Cavcraft 2017: Another day, ANOTHER Rover!

[Kiltox]

That's still not as bad as the Panda I had which I reckon from the smell had a similar use

 

George (other wet vacs are available) plus a strong detergent and scrubbing brush will sort it

[Cavcraft]

 

Getting there now...

 

 

[taxi paul]

My step daughters car looks like that. Fucking bone idle some people.

[UltraWomble]

Zafira?

[Hendry]

I have to say that doesnt look that bad, Ive seen far far worse and had the misfortune of having to valet far worse, on a regular basis.

 

Generally any ex motability people carrier is in that sort of state, however the ones the branch manager was buying when I worked at Arnies were the worst of a bad lot, the rejects nobody else wanted because of the state of them so he would get them cheap, we would valet utter fuck out of them, some paintless dent removal and smart repairs and flog them for top whack same price as a properly carefully looked after one. 

 

The worst has to be Chevrolet Tacumas, these were always rancid, especially with their light coloured carpets, seats and plastics. Quite often we would just open all the doors and the boot and go mad with the pressure washer once we had hoovered as much crap out as possible and emptied all the rubbish out them, the worst I ever saw was one which was utterly, and I mean totally covered in dog hair 3 inches thick that I wouldnt be surprised if the dog was now bald, there were dog biscuits everywhere, unopened packets of treats and even a bowl with the dogs name on it still full of water, I actually wouldnt be surprised if the mutt actually lived in the car as a sort of kennel. 

 

Generally Scenics were mankier than Zafiras, and harder to clean than Zafiras, I hated doing it but a trick the other guys I worked with did was to get all the loose shite off the carpet and then just get some black spray paint, the kind you use to spray rusty black steel wheels, and paint the carpets with it, something you cant do on a Zafira owing to its grey carpet. 

 

One thing that struck me in my time as a valeter is most of the general public have not realised the usefulness of a set of floor mats, even cheap generic ones, they could be flung away and the carpet would still be in good shape and hardly needing cleaned. 

[83C]

Oh god, the Zafira B. 

 

A couple of years ago a close relative traded in her two year old MG6 (losing a colossal amount of money in the process) for a 'new' Zafira B. Lets gloss over the fact that the Zafira C had been on sale for over two years for now, and that the car she bought had been registered two years previously. And had 3,000 miles on the clock (allegedly it had been a demonstrator). And that it wasn't exactly bargain of the century. 

 

For starters, it was absolutely base spec. No extras that I could see, the 1.6 engine, basic stereo, in resale silver - what dealer would have a demo with no extras? I had to borrow it for a trip to North Wales and it was better than walking, but only just. The 1.6 needed flogging to get up hills, cruising at 60 it sounded like the engine was working hard, the ride was a triumph of contradiction, being both harsh and unforgiving whilst also rolling all over the place in the corners, the brakes lacked any sense of urgency and it was heavy on fuel. The interior felt like it had been made from the cheapest materials possible. It had no redeeming features whatsoever. 

 

Its safe to say I didn't like it very much. 

 

I don't normally dislike Vauxhalls, I've owned a number of them. I've driven a couple of Zafira A's which weren't too bad, indeed they were better than the rivals from Renault and Citroen. But the Zafira B must have been a Friday afternoon job, with the design team in full on 'Churn it out and fuck off to the pub' mode. Maybe the higher spec versions are better, but I'm in no rush to try them.

 

Anyway Billy, i'm sure your example will scrub up well!

[oldcars]

I have to say that doesnt look that bad, Ive seen far far worse and had the misfortune of having to valet far worse, on a regular basis.

 

Generally any ex motability people carrier is in that sort of state, however the ones the branch manager was buying when I worked at Arnies were the worst of a bad lot, the rejects nobody else wanted because of the state of them so he would get them cheap, we would valet utter fuck out of them, some paintless dent removal and smart repairs and flog them for top whack same price as a properly carefully looked after one. 

 

The worst has to be Chevrolet Tacumas, these were always rancid, especially with their light coloured carpets, seats and plastics. Quite often we would just open all the doors and the boot and go mad with the pressure washer once we had hoovered as much crap out as possible and emptied all the rubbish out them, the worst I ever saw was one which was utterly, and I mean totally covered in dog hair 3 inches thick that I wouldnt be surprised if the dog was now bald, there were dog biscuits everywhere, unopened packets of treats and even a bowl with the dogs name on it still full of water, I actually wouldnt be surprised if the mutt actually lived in the car as a sort of kennel. 

 

Generally Scenics were mankier than Zafiras, and harder to clean than Zafiras, I hated doing it but a trick the other guys I worked with did was to get all the loose shite off the carpet and then just get some black spray paint, the kind you use to spray rusty black steel wheels, and paint the carpets with it, something you cant do on a Zafira owing to its grey carpet. 

