Weirdest people you've sold a car to

[dollywobbler]

Ok, it is true, he does not look like a remark. He's much more human shaped.

[RedSparrow]

I think it's another American bastardisation, along with 'I could care less'

[Cavcraft]

Resembling remarks? It's all a bit semi-coloned for my liking.

[Micrashed]

Resembling remarks? It's all a bit semi-coloned for my liking.

Cloned with who?

[chaseracer]

It was a joke, Testes.

 

You are familiar with the concept? It involves the deliberate use of language form, or - as in this case - the application of ironic sentence construction, to elicit a humourous response from an audience.

 

No? Never mind, then...

 

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yes I am aware of the concept of jokes thanks! Although my understanding is that the central concept of a joke is that there is an element of humour included.

 

I *think* I can just about make out the joke aspect here which is to your credit, however you appear to have mistakenly employed a phrase which make no sense at all, to deliver it.

[TimothyClaypole]

An Audi Estate to a foreign guy from "darn sarf", picked him up from the bus stop up the road, took him to the bank to get the cash then spent about an hour trying to explain insurance to him...

[chaseracer]

Why?

 

Once he's signed the dated & timed sale document, that's his problem.

[Mr Livered]

Come on Mr Racer... if you found yourself selling a car to a furriner who didn't know how insurance worked, surely you too would find time to fill him in? You seem like a decent chap!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I wouldn't! I'd just let him get on with it.

[John F]

 

I'd DEFINITELY have explained insurance to him, rather than run the risk of driving on the same road as an uninsured driver.

[chaseracer]

Fair point, well made. But all that explanation makes no difference at all if the bloke still doesn't actually insure the car.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

^^^^ right, if he's made it as far as standing in front of you with a wad of cash to buy a car without considering any insurance (its hardly a peculiarity of the UK is it) I don't think 'helpfully' trying to explain that he needs to spend another £500 and locate various proofs of age, address, his hungarian driving licence etc is going to make a fat lot of difference is it. Not in the real world anyway.

[Bobthebeard]

Fair point, well made. But all that explanation makes no difference at all if the bloke still doesn't actually insure the car.

True. But at least your conscience would be clear if you actually tried to help*.

[chaseracer]

ASterisk disclaimer noted!

 

[mercedade]

Loving it - particularly the recurring People-Who-Buy-Rovers theme.

 

What I love is that for every Rover I've sold to a weirdo, I must have bought it at some point - does that mean in some parallel universe, there's a thread discussing some badly dressed but posh sounding bloke (I'm a relocated Southerner - apparently that's enough to sound 'posh') who thought nothing of meeting a couple of lesbian coppers in a pitch black tram station car park to buy their rotten R6 Metro for £100? A car I later sold, having ragged it senseless for 4 months with tarp for a passenger window and no driver's door handle (it shed bodywork like it had leprosy), to a kid on the next street for £20*

 

*actually, it ended up being £15 because he never came back with extra fiver he promised me. Bastard. I had my inadvertent revenge though. I'd reported it stolen 5 days previous because, thanks to the High Security Tarp*, some kids had pushed it down the road in an attempt to bumpstart it. Foiled by the immobiliser, they left it 100 yards away, something I didn't discover until the following day. When I called the police to say I'd found my car and not to worry, I can only assume they didn't update their records as by all accounts this kid was pulled over the day after he bought it. No MOT, no insurance either.

[brickwall]

Regarding lesbians:

 

My dad sold a Hillman Hunter about 1980 to two old lesbians from a neighbouring town.  One was really old, fat and butch and the other a little skinny waif. They used to wave to our family every time they passed us after they bought it.

[Jim Bell]

Segwaying the thread seamlessly toward tales of lesbianossity:

 

When I was about 14, me and a some mates were trying to smoke drug tabs in a friends friends empty flat.

We were all drunk and found we had no lighter. And the hobs were electric. We tried sparking a doobie on an electric hob anyway, but recorded zero percent success.

 

I was then dispatched to knock on doors with a candle to ask for a light (the candle would burn all night, so we would always have a burn).

Aaaaaaaanyway, I must have knocked on thirty doors, at half one in the morning before someone answered the door.

 

A lesbian! In a jumper. And with bare legs.

 

"Can I have a light for my candle please? We're doing drugs" I said. Uncertainly.

 

"Course you can. Come in"

 

Lesbian No.1 then revealed herself as a lesbian by introducing me to lesbian No.2, who was her other half. They were both dead canny, and we chatted,shared a spliff and listened to some Trad Ska.

 

Then I said I'd better be off, got as far as the front door, looked at the exterior road and kind of realised I had no idea where I was.

 

"I have no idea where I was" I said.

 

Lesbian number 2 said "Sleep on the coach darlin, I'll run you home in the morning"

 

I did, and she did.

 

In a gold/rust coloured mk1 Fiesta. Which Had no bumpers and which I to bump start for her. (Might have been her plan all along).

 

The last paragraph is kind of As relevant, I make no appologies for the rest of the tale.

[oman5]

Is there anyone who HASN'T sold a car to lesbians? the only people who wanted to buy my lada riva were two lesbians. (one plump and butch, the other a skinny waif, natch) they said they liked it because of the huge front fogs and renault 21 boot spoiler I'd fitted. (there must be a tits/bum joke in there somewhere? headlights? rear end? no?)

