Top w*nker chariots league

[RedSparrow]

Have we had the blonde tan-in-can tart in an Audi TT yet?Also knackered Rover 200 series driven dangerously by BNP chavs.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Chicks in Clio's. Usually texting on their phone. I always get cut up by bloody Clio's. I hate them. Hate hate hate them.

[sporty-shite]

Sales reps, to whom life itself is one big competition. Get there first, own the best car, wear the most ridiculously big knot in their too short tie, be the smuggest little cunt. You know the ones.And as for their cars...1. BMW 3 Series1=Audi A41=Specced up Golf Ooops, should have been a rant. Sorry.

[Pete-M]

Any large expensive German 4X4, BMWs, Audis, Mercedes, particularly older X5s as prices fall down to pikey/wanker levels. When any old chav can have one on easy credit the roads will be carnage.

You have no idea how happy this makes me feel as someone who in the last 12 months has run a multitude of Range Rovers, a BMW and currently an Audi.

 

Makes me proud, that does. I don't think I've got Pikey status yet.

[Dukestar25]

Ford Mondeo...Last year we were heading to Hull on the M62 in my friend's car and somewhere around Saddleworth (at the top of that 3 mile hill after Milnrow/Shaw eastbound) we were overtaking in the outside lane when a fat old bugger in an Mondeo estate drove right up behind us (literally inches ) until we moved over and then he floored it. What a cretin !!...... we were overtaken a few seconds later by a police car who also floored it and about two miles later, fat old Mondeo driving bugger was on the hard shoulder with said police car explaining to the officer why he had driven so dangerously (mr Policeman had been watching the whole incident and decided to have a word )... I never laughed so much in my life . These people need banning IMO

[Cavcraft]

Transit pick-ups with high boards on the back so you can't see what they've just stolen, sorry, 'politely requested' from pensioners gardens.Sometimes in front of 237 foot long caravans, sometimes driven by 14 year olds with strange haircuts, sometimes with mobile phone numbers spaced out to look like house phone numbers, sometimes with chevrons along the bottom, sometimes spotted down country lanes throwing rubbish/old bits of trees off the back and sometimes with cheap hazard light bars on the roof.But almost always driven by tailgating dickheads.

[Pete-M]

Mustard mitt, the people who most piss me off on the road tend to be driving shitboxes.Micras tend to be the most common offenders, either driven by people who expect yet another telegram from the Queen on their next birthday who've gone out for a spin because they've not had a stroke for a fortnight, girls who're too busy listening to Mariah Carey to look where they're going, or sanctimonious wankers who insist on going everywhere 5 mph below the limit but who think they're doing bang on 30 because that's what their speedo says. Then there's Janet, the middle-aged "New Corsa Woman" who's incredibly nervous behind the wheel, has written off her last seven cars in accidents that she swears were not here fault (but which invariably are) who creeps about 10-15 mph below the limit and alternates between hugging the kerb and randomly veering into the middle of the road for no reason. She'll accellerate to 10 mph above the limit if she's near home. She's the one who is guaranteed to see you approaching as she's trying to pull out of a side road, who'll do a final 'left - right - left" look and then pull straight out in front of you because A: She's swigged half a bottle of Vodka in the last few hours and B: She forgot you were there. She's a teacher who's never been pulled over, so thinks she must be a good driver. She's too scared to drive on motorways, and avoids dual carriageways as that's where she's had all those accidents. She's got 6 pojnts on her licence from the speed camera 100 yards down the road from her house.Anyone driving a diesel Golf Mk4/5/6 or Audi A4. They have to prove that diesels 'are quick nowadays" and leave every set of lights in a plume of soot.Jag X-Type drivers. I've never seen one of these driven well. Same for X5s. Diesel X5 drivers are just awful.School run MILFs in Huge Toyota Land Cruisers, Can't drive, can't park, can't see behind them, blacked out windows means it's ok to be on the phone. Same for anyone in a black Range Rover Sport.Toyota Pious drivers. Either 'eco-worriers' who're staring at that bloody dashboard display trying to save every last drop of petrol or reps who've had the Pious forced on them and hate the car with a passion. Unfortunately, the company keeps an eagle eye on the fuel bills and reprimands said rep if his MPG drops below 50, so he does 60 on the motorway and 60 in town.Anyone driving a four year old company van. I think it's because they want a new one.Skoda Octavia cabs. Vectras. If you drive an Audi, Vectra drivers despise you and seem determined to prove it at any opportunity. Weird really as Mondeo drivers seem to behave perfectly. New Mondeo drivers look at you with a slight look of sympathy, they know the Mondeo is better than most Audis or BMWs but don't want people to notice. Mitsubishi L200 drivers on the motorway. I've driven these things, they do about 15 mpg at anything over 80 mph, so why do they seem to go everywhere at 95 in the fast lane? I'm sure they must all be either dying for a piss, or just trying to get the motorway bit over as soon as possible.

