Automotive bull5hit facts thread

[burraston2006]

The Volkswagen Polo Harlequin only came about as the head of marketing took his 5 year old into work on a take your child to work day ( this is a scheme in Germany that tries to encourage the young to be inspirational about their careers rather than learning to say " would you like fries with that"). On the said day the youngster got bored so the father let him have a go on print artist with a picture of the Polo. The result was that the child completed the colouring in and then emailed it to every one in his fathers address book including the then MD of VW. The MD not realizing it was from a 5 yr old then signed the 'new' model off after a heavy session with the MD of Lowenbrau Brewery whilst trying to organise that years Octoberfest.

[Dave_Q]

The BMW models X6, X3, X1 etc were not actually designed as cars.

 

They are the result of a joint enterprise between the DVLA and BMW after every possible combination of X5ABC number plate had been sold and put on a BMW X5.

 

As can be seen all over the country, drivers of these cars are compelled to purchase a private plate, the proceeds are shared between BMW and teh doovla.

 

This is actually more profitable than car making for BMW.

 

The scam is easily spotted if a person with eyes looks at a X1, X3 or X6, as they are clearly not anything a sane person would recognise as a motor vehicle.

[vulgalour]

"You do not need a drivers license to drive on dirt roads or alleys."

 

My great-grandfather tried this on a cop when he was stopped for driving without a license at age 100.

 

Yellow card.  At that age it's very likely Great Grandfather Austin didn't even legally need a proper driving license to drive on the public highway due to the post-war demand for driving licenses being met by just giving one to anyone who applied rather than only those who passed the test.  One of those peculiar footnotes of British post-war history.

[JohnDeere]

To save money, BMW decided to no longer offer different engine displacements for the 316, 318, and 320 petrol models - instead they would all feature the same 4-cylinder block and simply be chipped differently to provide different power outputs.  Oh, that's actually more or less true.

[Eddie Honda]

All car insurance premiums are personally calculated by Johnny Ball.

 

[vulgalour]

Not using his mind, he puts on a blindfold and fires  machine gun at a wall full of numbers.  Whatever numbers are left unscathed on the wall is your premium for the year.

[inconsistant]

I saw a brand new VW Golf yesterday parked next to a Mk1 Golf and they're exactly the same size.

[vulgalour]

Are you sure that the Mk1 Golf wasn't just small and the new Mk84 (we're about on that now, yes?) Golf was far away?  It's what is known as the Father Dougal Effect.

[Pillock]

Diskloks are easily removed.

[Parky]

You can start a Sierra with half a tennis ball. Just put it over the ignition barrel, pump it twice and you will be rewarded by the rattley cam sound of success!

[fred]

If you took all the air out of all the tyres in the world, and emptied all the water from all the coolant systems, The Earth would revert back to the Splendour of huge green Forests, the ice caps would grow, Polar bears would cheer, and woolly mammoths would return to Bradford in abundance .

[AndyW201]

Back in the 1990s, the Shaxa-Shalt company had developed a rustproofing coating for steel that, in independent tests, was found to be the best rustproofer in the world. The MD of the company went around all of the car companies demomstrating the product, and they were all impressed.

One of the most enthusiastic potential customers was the head of Ford Europe who reckoned the Shaxa-Shalt rustproofer would be ideal for their new city car that was about to be launched.

So later that day, the man from Ford got his secretary to hand letters to the production managers that "the bodywork of all new Ford Kas are to be sprayed liberally with a Shaxa-Shalt solution before painting". Unfortunately the letter 'h' wasn't working on the secretary's typewriter...

[For Fiats Sake]

Chris Evan's Top Gear is so unpopular that the BBC are in negotiations with Chris Goffey and William Woolard to front the next series.  It's understood that Goffey is on board as long as the cubic meterage of hatchbacks is digitally graphicked using space hoppers in the pros and cons list.  

William Woolard is expressing concerns that modern cars don't have the required "loafer ledge" to perform his signature move.

Raymond Baxter was also approached until it was remembered that he used to present "tomorrows world" and is dead.

[Noel Tidybeard]

chris evans is a superb presenter on new new top gear, he talks calmly & knowledgeably about the cars and gives a fascinating commentary for the star in a bini cooper

[vulgalour]

Loofahs were originally used to protect chrome bumpers from salt during the winter and advocated in Paris as an ideal bumper protector.  The decline of chrome bumpers alongside the rise in avocado bathroom suites inflated the cost of this vegetable to such a degree that it was no longer affordable and motorists just started requesting plastic bumpers instead.

 

As a side note, some Ford interior plastics are made from recycled loofah bumper protectors.

[vulgalour]

Richard Grant Accessories went out of business when Richard Grant became a famous Hollywood actor.  The film companies didn't want him to give out spoilers.

