Claim's Cabbies Corner. UPDATE! Warren gets an official complaint and bollocking!

[artdjones]

Just be glad you're not punting an absolutely destroyed Mk6 Escort around the streets of Kinshasa.....

 

[warren t claim]

3 hours ago, artdjones said:

Just be glad you're not punting an absolutely destroyed Mk6 Escort around the streets of Kinshasa.....

 

To be fair that Escort isn't much worse than the Dacia Logan MCV I had the pleasure* of driving (but not working even though it's a plated vehicle) earlier today. The build quality and interior plastics would shame a 1987 Mk 4 Escort.

[wuvvum]

To be fair it wasn't the interior plastics which were the main issue on a 1987 Escort, it was the exterior steel. 

[warren t claim]

Due to my previous cheap mechanic of choice having to hang up his spanners due to cancer I threw the Insignia keys to another of my tame technicians to present it for inspection and see what it fails on. The fail sheet is as follows.

Council taxi requirements.

Valet required inside and out. I was expecting that. Rear bumper and NS wing require paintwork.

MOT fails.

EML light on. Brake pedal sinking. Parking brake inoperative OSR. NSR shock has severe leak. Parking brake below efficiency.

Obviously, as I paid mechanic 1 to sort out the rear caliper I'll be giving him a slap when he finishes his chemo.

£250 to sort out the rear bumper and bodywork seems a little steep but I really can't be arsed shopping around.

 

[warren t claim]

I see my old 18 plate Ioniq is still going strong.

[Lord Sterling]

On 19/07/2024 at 22:17, artdjones said:

Just be glad you're not punting an absolutely destroyed Mk6 Escort around the streets of Kinshasa.....

I see your Mk6 Escort in Kinshasa and raise you a barely running Mercedes 190 in Burkina Faso.

 

[warren t claim]

As most of you know, I'm more of a night driver who would rather deal with cheery revelers than manhandling Doris's Zimmer frame along with 20 bags of shopping from Tesco. What keen subscribers of the writings of Warren on this thread will know is that I manage and assist a fleet of rental taxis for someone who has recently moved out of the area. Quite why I agreed to this after my many epic whinges about my time as a fleet owner over on our various Mondeo threads is a mystery to even myself. Having said that, it's been pretty easy so far, just collect money, hand out keys and sort out the odd inspection. Nothing too tasking even for my somewhat limited intellect. 

9am this morning my beauty sleep is disturbed by the fleet owner phoning me. I assume that the call will be him confirming that I've paid my mechanic for the passing work done on my Insignia so I ignore his call and make a note to call him back later this afternoon. As I'm half awake and still in need of a few more hours of sleep I treat myself to a quick Temazewank and drift back off to the land of nod.

At 12 noon, my phone rings, followed by a text, followed by the phone ringing again. I answer to hear the fleet owner apologising for waking me up, but there's a problem. A Dacia Logan MCV that he's rented out for a week to a driver whose Kia Optima estate is having a clutch/flywheel replacement won't start due to a flat battery. I know this Dacia reasonably well. I've never worked it but I have driven it a few times and to be honest, it's not a bad car. Yes, it is fitted with the sort of interior fit and finish I last sampled when driving the Yugo 45 van my first bailiff firm made me drive as a punishment for some minor workplace fuck up, but this particular Dacia is a model quite high up the Logan food chain as it's equipped with sat nav, reversing camera and cruise control. Although I'd quite like to work this Logan for a week or two just to make a thread about it on here its main purpose on the fleet is to be the dedicated short term hire vehicle due to it only being worth £1500 and therefore worthless enough to be insured TPO on a short term taxi insurance policy. Quite what the last lad who rented it for a week thought about it as he hired it while his E Class Mercedes was having work done! I'm surprised that the comedown in cars must have given him a near fatal shock!

I arrive to find the driver, a lad called Dave who I don't recognise but for some reason knows me and a disturbingly large amount about me, and his missus Angie trying to jump start the Logan from their Audi Q2 using a set of jump leads that look like they came out of a xmas cracker. Not being a complete prick I have both a decent set of leads along with a tow rope that's more than up to the job of starting the Dacia but the only problem is that both are neatly stored in the boot of the aforementioned Insignia and therefore out of my reach. I try the ignition of the Logan only to see that the battery is so flat even the ignition lights won't turn on. I phone Claim_Garage asking to borrow their booster pack. Claim_Garage tell me that they had lent it out earlier in the week but will phone who they lent it to so I can collect it. Five minutes later I'm told that the lad who borrowed it isn't answering his phone. Bollocks!

At this point I should mention that Dave isn't a normal PH driver, he's someone who owns his own airport transfer firm and was starting to grumble loudly. I try to boost his spirits and suggest that we nip to the local Wickes and buy a tow rope to drag start the Logan even though I was keeping a secret the fact that there's no fucking way it'll start with a tow if the battery's so flat that even the ignition and oil pressure lights won't illuminate but I'll worry about that later.