 

One thing that struck me in my time as a valeter is most of the general public have not realised the usefulness of a set of floor mats, even cheap generic ones, they could be flung away and the carpet would still be in good shape and hardly needing cleaned. 

Are you a valeter? G101 will be your best friend for interiors like that.

[stuboy]

carry a extinguisher 

[Cavcraft]

Already do, my trousers are smouldering driving this round.

[3VOM]

Zafira?

Is it like Zika or Ebola then?

"We'll be transferring you to the Liverpool School of Tropical Medicine, it appears you have Zafira."

[Timewaster]

carry a extinguisher

Full of petrol?

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Are you a valeter? G101 will be your best friend for interiors like that.

 

 

 

Room 101 more like.

[Hendry]

Are you a valeter? G101 will be your best friend for interiors like that.

 

Was! Its not a job I enjoy or would ever want to go back to. ive worked in a variety of jobs in franchised dealerships, for big motor dealer groups and other motor trade related jobs and valeting was by far the worst. Its a job I only enjoy doing when I can spend time getting things absolutely spot on to satisfy my OCD for cleanliness in cars so only really enjoy doing my own or family members. Not getting 4/5 hours to turn around a car worse than Billys Zafira including engine bay cleaning, and all the outside of it to a shiny, tar and tree sap free, polished finish, Immense amount of pressure to get a decent job done in a tight timescale where if you didnt get it done quick enough youd get pulled up, but if you rushed and didnt do a brilliant job you got pulled up, they wanted it both ways and you just couldnt win. It also ruins car cleanliness before because you now notice EVERYTHING thats not 100% in a car interior, and you end up not knowing which corners to cut and what you can get away with so things other people wouldnt notice to the untrained eye, you spot them and they seem really obvious so you think others will notice too. 

 

Other issue was we HAD TO source our supplies from Arnold Clarks inter-company valeting chemical supplier, Autoparts Ecosse, we werent allowed to use outside suppliers like Autoglym or Autosmart, so it was whatever they had, and they sourced everything they had from another company called Ian Semple Chemicals, so you were limited by what they had, and on seats and carpets like that, shampooing them, vax-ing them or even washing them with a bucket of soapy water and a brush either didnt lift the stains or dried in funny so it was often easier to just hit them with a pressure washer, use the suction scoop thing of a George hoover to suck as much water out as possible, park the car in a corner of the unit, leave it running with the heaters on full whack as hot as possible on the floor and dash vents setting and stick a dehumidifier in, it also had the benefit of you could tell the bosses the car was finished, it would be a good job done on it and that it was just drying out from being shampooed and vaxed, and they couldnt argue with you. 

 

I went through a period where every car i got for weeks on end was manky Zafiras and Scenics, Tacumas, mustve done about 6 Zafiras worse than that one after the other. Basically the boss would go up the auctions and buy a variety of stuff, maybe 25 cars at a time, they would come in and be chucked into the prep area, amongst the 5 of us we would rattle all the tidy, easy stuff quickly to get it on the forecourt, then the supervisor and his favourite valeter would start doing the sold cars for a quick tidy which had already been valeted, any brand new stuff that was due out to customers and anything salesmen had sold from other branches which came in, another boy would then move onto the trade ins which had come from people actually buying a new car, trading their existing one in and the sales manager decided to retail rather than auction it, me and the other guy would be left with the manky, rank heap of junk auction stuff that was left which needed a bit of time spent on it, he wasnt brilliant so he got stuff which was easy enough to get clean but just needed a load of time doing it, me I got the stuff which was really hard to get into a decent state of cleanliness again even with loads of time, gradually I lost my mojo because it seemed never ending, started slowing down, the more I did that the more heaps I got, I tried to say it wasnt fair and was told it was because I was slow I was getting all these ones so that the other quicker valeters could rattle through more of the better cleanliness stuff, I then got pulled in for workrate because all I was doing was spending 5 hours each on these things, so in a day I was only doing 1.5 cars where the others were managing maybe 3 sold cars (30-45 mins each tops) and 3 easy cars for the forecourt so looking at the log they were doing 6 cars to my 1.5, I then began to get ones which were so hanging the supervisor would say "thats one of us out the game doing nothing but this car for a couple of days its that bad" usually it was me, so I got pulled in again and the boss who was a wanker basically said "i dont care if a car is that bad its covered in cow dung inside, I want it done within 8 hours, it doesnt stay in the valet bays more than 1 day, whether that means you start first thing in the morning and its done and on the pitch by the end of your shift or you start it at lunchtime, I want it done for lunchtime the next again day so its visible for anyone perusing the forecourt so they can see it, I cant sell cars if theyre not there to sell" 

 

