Shite Aftermarket Alarms

[Hendry]

Was thinking about this earlier and how moderns either have factory alarms or the ones that don't people don't bother fitting alarms too now, meaning aftermarket alarms have largely died out, it got me thinking about the makes there used to be.

 

I remember Moss security, my dad had one on his Maestro with a black 1 button fob with red trim and a spare white fob with red trim and it had a box which sat on top of the dash (the dash had a big hole in it so the wiring could be fed down behind the dash) I think it had a screw for adjusting the sensitivity and whoever had fitted it had made a cunt of it as when you started the car the alarm siren went off 3 times.

 

I remember our neighbour had a Piranha alarm on their F reg Sierra estate and another neighbour had a Sparkrite on a mk2 B reg Fiesta L Special, my cousin had a Rapid car alarms one on a mk5b Escort, and there were some alarm kits in the Argos catalogue for £39.99 upwards back then.

 

Then with the modified car scene I remember a few mates getting things like Toads and Clifford's. These were decent bits of kit though with profession installation and cat 1 certificates unlike those earlier DIY ones.

 

What's your recollections?

[saucedoctor]

I had a Scorpion alarm fitted to my 190E, possibly by the dealer when the car was new. The car was 6 years old by the time I got it, and the whole lot had to come out. NIGHTMARE!

 

We used to sell the Moss alarms in EAMF when I worked there, they were well thought of.

 

SparkShite or Selmar did a keypad system that you wired up to the coil. We stopped selling those because angry punters would come back saying that they didn't work (they did, they were just too complex for the average motorist to wire up).

 

SparkShite did the 2 wire current sensing ones - you just wired it up to the battery, and if someone opened the door, the interior light would come on, and set off the alarm. There was an ultrasonic plugin module for them as well. We sold a lot of these alarms, and they were actually pretty good, the customers liked them.

[Lord Sterling]

Moss security used to adorn the windows of many cars back in the day, I doubt some of the cars had them though.

 

My dearly departed E-reg Rover Sterling had an aftermarket alarm kit on it, lots of shitty scotch wiring to be had but it still worked fantastically. It incorporated remote central-locking and the alarm came in handy one evening when some scrote saw my car as fair game, sadly he did bend the door back but as soon as he reached his hand inside the alarm started waling for all amd glory, it hopefully shit him up as I was told he ran like the wind.

 

I forget the make of the kit but kept the kit when the car died, I've still got it all boxed up with wirimg somewhere, I'd like to fit to one of my other Mk1s at some point.

[Junkman]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/classic-car-alarm-system-sparkrite-AT-80-/201129865749

[laser wheels]

SparkShite did the 2 wire current sensing ones - you just wired it up to the battery, and if someone opened the door, the interior light would come on, and set off the alarm. There was an ultrasonic plugin module for them as well. We sold a lot of these alarms, and they were actually pretty good, the customers liked them.

 

That must be what I have - or similar - as I have the alarm under the bonnet but no actual gubbins like sensors or anything inside the car. It will just squawk every time I disconnect/reconnect the battery.

[spike60]

I had a 1992 Nissan 200SX which when I bought it in about 1998 had a talking alarm on it, "SYSTEM ARMED" "SYSTEM DISARMED" and "STAND BACK, PROTECTED BY A SECURITY SYSTEM" are deep in my memory years later. WTF were they thinking of? Truly cringeworthy on a quite smart car.

Think a Top Gear car challenge had one on, mebby the Z3 in the desert.

[Paul Dupart]

Fitted a Sparkrite AT80 like above to both a Metro and a Talbot Alpine I owned in the mid 80's!  Reliable and never gave any problems.

[Paul Dupart]

"Get back yur Bastard, I'll break yer legs,  waaaaaaarp"

[Rusty_Rocket]

I too, would have expected aftermarket alarms etc to have died out but the industry seems to be thriving.

