2 door coachbuilt six-cylinder shooting break.

[bub2006]

I need a hearse.

[Skizzer]

^ Sorry to hear that mate, didn't realise it was that serious.  We'll miss you.

[anonymous user]

Just park it outside Bingo, and sit in your top hat and tails pretending to write names down as they walk past

Or better yet, get out and wander behind people with a clipboard and tape measure asking if they'd mind standing still for a minute. (May lead to arrest, either police or cardiac)

[Noel Tidybeard]

used to work with a fella who had been an undertaker- one of his best lines was "we've got a sale on and we've got your size in stock"

[Richard]

Spare in case of, er...what?  Loss?  Breakout?  

 

I think it's so they can do a second funeral without going back to base.

[bub2006]

^ Sorry to hear that mate, didn't realise it was that serious. We'll miss you.

Thanks mate,not that bad yet but a 6 cylinder senator can get a shuffle on no doubt and with that body on would make an ultimate sleeper

[panhard65]

Thanks mate,not that bad yet but a 6 cylinder senator can get a shuffle on no doubt and with that body on would make an ultimate sleeper

I don't think you could ever suspect it of being fast. It may be a 6 cyl 3.0 but it is pretty gutless, maybe the 24 valve is better but this one even in sport struggles. It will pull a ton just about if you try hard enough though. I hope you have had a bit of fun with it last night.

[bub2006]

It's not my car,I would have thought it would have shifted but now you mention it I bet it's carrying a lot of weight

[Tayne]

On 31/10/2015 at 08:27, New POD said:

I think I'd struggle to own that unless it was yellow and the rear was very tinted and sign written.

 

 

 

 

[Asimo]

If I ever need a "wheelchair converted" vehicle, I will insist that it is converted from a hearse. (Ideally one built from a Daimler Majestic Major)

[phil_lihp]

would make an ultimate sleeper

 

Very good.  Very good.

[Bear]

It was absolutely hilarious yesterday. Crashed a friend's Halloween party, having resurrected the very simple style I've pretty much always had when being sociable (Edward Scissorhands/Robert Smith hair, black band t-shirt (March Violets yesterday), white shirt with loose/open cuffs and black velvet jacket. And BIG boots. You can drive a Hearse in New Rocks.

 

Didn't have time to decorate, apart from a few things thrown at it, but I've got idea or two now.

 

 

 

Dropped a spare MP3/CD/radio into it, and stuck some Cramps/Sisters/Nick Cave on, and it was all good. Awesome, in fact. So first on the list, going to see what I can do to make a ported amped sub box to fit between the bearer's seats. Thinking some more decorative, lace-but-like-a-shroud curtains to dress up the sides, still considering paint. Very, very tempted to give it flames, a cast pewter bonnet mascot, deltic horns on the roof (or something equally loud). If I could afford to do it, and do it right, it would definitely go down the route of V8, side-exit pipes, but the structure would have to be 100% before I'd consider it due to the expense of the work.

 

 

[Bear]

So, this has been one hell of a fortnight, and I apologise for the lack of updates - the hearse has been patiently waiting until I got my head into gear. Insurance is astoundingly easy - £225 from...

 

 

...wait for it....

 

DIRECT LINE. Seriously. No shit. Called them up, asked if they'd do a TAV, they said they couldn't but would quote for a year if I wanted.

 

Bearing in mind a month TAV on anything not cheap to insure is £40-50/month - I only do it for convenience.

 

They took the details, sent it to the underwriter, and I joked that I didn't need the Class 1 business cover that is one of the reasons I use Direct Line. They came back to check details twice - one to be certain of spec and V5 listing, and the other to say that they didn't have the Eagle hearses but would base it as being like a Dorchester. With estimated mileage of 3000/year (not limited per se) and fully comp cover - I turned down the Car Hire+ cover despite the potential for hilarity as they try to match it. The only restriction - yeah, they did it SD&P only, no class 1.

 

Excess is higher than my others, but fair - this thing would be written off by a minor scrape. So I'm happy.

 

It's been pressed into errand running, and is slowly getting some of my personality, the only downside being when some dickhead in an Audi on Repton's backroads nearly clouted me and my avoidance swerve whacked an alloy into a hidden kerb. Minor scrape to rim and maybe wheel alignment isn't bang on, but it's hard to tell in this weather, it's like trying to drive a greenhouse in a storm.

 

Well. That's exactly what it is.

 

Yesterday it was used to move mirrors, today to fetch a copy of the UK's best selling weekly classic car newspaper. So best selling I had to try three newsagents to get it. During rush hour. If you ever want to see a bunch of zoned-out zombies do a double take, drift a hearse around a wet roundabout whilst grinning like a lunatic.

When the deadlines and weather settle down it'll be getting a wash and some tidying, first job on the list is replacing the door hinge pins. Then, I think I'm going to get some BIG audio kit in there. Subwoofer between the pallbearer's seats, plus extra drivers at the back. I'm also considering hiding a classic guitar amp modified to run on LiPo batteries on a set of runners in the back behind the lower-deck doors, and a twin "crossed axe" guitar stand that can be hooked into the rubber peg mounts.

In the meantime, enjoy the slowly evolving initial collection of audio for when it's got some power behind it.

 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9x1IjQUDDiNIRGR7t4VkUJCUXz9qw9n0

[Bear]

Another idea swirling, incidentally, is to get a mini projector attached to an overhead console with a set of runners to send it from the front of the deck to the rear. Why? Because if I fit a frosted silver/grey window tint on the back window, I can rear project video/scenes onto it. And if I have it slid to the tailgate and open it, I can project onto nearby white walls. Mobile cinema.

