What happens when you cross a Hearse and a Boat? And a Limo too?

[Tomtation]

Boarse? HeBot? Perhaps not.

So I have a hearse, it is thirsty. And slow. Did I mention it was thirsty? Yesterday I broke the all time record of 23.9 mpg!!! ? Such wuthering heights of economy!

An hearse @ SF19:

So when you are confronted with a slow, thirsty hearse. What is the right thing to do? "I know!" sais I, let's put a boat engine innit! "Brilliant idea!" sais other I. So off we go to the OH to whisper sweet somethings of persuasion and encouragment. Blow me down but it worked.

A engine, on the piss:

So what we have here is a 1988 Volvo 740 wih a K-jetronic injected 2.0 redblock (B200E, mechanical injection, ~120bhp) and 3sp w/overdrive AW70 autobox. Usually sub-20 mpegees. Nearly EVERY fecking person I have spoken to about this has more or less said the same thing. "Just stick a turbo innit m9", NO, I don't want BIG POWAH, lag, fucking about with electrics installing an upgraded loom for LH2.4 injection (more or less necessary for a +T), fucking about with pipework, fucking about swapping gearboxes and maybe diffs... You get the idea.

What I do want is more torque, enough power, a simple transplant and an economical and reliable result as possible.

Enter the boat engine, Penta AQ151 2.5L. This is basically a 2.3L block with a stroked crankshaft and slightly shorter pistons, connected to the higher performance 531 head (530 is found on nearly all B200 and B230 engine versions, 531 on a very few). So I am going to get the block inspected, cleaned up, honed and if necessary any other work done (re-bore etc, but hopefully not!). It will then be installed in the hearse, service items done and bolted to the head that is in the Hearse already (after the head has a de-coke and service etc). I will use the original injection/ignition/manifolds from the 2.0. Problem hopefully solved! 2.0 shiteness --> 2.5 torqueness and hopefully improved economy and torque.

I plan to rolling road it before and after, it'll be good to see the difference and adjust the k-Jet's fuelling/mixture pressure if necessary.

I R EXCITE!

[JeeExEll]

Have you had a sleep in the back yet?  Preferably in an Asda car park.

[Tomtation]

Not in an Asda car park, but we did off the A49 in the Shropshire hills once.

And at a couple of festivals. It's destiny is to become a campervan for many travelling shennanigans, South of France, France in general, Ireland, Scotland etc.

[mitsisigma01]

Have you taken the handbrake off! 

When are you roffling? 

 

[Tomtation]

LOL, handbrake is fecking useless! Wouldn't make a dribble of difference, apart from an angry dash light.

Roffle unlikely, had it 2 years, spent a small fortune getting it mechanically half decent...

[mitsisigma01]

Looks great, does it have blackout blinds as I'm a light sleeper, if not I'm ooot ?

Goodluckwiththetransplant??

[mitsisigma01]

I see yours is a two door, on a four door one what would be the chances of converting to a seven seater, did you look at other hearses before falling for this one. Hearses never seem to come up for sale daaarn saarff here in Sussex 

[bunglebus]

Surely that's a Bearse or a Hoat?

 

Anyway hearse = cool as penguin piss in my book, I'd love a MK1 Granada Colman Milne, but anything old will do, got no time for modern ones with enormous glass

[808 Estate]

6 minutes ago, bunglebus said:

anything old will do, got no time for modern ones with enormous glass

Totally agree. The Volvo is cool unlike this gopping monstrosity I saw recently. ?

WTF is the need to make it so bloody tall?

[Tomtation]

13 minutes ago, mitsisigma01 said:

I see yours is a two door, on a four door one what would be the chances of converting to a seven seater, did you look at other hearses before falling for this one. Hearses never seem to come up for sale daaarn saarff here in Sussex 

I'm even more daarn saaarf in Somerset, have to travel for basically everything.

Would have loved a 4dr ovlov 960 with proper rear seats kept from the car, most 4drs seem to have two little seat perches either side of the coffin. The 3.0 24v straight 6 would be nice too ?, was a transplant optoin, but wiring. This one just looked cool, wide steel wheels, mat black etc. Went all the way to the north lake district to fetch this, cost 1k and spent about twice that I think now, getting it sorted.

