Work van woes

[eddyramrod]

You may remember that the van of the title is a Citroen Relay, X-reg. 

http://i1256.photobucket.com/albums/ii484/eddyramrod/100_3078_zpsf1e59787.jpg

I took it over 11 months ago from someone who had seriously abused it for a couple of years, and I've been nursing it since then, and fighting my employer's mingebag tendency that means it doesn't get proper servicing.

A few months ago he replaced the other van (fair enough, it was even older) with an 07-plate Ducato.  He's talked about replacing mine when he's finished paying for that one, in two years.  OK, fair play, I'm used to driving all kinds of old rubbish, I can nurse it along.

So he takes a couple of weeks off.  No problem there, everyone needs a holiday etc, I'm even having one myself soon.  All the time he's away, the van is clonking.  CV joint.  Possibly both.

It turned 100,000 miles  and while he was away, passed 101,101 which tickled me.  But the clonking was a worry.  As soon as he came back I nagged him about it.  He went out in the van, and it kept quiet, as they do.  But he did say that he wasn't keen to spend much on it when he could probably stand the hit for finance and replace it. 

So today I'm coming in off my first load and the clonking is so bad I can't hear the engine, and the steering is fighting me.  Then all of a sudden, perfect peace.  And no drive.

What does he do?  Tows me to the garage (just up the road) that handles repairs for him and lets them fix it.

There I was, gaily looking forward to a trip to Morecambe or Poulton to pick up a 2008 van with doors that don't let rain in; with a radio that works; with gears I can find; with a ply-lined floor that goes all the way to the sides... good thing I wasn't holding my breath.  Anyway, to their credit, the garage did it immediately and it's now back at the bakery waiting for me to load it up in the morning.

[Lankytim]

Crash it.

[rml2345]

^ Bit extreme no? You'd be better pushing it into the sea and blaming a broken handbrake cable. It'll hurt less and there's zero chance of repairing it if it's done well...

[Cavcraft]

I had a bash in a 2011 or something Ducato recently. It'd be dead easy to crash one of those, all you'd have to do is pull out of a junction as the visibility is so shit you might just as well use telepathy. I'd try one first Eddy, you might prefer the old van!

[Partridge]

Sorry to go all "felly magic" But if it's unsafe, or you feel it unsafe driving it, tell them. Your employer has a duty to supply you with a safe vehicle to drive.

Also, if the van is not roadworthy and you get pulled over, it's you that will take the rap-I'm pretty sure that's still the case anyway. It's your responsibility to ensure it's safe to use on the road. 

 

If one of the L200s were dodgy at my work, I'd deffo play the 'elf 'n' safety card.

 

Or push into a river and run away. Blame it on Ed Milliband if your boss reads the Daily Mail.

[Micrashed]

Diesel?

Spot of rain?

Simply drive fast through a deep puddle (Morecambe bay fr'instance) and let the donkey hydraulic.

[eddyramrod]

Some interesting thoughts there, chaps, many of which have already crossed what passes for my mind.  If I was to kill the van, I'd be wanting to make sure it at least looked like someone else's fault.  A couple of weeks ago I thought I was on a winner as a bin wagon was reversing a bit too close.  While I was unloading, so that would have been fine.  He kept coming... kept coming... and then stopped.  Bugger.

The implications of the sudden death of my van: my customers get let down, as the rest of the day is shot.  Situation continues until a replacement is found and pressed into service.  Worst of all?  I'd have to do my deliveries in his car.  A silver 2008 Audi A4 diesel estate.  How bad does it have to get?  Oh and then the insurance value of the van is about 99p, so for the business, the financial burden is exactly as bad as simply buying one anyway.

So, I'll continue to nurse it.  It's legal enough to scrape MoT, at least it was in the spring.  It's just decrepit.  When it rains, I get so wet there might as well be no doors on the cab.  The radio works, but there's a duff connection to the speakers so mostly, it gives me nothing.  But when it does, it works very well, until the next bump.  Oh yeah, British roads... so I get five seconds of radio twice a year.  The back doors don't lock.  The body's been ply-lined, which is ideal; but not very well, so all the dirt goes into inaccessible gaps and casually rots the body.  And yes, I do clean it out!

There are worse things than this van.  I know, I've driven most of them.

[warren t claim]

How hard is the van worked? Do you do many deliveries a day in it or is it distance work?

[eddyramrod]

I do two, maybe three runs a day, just around town (which I know is nearly as bad for a vehicle as leaving it sitting in a barn for 30 years...).  My first run is usually 4 drops, second is 2 or 3.  If there's a third, it's usually a single-drop dash to our other shop, 5 miles away.  A full tank of diesel lasts two weeks of this.  So compared to some vans, it doesn't live a very hard life, there's no motorway pounding, but there is a lot of short dashing.

[Felly Magic]

It does sound like it needs a 'mysterious engine fire'

[eddyramrod]

That wouldn't be difficult!  The whole engine bay is liberally coated with oil, thanks to the previous incumbent's habit of leaving the oil filler cap off.  At least three times, according to the tales I've been told.  How it hasn't seized solid is beyond me.

[twosmoke300]

Quit your wibbling

 

My Pug boxer 1.9d works van wont go above 60 , Osf strut brg u/s so steering pulls like fuck left and right , leaks water from all doors , takes 4 applications of heat to start in summer . Also only has 1 synchro left , side door only opens from inside , front end bashed in so fans have to be disconnected , wrong engine fitted so oil light comes on when you brake hard or go down a steep hill . There is more but you get the message. The radio is good tho

 

The boss insists its ok but thats prob because its me !!

