Scotland gains another Volvo estate ---Final Dissertation---

[davidfowler2000]

Here it is. The final story of yesterday's epicness that was the collection of a Volvo 760 Turbo Intercooler from Brighton all the way back to central Scotland by SVM Industries CEO, davidfowler2000. The story is long. It spans about 6 weeks. It involves ebay. Planes. Trains. Busses. Nostalgia. A very long arse drive. Garfield. A lot of fuel. Electrical gremlins and to top it all off - !!!OMGSNOKAOS!!!

Could this be the most epic OF EVAR domestic (as opposed to international) collection of a car on these forums? I'll let you decide.

A very sketchy precursor to this story goes back months, about 6 to be precise, where a 760TIC turned up on fleaBay in Brighton. It went reasonably cheap and I had a big grumpy that I didn't go for it. When it reappeared about mid December, I just had to didn't I?

Chapter 1 - The buying
Bids went flying and I finally got it -


Auction Win by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

Buggerations. £700 down and I'll have to go to the south coast to get it. That'll involve cost and a big fuel bill to get home. During bidding I had already e-mailed the man and he says there's no hurry to shift it so I had plenty of time to organise travel through John Candy Promotions - a wholly owned subsidiary of SVM Industries.

Immediately it had been suggested that I partake of staff privileges at Stagecoach Glasgow and get a freebie ticket to London on the overnight sleeper bus but I had already done that to get the 740 of much loveliness. It was quickly decided upon a flight from Glasgow to somewhere...but where? Stansted was cheap but it was 2 trains and a tube through London to Brighton. Southampton was reasonably cheap and the train wasn't too bad but it was 2.5 hours on the train. It was finally decided upon Gatwick and a train which also turned out to be the cheapest of all 3 options - at £35 all in per person you can't really complain. Immediately cms206 and rml2345 were contacted and both were thrilled* with the opportunity to partake in another SVM collection...


Itinerary by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

..but as you can see from the itinerary, cms206 was unable to attend because work so a mate from work (Paul. Current owner of my previous red 960) paid for a name change on the plane ticket and joined instead.

Once the plane was booked, it was on to the trains. Plane lands at 0930ish and the fastest train to Brighton after that was 1010 - excellent. I was also most pleased with the amount of title options when registering on the site...


Options by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

I would love to see any genuine "Sir" or "Lady" registering to buy pleb tickets themselves. ROLF! LAMO! Anyways I opted to collect the tickets from a train station and got them sent to Aberdeen where I could pick them up on a tea break...


Tickets by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

Chapter 2 - The intermediate stuff
Car bought. Travel arranged. 4 weeks to wait to get it. The man has sent off the V5 and sent me the V5C/2 to perform tax duties...


V5C/2 by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

FUCK! Disabled tax class. Doesn't this need all sorts of stuff to change it? I couldn't do it online or by phone 'cos it wanted an awful lot of details and contact with the Department for Work and Pensions to assess my eligibilty for free car tax. It was Christmas eve and I knew DVLA contact would be a ballache so on my way to see a chum and deliver his Christmas cardboard greeting thing, I popped by my local GPO to ask the question. About 3 minutes later and after filling in a V62, the car was taxed. Panic over.

Next job - insurance. 1 x addition please thank you very kindly Mr Footman James. £48.61 including 25 quid admin fee to add the car to my existing policy which runs out in August. That'll do nicely.

What next? Purchase thread on these forums. Done

Chapter 3 - The Collection

10/01/15, 05:45, House
So how's it working? As cms206 originally wanted to go and he lives a 10 minute walk from the airport it was decided to park at his house and do the walk. rml2345 went direct to Andy's and my mate Paul came to get me. Ended up being a bit late due to OMGWINDANDRAIN.
The walk to the airport took longer than expected due to said wind and rain, rml2345's iffy back and my utterly ruined off side knee. Approximate arrival at the airport and security clearance at 0650...


Glasgow Departure Lounge by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

10/01/15, 07:30, Glasgow International Plane Station Gate 6
Boarding has commenced and we're on our way. Sir rml is rather excited as he's never been on one of those flying busses before...


Easyjet A319 by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

...and was immediately introduced to standard class seating...


