Autoshite quote of the Year 2018

[catsinthewelder]

Cavcraft, on 08 Nov 2018 - 6:39 PM, said:

 

 

Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June
dumpin' conifers and logs
Cab orange roof with a beacon on
And Jimmy usin' the hedge for a bog
Wee is headin' for his rigger boots
'Bout a mile outta Heckmondwike Town
I says, "Big Ben, here comes the VOSA boys.
FFS put the cherry down!"

 

 

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1999-ldv-convoy-pickup-only-done-88k/173628221902?hash=item286d0c69ce:g:nSoAAOSwGYhb4xLO:rk:17:pf:0

 

Cause we got an LDV Convoy
What a pile of shite
Yeah, we got an LDV Convoy,
who wants Listeria tonight?
Come on and join our Convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way.
Buy a burger from our Convoy

and you'll be shitting all day
'Cross the UK
Convoy!

 

 

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LDV-FOOD-VAN-3-5T/223186840343?hash=item33f6f8eb17:g:k-0AAOSwrwhbuUKA:rk:16:pf:0

 

 

By the time we got into Huddersfield Town,
We syphoned eighty-five trucks in all.
But there's an officious fucker in the council yard,
And we can't tip there at all
Yeah, the rust is thick on all 'cept the bumper
from the sides right up to the air
I says, "Callin' all trucks, this here's the Duck.
"We're about to rob a jet washer

 

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2005-LDV-Convoy-Tipper-4x2-Ex-Council-Very-Low-Mileage/264015816527?hash=item3d7891a74f:g:IUsAAOSwnqpbwEKD:rk:20:pf:0

 

'Cause we got an LDV Convoy
what a steaming pile of shite.
Yeah, we got an LDV Convoy,
Going pony rustling tonight
Come on and join our Convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this fucking Convoy
to a horse fair today

CONVOY!

 

 

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LDV-400-CONVOY-3-5-TON-HORSE-BOX/183497982576?hash=item2ab9550270:g:vQgAAOSwVRBbzeXB:rk:21:pf:0

 

Well, we rolled up near Brum on the A41
Like an asthmatic ant that's been affixed with nails.
We tore up all of our weighbridge sheets,
And left 'em sittin' on the scales.
By the time we hit that Bilston town,
we legged it pretty smart:
They'd brought up some reinforcements
From the Angle Ring VOSA yard
There's shit old cars, my LDV and even a Merc ML
And rigs of ev'ry size.
Check out those chicken wire/baked bean tin wings 
And sills from Fray Bentos pies.

 

 

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1997-LDV-400-CONVOY-D-LWB-Recovery-Truck-NO-VAT/223220153532?hash=item33f8f53cbc:g:~GQAAOSwF1tb4ciA:rk:12:pf:0

 

Well, we shot the line and we went for broke
to an Exeter camp site
An' five gnarly dudes on a mountain bikes
In a piss stained mini-bus.

 

 

 

Well, we laid a strip for the Dartmouth shore

And prepared to cross the line
I could see the field was lined with foals
but I didn't have a dog-goned dime.
I says, AA this here's the Rubber Duck.
and we ain't got the ferry money,
coz we crashed the gate doing 28

and the steering box has gone again

 

 

 

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LDV-Convoy-converted-campervan-former-17-seater-minibus/223215648035?hash=item33f8b07d23:g:FMkAAOSwHSRbuKlu:rk:11:pf:0

 

Cause we got an LDV convoy
Rustin' heap of shite.
Yeah, we got an LDV Convoy,
How much cash tonight

Come on and scrap our Convoy
Swap a broken XBOX M8
We gonna roll this fucking Convoy

right though the weighbridge gate

 

CONVOY

 

 

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LDV-convoy-ally-tipper-1-Spares-or-repair-no-reserve-low-Milage-Engine-export/232978242267?hash=item363e95dadb:g:aEEAAOSwfhxbn1bO:rk:36:pf:0

[LightBulbFun]

^^^

 

I want to go to AS19 just on the off chance someone might end up actually singing that 

[beko1987]

Holy shit that's magnificent!

[Kiltox]

Was going to nominate Cav for that post. Fuck me what a belter.

[beko1987]

What thread is it from? I missed it completely

[oldcars]

  On 20/11/2018 at 22:15, beko1987 said:

What thread is it from? I missed it completely

Ebay tat. It really is brilliant. Its the bit about Vosa and cherry that cracks me up. Brilliant.

[michael t]

^^^ Must've read that 3 or 4 times now and I still end up with tears rolling down my cheek, incredible wordsmithing!!

[Tadhg Tiogar]

  On 20/11/2018 at 19:19, beko1987 said:

Holy shit that's magnificent!

 

Someone clearly has the gift for parody. #weirdalyankovic

[Tadhg Tiogar]

Strela's Christmas wish 

[outlaw118]

Mr Cav does remarkably well, considering English is not his main language. 

 

And he buggers whippets.

 

 

(Both or neither of the statements may be false.)