[Rusty Pelican]

^^^^^^^^^^^^Pete M , you should write for a living ( if you dont already )

[warren t claim]

School run MILFs in Huge Toyota Land Cruisers, Can't drive, can't park, can't see behind them, blacked out windows means it's ok to be on the phone. Same for anyone in a black Range Rover Sport.They have blacked out windows because her son, who is always called Harry or Oliver, must be incredibly ugly....

[Guest]

How do Mitsubishi FTOs figure?I was tailgated so viciously by someone driving his 'Organisation that he nudged me. He made contact so hard he left pink paint under the plastic bumper deck of my C4. Bear in mind I was doing near the ton anyway, as I was late for work (the C4 hadn't developed it's jitteriness yet), and it was 6 am on a Sunday morning.Why the fuck he had to do at least 130 down the M56 at that time I have no idea. Maybe brake testing* the stupid twat wasn't such a bright idea - I should have just got out of his way. To clarify, he nudged me before I slammed on.*The above reason is why I fell out with pretty much all of Barry Boys. Because they're all perfect and never get the red mist or ever encounter a shit head on the road who needs to be brought down a couple of pegs. **Yes, I realise I was a complete prick for doing it, but in situations like this I either run from the hornet's nest or poke it with a massive shit covered baseball bat. In this situation I chose the latter. I was fucking furious with the little bastard.

[Burnside]

 

10. Honda Civic (Type R)

9. VW Golf

8. Mercedes C Klasse

7. Audi A3

6. Mercedes E Klasse

5. Audi A6

4. BMW 3 Series

3. BMW 5 Series

2. Audi A4

1. Seat Leon (usually a Cupra or Cupra R)

 

Ive witnessed of had the misfortune, to suffer bad driving from people driving these cars at least once!! Im not saying everyone who drives these cars are like that though, just alot of them!

 

Usually when im driving the Uno, they think they can cut me up, pull out from a junction in front of me last minute thinking i can stop on sixpence, or drive a fag packet's width from my rear bumper.

And if i dont get out of there way quick enough, use bully boy tactics because they think there driving a superior car.

 

Is there house on fire, or is there some genuine emergency that means you need to drive like a complete cock?

 

And don't get me started on these weekend biker idiots, who only ride there bikes when it's dry!!

Thinking that the roads are donnington park, an there Valentino Rossi!!!

An all other vehicles are invisable, an i wont mind them cutting in between me an the car in front whilst attempting a suicidal over taking manover!!