Arseholes, sometimes youd do a total transformation on a car and theyd complain about a tiny wee bit of polish you missed buffing off, or some black trim that wasnt shiny enough, but you could get a half decent car and completely cut corners and it was still ropey and they wouldnt bother about it. I recall an 04 plate S40 Volvo which was a wreck, full leather, but had stains all over the boot carpet and the carpeted back of the rear seat backrest, a tonne of sand in the carpets, all in the grooves of the plastics was grubby, shit in all the joins and stitching of the leather, I got this car absolutely flawless cleanliness wise, but the leather was worn, a salesman sold it and complained we hadnt cleaned it properly because the leather was marked, whereas other times the carpet could still look a mess and they didnt care, then theyd sell the thing, punter would come in to collect and there would be no spare key or handbook pack, it was always our fault for removing it while cleaning or putting one set of keys somewhere, when the same guy who sold it would be the one to take it in as a part ex originally and hadnt checked for a spare key, handbook or service history and was now denying it and passing the buck. 

 

They had us fanny up some right junk which once cleaned the punters would be taken in by its low mileage and shiny paint and crudely refurbished alloys that it was a "minter". They once were so struggling for sales they overallowed on p/ex massively for a while to do deals, they went round the auctions for weeks not making even close to what was paid in p/ex for them so they decided to retail them, jesus christ it was awful and embarassing, rusty 53 plate Ka's with snapped rear wiper arms, badges faded to plain silver metal, broken trim and utterly disgusting inside, old mk1 facelift 51 plate Meganes with steering wheels worn sticky etc. then when they didnt sell because nobody in their right mind would pay their prices, they got launched up the auction and whatever bid they got (usually less than the initial rejected bids 3 weeks previously) was accepted and we had wasted our time on this crap for sweet FA. Never again! 

[Cavcraft]

Next up for my PoP (Pasture of Profit) is this goppingly be-wheeled spectacular...

 

 

 

It's a Focus Collection for my Focus collection (now two) which needs collecting. I haven't seen it FO REEL and it doesn't run, but who cars about silly things like that? Suspect fuel pump, the vendor said, and it's a 1.8 pezzer.

 

 

 

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Was! Its not a job I enjoy or would ever want to go back to. ive worked in a variety of jobs in franchised dealerships, for big motor dealer groups and other motor trade related jobs and valeting was by far the worst. Its a job I only enjoy doing when I can spend time getting things absolutely spot on to satisfy my OCD for cleanliness in cars so only really enjoy doing my own or family members. Not getting 4/5 hours to turn around a car worse than Billys Zafira including engine bay cleaning, and all the outside of it to a shiny, tar and tree sap free, polished finish, Immense amount of pressure to get a decent job done in a tight timescale where if you didnt get it done quick enough youd get pulled up, but if you rushed and didnt do a brilliant job you got pulled up, they wanted it both ways and you just couldnt win. It also ruins car cleanliness before because you now notice EVERYTHING thats not 100% in a car interior, and you end up not knowing which corners to cut and what you can get away with so things other people wouldnt notice to the untrained eye, you spot them and they seem really obvious so you think others will notice too. 

 

Other issue was we HAD TO source our supplies from Arnold Clarks inter-company valeting chemical supplier, Autoparts Ecosse, we werent allowed to use outside suppliers like Autoglym or Autosmart, so it was whatever they had, and they sourced everything they had from another company called Ian Semple Chemicals, so you were limited by what they had, and on seats and carpets like that, shampooing them, vax-ing them or even washing them with a bucket of soapy water and a brush either didnt lift the stains or dried in funny so it was often easier to just hit them with a pressure washer, use the suction scoop thing of a George hoover to suck as much water out as possible, park the car in a corner of the unit, leave it running with the heaters on full whack as hot as possible on the floor and dash vents setting and stick a dehumidifier in, it also had the benefit of you could tell the bosses the car was finished, it would be a good job done on it and that it was just drying out from being shampooed and vaxed, and they couldnt argue with you. Basically the boss would go up the auctions and buy a variety of stuff, maybe 25 cars at a time, they would come in and be chucked into the prep area, amongst the 5 of us we would rattle all the tidy, easy stuff quickly to get it on the forecourt, then the supervisor and his favourite valeter would start doing the sold cars for a quick tidy which had already been valeted, any brand new stuff that was due out to customers and anything salesmen had sold from other branches which came in, another boy would then move onto the trade ins which had come from people actually buying a new car, trading their existing one in and the sales manager decided to retail rather than auction it, me and the other guy would be left with the manky, rank heap of junk auction stuff that was left which needed a bit of time spent on it, he wasnt brilliant so he got stuff which was easy enough to get clean but just needed a load of time doing it, me I got the stuff which was really hard to get into a decent state of cleanliness again even with loads of time, gradually I lost my mojo because it seemed never ending, started slowing down, the more I did that the more heaps I got, I tried to say it wasnt fair and was told it was because I was slow I was getting all these ones so that the other quicker valeters could rattle through more of the better cleanliness stuff, I then got pulled in for workrate because all I was doing was spending 5 hours each on these things, so in a day I was only doing 1.5 cars where the others were managing maybe 3 sold cars (30-45 mins each tops) and 3 easy cars for the forecourt so looking at the log they were doing 6 cars to my 1.5, I then began to get ones which were so hanging the supervisor would say "thats one of us out the game doing nothing but this car for a couple of days its that bad" usually it was me, so I got pulled in again and the boss who was a wanker basically said "i dont care if a car is that bad its covered in cow dung inside, I want it done within 8 hours, it doesnt stay in the valet bays more than 1 day, whether that means you start first thing in the morning and its done and on the pitch by the end of your shift or you start it at lunchtime