One £12 tow strap later we return to the Dacia. I'm at this point banking on being able to use Two Tier Kia to get at least a little charge into the Dacia's battery through the Tesco Value jump leads to enable it to start after a tow. After ten minutes of me revving the tits off 2TK there was enough charge in the Logan's battery to at least show basic signs of life so I decided to attach the tow strap. When I looked at the front of the Dacia and saw the missing cover for the towing eye to screw into the first thought I had was that I bet the fucking towing eye is missing and I was right! I was trying to appear cheerful to Dave while I was rapidly running out of options so I decided to use my final throw of the dice. This Logan has a towbar fitted so I asked dave to drive 2TK and I'll sit in the Logan while I bump start it in reverse. 

 

All this shit due to a flat battery!

[sheffcortinacentre]

Welcome to my world.

[High Jetter]

Tomorrow could be fun!

[warren t claim]

1 minute ago, High Jetter said:

Tomorrow could be fun!

I put my brave trousers on earlier and texted him to make sure it's still behaving itself!

[High Jetter]

Hope he doesn't turn it off!

[warren t claim]

Just now, High Jetter said:

Hope he doesn't turn it off!

To be fair, it did charge itself up pretty fast.

[High Jetter]

Hope it holds, or you find out why it discharged.

[warren t claim]

Just now, High Jetter said:

Hope it holds, or you find out why it discharged.

It hadn't been used for nearly a month.

[warren t claim]

The Dacia Logan MCV is a much better car than you'd think.

[warren t claim]

I'm going to be a little vague about the details regarding the people involved in this post to protect the privacy of those involved.

In the town I grew up in there were a fair few well known "Cat Houses" back in the late 70s and early 80s. By this I mean houses where there was always a Jag or two parked outside or in the driveway. We had the yellow 1968 E-Type that I remember being parked under a car port back in 1974 when I was four years old and never moved until it was literally swept away sometime back in the late 80s. We also had Bruno and his MK2 that he still owns today and finally, we have Mr Jag who owned several examples of Coventry's finest who is the subject of this story.

Earlier today I was sent a job going to Man Air from his house. Many of us local boys of a certain age liked Mr Jag because not only was he always happy to chat to us boys who showed interest and knowledge about his cars, but he'd also take us for a spin in them if we asked him nicely enough. I distinctly remember when myself and two mates got a run out in his E-Type V12 2+2 with me earning the front passenger seat for knowing it had a 5343cc engine. This made him more popular with the local lads than even Mr Daytona as he's only ever let us sit in his Ferrari that he punted on shortly after Miami Vice hit our TV screens.

Anyway, back to today. I arrive at the house to be greeted by a neighbour. He tells me that Mr Jag sadly passed away a decade ago and my job was to take his widow, Mrs Daimler, to the airport so she could fly home to a country in Asia that I won't mention along with her new husband. Apparently Mr Jag and Mrs Daimler emigrated about 15 years ago but kept their house here due to that country's political situation being about as stable as an Invacare in a mild crosswind.

I load the cases into the back of Two Tier Kia and then meet Mrs Daimler and her new husband. Mrs Daimler is a 76 year old OAP and her new husband is a huge black guy called Leroy who's at least 40 years younger than her!!!

She sits in the front next to me and Leroy sits behind her. I tell her about my teenage interactions with her late husband and she's delighted that I remembered him! She tells me that he bought that E=Type for £1000 back in the day and eventually sold it for £25000 many years later!

 

 

[warren t claim]

On my way home through the posh part of leafy Wirral, I see a spaniel sprinting along the side of a main road. I figure that it has escaped so pull over to see if I can catch it. I don't have much luck when it comes to rounding up stray dogs but I thought that I'd give it a go as I don't want the poor pooch to end up getting squashed. I open my door and whistle and much to my surprise, not only does it scamper over, but jumps in onto my lap!

This fluffy creature greets me with more of a welcome than I get off my own Whippet and JRT! I fumble around its neck and can feel a dog tag so I drive 100 yards up the road to a Shell garage to enable me to read the number on it. I phone the mobile number on the tag and it's answered within two rings by a worried sounding woman. Clearly, she knows that her pet has escaped and is assuming that I'm going to tell her that I've either found it or I'm phoning to break the news to her that I've just ran it over and does she want me to collect the remains so my opening line was "Do you own the very friendly spaniel that's just jumped into my car and is trying to lick me to death?"  She sounds like someone who's just won the lottery and I offer to drop her furbaby off at their home about a third of a mile away.

Her seven year old son was in tears when I returned their beloved canine home. Apparently the spaniel is only two years old and her son named him "Baby". At this point her husband appeared to thank me before putting his hand in his pocket and handing me a load of £1 coins insisting that I take them. 

 

[High Jetter]

Nice to hear of someone carrying cash! Also your good actions, obs.

[sierraman]

If you wrote a book, I’d buy it. 