[Pete-M]

How do Mitsubishi FTOs figure?I was tailgated so viciously by someone driving his 'Organisation that he nudged me. He made contact so hard he left pink paint under the plastic bumper deck of my C4. Bear in mind I was doing near the ton anyway, as I was late for work (the C4 hadn't developed it's jitteriness yet), and it was 6 am on a Sunday morning.Why the fuck he had to do at least 130 down the M56 at that time I have no idea. Maybe brake testing* the stupid twat wasn't such a bright idea - I should have just got out of his way. To clarify, he nudged me before I slammed on.*The above reason is why I fell out with pretty much all of Barry Boys. Because they're all perfect and never get the red mist or ever encounter a shit head on the road who needs to be brought down a couple of pegs. **Yes, I realise I was a complete prick for doing it, but in situations like this I either run from the hornet's nest or poke it with a massive shit covered baseball bat. In this situation I chose the latter. I was fucking furious with the little bastard.

I just get out of their way. If you're doing 100 mph at 6 am, it's not that hard to move over. If I was doing 100+ and some tosser blatantly brake tested me on an empty motorway, I wouldn't brake. Simple. Hit the fucker. See what happens next. It'll either be a huge impact or they'll in effect "Pitt" themselves into the Armco. They'll never admit to brake testing, so just tell the cop that "he moved into the lane I was in, didn't indicate or anything. Couldn't do anything about it...."As for FTOs.. they're driven by three different types of people. 48 yr old divorced blokes who live with their mum, have spiky streaked hair and think they're cool turning up at the car cruises because they've got a door full of HKS stickers, a set of Motor World 18" alloys with Falken tyres, 6" exhaust tailpipe and a 'custom' red leather dashboard. Used to have an MR2 Turbo but got nicked for drink driving in it. Drives a HGV for a living, manic depressive.46 yr old divorced MILFs who bought one because her ex now lives in a Bedsit in Chorlton Cum Hardy and he always wanted one, but he ended up fucking that slag from Greggs the Bakers who always gave him the extra sausage roll.24 year old lads who love hair gel and Sade and want something a bit different, but which goes with their white t-shirt. Quite often tuned to unfeasible levels with some obscure Canadian supercharger pumping 35 psi of boost into it. Produces 650 bhp for up to 40 seconds between engine rebuilds. Can't handle bumps as it's on coilovers with 900 lb springs and 2mm tyre / arch clearance, but ideal for midnight M56 full speed runs. Driver always has a somewhat confused looking but highly gorgeous girlfriend who hasn't twigged the reason the lad doesn't shag her is because he's got a crush on that lad in Halfords who does the audio installs.

[Des]

Peugeots.There, I said it.

[chester drawers]

This morning I stopped to allow a wagon on the opposite side of the road pass a line of parked cars. Judging by the queue behind him he’d been there a while. Just as he started to pull out Reg’s number 4 and a Corsa decided they didn’t want to wait behind me and headed straight for him. It’s 40 feet long and lit up like a Christmas tree. Is there something the matter with your eyes or are you just stupid? I wish he’d carried on and forced them to give. Or preferably just squashed them both. Back to the new fence and grumpy bloody neighbors now

[Cavcraft]

Twats who double park, once again German car drivers usually top the list.Somt tit who has a two year old Vag/BMW/Merc who thus thinks his/her motor is the classest car ever and made of unobtanium.However a £200 Fronterror Sport caked from top to bottom in lovely quarry mud parked as close as possible to them usually did the trick.I'd park up, walk round for a bit and just stand there laughing watching fat sweaty tossers trying to squeeze through a four inch gap into their cars. Bothered me not if they swung their doors open as they'd only hit my running boards anyway.

[AnthonyG]

How do Mitsubishi FTOs figure?I was tailgated so viciously by someone driving his 'Organisation that he nudged me. He made contact so hard he left pink paint under the plastic bumper deck of my C4. Bear in mind I was doing near the ton anyway, as I was late for work (the C4 hadn't developed it's jitteriness yet), and it was 6 am on a Sunday morning.Why the fuck he had to do at least 130 down the M56 at that time I have no idea. Maybe brake testing* the stupid twat wasn't such a bright idea - I should have just got out of his way. To clarify, he nudged me before I slammed on.