The more capable makes you mention (Clifford, Toad et al) still churn out very sophisticated systems which are readily available and seem to be selling well.  Also, there are a lot of budget kits available presently, some are cheap Chinese rubbish, but others are apparently decent, well-designed and reliable (check out the Hawk brand and their online reviews).

I think the target market is aimed at enthusiast owners with stuff like 90s hot hatches or maybe just classics of any age- most in this demographic have plenty of disposable income and and seem to be keeping sales buoyant! 

[ProgRocker]

My sister had one on her E reg Maestro Mayfair. I think it was the cause for draining the battery and leaving her stranded a few times.

[AlabamaShrimp]

No idea what kind of alarm it is but my xr2 had to have one before anyone would insure it. Shame it's now sat rotting in the garage...

[Negative Creep]

In my experience they're nothing but grief, and a big visible steering lock is the best deterrent, or taking the rotor cap out if you aren't planning on going anywhere for a while

[Skizzer]

Grundig Double Security System sticker by Skizzer, on Flickr

 

My Dedra has this OMG RETRO sticker but no evidence of any actual alarm.  Steal it?  You'd have to start it first.

 

I fitted a Moss DIY system to a 1984 breadvan Polo in about 1988, which worked ok as far as I remember.

 

My Golf has a fairly sophisticated aftermarket Clifford alarm/immobiliser.  Immobiliser works well; the alarm developed a tendency to go off while I was driving along, which meant flashing headlights and a siren.  This would be GR23 for getting through traffic, except Special Branch aren't noted for their use of shonky convertible Mk1 Golfs.  Luckily you can just disable the alarm bit, so I have.

 

The Jag has got something too - might be a Toad?  Can't remember.  Doesn't seem to do much except yell at you when you re-connect the battery, until you turn it off with the fob.

[Skizzer]

I've just realised that sticker is for a face-off stereo, not an alarm at all.  Muppet.  Stereo is long gone.

 

In my experience they're nothing but grief, and a big visible steering lock is the best deterrent, or taking the rotor cap out if you aren't planning on going anywhere for a while

 

Agreed, wouldn't fit one now.  

 

Now, just need to find a quartic Disklok for the SD1.

[jakebullet]

I had a sparkrite with the central locking add on on my mk1 fiesta. For extra cool points I removed the unlock button from the inside of the doors and put in a big flashing red led instead. Don't mess lads, it's got a flashing led!

 

All went well until one day I had a flat battery. No problem, I've a hill nearby. Bumped it, alarm starts going off and locks the doors. Remote does nothing to turn it off. Engage dukes of hazzard to get out and pull the alarm fuse

[passmethegun]

I had a toad system in my Audi 80 sport, I remember the catalogue had some fairly weird systems.

 

One completely filled the car with smoke when it detected an intruder, another took pictures from the passenger armrest!

 

I just had the immobiliser dongle thing but just having the toad10 stickers was deterrent enough.

 

 

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[Pillock]

I fitted a Sparkright alarm to my Beetle after a couple of break-ins. It had the ultrasonics and voltage drop.

About two weeks later, when it was broken into again I found it with the back window rubbers chopped out, the window propped up against a wall and the little red LED blinking away none the wiser. GR8.

 

I then bought an Audi with an old Toad system - part of the low price was the alarm was constantly playing up, going off in the night and all sorts of stuff. Thankfully not an immobiliser but still annoying, last owner was quoted a hundred quid to remove it by an auto electrician. I bought the car, and just used the odd-looking desk-drawer style key on the keyring, in the keyhole on the top of the alarm. Owner admitted he had no idea what the key did and it had been there when he bought it. Disabled the alarm and never had the slightest trouble.

 

Last one I had was a Toad Cat 2 alarm on the G40, as a condition of the insurance. Ever since then, every car I've had has had remote locking which made it so odd when I had a 14 plate Polo without it! Yes, I R LAZY.