 

I went through a period where every car i got for weeks on end was manky Zafiras and Scenics, Tacumas, mustve done about 6 Zafiras worse than that one after the other. Basically the boss would go up the auctions and buy a variety of stuff, maybe 25 cars at a time, they would come in and be chucked into the prep area, amongst the 5 of us we would rattle all the tidy, easy stuff quickly to get it on the forecourt, then the supervisor and his favourite valeter would start doing the sold cars for a quick tidy which had already been valeted, any brand new stuff that was due out to customers and anything salesmen had sold from other branches which came in, another boy would then move onto the trade ins which had come from people actually buying a new car, trading their existing one in and the sales manager decided to retail rather than auction it, me and the other guy would be left with the manky, rank heap of junk auction stuff that was left which needed a bit of time spent on it, he wasnt brilliant so he got stuff which was easy enough to get clean but just needed a load of time doing it, me I got the stuff which was really hard to get into a decent state of cleanliness again even with loads of time, gradually I lost my mojo because it seemed never ending, started slowing down, the more I did that the more heaps I got, I tried to say it wasnt fair and was told it was because I was slow I was getting all these ones so that the other quicker valeters could rattle through more of the better cleanliness stuff, I then got pulled in for workrate because all I was doing was spending 5 hours each on these things, so in a day I was only doing 1.5 cars where the others were managing maybe 3 sold cars (30-45 mins each tops) and 3 easy cars for the forecourt so looking at the log they were doing 6 cars to my 1.5, I then began to get ones which were so hanging the supervisor would say "thats one of us out the game doing nothing but this car for a couple of days its that bad" usually it was me, so I got pulled in again and the boss who was a wanker basically said "i dont care if a car is that bad its covered in cow dung inside, I want it done within 8 hours, it doesnt stay in the valet bays more than 1 day, whether that means you start first thing in the morning and its done and on the pitch by the end of your shift or you start it at lunchtime, I want it done for lunchtime the next again day so its visible for anyone perusing the forecourt so they can see it, I cant sell cars if theyre not there to sell" Basically the boss would go up the auctions and buy a variety of stuff, maybe 25 cars at a time, they would come in and be chucked into the prep area, amongst the 5 of us we would rattle all the tidy, easy stuff quickly to get it on the forecourt, then the supervisor and his favourite valeter would start doing the sold cars for a quick tidy which had already been valeted, any brand new stuff that was due out to customers and anything salesmen had sold from other branches which came in, another boy would then move onto the trade ins which had come from people actually buying a new car, trading their existing one in and the sales manager decided to retail rather than auction it, me and the other guy would be left with the manky, rank heap of junk auction stuff that was left which needed a bit of time spent on it, he wasnt brilliant so he got stuff which was easy enough to get clean but just needed a load of time doing it, me I got the stuff which was really hard to get into a decent state of cleanliness again even with loads of time, gradually I lost my mojo because it seemed never ending, started slowing down, the more I did that the more heaps I got, I tried to say it wasnt fair and was told it was because I was slow I was getting all these ones so that the other quicker valeters could rattle through more of the better cleanliness stuff, I then got pulled in for workrate because all I was doing was spending 5 hours each on these things, so in a day I was only doing 1.5 cars where the others were managing maybe 3 sold cars (30-45 mins each tops) and 3 easy cars for the forecourt so looking at the log they were doing 6 cars to my 1.5, I then began to get ones which were so hanging the supervisor would say "thats one of us out the game doing nothing but this car for a couple of days its that bad" usually it was me, so I got pulled in again and the boss who was a wanker basically said "i dont care if a car is that bad its covered in cow dung inside, I want it done within 8 hours, it doesnt stay in the valet bays more than 1 day, whether that means you start first thing in the morning and its done and on the pitch by the end of your shift or you start it at lunchtime

 

Arseholes, sometimes youd do a total transformation on a car and theyd complain about a tiny wee bit of polish you missed buffing off, or some black trim that wasnt shiny enough, but you could get a half decent car and completely cut corners and it was still ropey and they wouldnt bother about it. I recall an 04 plate S40 Volvo which was a wreck, full leather, but had stains all over the boot carpet and the carpeted back of the rear seat backrest, a tonne of sand in the carpets, all in the grooves of the plastics was grubby, shit in all the joins and stitching of the leather, I got this car absolutely flawless cleanliness wise, but the leather was worn, a salesman sold it and complained we hadnt cleaned it properly because the leather was marked, whereas other times the carpet could still look a mess and they didnt care, then theyd sell the thing, punter would come in to collect and there would be no spare key or handbook pack, it was always our fault for removing it while cleaning or putting one set of keys somewhere, when the same guy who sold it would be the one to take it in as a part ex originally and hadnt checked for a spare key, handbook or service history and was now denying it and passing the buck. 