Well they were very happy with it and I saw it about for some time after.

 

They were not weird in any way, perfectly nice couple and easy transaction. 

[purplebargeken]

Slight thread digression perhaps, perhaps not. 

 

A good few years ago I had a bout of Mk3 Granada wantage. I'd bought this blue 2.9 Ghia on eBay from a weirdo in Milton Keynes.

 

One night I heard an almighty crash outside. I dashed out to be confronted with a small Fiat Panda (square one) with it's rear end connected to the rear 1/4 panel of my Granada. The girl opposite who at the time was a lesbian, explained that she had tried to turn her car around, but had lost control and reversed at full throttle into the side of my car. The Fiat had pushed my Granada up onto the pavement and the Fiat had a slightly cracked rear lens. The girl 'bought' my car so as to not go through insurance, etc. I sold it a week later and was quite happy. She however is now bi-sexual apparently (the neighbour, not the Fiat). I'll get my hat.......

[chaseracer]

Sigmund Freud would enjoy that, Ken. He's on here somewhere and will no doubt pass by presently...

 

[Sigmund Fraud]

Sigmund Freud would enjoy that, Ken. He's on here somewhere and will no doubt pass by presently...

 

 

I read Ken's post five times, and still couldn't make much sense of it. I therefore decided to ask my avatar for advice. After indulging in some class A drug use, he reliably* informed me that there are some pretty obvious projective and introjective mechanisms at play. Or something like that.

 

 

Back on topic, I feel disadvantaged as all the people that I've dealt with when buying or selling cars have been remarkably normal. Granted, a couple of them were prolific collectors of old rustbuckets, but that seemed to be their sole eccentricity. And none of them were attractive, casually bisexual women. How unfortunate !

[Bobthebeard]

I read Ken's post five times, and still couldn't make much sense of it. I therefore decided to ask my avatar for advice. After indulging in some class A drug use, he reliably* informed me that there are some pretty obvious projective and introjective mechanisms at play. Or something like that.

 

 

Back on topic, I feel disadvantaged as all the people that I've dealt with when buying or selling cars have been remarkably normal. Granted, a couple of them were prolific collectors of old rustbuckets, but that seemed to be their sole eccentricity. And none of them were attractive, casually bisexual women. How unfortunate !

Perhaps you need a hat.... An 'explaining hat' like the one Ken went to get...

[Junkman]

I'm with Dr Fraud here. Selling cars to people one wouldn't consider normal has so far eluded me, which is remarkable, considering the sheer number of cars I've sold in my life. However, this cannot be said about many of the people I dealt with when buying cars, the majority of which were either quite bizarre, slightly colourful, raving bonkers, or righteous eccentric. I have long since accepted the fact that my taste in cars obviously leads to me acting as some sort of transgression filter. I get them from the total fruitcakes, they then go through some sort of madness decontamination process while in my ownership and then are released into the world of petty bourgeoisness.

[RedSparrow]

Same here, managed to avoid nutters when selling. If someone sounds like a moron on the phone/email I tend to tell them it's sold already, this filter seems to work well. Does mean I've got less than I wanted on some occasions but at least I've had no stupid comebacks.

[Station]

Two of my mates worked in a guitar shop in Liverpool (Micro Music), they used to get a slightly unhinged lad in who was starting to play the guitar.

He bought a small guitar amp and two weeks later came in saying the amp no longer works. They took the back off the amp and found he had removed all the wiring and circuitry and had wired up a 100 watt bulb to make the amp louder. At least one of my mates involuntarily remarked 'Haha'.

[Cavcraft]

A Mk3 Capri 1.6 Laser to some really, really ace bloke who'd pestered the tits off me about it. He was coming from Prestatyn which should be a sort of 30-40 minute journey.

I swear to God it must have taken him four hours and kept stopping to find land marks to let me know he was on the way, including 'I'm in Hay Warden now' and then after ten minutes of bizarre conversation it transpired he meant Hawarden, etc. 

Anyhow despite repeated attempts to guide him in he just sort of kept drifting off course and probably managed about 90 miles to get here.

 

He turned up in checked trousers at least five inches to short and with pink cottoned repair patches to the knees, bright orange socks and a vile blazer that looked like it was a Wurzel Gummidge cast off.

Anyhow he was a brilliant bloke, eccentric as hell and his equally mad, equally crazily dressed son came with him. They viewed the Capri with the same sort of reverence that I would imagine Edward 1st would have felt if you'd passed him a machine gun. They were in absolute awe of the car and couldn't stop thanking me.

If he's still alive I hope to God he finds Autoshite as he'd give 2Savvy a hell of a run for his money.

[Micrashed]

Four of the  women that I have shagged in the past are now fully paid up members of the rug munching brigade.

As I sold them no cars its not really relevant to the thread. But it makes you think doesnt it?

[RedSparrow]

[autofive]

Four of the  women that I have shagged in the past are now fully paid up members of the rug munching brigade.

As I sold them no cars its not really relevant to the thread. But it makes you think doesnt it?

 

 

are you really that bad in bed that 4 women have given up on porksword as a result?