In seat view by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

...but that said, Garfield was pretty buzzed about the whole thing...


Excited Garfield by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

...and after the initial bumpy takeoff it was a reasonably boring but pretty flight...


Brighton Volvo Pickup by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

10/01/15, 09:30, Gatwick International Airport
Not the smoothest landing it has to be said but it was a landing nonetheless and we have arrived in very south Britain...


Gatwick Arrivals by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

Next task is to find the train station. We're in the north terminal and have to get the internal monorail thing to the south terminal...


Gatwick Internal Shuttle Station (North) by davidfowler2000, on Flickr


Gatwick Internal Shuttle by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

10/01/15, 10:00, Gatwick Airport Train Station
The board says what I expected - the train to Brighton is at 10:10 and is on Platform 3 so we head off in that general direction and decide to partake in some 3rd rail spottages...


Gatwick Express by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

The board on platform 3 then changes to say that the next train on platform 3 is the 1016 to Three Bridges with a bus to Brighton. A quick enquiry confirms that we will be getting a rail replacement bus from Three Bridges to Brighton. Arses. How ironic as cms206 was doing Raillytrane Buses around Ayrshire.

10/01/15, 10:30, Three Bridges Station, Crawley

Arse Biscuits!!! We are presented with a thoroughly* lovely* Volvo B7TL with Plaxton President bodywork for the rest of the trip south...


Rail Replacement by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

The seller had sent a message the day previous to say his dad (Taxi driver) would pick it us up from the station so I give him a phone when we're nearly at Brighton station. He informs that he'll be in a VW Phaeton near where the buses drop us off.

10/01/15, 11:10, Brighton Station
Picked up, we're on our way to the final pickup destination - Bell Tower Industrial Estate - to pick up the car. A quick text to Gary Cox to meet us there as well...


Brighton High Street by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

ARRIVAL!!!


Brighton Volvo Pickup by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

The Phaeton Taxi...


Taxi by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

10/01/15, 11:50, Bell Tower Ind Est
After a short spell of small talk with the seller and Father seller about the Volvo and their own love of old VWs, Gary Cox made a timely arrival and we made a hasty retreat round the corner for a nosh up and chin wag...


Mac's Cafe by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

Then we did some bus spottages on the way back. The Big Lemon use what would normally be regarded as end of life vehicles which they refurbish and retune to run on 100% bio fuel...


Big Lemon Buses by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

Being a rather nice chap I offered to take Gary home but we went via ASDA to get snacks for the road home. We encountered much shite (Brighton is full of it) and performed a crap Abbey Road homage in the car park...


Brighton Volvo Pickup by davidfowler2000, on Flickr


Brighton Volvo Pickup by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

10/01/15, 13:15ish, Chez Cox; Brighton
Cheerio Gary! We've got some fuel to get us a good bit up the road. I already knew about this and had already planned a little detour on the way home to visit somewhere and get fuel.

10/01/15, 14:15ish, Shell Garage; The Street; Ashtead
Hold on a minute...
 

15/08/12, 10:00, Ashtead Station

By this point it's nearing 10:30 and I think it's best time to get moving. Fuel will be required before heading off and it's 400 miles up the road.
So after a very short drive to the Shell garage (Yay i'll get points), my MP3 player all queued up with The Volvo Album "I Am Rolling", Rolf Harris' Greatest Hits and Goldon Giltrap's "The Carnival"...LET THE JOURNEY COMMENCE

Yep. I worked out I had enough fuel to get to the same Shell Garage in Ashtead, Surrey where I bought my inaugural shite Volvo 740 almost 2 and a half years ago. It's only just inside the M25 so it just had to happen didn't it? A minor detour was also made to go past the dealer, Volkspeed, where I got said 740 from. There was of course the obligatory petrol station shot because traditionshite...


Obligatory Petrol Station Photo by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

55 litres, an oil check and various setup later and we're ready to go. We've already done 50 miles and it's another 410 back to chez cms206 to drop the guys off.

10/01/15, 14:30, M25 Clockwise
Now for the big bit. The car has already proved that it will be a comfy ride home. The route from here is the M25, M40, M42, M6 Toll, M6, A74(M), M74 and M8 to Paisley.