Driving on public roads isn't a speeded up banger race, was the motorway so busy you couldn't just pull over? Ok, he was a twat, but why bring yourself down to their level? Don't you like life or something? :shock:A lot of these stories seem to relate to the one or the other person being late for work. Why can't people either leave earlier, move closer to their job, or get one where they're not penalised for getting in at 3 minutes past 9 or whatever?This country is such a crowded shithole sometimes.

[Justin Case]

I think a theme runs through this, it is not that those who think that they are important but those that are so unimportant that they believe their world will collapse if they are a minute late ie reps, tipper drivers, chavs, couriers, school run mums, ladies of an uncertain age off to the hairdressers, etcFortunately I have little trouble with this as in the week I am out and about in the Black Country, where everyone has given up on life, let alone getting anywhere on time, and at the weekends I am not too far from Ludlow, England's first official Slow Town, where anyone turning up early would probably lose them their status

[Alpineandy]

Chicks in Clio's. Usually texting on their phone. I always get cut up by bloody Clio's. I hate them. Hate hate hate them.

Substitute the word 'Clio' for the word 'Corsa', and I can wholeheartedly agree with you...........

[Milford Cubicle]

Basically any small car full of pink fluffy stuff.

[Arragonis]

I haven't checked all the lists but I think the Identical "Indivijewel" MINI needs to be included here ? Complete with its Identical "Indivijewel" blonde bimbo texting in the driving seat. Oh, and with a bit of driving when she can spare the time.

[Guest]

How do Mitsubishi FTOs figure?I was tailgated so viciously by someone driving his 'Organisation that he nudged me. He made contact so hard he left pink paint under the plastic bumper deck of my C4. Bear in mind I was doing near the ton anyway, as I was late for work (the C4 hadn't developed it's jitteriness yet), and it was 6 am on a Sunday morning.Why the fuck he had to do at least 130 down the M56 at that time I have no idea. Maybe brake testing* the stupid twat wasn't such a bright idea - I should have just got out of his way. To clarify, he nudged me before I slammed on.

Driving on public roads isn't a speeded up banger race, was the motorway so busy you couldn't just pull over? Ok, he was a twat, but why bring yourself down to their level? Don't you like life or something? :shock:A lot of these stories seem to relate to the one or the other person being late for work. Why can't people either leave earlier, move closer to their job, or get one where they're not penalised for getting in at 3 minutes past 9 or whatever?This country is such a crowded shithole sometimes.

Well I was moving over, gradually, he just decided to nudge me to make his point, the impatient cunt. As I said, I was incredibly, incredibly, INCREDIBLY stupid to do it, but I had a twitchy arse because I thought I was going to spin out, and self preservation + rush of blood to the head + testosterone + bloody mindedness resulted in me slamming on.I don't normally wish accidents on anyone, but I hope that stupid bastard stacked his car later on.I parked the car up at home later that night and didn't drive over the weekend after that happened.He was a fucking arse, and so was I. But least I've calmed down. I suspect he hasn't.

[dollywobbler]

Cor, reminds me when as a stupid 18 year old, I brake tested a 7.5 tonner - in my 2CV! The truck actually skidded across the road. I decided never to do that again. He was a twat though.

[Albert Ross]

It's funny really, I can't go fast enough to cause trouble, but still idiots pull out in front of me, and crawl along..........The sight of the military front bumper in the mirror gets them jimmying along eventually. The tailgaters soon get the bum's rush when they realise that 2 tons of Land Rover WILL stop on the antiquated crossplies and drum brakes, and that sitting so close behind might leave a few kinks in the bonnet...................Their choice I guess.