[chancer]

13 minutes ago, sierraman said:

If you wrote a book, I’d buy it. 

Can ye still buy scud books? 

[warren t claim]

36 minutes ago, sierraman said:

If you wrote a book, I’d buy it. 

@eddyramrod a vote of confidence!

[RoverFolkUs]

1 hour ago, sierraman said:

If you wrote a book, I’d buy it. 

If he was a cabbie, I'd get in the back 

[Agila]

6 hours ago, warren t claim said:

I don't have much luck when it comes to rounding up stray dogs

Bollox. You've had plenty by all accounts 🤣

[twosmoke300]

8 hours ago, sierraman said:

If you wrote a book, I’d buy it. 

I have mentioned this before but I spent my teenage years reading warrens articles in a bike mag I used to buy . 
Small world that he’s on here too ! 
 

[warren t claim]

Tonight I managed to earn myself a stern ticking off from the office.

Our booking app has a feature that allows a customer to phone me directly. This isn't there to improve the quality of service, it exists to enable the firm to cut down the number of call handlers they need to employ. I find this feature an annoying distraction to my working day so amuse myself by answering their calls by saying something like "Chinese Laundry", "Samaritans, how can I help you?" and "Stop nagging me! I've buried the body like you asked me to!"

Earlier tonight I answered a call from a punter by saying "Go ahead caller, you're live on Chat Radio and the topic is erectile dysfunction, what would you like to share with the listeners?" The punter slammed the phone down and cancelled the job. Five minutes later the oppo phoned me to point out my lack of professionalism... 

 

[High Jetter]

Battersea Dogs home is my choice in that situation...

[Soundwave]

I can only assume the caller actually did have a bad case of flaccid jazz, and you touched a nerve.  

[warren t claim]

https://www.taxi-point.co.uk/post/mortons-unique-adapted-black-cab-hearse-offers-special-final-journey

Hmmm...

[twosmoke300]

On 14/10/2024 at 00:28, High Jetter said:

Battersea Dogs home is my choice in that situation...

Joe’s Grill - you kill ‘em we grill ‘em 

[Homersimpson]

On 12/10/2024 at 23:03, warren t claim said:

On my way home through the posh part of leafy Wirral, I see a spaniel sprinting along the side of a main road. I figure that it has escaped so pull over to see if I can catch it. I don't have much luck when it comes to rounding up stray dogs but I thought that I'd give it a go as I don't want the poor pooch to end up getting squashed. I open my door and whistle and much to my surprise, not only does it scamper over, but jumps in onto my lap!

This fluffy creature greets me with more of a welcome than I get off my own Whippet and JRT! I fumble around its neck and can feel a dog tag so I drive 100 yards up the road to a Shell garage to enable me to read the number on it. I phone the mobile number on the tag and it's answered within two rings by a worried sounding woman. Clearly, she knows that her pet has escaped and is assuming that I'm going to tell her that I've either found it or I'm phoning to break the news to her that I've just ran it over and does she want me to collect the remains so my opening line was "Do you own the very friendly spaniel that's just jumped into my car and is trying to lick me to death?"  She sounds like someone who's just won the lottery and I offer to drop her furbaby off at their home about a third of a mile away.

Her seven year old son was in tears when I returned their beloved canine home. Apparently the spaniel is only two years old and her son named him "Baby". At this point her husband appeared to thank me before putting his hand in his pocket and handing me a load of £1 coins insisting that I take them. 

 

A bit (very) late to reply to this but in 2022 I was driving to work one Sunday morning for a power shutdown (around 7am so not that early) when I came across a dog running loose trying to get onto the dual carriage way.

I have to confess I'm not a massive dog person but I couldn't see the poor thing run over so I stopped and called it over and it came to me.  It had no tag so I had no idea where it was from but it was in a small hamlet so there weren't may houses around.

I managed to tie a rope to its collar and for the next half hour we walked to all the nearby houses to see if it recognized anywhere, I rang a few bells and was greeted with deep suspicion by a lot of people (well I was wearing a t-shirt, track suit bottoms and had a greyhound on a rope walking around peoples expensive houses!) .

Now the problem was that it was in the middle of a heat wave, I couldn't leave it run free, I couldn't tie it up as it would be scorching a few hours so I had to take it with me.  It was a nice dog but daft as a brush.

I tried to get it in the back of my car but it was having none of it so I eventually had to put it on the front seat.

Fortunately on my way to work their was a dogs trust place and they took it from me.  It was chipped but they rang the number and it was for the original breeder as the owners hadn't registered it to them.  The breeder reckoned they had a number for who they sold it to and would dig it out.

I left my details with the dogs trust and then left, I rang a couple of days later to check on it and they confirmed that its very upset owners had collected him (as it turns out he was a boy).    Apparently he was a Whippet and worth a fair amount of money, no idea why the new owners hadn't registered his chip.  If he hadn't been collected I think I might have become a dog person because he was lovely