Time to get the tunes going SWEDISH STYLE!!!


Retro FM by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

And now for the boring bit. 400 odd miles of motorway driving with some banter, intermittant tunes (internet depending) and the snacks...


Cherryade by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

Yes. It seems I managed to go all the way to Brighton and for my drink of choice on the road back I plumped on Cumbernauld (The home of Scotoshite) manufactured cherryade by Barr AG Ltd. Oddly enough, we don't seem to get packs of it in our ASDAs but all the local chip shops seem to stock it.

10/01/15, 17:30, Stafford Services
Pee stop at Stafford. No bad trannies to be spotted in W.H. Smith. There was spottages in the car park though...


Brighton Volvo Pickup by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

10/01/15, 16:30, M6 north of Lancaster
GREMLINS!!! The headlights, both of them, have went out. But with much fucking about with main beam they come back on. Sounds like a relay needs replacing. Anyways, press on to Tebay services for dinner.

Then about 2 miles south of Tebay with much random headlightage, this happens...


Dash FAEL by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

All dashboard illumination went. With a pop too. Anyways, dinner.

10/01/15, 19:30, Tebay Services
Dinner had and fuelled up again. 24.5mpg so far (Yikes) but this could be a slightly dragging handbrake, the iffy tracking and lack of thermostat. The failed dash illumination was traced to a fuse. It was replaced but blew again while the car was moving. When the car was picked up I noticed the little bulb holder in the driver's seatbelt buckle had falled out and died when the dash board did. I reckon this had shorted on a seat frame and done the fuse but will need further investigation.

10/01/15, 21:00ish, M74 Beattock

!!!OMGSNOKAOS!!!
Down to 20mph at some points and the random headlights didn't help things. Luckily the fog lights still worked perfectly so they saw us up the road. rml2345 had fallen asleep ages ago so no more photos to come.

10/01/15, 22:00, Chez cms206
Home! Well nearly. I drop rml2345 and Paul off and they jump in their cars. Adrian goes straight home whereas I follow Paul along the M8 to near his house and then high tailed it home from there.

10/01/15, 22:30, Home
Done!
480 miles!
About 100 litres of fuel!
Tired.
Sore.
Worth it? YES!!!

The car performed admirably but I think the niggles got to it in the end. I'll sort these out in time but it should be a pretty decent conveyance in the future.

Many thanks to Chris (The Seller) and his dad (Mick) for a good eBay experience and the pickup from the train station.
Thanks to Gary Cox for some catchup and some stuff that will be delivered to cms206 soon for the 740 that was traded the day before Chumly.
A well done to the accompanying chaps on the journey for much banter.
And a great job from John Candy Promotions getting us there as convolutedly as possible.

Photos of the car will follow in time. It's fucking grim up here just now with the weather and will probably take a few days to clear up.
Also remember the grey 960 will be up for sale soon if anyone wants it once I sorted out a few issues. I'm looking for £650 and you'll get a bootful of spares.

Well done for getting this far and heres to more SVM Adventures in the future.

---ENDS---

-Dave

[RichL]

Well done. Have fun sorting the electrical gremlins.

 

I have to admit that Phaeton taxi is superb and I hate most things VAG.

[320touring]

Good work!

 

Needs mair xj40 though!

[Lacquer Peel]

MENTAL BUT GOOD.

[purplebargeken]

Wow! Excellent collection caper!

[Shep Shepherd]

Lovely old car and a fabulous write-up

[brickwall]

Well done and great write-up!  It's a nice drive up, isn't it? I'm glad you remembered to pack some Barr's juice and not the filth from down south

[Mr_Bo11ox]

TEXTBOOK collection thread and a splendid effort with the car. A well deserved 10.2/10. GOOD WORK

[davidfowler2000]

Only 10.2/10? I was going for 112%/10

[greengartside]

How about 760/10? Works for me.

[Alan_Green]

• This is insanely well written. Seems criminal that only a few hundred broke loons will see it. You could drop it unedited into a Sunday supplement. Beats the socks off the "Me & My Cat" pulp they do print and that ends up in the bin still wrapped in the cellophane.