 

They had us fanny up some right junk which once cleaned the punters would be taken in by its low mileage and shiny paint and crudely refurbished alloys that it was a "minter". They once were so struggling for sales they overallowed on p/ex massively for a while to do deals, they went round the auctions for weeks not making even close to what was paid in p/ex for them so they decided to retail them, jesus christ it was awful and embarassing, rusty 53 plate Ka's with snapped rear wiper arms, badges faded to plain silver metal, broken trim and utterly disgusting inside, old mk1 facelift 51 plate Meganes with steering wheels worn sticky etc. then when they didnt sell because nobody in their right mind would pay their prices, they got launched up the auction and whatever bid they got (usually less than the initial rejected bids 3 weeks previously) was accepted and we had wasted our time on this crap for sweet FA. Never again!  polished finish, Immense amount of pressure to get a decent job done in a tight timescale where if you didnt get it done quick enough youd get pulled up, but if you rushed and didnt do a brilliant job you got pulled up, they wanted it both ways and you just couldnt win. It also ruins car cleanliness before because you now notice EVERYTHING thats not 100% in a car interior, and you end up not knowing which corners to cut and what you can get away with so things other people wouldnt notice to the untrained eye, you spot them and they seem really obvious so you think others will notice too. 

 

Other issue was we HAD TO source our supplies from Arnold Clarks inter-company valeting chemical supplier, Autoparts Ecosse, we werent allowed to use outside suppliers like Autoglym or Autosmart, so it was whatever they had, and they sourced everything they had from another company called Ian Semple Chemicals, so you were limited by what they had, and on seats and carpets like that, shampooing them, vax-ing them or even washing them with a bucket of soapy water and a brush either didnt lift the stains or dried in funny so it was often easier to just hit them with a pressure washer, use the suction scoop thing of a George hoover to suck as much water out as possible, park the car in a corner of the unit, leave it running with the heaters on full whack as hot as possible on the floor and dash vents setting and stick a dehumidifier in, it also had the benefit of you could tell the bosses the car was finished, it would be a good job done on it and that it was just drying out from being shampooed and vaxed, and they couldnt argue with you. 

 

I went through a period where every car i got for weeks on end was manky Zafiras and Scenics, Tacumas, mustve done about 6 Zafiras worse than that one after the other. Basically the boss would go up the auctions and buy a variety of stuff, maybe 25 cars at a time, they would come in and be chucked into the prep area, amongst the 5 of us we would rattle all the tidy, easy stuff quickly to get it on the forecourt, then the supervisor and his favourite valeter would start doing the sold cars for a quick tidy which had already been valeted, any brand new stuff that was due out to customers and anything salesmen had sold from other branches which came in, another boy would then move onto the trade ins which had come from people actually buying a new car, trading their existing one in and the sales manager decided to retail rather than auction it, me and the other guy would be left with the manky, rank heap of junk auction stuff that was left which needed a bit of time spent on it, he wasnt brilliant so he got stuff which was easy enough to get clean but just needed a load of time doing it, me I got the stuff which was really hard to get into a decent state of cleanliness again even with loads of time, gradually I lost my mojo because it seemed never ending, started slowing down, the more I did that the more heaps I got, I tried to say it wasnt fair and was told it was because I was slow I was getting all these ones so that the other quicker valeters could rattle through more of the better cleanliness stuff, I then got pulled in for workrate because all I was doing was spending 5 hours each on these things, so in a day I was only doing 1.5 cars where the others were managing maybe 3 sold cars (30-45 mins each tops) and 3 easy cars for the forecourt so looking at the log they were doing 6 cars to my 1.5, I then began to get ones which were so hanging the supervisor would say "thats one of us out the game doing nothing but this car for a couple of days its that bad" usually it was me, so I got pulled in again and the boss who was a wanker basically said "i dont care if a car is that bad its covered in cow dung inside, I want it done within 8 hours, it doesnt stay in the valet bays more than 1 day, whether that means you start first thing in the morning and its done and on the pitch by the end of your shift or you start it at lunchtime, I want it done for lunchtime the next again day so its visible for anyone perusing the forecourt so they can see it, I cant sell cars if theyre not there to sell" 

 