[Bear]

Chances are, they can't take money for doing the job, 'cause commercial insurance for anyone with a hearse as a toy is going to be essentially impossible, and if they own a hearse for business reasons, they're probably not up for a few runs to the tip for a tenner. Apart from anything else, if they got confused, there could be some VERY confused, upset and angry people. Ain't nobody got time for that.

[Bear]

After a trip to the shops (always amusing), Mr Ed got a quick wash. Last branding off (and sadly, the Autoshite bumper sticker due to jetwash, once it was damaged it was coming off), and looking smart before I start doing my own thing - 3D printing the bonnet mascot later.

 

 

[Pillock]

So these have a bench seat behind the front seats for the blokes-that-carry-the-stiff?

Are they not Senator seats up front or have they somehow been modified to tilt?

[Bear]

Two seats, no belts, for bearers. Front seats are modified with backrest catches - maybe Monza seats? I'll figure it out when it's warmer.

[vulgalour]

Thanks to this car I got myself one of the Halfords wheedly bats.  I also found Dr Leggy, my spider plush, who now lives on the parcel shelf in the Rover.  Should've given you a call when Mike and I moved into the new place, our elderly neighbours would have loved that as a first impression.

[Bear]

I was asked not to visit some friends in this because their neighbour is very ill...

[vulgalour]

That's a box ticked then.  Every Autoshiter's bucket list has "be asked not to turn up in X vehicle" on it, consider yours now ticked.

[Felly Magic]

I always think OldFord would look good in the full get up, driving a hearse. You would know what I mean if you've met him. Top Shiteness for this. It's the sort of thing I like

[Bear]

 

"Well, they've been listed on Uber for years, but have no feedback. Still, any location, just two pennies. Who says "pennies" that way now. Must be foreign. Bloody hell, here already... Yeah, definitely foreign, Styx must be Syrian or Polish or something for Taxi. Okay, I'm off. See ya on Monday"

 

A small hint towards current plans, which also include brass-and-red velvet curtains.

 

(Updates: Mr Ed, or "Damian Hearse-t" managed several FTPs lately, and missed a funeral - I think the battery has shit itself, leading to...)

 

 

And for comedy value - my friend's Focus...

 

 

[Noel Tidybeard]

I was asked not to visit some friends in this because their neighbour is very ill...

not sure i wud take any notice

[Bear]

not sure i wud take any notice

 

Parking on their road is a nightmare in a normal car, I wouldn't have parked there anyway!

[Bear]

Had to pick up a sofa today, so jump started the hearse and set off.

 

Got there, left it running (also had to leave it running in a disabled space outside a spar for cashpoint, fun banter with couple also waiting as I explained I'd normally never do such a thing!), turns out that a: the guy does removals so could deliver, and b: had matching chairs for a tenner extra so they wouldn't fit anyway.

 

But the car idled for over an hour, no overheating, spot on.

 

Chap selling it is also someone I've dealt with before, and we now have a deal for me to sort his electronics out from house clearances. Might trade skills for furniture!

 

Got back and Mel & Sarah were over dropping off the Picasso. Mel grabbed a pic of me with the hearse

 

[Bear]

Believe it or not, this hasn't been forgotten!

 

Obviously with the grim weather and a shot battery, crosswinds and jumpstarting got kinda tedious. But this month, the need to take a lot of boxes from workshop and garage to the tip, plus general "I want this thing to work, damnit" lead to the hearse getting some attention.

 

A new battery from Halfords - a big one, too, lots of amps - has made starting and running a lot better. Still needs a thermostat I think (unless the extra heater matrix is just abusing how long it takes to warm up overall), but everything just seems to be working a little bit better.

 

 

Passenger is enjoying the back seat. I need to finish cleaning up those windows...

 

 

Not visible: Radio has been re-wired so fader knows it has front speakers only (and not very good ones), it no longer cuts out, and the iPod lead snakes out from the console so the cubby box is reassembled. Also, both helpful and gadgety, it has a wide rear view mirror with built-in dashcam. This has an LCD hidden in the mirror - it pops up with speed camera locations (and current speed), chirps if you're following too close, have gone under a bridge or have the wipers on, and also stays on for a while after the car is switched off.

 

 

Gotta say, I am very used to driving this thing now and manage to upset a few angry Audi drivers with it. Going to the tip was fun, they were pissing themselves laughing; less welcome was pulling up outside the local takeaway. And I didn't even open the door and yell "Hey guys, delivery, special is back on the menu!".

 

I will next time.

[Bear]

Oh, and I may have a spares car lined up. I'm hoping for a non-delaminating windscreen, as that's about the worst part of the appearance.

[Bstardchild]

Should sit at 90 on the dash - don't use an aftermarket one - never found one that's any good or last as long as the OE ones

 

When you get one from Vauxhall don't let them get away with out selling you the O ring seal as they are always shot to bits and useless to try and re-use

 

3.0 12V on K - is it gold top or black top?

 

PS if you do want to do the door pins I think I have one door pin puller tool left....

 

Still needs a thermostat I think (unless the extra heater matrix is just abusing how long it takes to warm up overall), but everything just seems to be working a little bit better.

[Bear]

I definitely want to do the door pins - it's about the worst physical aspect of using the car (bar the very reluctant/sure something is breaking windows) because those doors are simply too heavy to lift (and there's no way to when the window doesn't want to open easily) on closing.

 

Not sure on top? It's unpainted.

 

Thermostat barely bothers 70. There's a load of extra heater stuff for a secondary radiator under the deck seat for demisting those rear windows, but it doesn't warm up even when ignored for hours.

 

Also need a courtesy light door switch to fix the passenger side - when I have the doors "right" I'm going to work on the stereo. Subwoofer and 6 x 9s strategically placed, I think. There's a little room in the back (actually I'm going to hook it all up under the pallbearer's seat behind the driver - easy access for connections).