What grips your shit with cars?

[anonymous user]

How a fault with a small, possibly inexpensive and usually inaccessible component can cause a total FTP for two tonnes of machinery.  Also, the amount of disassembly required to replace said component...

You have a P38 Range Rover AICMFP

[danthecapriman]

Stuck in as line of traffic, and some mouth breather in a chod car with the Boom box of the gods trying to cause a seismic shift with his drum and bass crap shaking my teeth out next to me

This! As if the traffic isn't annoying enough. I'm the lucky fucker that ends up sitting for ages either immediately next to or in front/behind some twat playing shit music/booming sounds.

 

I once ended up sat in the next lane to some chav doing this in traffic on the A27. I must of muttered to myself a bit too loudly and wound the window up. The chav must of heard my 'for fucks sake!' And turned it down! Couldn't believe it!

[Uncle Jimmy]

These stickers:

 

20120810-221032.jpg

 

Yet another unwelcome American import.

Typical American trailer trash; mom, two sprogs, two muts and a drill wielding psycho trying to kill them all.

[Uncle Jimmy]

Families who have a baby and immediately decide that they are bad parents if they don't buy a BMW X5 "for the safety of the baby"

Usually this is followed up by an enhanced sound system "so the baby can hear nursery rhymes better innit" and bigger wheels and tyres "in case we get stuck in a field somewhere so we can get out, it's what the baby needs"

Usually followed up with a new 50 inch TV "so baby gets to watch Pingu in hi-def" and a holiday to Egypt so "baby can learn about pyramids and that". All financed on credit natch!

You're fooling nobody you stupid twats........

You is UKIP.

[Parky]

The only purple and yellow I like is a Dairy Milk followed by a Caramel!

[alf892]

I think you're taking this too seriously

I fuggin hate people that take shit too seriously.........need to get over themselves in my opinion.......

[cort16]

this is a personal thing but I have measuring dyslexia. It doesn;t how matter how long I take or how many times I measure it I always fuck it up. I've ordered fridges that are too big for the hole so the kitchen needed cut back, cut shelves 6 inches too short. You name it I've fucked it up.

As a result if I'm making up panels for my rust repairs (see old fords above) it takes me fucking ages as they're either too big or too small or inside out. I made up adaptor for my new seats the other day. 8 bits of box section that needed to be 5 cm long. I cut it with a chop saw with carefully drawn on and measured lines yet they all came out different sizes!. I then needed to drill holes in them and the holes are different on everyone even though I pre drill pilot holes.

It burst my plums as I try so hard and it never pans out making me feel like a sausage fingered thicko I'm now banned from measuring stuff around the house because of past incidents. I had to fit a bit of wood to the wall for a baby gate the other day and the ends needed cut at a 40 degree angle. Not only was the angle wrong but it was 2 cm too short! I've now patched it up with an extra bit of wood and some filler but the brain power required to make up this section nearly made my hair ignite.

[Taff]

Anyone that thinks they 'need' a people carrier, or rather has been told so by their enormous scowling wife.

 

What should one say to people like this, Snow White?

 

 

 

can I expand on that? People carriers with tinted glass. you're not driving David friggin Beckham around ffs...

[chaseracer]

But if you were, that's what you'd be saying to him.

[New POD]

Having driven 115 miles, from Derby to Formby on Thursday, and 120 miles to York, on Friday, for this

 

 

and 20 miles to the hotel on Friday Evening, for this

 

and 30 miles to Filey (seaside town level with the Seaside town I live in, just 160 miles in the wrong direction), on Saturday morning, and another 160 miles Home on Saturday afternoon, my wife decides that she will Drive the 2 hours to Birmingham, on Sunday. to "relieve you of the stress of all that driving".  It took 2.5 hours.

 

Well, I'm married to Mrs MLM, who lacks any spaiceial awareness, slows down when she indicates, has no idea what's braking 3 cars in front, and no idea what gear she's in. She refuses to use the cruise control (too complicated), and has difficulty changing lanes.

 

Oh yes, I was relieved of all stress.

 

I drove home. It took 4 hours.  This sign says it all.

[New POD]

 

 

[anonymous user]

 

I take it that was your cheesed off board

 

 

 

Was that motorway sign for the old joke - "hello dear, be careful on the M6, there's a report on the radio about a car driving the wrong way"  "What do you mean 'a car' there's bloody hundreds of them!"

[martc]

 

Was that motorway sign for the old joke - "hello dear, be careful on the M6, there's a report on the radio about a car driving the wrong way"  "What do you mean 'a car' there's bloody hundreds of them!"

 

What I don't like is people knicking my material...  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

no offence, I couldn't resist it.

[dave21478]

 

and 20 miles to the hotel on Friday Evening, for this camera july 2015 714.JPG

 

 

 

Its completely non car related, but Jesus fucking christ.....stick that shit on the roof where it belongs and give me a FUCKING PLATE!

 

https://twitter.com/WeWantPlates

[New POD]

Its completely non car related, but Jesus fucking christ.....stick that shit on the roof where it belongs and give me a FUCKING PLATE!

 

https://twitter.com/WeWantPlates

 

Plates ? I so too want plates.

 

But I don't do twitter.

 

This was the only picture of a car in 700 plus miles that I took.

 

The boy wonder's mother and girlfriend getting out of the 'onda

[rovamota]

Grown men who stand looking useless with their bored wife and kids as they watch a spotty teenager from Halfords come out and change the wiper blades on their shagged out Zafira for £1.99. 