[Parky]

That was the original petrol powered Richard Grant. Nowadays you can only get the hybrid Richard E Grant

[Parky]

After the Polo Genesis and Golf Rolling Stones special editions in the 1990s, VW considered releasing the Sharan Osbourne. However it was extremely loud and broke down a lot, so the plan was shelved in favour of the Beatle.

There was also the short lived Passat "Lighthouse Family" special edition which was prevalent in 1995 despite being utter shit and hasn't been seen or heard of since 1997

[vulgalour]

The VW Ozzy never made it out of first prototype stage.  A misguided attempt to use all the fuel types available simultaneously resulted in a vehicle that sounded really good, but had a propensity to crash due to its erratic handling characteristics.  There was another issue when night testing was tried out and they just ended up with loads and loads of bats stuck in the grille.  Nobody could find any of the bats' heads.

[simmo]

The idea of carbon fibre originally came from space scientists observing the super structural strength obtained by bi-directional build up of gaffer tapped repairs to Mk1 Mondeo bumpers.

[EssDeeWon]

Did we ever establish whether there was ever a Maxi Diesel?  Its just that I remember seeing one once on a mega late D plate...

 

D701SWL or something similar to that.

[Parky]

As part of the "Lighthouse Family" special Passat, VW asked them to incorporate subtle lyrics in their songs extolling the virtues of their range.

 

Despite the free use of a Silver 1.9td for 12 months, the only comment they could think of was incorporated in the song "Ocean Drive" which included a reference to the vehicle interior.

 

"Don't know why, it's so blue"

 

After complaints the Band upped the ante for their "difficult" and unreleased album "Adventures of the Lighthouse Family around South Norwood in a one litre Polo", of which two copies exist, one of which was recently bought by Elon Musk by mistake and the other is stored in the Vatican.

[Noel Tidybeard]

Richard Grant Accessories went out of business when Richard Grant became a famous Hollywood actor.  The film companies didn't want him to give out spoilers.

 

RED CARD

 

just because...

[vulgalour]

Entirely deserved really.  I'm still giggling at the thought of a Mitsubishi Brontosaurus.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Did we ever establish whether there was ever a Maxi Diesel?  Its just that I remember seeing one once on a mega late D plate...

 

D701SWL or something similar to that.

There were many Maxi prototypes built, in fact one engineer used to pass the Chrysler plant at Ryton every morning in such a beast.

The Chrysler marketers were just putting the finishing touches to the Alpine with its revolutionary silent engine, they heard this Maxi Diesel go past and realised to compete they needed to be able to turn heads in the street like the successful* BL product .

The engineers at Chrysler were so pissed off ,they just changed the tappet clearance numbers on the SilentRunning engine from metric to imperial.

The Maxi diesel project failed when it was realised customers couldn't be trusted to not run low on diesel ,which would of course mean the engine and box would not have any lubrication.

[rml2345]

The fabled diesel Maxi used a very early derivative of the engine that became the Rover K series. Fuel consumption of the advanced engine in sump design was excellent but 6 MPG (miles per gasket) forced abandonment of the project.

[EssDeeWon]

The Rover SD1 Twin Plenum cars were hand built by Lotus!

 

Only 150 were ever produced of which 7 remain today. BUT Originally Rover sent 2000 flat packed vitesses to Lotus for essembly, however Lotus were stealing the rear lights for the Espirit! They denied ever receiving all these cars from Rover despite proof of delivery from White Arrow and the remains of these flat packed SD1s were sent to India and stashed away in a huge lockup, only much later to be discovered by a Mr Rimmer whilst on holiday in Bangalore. Anyway it turns out he was actually there looking to outsource his helpful sales team from Rimmer Bros to cut costs and improve service.

 

The 1850 flat packed SD1s were bought back to Blighty after Mr Rimmer negotiated a deal with the lock up owner over some Balti and several pints of Cobra beer.

 

Subsequently only 150 twin plenum cars were produced of the 2000 originally intended and these cars are now worth twice as much as a single plenum, go twice as fast and receive twice as many bids on eBay.

 

Factz!!

[Pillock]

A list of where Marina door handles have been used:

 

Marina

Allegro

Land Rover Discovery

Range Rover

Lotus Elite

Lotus Carlton

Lamborghini Urraco

Tesla Model S

Mini Moke

Rover SD1 (glovebox lid)

Fiat 127

Fiat Tempura

Hummer H1

DeLorean (production from 1885 to 1887 only)

Learjet 45

Souez

Metro (right side doors only, 1984 model year only due to industrial action)

The door of 46, Cranwell Drive in Chipping Sodbury

[purplebargeken]

There has been a recall notice issued by Audi when one dealership noticed that a particular car was fitted with a functioning indicator assembly.

[Parky]

Marina door handles also featured on a Cessna 172 I flew a few years back. Made me laugh.

 

Also used for the Supermarine Spitfire engine cowling, floor access panels on Boeing 737's, and the oven doors in branches of Subway