[spartacus]

"Coldplay.... what can I say about the whining twats that hasn't been said already.... a friend of mine was having a relationship with a young-ish lady who wanted to experiment.... toys, bumming, weeing, slapping and punching, you name it. Their "safe" word(s) were "I love Coldplay"....."

 

 

Jesus this made me laugh, and still does every time I think of it.

outlaw118 in the 'Worst Album Evah' thread.

[somewhatfoolish]

  On 27/11/2018 at 20:08, ChinaTom said:

 

My old GreatWall Deer XLWB with the 2.2 petrol engine: electronically limited to 120km/h but never managed more than 110 even downhill. 0-100km/h 44 seconds. Loved that thing though. Managed a 1900km journey stopping only for fuel (3 drivers in rotation) without a single hitch (other than a side window on the back box popping out thanks to a pothole, and dented wing due to water buffalo disagreement.

 

[flat4alfa]

  On 26/11/2018 at 15:58, Felly Magic said:

abominfuckination

[Cavcraft]

Utter brilliance from Richard in the 'Celebrities you'd like to slap' thread.

 

 

  On 01/12/2018 at 11:54, Richard said:

Yes, exactly that. Take your ginger wig, your shitty golf course and your horrible Poundland clock and fuck off.

[Uncle Jimmy]

Chris Evans ain't so bad.

[angle]

  On 01/12/2018 at 18:13, FOAD said:

Sills, lower B-pillars are seriously fucked. I'm going back to collect it shortly.

Spirit of Autoshite, right there.

[Richard]

  On 02/12/2018 at 11:00, Cavcraft said:

Utter brilliance from Richard in the 'Celebrities you'd like to slap' thread.

 

This is the clock I was talking about, it's at the entrance to his environmental disaster of a golf course. It looks as if he got a job lot of them from somewhere, there seem to be more of them on the course itself.

 

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@57.2782965,-2.0525752,3a,70.2y,139.8h,95.18t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sR_PYYre-BRTOhBDIARjhUA!2e0!7i13312!8i6656?hl=en

 

 

 

[sutty2006]

I just sang that ......

 

 

...... no I am not ashamed.

[somewhatfoolish]

  On 05/12/2018 at 07:22, omegod said:

This would have been going through the shredder this week if Sir Weldalot hadn't galloped up, mig torch held aloft along and his shiny Argon shield , think about that you moaning pessimistic buggers

 

I'm sure it'll all work out fine, well done FOAD !

 

[captain_cal]

Dollywobbler on swapping his wafty Rover for an asthmatic Skoda:

 

  On 02/12/2018 at 21:17, dollywobbler said:

 

Most people on The Internet think I'm an idiot. Situation normal.

 

[oldcars]

Other than Cav's LDV song this is the funniest thing i have read on here all year. In the single and sad thread. Brough to us by

The Reverend Bluejeans

 

 

Posted Yesterday, 07:27 AM

Here’s Jacinda and Ben. He does some scum job in recruiting, she runs a drop in centre for one legged transgender lesbians. Here’s Ben being dragged around a market in some third world shithole by this sour faced trout and it’s the last place he wants to be. Learn from The Reverend mate. Kids with this Quinoa munching twat are next. 

 

I mean, just look at the miserable bossy cow.

 

 

[Cavcraft]

  On 08/12/2018 at 14:46, Parky said:

Insignias got everything shampoo and shower gel,

Deodorant and after shave and an EML light as well

[Matty]

Liked for Parky's quote obvs. How I missed that I don't know

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

  On 14/12/2018 at 14:03, oldcars said:

 

Other than Cav's LDV song this is the funniest thing i have read on here all year. In the single and sad thread. Brough to us by

The Reverend Bluejeans

 

 

Posted Yesterday, 07:27 AM

Here’s Jacinda and Ben. He does some scum job in recruiting, she runs a drop in centre for one legged transgender lesbians. Here’s Ben being dragged around a market in some third world shithole by this sour faced trout and it’s the last place he wants to be. Learn from The Reverend mate. Kids with this Quinoa munching twat are next. 

 

I mean, just look at the miserable bossy cow.

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you. 

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

From Saabnut today:

 

 

 

 

"My friend recently paid for a days Land Rover Experience. They put him in a new Range Rover and drove 10 miles to the nearest motorway, where they parked on the hard shoulder and left him there for 4 hours. The rest of the day was spent in cabs of various recovery vehicles."

[richardthestag]

Herr boll for DaveD's Mk4 Golf thread

 

http://autoshite.com/topic/33953-dave-does-a-stupid-thing-and-buys-another-bleeding-golf/?do=findComment&comment=1690001

 

 

  On 17/12/2018 at 12:35, Mr_Bo11ox said:

Gotta be honest I'm not sure which I'd choose out of being given this free of charge, or paying £100 to be given a 'habanero chili & lime' enema by Michael Gove live on TV

 

  On 17/12/2018 at 12:35, Mr_Bo11ox said:

Gotta be honest I'm not sure which I'd choose out of being given this free of charge, or paying £100 to be given a 'habanero chili & lime' enema by Michael Gove live on TV

 

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

That does take some beating.