[dave21478]

Plates ? I so too want plates.

 

But I don't do twitter.

 

 

 

I dont do twitter either, but thats worth a look - its just a load of pictures about the outrageous shit restaurants serve food on these days. Highlights include manky old chopping boards, shovels, water served in galvanised watering cans and spaghetti bolognese in a pint glass.

[AlabamaShrimp]

Plates ? I so too want plates.

 

But I don't do twitter.

 

This was the only picture of a car in 700 plus miles that I took.

 

The boy wonder's mother and girlfriend getting out of the 'onda camera july 2015 624.JPG

Isn't this sort of thing normally in a different thread

[fred]

Not exactly a gripe but the Young bucks of today cutting coils and 'slamming' their cars down to the weeds, ok looks mean.

But having a arthritic pensioner overtake you with her zimmer frame on speed humps must mean a severe design fault somewhere

[dave21478]

this is a personal thing but I have measuring dyslexia. It doesn;t how matter how long I take or how many times I measure it I always fuck it up. I've ordered fridges that are too big for the hole so the kitchen needed cut back, cut shelves 6 inches too short. You name it I've fucked it up.

As a result if I'm making up panels for my rust repairs (see old fords above) it takes me fucking ages as they're either too big or too small or inside out. I made up adaptor for my new seats the other day. 8 bits of box section that needed to be 5 cm long. I cut it with a chop saw with carefully drawn on and measured lines yet they all came out different sizes!. I then needed to drill holes in them and the holes are different on everyone even though I pre drill pilot holes.

It burst my plums as I try so hard and it never pans out making me feel like a sausage fingered thicko I'm now banned from measuring stuff around the house because of past incidents. I had to fit a bit of wood to the wall for a baby gate the other day and the ends needed cut at a 40 degree angle. Not only was the angle wrong but it was 2 cm too short! I've now patched it up with an extra bit of wood and some filler but the brain power required to make up this section nearly made my hair ignite.

 

If its any consolation, I am apparently rather good at what I do, which is handyman and maintenance stuff - anything from mowing lawns to fitting kitchens and I am slightly surprised to have a good reputation for doing stuff well. However I am the same with measuring - its just a constant stream of fuck-ups and corrections. At least when working with metal I can sometimes weld stuff back together after I have made an arse of something, but that doesnt work so well with wood and I have lost count of the number of times I have had to down tools and head back to the DIY shop for more of whatever I am now short of.

 

*measures gap* - 136 cm....136, 136, one three six, one threeee siiix.

*measures again because you know...*, yep, 136, 136, 136, 136

*Lays wood on chop saw, lines up, cuts, tries in place*  Its too fucking short!

How the actual fuck...what the....*measures gap* 136cm, what the fuck, 136 cm is right enough.

*measures wood* 126cm. fuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK

 

Sometimes I have to physically restrain myself from punching myself in the face.

[cort16]

That's exactly what happens to me I can measure something 5 times and still get it wrong or get 5 different measurements

[danthecapriman]

It's not me that's wrong! It's the rulers and tape measures that are all wrong!!

[billyboy406v6]

Anyone that thinks they 'need' a people carrier, or rather has been told so by their enormous scowling wife.

 

What should one say to people like this, Snow White?

 

 

My now ex wife once said we need a people carrier to take the kids and their friends to the beach at the weekends, I said f..k that !! Divorce soon followed. 

[motormatt]

Why are they called people carriers? Are the cars that normal people drive not suitable for carrying people?

[cort1977]

We have a people carrier and only two kids.   Today the missus took six kids to soccer camp as we share lifts with other families.   You can fit sheets of 8x4 ply in the back or a washing machine.   It will tow our little camper trailer and fit all the camping gear in the back.   It's much cheaper to run than an 8 seater SUV or a full size van.

 

People carriers are handy, I may look like a cunt but I really don't care.

[D Spares & Tyres]

We have a people carrier and only two kids.   Today the missus took six kids to soccer camp as we share lifts with other families.   You can fit sheets of 8x4 ply in the back or a washing machine.   It will tow our little camper trailer and fit all the camping gear in the back.   It's much cheaper to run than an 8 seater SUV or a full size van.

 

People carriers are handy, I may look like a cunt but I really don't care.

At our age, practicality counts more than trying to impress others....

 

I`ve got more hair in my ears than on my head so a people carrier makes not the slightest difference to my desirability. I can fit 5 kids and a washing machine in my car, to me thats cool

[chaseracer]

Put the kids in the washing machine first, you'd get even more in... 

[Timewaster]

So how do you judgemental fuckers suggest I get 3 full size child seats into the back of a car that doesn't make you declare me a cunt eh?

 

And don't give me the crap "my dad had 8 of us in a Cortina and it never did me any harm" cos that was then and if you did that now you would end up on a channel 5 documentary and get death threats from outraged Daily Mail readers.

 

Rant over. as you were.....

[Station]

Aren't people carriers just taller cars, especially as they're built on the same floor pan (Astra/Zafira etc). Gr8 4 Tefal man family.

[robinmasters]

So how do you judgemental fuckers suggest I get 3 full size child seats into the back of a car that doesn't make you declare me a cunt eh?

And don't give me the crap "my dad had 8 of us in a Cortina and it never did me any harm" cos that was then and if you did that now you would end up on a channel 5 documentary and get death threats from outraged Daily Mail readers.

Rant over. as you were.....

A Scotsman will be along shortly to provide the correct answer to that question.