[Spiny Norman]

I remember years ago someone came up with the frankly brilliant idea of an alarm which, unless the correct code was entered, would pump chloroform gas into the car via through the vents, then dial Plod on the phone and give them the location via the sat-nav so they could come and apprehend the thief/rescue the forgetful owner at their leisure.

The idea of a big spike shooting up through the seat had some merit too, but you'd have to be REALLY sure of your PIN number before you got in...

[Richard]

The only possible use for a car alarm is to piss off your neighbours. Nobody hears an alarm and thinks a car is being stolen, they think something along the lines of "shut the fuck up". Even if they did think a car was being stolen they wouldn't care. I once set off my car alarm near a policeman to see what would happen and he didn't even turn round.

[Micrashed]

Metro I had was fitted with a Sparkrite with infra red remote, that was a twat to operate in the sunshine.

 

Fiesta was fitted with a Wasso something or other Serpi Star that used to stop the car dead in the rain with all the indicators lit up (until I wrapped the unit in a placy bag).

 

Everything else has had either nothing or a factory jobbie.

 

I spent the best part of a week tracing then removing the Alarm/PATS off the Maverano leaving only the NATS as the Ford system wasnt working and would randomly cut in whenever you were not expecting it which led to "driving down the road with the hazards on full chat and the siren wailing" syndrome. It does still have NATS and if I find a way of removing that its going too.

 

Now, no more.

[mat_the_cat]

This is what I've got:

 

 

Never given trouble, and to my huge surprise still worked, even down to the keyfob battery, after 10 years sitting idle. Stupidly easy to silence though, but I'm keeping it as it's handy for the remote central locking add-on.

[Noel Tidybeard]

i have somewhere a microscan an 400 which i fitted to my gsi montego

 

• door locking
• auto locking with ign
• panic function
• passive/active arming
• quiet arm/disarm

all very glitsy

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

The idea of a big spike shooting up through the seat had some merit too, but you'd have to be REALLY sure of your PIN number before you got in...

 

The spike should deploy even if the correct PIN is entered. The security comes from the fact that only the genuine owner knows you have to enter the PIN through the sunroof with a long piece of bamboo. 

[warren t claim]

I'm sure I had an alarm made by a company called Linwood on an old Cortina I had. The poor Ford had to have its rear wing drilled into for the barrel for the alarm key.

[steve_earwig]

I remember all these Sparkrite, Cobra, Moss etc. bolt-on goody alarms, I spent many a happy hour ripping them out of my mates' cars after they bought them - hom much wire? How badly fitted? How many fires did they cause?? I never had one myself, most of my younger years I figured I didn't have a car worth pinching, nor a stereo of any worth. That was until I have a Mk4 Cortina go walkies....

 

I fitted a Sol alarm to my Yamaha just after I bought it, all singing all dancing. The first time I rode in the rain it went haywire, replaced under warranty and the replacement came back with a note so tell me to put a plastic bag round it. Can't remember what I sealed it with, not a placky bag anyway, and it lasted until I moved out to Croatia when the remote went walkies.

 

About 1994 my dad bought a Merc 300 TE deathmatic, it came with a professionally* fitted Clifford which I think must have been fitted by Freddy Kruger. All the connectors that I saw on the Merc you could take to pieces and re-solder, so I've no idea why the so-called professional had hacked into the wires just short of the connectors. I bought a new loom for the alarm and re-fitted it. Btw there's nothing like sitting in a fairly new Merc with leather everywhere and wondering where to put the soldering iron...

 

 

Slightly off topic but I seem to remember one of the Marinas we had when I was a kid came with what I was told was a factory fitted alarm, did such a thing exist? All it had was a toggle switch behind the grille and I remember thinking that, if they all had the same, it was about as secure as a donut at a Weightwatcher's meeting. I'm not sure what it did when the alarm was triggered, maybe it started the engine and said "take me, I'm yours!."

[brickwall]

Sigma alarm/imob  thing from the early 90s on the RR. Works well now I've taken the alarm part out.