[M'coli]

That's a cracking wee adventure! It still amazes me that you can travel from Scotland to the south of England by aeroplane (and that includes the airport check in time) quicker than I can get to Manchester from 60 miles away by public transport, and cheaper too.

Excellent write-up, were there any episodes of upsetting German moderns to report?

[Lacquer Peel]

22mpg! Were you hammering it up the road?

[brickwall]

Aye, seems a way to low. Hopefully a home service should sort it.

[davidfowler2000]

Nope. Not hammering it. Indicated 80mph which was 70 on the GPS. The 740 with the 2.3 NASP engine managed 35mpg on the trip from Ashtead doing 70 on the gps.

Thermostat is stuck open or not present so that's the first culprit. At one point on the motorway it was blowing ice cold air with the heaters on full so I dare say it's not done it any good. It looks to have had a recentish service but will check the air filter and pull a spark plug just to be sure.

[skattrd]

Awesome write up Davey.

[Six-cylinder]

It's one way of making us visit Scotland, taking all ours Volvos so we have to visit to see one!

[danthecapriman]

Great write up and an awesome car.

The stuff of autoshite legend!

[Luckythirteen]

You should've clicked 'Lord' on the title selection screen. SqueezyJet upgrade you then. To a decent airline*.

Nae luck with the stat though. Fine in summer, not so fine up here in this weather! Looks good though.

 

*May not be true. Any of it.

[davidfowler2000]

New stat ordered at the grand cos of about 14 quid. 2 bolts to remove the housing - it's a piece of piss on the red blocks. Coolant looks affa weak so i'll drain / flush it and put some new stuff in while I'm at it. Air filter is absolutely howkit anawl so I got one of those. Plugs look a bit gummed up but that's probably due to the rich fuel from being cold all the time so hopefully it'll burn off.

[Luckythirteen]

Two minutes each with a wire brush and a feeler gauge should see them right. Stat should be easy too, like you say.

Nice when stuff is that simple to work on!

[Twiggy]

Just love threads like this - brilliant !

[Junkman]

Could this be the most epic OF EVAR domestic (as opposed to international) collection of a car on these forums? I'll let you decide.

 

You have a 'yes' from me.

[trigger]

To my shame I've only just read this thread, it was worth the wait though, fantastic work as always lads, it was a proper good read!

[davidfowler2000]

UPDATES

 

The opportunity to get a proper photoshoot still hasn't present itself because winter so here's the fleet as it currently stands:

 

Before the thaw by davidfowler2000, on Flickr

 

Things that have been done since the collection -

New thermostat with a full coolant flush and refill.

Self destructing dashboard illumination seems to have definitely been the seat belt buckle bulb holder.

Headlight relay is yagged. It's roasting hot with the cover on and the metal parts inside are scalding to the touch. Hopefully a reflow on the big solder joints will fix that.

Tracking has been done.

 

Big things that still need done -

Handbrake is still dragging but I suspect the car will receive a full disc / pad / handbrade shoe set in due course.

Brakes are a bit soft.

 

Little things awaiting parts -

Radio loses ALL it's settings when the ignition is killed. Hopefully a dicky radio rather than fucked up wiring. Spare JVC unit sitting, just waiting for a harness adapter to test it.

All the wipers need changing.

 

Things that have presented -

Suspect rear shock absorbers.

The main screenwash hose has blown off whatever joint behind the bonnet soundproofing.

Heating somewhat cooler than it should be. Hopefully a blocked heater core flushable from the engine bay.

 

That's about it for now. I do intend some photos while the weather is pretty so it's just whenever I can be arsed dragging it up to Glencoe for the shoot.

 

Below is intended for official* internal use:
 

SVM Fleet Status (2014 Q4):

Andy (cms206)

2 x 745 : "Savalas" Council Estate. Over 1 year VOR. ANDY YOU CUNT! "Woy Cwopper" OMGHGF and OMG heater matrix FAEL!

1 x 945 : "Bertha" Still not running right.

1 x 345 : D. The Luxe fell off. VOR 17 years and slowly making a comeback.

 

Dave (davidfowler2000)
1 x 745 : Blue. Status Unchanged.

1 x 765 Turbo : Silver. Very quick. Very untidy but not unsavable.

 

Neil (Creeping Jesus)

1 x 850. Green. Asthmatic. Still VOR.