Arseholes, sometimes youd do a total transformation on a car and theyd complain about a tiny wee bit of polish you missed buffing off, or some black trim that wasnt shiny enough, but you could get a half decent car and completely cut corners and it was still ropey and they wouldnt bother about it. I recall an 04 plate S40 Volvo which was a wreck, full leather, but had stains all over the boot carpet and the carpeted back of the rear seat backrest, a tonne of sand in the carpets, all in the grooves of the plastics was grubby, shit in all the joins and stitching of the leather, I got this car absolutely flawless cleanliness wise, but the leather was worn, a salesman sold it and complained we hadnt cleaned it properly because the leather was marked, whereas other times the carpet could still look a mess and they didnt care, then theyd sell the thing, punter would come in to collect and there would be no spare key or handbook pack, it was always our fault for removing it while cleaning or putting one set of keys somewhere, when the same guy who sold it would be the one to take it in as a part ex originally and hadnt checked for a spare key, handbook or service history and was now denying it and passing the buck. 

 

They had us fanny up some right junk which once cleaned the punters would be taken in by its low mileage and shiny paint and crudely refurbished alloys that it was a "minter". They once were so struggling for sales they overallowed on p/ex massively for a while to do deals, they went round the auctions for weeks not making even close to what was paid in p/ex for them so they decided to retail them, jesus christ it was awful and embarassing, rusty 53 plate Ka's with snapped rear wiper arms, badges faded to plain silver metal, broken trim and utterly disgusting inside, old mk1 facelift 51 plate Meganes with steering wheels worn sticky etc. then when they didnt sell because nobody in their right mind would pay their prices, they got launched up the auction and whatever bid they got (usually less than the initial rejected bids 3 weeks previously) was accepted and we had wasted our time on this crap for sweet FA. Never again! polished finish, Immense amount of pressure to get a decent job done in a tight timescale where if you didnt get it done quick enough youd get pulled up, but if you rushed and didnt do a brilliant job you got pulled up, they wanted it both ways and you just couldnt win. It also ruins car cleanliness before because you now notice EVERYTHING thats not 100% in a car interior, and you end up not knowing which corners to cut and what you can get away with so things other people wouldnt notice to the untrained eye, you spot them and they seem really obvious so you think others will notice too. 

 

Other issue was we HAD TO source our supplies from Arnold Clarks inter-company valeting chemical supplier, Autoparts Ecosse, we werent allowed to use outside suppliers like Autoglym or Autosmart, so it was whatever they had, and they sourced everything they had from another company called Ian Semple Chemicals, so you were limited by what they had, and on seats and carpets like that, shampooing them, vax-ing them or even washing them with a bucket of soapy water and a brush either didnt lift the stains or dried in funny so it was often easier to just hit them with a pressure washer, use the suction scoop thing of a George hoover to suck as much water out as possible, park the car in a corner of the unit, leave it running with the heaters on full whack as hot as possible on the floor and dash vents setting and stick a dehumidifier in, it also had the benefit of you could tell the bosses the car was finished, it would be a good job done on it and that it was just drying out from being shampooed and vaxed, and they couldnt argue with you. 

 

I went through a period where every car i got for weeks on end was manky Zafiras and Scenics, Tacumas, mustve done about 6 Zafiras worse than that one after the other. Basically the boss would go up the auctions and buy a variety of stuff, maybe 25 cars at a time, they would come in and be chucked into the prep area, amongst the 5 of us we would rattle all the tidy, easy stuff quickly to get it on the forecourt, then the supervisor and his favourite valeter would start doing the sold cars for a quick tidy which had already been valeted, any brand new stuff that was due out to customers and anything salesmen had sold from other branches which came in, another boy would then move onto the trade ins which had come from people actually buying a new car, trading their existing one in and the sales manager decided to retail rather than auction it, me and the other guy would be left with the manky, rank heap of junk auction stuff that was left which needed a bit of time spent on it, he wasnt brilliant so he got stuff which was easy enough to get clean but just needed a load of time doing it, me I got the stuff which was really hard to get into a decent state of cleanliness again even with loads of time, gradually I lost my mojo because it seemed never ending, started slowing down, the more I did that the more heaps I got, I tried to say it wasnt fair and was told it was because I was slow I was getting all these ones so that the other quicker valeters could rattle through more of the better cleanliness stuff, I then got pulled in for workrate because all I was doing was spending 5 hours each on these things, so in a day I was only doing 1.5 cars where the others were managing maybe 3 sold cars (30-45 mins each tops) and 3 easy cars for the forecourt so looking at the log they were doing 6 cars to my 1.5, I then began to get ones which were so hanging the supervisor would say "thats one of us out the game doing nothing but this car for a couple of days its that bad" usually it was me, so I got pulled in again and the boss who was a wanker basically said "i dont care if a car is that bad its covered in cow dung inside, I want it done within 8 hours, it doesnt stay in the valet bays more than 1 day, whether that means you start first thing in the morning and its done and on the pitch by the end of your shift or you start it at lunchtime, I want it done for lunchtime the next again day so its visible for anyone perusing the forecourt so they can see it, I cant sell cars if theyre not there to sell" 