Should be fairly simple to make a 4dr --> 7seats. Ours body is extended behind the front doors, and there is 2ft+ depth under the floor until you hit the original seat pan/fuel tank area. Get a rear seat bench from a version of the car your hearse is, cut floor for feets and footwells and figure out seatbelts. Would have to explore legalities tho.

Blackout blinds are firmly on the list, the OH cannot abide a single photon of light when sleeping.

[bunglebus]

2 minutes ago, Tomtation said:

 

Blackout blinds are firmly on the list, the OH cannot abide a single photon of light when sleeping.

But will sleep in a hearse, so is a keeper

[155V6]

14 minutes ago, bunglebus said:

Surely that's a Bearse or a Hoat?

 

Anyway hearse = cool as penguin piss in my book, I'd love a MK1 Granada Colman Milne, but anything old will do, got no time for modern ones with enormous glass

Like this?,it wasn't very economical either 

[Tomtation]

Just now, bunglebus said:

But will sleep in a hearse, so is a keeper

Married, on the life insurance and house deeds so no escaping!

6 minutes ago, 808 Estate said:

Totally agree. The Volvo is cool unlike this gopping monstrosity I saw recently. ?

WTF is the need to make it so bloody tall?

Absolutely agreed, even the omega hearses look stupidly tall and glassy. In fact, every Hearse that has tried to be all curvy and swoopy can FRO, square and boxy FTW in this case. The americans did some really cool hearses! Wouldn't afford to run a caddy 8.2 V8 hearse, even though I really really want one.

Yes!

[mitsisigma01]

Yes! Autoblog, verizon media.... 

What's all that about? 

[mitsisigma01]

I've just seen a blue omega 2.5 hi roof, lift back hearse on fb in Reading.... 

Mot sheet sounded ominous or even deathly... 

[mitsisigma01]

8 hours ago, mitsisigma01 said:

Yes! Autoblog, verizon media.... 

What's all that about? 

Was this supposed to link to some pictures of yank hearses. I don't sign up to things I'm not sure of... 

3 roffle tickets ?

[colnerov]

19 hours ago, 808 Estate said:

Totally agree. The Volvo is cool unlike this gopping monstrosity I saw recently. ?

WTF is the need to make it so bloody tall?

 

  Pile 'em high, despatch 'em cheap.?

 

[wuvvum]

On 3/1/2020 at 7:16 PM, bunglebus said:

anything old will do, got no time for modern ones with enormous glass

Aye, these bloody modern hearses with all that glass...

[bunglebus]

On 3/1/2020 at 7:33 PM, 155V6 said:

Like this?,it wasn't very economical either 

 

The one I saw had the coupé front/doors and was amazing.

Also

[mitsisigma01]

Some designers must be on lsd, maserati ghibli hearse ?

[Asimo]

Maserati Hearse: be late for your own funeral.

[mat_the_cat]

Well, if it's your own funeral, by definition you'll be late...

[Tadhg Tiogar]

2 hours ago, Asimo said:

Maserati Hearse: be late for your own funeral.

 

5 minutes ago, mat_the_cat said:

Well, if it's your own funeral, by definition you'll be late...

Dead right 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

On 3/1/2020 at 7:27 PM, Tomtation said:

.....Blackout blinds are firmly on the list, the OH cannot abide a single photon of light when sleeping.

If that's the case, maybe sleeping in a coffin (with the lid closed) is a better option. 

[catsinthewelder]

That might give you the opportunity to really terrify a car thief.

[Tomtation]

LOL at you guys, some good puns there, not heard some of them before either! The hearse seems to be a magnet for people walking up to you and saying cringey shit, especially at the pez. I no longermake eye contact with such individuals, safer that way and a chance of escape

Bad, bad, BAD things have hapenned. I really shouldn't be aloowed on the internet, like at all...

I saw this a few days ago.

Numberplate F642 YOX, so what is the numberplate of our Hearse? F644 YOX!!!

Holy fuckflaps, IT'S THE HEARSES BABY BROTHER! I really really, fucking REALLY want it, but this could literally not be a worse time to be buying cars. No money, no storage, no time. The Penta engine is still in the back of the Hearse FFS. Won't have time until the weekend to unload as I have an exam on Friday (tomorrow, shit!). Will have to see how the auction goes, the guys have done loads of work to it for the rally they did to Poland and back, they want £1700 outside of ebay without the trailer, which isn't bad for the car + work, but I don't have that much. Fnurgh!