]

Every celebrity. I don't think I'd mind too much if the San Andreas fault suddenly ruptured and dropped California into the sea. Acutally, I think that would be FUCKING AWESOME.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I'd like to nominate all staff of the Daily Mail, and mealy-mouthed whining half-witted immingration 'minister' Phil Woolas, this guy is really the most cretinous of the whole house of commons. He is always coming out with tough-sounding but totally vague and ultimately unworkable ideas about teachin immigrants a lesson in britishness and giving them exams on it etc, without ever thinking them through in any detail at all. He is utterly useless, devoid of any charisma or charm or anything even remotely interesting to say. I thought Labour could not do any worse than former home secretary John Reid ("today home secretary John Reid announced a crackdown on muslims/immigrants/paedos/members of the public/dinner ladies etc etc etc"), but they managed it with this Woolas feller. A total disgrace of a politician.

[55bloke]

Russell Brand - About as funny as a dose of the ClapRicky Gervais - As Above but worseJordan - Who gives a **** about her or her lifePeter Andre - Antipodian Arseh*leKerry Katona - Talentless ChavAlan Carr - Another unfunny chutney locker raiderAlesha Dixon - Would turn up at the opening of an envelopeMaria Carey - Catawalling female with an arse the size of a small countryAnd a few more...

This is almost exactly the list I'd have come up with. Spot on! Most of the other suggestions I'd agree with too. SLIGHTLY puzzled by the hatred Bono inspires, to be honest. Is it wrong to use fame as a method of getting serious issues to the forefront? Are his opinions, most of which strike me as pretty sound, any less valid because he's famous as a musician, and not an intellectual?