 

Arseholes, sometimes youd do a total transformation on a car and theyd complain about a tiny wee bit of polish you missed buffing off, or some black trim that wasnt shiny enough, but you could get a half decent car and completely cut corners and it was still ropey and they wouldnt bother about it. I recall an 04 plate S40 Volvo which was a wreck, full leather, but had stains all over the boot carpet and the carpeted back of the rear seat backrest, a tonne of sand in the carpets, all in the grooves of the plastics was grubby, shit in all the joins and stitching of the leather, I got this car absolutely flawless cleanliness wise, but the leather was worn, a salesman sold it and complained we hadnt cleaned it properly because the leather was marked, whereas other times the carpet could still look a mess and they didnt care, then theyd sell the thing, punter would come in to collect and there would be no spare key or handbook pack, it was always our fault for removing it while cleaning or putting one set of keys somewhere, when the same guy who sold it would be the one to take it in as a part ex originally and hadnt checked for a spare key, handbook or service history and was now denying it and passing the buck. 

 

They had us fanny up some right junk which once cleaned the punters would be taken in by its low mileage and shiny paint and crudely refurbished alloys that it was a "minter". They once were so struggling for sales they overallowed on p/ex massively for a while to do deals, they went round the auctions for weeks not making even close to what was paid in p/ex for them so they decided to retail them, jesus christ it was awful and embarassing, rusty 53 plate Ka's with snapped rear wiper arms, badges faded to plain silver metal, broken trim and utterly disgusting inside, old mk1 facelift 51 plate Meganes with steering wheels worn sticky etc. then when they didnt sell because nobody in their right mind would pay their prices, they got launched up the auction and whatever bid they got (usually less than the initial rejected bids 3 weeks previously) was accepted and we had wasted our time on this crap for sweet FA. Never again!  full leather, but had stains all over the boot carpet and the carpeted back of the rear seat backrest, a tonne of sand in the carpets, all in the grooves of the plastics was grubby, shit in all the joins and stitching of the leather, I got this car absolutely flawless cleanliness wise, but the leather was worn, a salesman sold it and complained we hadnt cleaned it properly because the leather was marked, whereas other times the carpet could still look a mess and they didnt care, then theyd sell the thing, punter would come in to collect and there would be no spare key or handbook pack, it was always our fault for removing it while cleaning or putting one set of keys somewhere, when the same guy who sold it would be the one to take it in as a part ex originally and hadnt checked for a spare key, handbook or service history and was now denying it and passing the buck. They once were so struggling for sales they overallowed on p/ex massively for a while to do deals, they went round the auctions for weeks not making even close to what was paid in p/ex for them so they decided to retail them, jesus christ it was awful and embarassing, rusty 53 plate Ka's with snapped rear wiper arms, badges faded to plain silver metal, broken trim and utterly disgusting inside, old mk1 facelift 51 plate Meganes with steering wheels worn sticky etc. then when they didnt sell because nobody in their right mind would pay their prices, they got launched up the auction and whatever bid they got (usually less than the initial rejected bids 3 weeks previously) was accepted and we had wasted our time on this crap for sweet FA. Never again!  full leather, but had stains all over the boot carpet and the carpeted back of the rear seat backrest, a tonne of sand in the carpets, all in the grooves of the plastics. Arseholes, sometimes youd do a total transformation on a car and theyd complain about a tiny wee bit of polish you missed buffing off, or some black trim that wasnt shiny enough, but you could get a half decent car and completely cut corners and it was still ropey and they wouldnt bother about it. I recall an 04 plate S40 Volvo which was a wreck, full leather, but had stains all over the boot carpet and the carpeted back of the rear seat backrest, a tonne of sand in the carpets, all in the grooves of the plastics was grubby, shit in all the joins and stitching of the leather, I got this car absolutely flawless cleanliness wise, but the leather was worn, a salesman sold it and complained we hadnt cleaned it properly because the leather was marked, whereas other times the carpet could still look a mess and they didnt care, then theyd sell the thing, punter would come in to collect and there would be no spare key or handbook pack, it was always our fault for removing it while cleaning or putting one set of keys somewhere, when the same guy who sold it would be the one to take it in as a part ex originally and hadnt checked for a spare key, handbook or service history and was now denying it and passing the buck. Arseholes, sometimes youd do a total transformation on a car and theyd complain about a tiny wee bit of polish you missed buffing off, or some black trim that wasnt shiny enough, but you could get a half decent car and completely cut corners and it was still ropey and they wouldnt bother about it. I recall an 04 plate S40 Volvo which was a wreck, full leather, but had stains all over the boot carpet and the carpeted back of the rear seat backrest, a tonne of sand in the carpets, all in the grooves of the plastics was grubby, shit in all the joins and stitching of the leather, I got this car absolutely flawless cleanliness wise, but the leather was worn, a salesman sold it and complained we hadnt cleaned it properly because the leather was marked, whereas other times the carpet could still look a mess and they didnt care, then theyd sell the thing, punter would come in to collect and there would be no spare key or handbook pack, it was always our fault for removing it while cleaning or putting one set of keys somewhere, when the same guy who sold it would be the one to take it in as a part ex originally and hadnt checked for a spare key, handbook or service history and was now denying it and passing the buck. 