[dollywobbler]

Going back to girls though - there are some stupid bints out there. Holding their mobiles low so you can't see them texting though the fact that they're not looking where they are going and are generally weaving all over the road usually gives it away. Once saw a girl in a Peugeot on a motorway almost swerve into a car at high speed. She then slowed down, moved to the middle lane but was still texting as we overtook! I was tempted to ram her off the road as I was in a huge Iveco van at the time, and Plod might have been very interested in her mobile phone activity at the time of the accident. Thought better of it though and just cleared the dust out of the horn as we passed...

[Cavcraft]

Reminds me of coming home down the M53 many moons back in my Cortina Mk5. Queue of traffic in the lfet hand lane, I'm doing a smidge over 80mph and some right wanker in a Granada is right up my arse end. I couldn't pull in and was doing a reasonable speed so was looking for a gap further ahead.Until that is said wanker starts flashing his lights at me: where the fuck did he want me to go exactly?Then I had a minor brainwave: I flicked the fog lamp switch up first then quickly turned the lights on just as there was a gap in the nearside lane. It worked. It worked a fucking treat as he thought I was braking and he slammed on. Funny as anything as he slammed on, veered over then back into my lane and nearly had a coronary.He then followed me off the motorway and when I got to the next roundabout along he started waving his hand about making a sort of telephone impression and flicking the Vs before waving his fist. At that point my somewhat tested humour failed and I got out of my car and ran towards him. He drove up the grass verge and fucked off down the bypass with me running after him before I realised what a complete twat I looked. I then got back into my car amongst howls of laughter from the people in cars around me and went home feeling like a right dickhead

[pogweasel]

I have given up on getting pissed off on the road. I now tend to subscribe to the 'James May school of christian motoring'. As is well documented I have a phobia of Twat Navs, but did recently use on on a drive from home to Anglesey, and it goes to prove that rushing doesn't really get you anywhere quickly, pottering along at 70mph still gets you there in 30 mins less than the recommended time, and that included a stop for a wee and to buy 20 bensons. All these stereotypes are probably true to a lesser or greater extent, but they really aren't worth bothering your blood pressure about.

[Gompo]

No hatred for 'Motorway Maintenance' vehicles? I mean the estate cars or pick-ups with a few stickers stuck on the back but no company name as such, owned by subcontractors at a guessThe main people who wind me up when driving are those driving to slow/wrong lane, or those who dont thank you for letting them in or whatever.Tail-gating doesnt bother me much, I usually move closer to the curb and let them past. This will usually be because i am driving a van. If I am in my car they dont usually catch me up on single carriage ways. If I am over-taking something on a motorway and getting tailgated for doing it too slowly then I'll pull back in as normal but will occassionally put my hand up to note that I realise I was going slow, although it will depend on circumstancesI've never literally 'brake tested' anyone, just a waste of time. When I've seen it done it's usually just as much the car in front that is at fault as the tail-gater.

[pogweasel]

No hatred for 'Motorway Maintenance' vehicles? I mean the estate cars or pick-ups with a few stickers stuck on the back but no company name as such, owned by subcontractors at a guess

None at all. Though as a confession a few years back I did have a Berlingo van which had twin roof beacons, motorway maintainance stickers and a chevron'd arse, plus a total lack of company names, logos or other identification. GR8 4 escaping traffic jamz. My current work chariot will be getting stripped of it's existing livery tomorrow (the company I was working for having gone down the crapper), so I guess you'll be seeing me soon....

[stormee]

I've read all this so far and can only say that there's the same situation in Germany. Speed limits or not, it doesn't make any difference. You may drive properly, there's always someone behaving like a warrior on the road, showing off or thinking to be superior just because of the car he is driving. And yes, there is something true about the TDI characteristics, these engines educate their drivers into a certain way of driving which appears to be bad attitude. Try a TDI or a CDI and you'll know why.

[andrew e]

What about the pratts who slow down to 65mph (by heavily braking obviously) upon sighting one of these NOTHING LIKE A POLICE CARS on the motorway? And where were they in the 20 minutes I spent changing a shredded back tyre after driving over some shite left on the highway after a smash eh?