1 x V70, Red. No news here

 

Richard (Richard)
1 x 850 TD. No news here either I think.

 

Ryan (Voltastic)

1 x S40. Chased. Still exists.

 

Anon (Spiny Norman)

1 x V40. Still very crusty. No other news.

 

Tiff (Barry Cade)

1 x V40. Not seen for a while. Needs chased.

 

Joe (Joseph Martin)

1 x 850. T5. With included winterdyke in the back

1 x S40. Unseen so far at a dinnering.

 

 

SVM Fleet Movements and Information. 2015, Q1

The ex Barry Shitpeas 850 is STILL awaiting turbo repairs. Will it go to the bridge? Who knows. Maybe Creepy Jebus should do an indiegogo crowd funded repair scheme.

Andy's fleet is suffering calamities which seems to be becomeing a winter thing after Savalas decided to eat a wall and destroy his steering last year. WOY CWOPPER the ex Cox 740GLE's OMGHGF was previously confined to bad running. No mayo or the likes. It's now catastrohpic. Oil in the coolant, coolant in the oil and now so little compression that the dirty fucker won't even fire. Needs transporting to Clydebank for fixage which may be provided by Dave's 765 and a hired trailer.

The 345D (The luxe fell off) has also been fired up for the first time in 17 years. It received a new coil, HT lead set, plugs and condenser. How much of all that it really needed to be replaced remains a mystery but might as well.

Bertha the 940 is still suffering running issues but at least the engine management light is now out. The water pump bearing has also went.

Dave quite memorably did an epic collection to bring a 760 Turbo Intercooler all the way from Brighton, South Engerlund all the way back to Central Scotlandlandshire to become the latest vehicle of the SVM ranks. It has issues but not anything so significant that it can't be fixed without spending a fortune or taking TOO much time. This is also the FIRST Volvo estate at the SVM Central division to posses a tow bar. One of the good ones that gas board use to tow things with a simple eye as well as a ball for more civilian stuff.

Dave's 960 has also been sold on to a friend (Eddie) in Penikuik who may attend a Scotoshite dinner and subsequently become the next member of the Scotoshite Volvo MASSIV. Next one's next week so we shall see.

Voltastic has been met with and it can be confirmed that the modern S40 is still in existance.

 

Pending Membership - Lee (Swampy21)

Lee still hasn't been to a dinner partly 'cos we don't have one in December so hopefully he too will become another induction in to the SVM.

[Richard]

There may be another new addition to the SVM fleet soon. I've convinced my wife that she needs to sack off the C5 she's had for the past 8 years and buy a much older 850 or 850 shaped V70. There's a broken one in Sheffield that I am seriously considering towing all the way home on a pole.

[KruJoe]

I pity the fool you talk into steering it northwards for you!

 

You're welcome to borrow my A-frame from Malhamdale on your way south Richard, to make it a one-man job, so long as it finds its way back within a reasonable time. (I'll be back on the scene shortly, and it's only a matter of time before we'll need it for rescues and tat aquisitions.)

[Richard]

I pity the fool you talk into steering it northwards for you!

 

You're welcome to borrow my A-frame from Malhamdale on your way south Richard, to make it a one-man job, so long as it finds its way back within a reasonable time. (I'll be back on the scene shortly, and it's only a matter of time before we'll need it for rescues and tat aquisitions.)

 

Thank you, I might take you up on that and if I do I'll drop off those mirrors. The main flaw with that plan is my 850 doesn't have a towbar, the doomed C5 does though. I'll discuss it with SWMBO when I get home.

[KruJoe]

Ace!

Morrors? Something to do with wor Will?

 

I also have a car-full of £free 850 parts there if you want to take some spares for SVM stock back north. I'm never gonna need it all for my Thai 850; I may be getting rid of the car soon anyway. I don't want anything for it, so don't be shy.

 

PS, just remembered I have a tow bar from the same 850 saloon (and the means to fit it) if that might help with arrangements... Yours in exchange for a few bottles of Caledonian Deuchars IPA. (No substitutes accepted.)

[skattrd]

I'm glad to hear you sold the 960 Dave, it means I can stop thinking about it for myself.