[wackywacerwill]

Fix radio, be happy.

[Cavcraft]

I had the pleasure* of a 294,000 mile Transit box van for a few months on my last job. It was absolutely knackered and got upgraded to a 225,000 miles one eventually. At least that one could go up hills doing more than 15mph and without leaving giant black clouds behind it.

[Asimo]

Kill the immobilizer key thingy with a few seconds in a microwave oven. 

 

Or give Plod a reason to inspect it. A serious offence "Causing someone to drive" an unsafe vehicle.

[warren t claim]

I think you need to man up a bit. If you were driving for Cakes by Claim offering a good old fashioned service you'd be piloting a split screen Bedford CA and a draughty window would be the least of your worries. Along with only three forward gears a heater would be a distant memory and you'd have to leave the sliding door wide open to give hand signals. Expect your weekly pay to be given to you in a brown envelope and be prepared to tip a shilling to my apprentice for checking the fluid levels.

[dollywobbler]

I had a bash in a 2011 or something Ducato recently. It'd be dead easy to crash one of those, all you'd have to do is pull out of a junction as the visibility is so shit you might just as well use telepathy. I'd try one first Eddy, you might prefer the old van!

 

Crap aren't they? A whole new world of blind spots.

[saucedoctor]

^This. My mate is a spark, and just got shot of his. I only drove the FIAT a couple of times, and I was really uncomfortable doing so. Now he's got a 2012 Transit 280 (?)

[Grundig]

 I'd plod on with it & see how many miles I could clock up - also, could you fettle bits n bobs on it yourself ?? 

[eddyramrod]

Well after all that...

I got it back yesterday, fixed, and today it broke again!  This time I think it's the radiator fan switch.  Red light on dash, temp gauge climbing like a Space Shuttle.  It happened between the last two drops on my first load, so I got to the last one and let it rest for half an hour (on a town-centre double yellow   ) before checking under the hood.  No obvious damage, not even an obvious leak, so I topped up the expansion tank which was the only topping-up option available to me.  Set off back to the bakery, a whole four miles, and watched the needle climbing again.  Gave it a little more rest back at the bakery then ran it up the road to the garage.  I had to take my second load in the Audi again .

I haven't been in work this afternoon so I don't know if it's come back, or what the fault actually was.

 

WTC, I remember vans like that!  I definitely remember being paid in cash in a brown envelope, that's how it should be!  Bloody banks...

Yes, vans have come on a long way, I understand and I'm glad.  I have driven the 07 van that replaced the old Transit, and it's no worse for blind spots than the van I have, except it has unglazed back doors.  In other respects it's much nicer, but I think it's perhaps a bit too sophisticated.  That's my standard complaint these days, we've passed the optimum level of technology I think and now there's just too much of it.

 

As for fettling it myself, I doubt there's much I can do.  I could probably pull the dash and fiddle about with the wiring behind the radio, which at least would give me Chris Evans back.  The other stuff... most of my tools are packed away still.  I'm sure my boss would be quite happy for me to do that though.  It isn't going to cost him garage rates!

[Felly Magic]

Bottom line is this, it's your licence on the line driving vehicles that are clearly only fit for being bean tins

[Lankytim]

Pour some water into the oil, tell the boss the head gasket has gone and buy it off him for £50, change the oil and sell for a profit.

 

Or something.

[Barry Cade]

Wee nick in the timing belt, and wait...

[crapcarcollector]

I would buy that van....

 

 

Sent from my Nokia 3310 using the force.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Wee nick in the timing belt, and wait...

I might have had a friend* that did this to a BX Gti he got lumbered with as a company car. Caned the crap out of it for a couple of months- nothing happened. It got sold when the fleet manager got pissed off with all Citroens after a couple of self combusting XM's. I er I mean he ended up with a 1.8 auto Carlton,karma I suppose,just hope whoever bought the BX changed the belt.

[eddyramrod]

Well the overheating issue was down to the fanbelt tensioner.  It broke up and cut away at the belt.  I didn't notice the belt missing when I looked under the bonnet, but perhaps at that stage it was only slack.  Curiously, the charging light wasn't on.  Anyway it's sorted, got it back same day.  The handy garage up the road is very good that way, they understand that we need the thing before they even wake up next morning, so they do stuff right away.

Today's Woe is the weather.  I stepped into the back of the van with an empty tray and while I was putting it on the stack, the wind slammed the door on me.  The inside handle on the back door... isn't.  it's gone missing.  So I had to climb over the racking to get to the side door, where I could let myself out.  Nothing very serious (except I'm claustrophobic); just an inconvenience, that's all.

Now I'm awaiting my workmate, who's supposed to be taking me to pick up my Volvo.  He's late.

[RichardMoss]

When I saw the title "Work van Woes" I thought it was the name of a Dutch Police TV series

[eddyramrod]

Pour some water into the oil, tell the boss the head gasket has gone and buy it off him for £50, change the oil and sell for a profit.

 

Or something.

 

Guess what... it seems the head gasket has gone.  There's a month left on the tax and roughly the same on the MoT.  He's talking seriously about a replacement and seems keen on the idea of the pre-reg Transit.  We've agreed I'm going to nurse it into next week, and I might get a replacement sooner rather than later.

I will very happily drive the Relay to the scrapyard myself, I'd even get the bus back.  It seriously isn't worth doing the work on.

[Micrashed]

Hmmm, Citroen relay  - what rubber is it wearing (as its the same as the C8 platform and might have similar rubber....)

[Lankytim]

My mate Dave will buy it! He buys everything!