 

 Agreed.

[mk2_craig]

Are those Focus Collectionses the onea with leather insidey bits? Probably worth some coin if so.

[Bren]

A non running focii is more desirable than that filthy piece of shit zafira.

[UltraWomble]

 my Focus collection (now two)  it doesn't run, but who cars about silly things like that? 

 

Ah

I see a cunning plan.

Donkey from the ST into good body of the Collection - sell off all the other bits and track day car for £Fookall.

[sierraman]

Are those Focus Collectionses the onea with leather insidey bits? Probably worth some coin if so.

Not really, these are banger material, at that level you aren't messing about putting nice seats in etc. It's the minimum to keep it on the road.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

A non running focii is more desirable than that filthy piece of shit zafira.

 

 

Aids or Herpes?

[Cavcraft]

Ah

I see a cunning plan.

Donkey from the ST into good body of the Collection - sell off all the other bits and track day car for £Fookall.

 

Nope, just lobbing it next to the ST and VW thing.

[UltraWomble]

Nope, just lobbing it next to the ST and VW thing.

You are Edmund Trebus AICMFP

[Split_Pin]

Factory bodykit too, these were never that common so I'd say that's a good one to put to one side.

[The Moog]

Its like Bickle on a Budget 

[DodgeRover]

Quick tip for dealing with bad interiors - sister has dogs and horses so that Zafira looks reasonably good...

Dilute TFR, spray everywhere, scrub bad bits, very hot pressure wash or steam clean and vax to finish. Try not to steam the windows or electrical bits. Leave to dry well before turning ignition on.

 

Another tip is to convince family members they need a 2 seat pickup. Drop the tailboard over a skip and just sweep everything out.

[sierraman]

Factory bodykit too, these were never that common so I'd say that's a good one to put to one side.

Put to one side for the plastics recycling skip.

 

If it's the fuel pump I'd get your tinsnips ready for cutting the floor under the seats. Easy job though. I'd just try the fuse first on it, they start blowing them all the time once the pumps starting the fail, might last long enough until Mr Bumtree buyer is down the road.

[stuboy]

Next up for my PoP (Pasture of Profit) is this goppingly be-wheeled spectacular...

 

focus zetecc.jpg

focus zetecd.jpg

focus ztec collection.jpg

focus zetecb.jpg

 

 

It's a Focus Collection for my Focus collection (now two) which needs collecting. I haven't seen it FO REEL and it doesn't run, but who cars about silly things like that? Suspect fuel pump, the vendor said, and it's a 1.8 pezzer.

the collection bumpers seem to be desirable in focus scene it seems

[Cavcraft]

Put to one side for the plastics recycling skip.

 

If it's the fuel pump I'd get your tinsnips ready for cutting the floor under the seats. Easy job though. I'd just try the fuse first on it, they start blowing them all the time once the pumps starting the fail, might last long enough until Mr Bumtree buyer is down the road.

 

Thanks, doesn't look too bad a job that so will have a bash. I've only just got into the car and the driver's door pocket is rammed with fuses and relays, so someone's been having some fun! It actually started for a split second twice, then died and wouldn't go again, so some improvised Easy Start (£1 Shop deodorant) and it fired a few times, leading us to suspect the fuel pump suggestion is smack on. It's actually a fairly tidy car, the gopping alloys and front and back tinted windows spoil it though. I'll Google the standard wheels and see if I can find some cheap somewhere.

 

 

 

Some of the current line-up:

 

 

 

The Astra has been ace so far (about 15-20 miles) and I'd forgotten what a diesel should sound like. It's as 'not fast' as I was told, I thought it might have had the edge on my old 306 n/a diesel, but it does seem a bit slower. It's not a bad thing though, nobody in their right mind would buy an old diesel Astra estate as a sports car.

[Split_Pin]

Forgot that Focus was a 3 dr hatch, looks tidy! Once the alloys go and the tints off it will look very smart indeed.

[Lacquer Peel]

The Astra has been ace so far (about 15-20 miles) and I'd forgotten what a diesel should sound like. It's as 'not fast' as I was told, I thought it might have had the edge on my old 306 n/a diesel, but it does seem a bit slower. It's not a bad thing though, nobody in their right mind would buy an old diesel Astra estate as a sports car.

 

There is a significant horsepower and torque deficit compared with the XUD9.

 

57 bhp vs. 70 bhp

77 lb-ft vs. 92 lb-ft