Golden Rule.

[Jim Bell]

Everybody has them. Probably in many aspects of shite stewardship.

 

What's yours?

 

Shitpeas lives by:

 

If you can see part of a caravan in an car advert photograph, avoid.

[Junkman]

Whoever has the gold, makes the rules...

Oh, wrong forum, sorry.

 

My golden rule:

 

Never buy a car when the cigarette lighter isn't working.

[autofive]

never buy a mini metro

[Cavcraft]

If the advert looks like it was typed out by a pissed up two year old, the vehicle won't be worth buying.

 

If the advert says 'I got this for my wife but she doesn't like it' then the vehicle is shagged.

 

If the advert doesn't have a price and just says 'offers'.

 

Anyone who says 'testing the water': that actually means they're a fucking dreamer who is hoping to get several hundred replies saying 'nice car M8' and expect to attract several times the actual value of said car. Plus, you're either selling it or you're not, so piss off.

 

People who bombard you with emails, phone calls, text messages if you express a passing interest in something. 

 

People who say iif you want it you'll have to come up now as loads of people are interested in it. That's like a red rag to a bull to me, and I mostly tell them to sell it to the other interested party if that's the case. They often don't of course, because it's a pressure tactic and my interest end there and then.

 

Those who go on and on as if they know all about cars then say their Ford Mondeo definitely has an Isuzu engine or something equally silly.

[TagoraSX]

Never buy anything from a man who wears flip-flops.

[Cavcraft]

Always buy a Peugeot 406 from me.

[Novanick1]

If the advert looks like it was typed out by a pissed up two year old, the vehicle won't be worth buying.

 

If the advert says 'I got this for my wife but she doesn't like it' then the vehicle is shagged.

 

If the advert doesn't have a price and just says 'offers'.

 

Anyone who says 'testing the water': that actually means they're a fucking dreamer who is hoping to get several hundred replies saying 'nice car M8' and expect to attract several times the actual value of said car. Plus, you're either selling it or you're not, so piss off.

 

People who bombard you with emails, phone calls, text messages if you express a passing interest in something. 

 

People who say iif you want it you'll have to come up now as loads of people are interested in it. That's like a red rag to a bull to me, and I mostly tell them to sell it to the other interested party if that's the case. They often don't of course, because it's a pressure tactic and my interest end there and then.

 

Those who go on and on as if they know all about cars then say their Ford Mondeo definitely has an Isuzu engine or something equally silly.

i could agree to that

[skattrd]

I don't think I have any rules as such,

The cars I like are generally rare/obscure and if one turns up it may be the only one I see for sale for a year or more, so I go for it.

 

I do try and avoid adverts that say offers, have txt speak etc, but nothing stops me if I want a car.

For example I don't like red cars and try to avoid them - I currently own 4 red cars.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Never buy a car that appeals to a 'scene' - it will probably be overpriced (because scenesters seem to have ample disposable income) and massively bodged (because scenesters seem to entrust the maintenance/restoration of their cars to chancers).

 

A sweeping generalisation, I suppose, but isn't that the point of 'golden rules' ?

[londonm]

I wouldn't buy a car off someone who wears sandals and socks.

[cms206]

My father always refused to buy a car with a towbar; a golden rule which I never took on board, along with Montegos being shit, never, never loaning money to your mates, never working with your mates and never becoming mates with your colleagues.

 

My golden rule is... errr... try everything once, except incest and line dancing.

[daveb47]

Dont fart in lifts

 

Its wrong on so many levels

[purplebargeken]

Not sure if it's a rule or something similar (which escapes me at the moment) is:

 

As soon as you try to sell a car, something will fail on it - usually resulting in it leaking fluid of some kind. 

 

Fucketty fuck arse. 

[Bobthebeard]

Never buy a vehicle of any kind from a farmer. It will redefine the term 'fucked'. How it ever moved under its own power for the last twenty* years is always a mystery. But they all seem to. Until it leaves the farm....

[autofive]

good point Bob

 

i have bought two cars from farmers and both seemed okay until the next day.........

[Paul Dupart]

Adds that say "First to see will buy" really piss me off. "No I fucking won't mate!'

 

Also anything that has either a dented bootlid, 50p trapped down the handbrake and is white, and French. Worst nightmare would be a combination of all four, can you imagine that?

[Jim Bell]

Never buy a car off a vegan.

Unless their second name isn't the same as Sherlock Holmses sidekick.

[Cavcraft]

Never buy a car off a vegan.

Unless their second name isn't the same as Sherlock Holmses sidekick.

 

 

Are you mental? If I find someone called Inspector Lestrade selling a car I'll be up there in a flash trying to get work with them. What a great job that must be.

[Bobthebeard]

Never buy a car off a vegan.

Unless their second name isn't the same as Sherlock Holmses sidekick.

Was probably wrongly assuming that with the surname 'Shitpeas' you were possibly of vegan persuasion yourself.

[dollywobbler]

My golden rule is never trust anyone else's viewpoint if it's "those cars are a load of shit mate. I'd never have one." This seems to translate into my head as "opportunity for bargain, I simply must own it." My VM-engined Range Rover is perhaps the greatest rewarder of my golden rule. It was great! Actually, scratch that. I was told that a cheap Discovery would be a hopeless wreck. I love the Disco even more than the Range Rover (largely because the heater actually works).

[autofive]

just thought of something else;

 

never buy a car from anyone who gives their car a name, or calls it SHE all the fucking time

 

they usually fall into two camps

 

1. madly anal virgins who think the vehicle is worth a fortune

 

2. poor amatuer salesmen selling crap they bought from the local auctions for a profit

[dollywobbler]

3. Strange beardy blokes from Wales. (to be fair, the 2CV is the only car with a name!)

[Junkman]

My golden rule is never trust anyone else's viewpoint if it's "those cars are a load of shit mate. I'd never have one." This seems to translate into my head as "opportunity for bargain, I simply must own it." My VM-engined Range Rover is perhaps the greatest rewarder of my golden rule. It was great! Actually, scratch that. I was told that a cheap Discovery would be a hopeless wreck. I love the Disco even more than the Range Rover (largely because the heater actually works).

 

I generally agree, but as with every rule, there are exceptions. The CX is indeed a useless piece of tosh.

[Junkman]

just thought of something else;

 

never buy a car from anyone who gives their car a name, or calls it SHE all the fucking time

 

they usually fall into two camps

 

1. madly anal virgins who think the vehicle is worth a fortune

 

2. poor amatuer salesmen selling crap they bought from the local auctions for a profit

 

3. Professional car salesmen who also call their 30-heap strong indoor scrapyard a 'collection', like my friend in Ireland.

For partial retrieval of his honour I have to say his dayjob is selling futureshite, though. But his constant referring to cars as 'she' can drive me to the nearest bar, honestly.

[Timewaster]

Never agree to buy a car in the pub, late in the evening, particularly from my mate Scott.

See also: diesel Rover metro, knackered 620 turbo

[Bobthebeard]

Of course the Golden Rule about never bidding for a car on eBay after or during the consumption of alcohol doesn't apply here. Otherwise this forum would not exist!

[Spiny Norman]

If you can see part of a caravan in an car advert photograph, avoid.

 

Or a Transit pick up. Or in fact any commercial vehicle in the photo puts me off. If you're trying to convince me you're not some dodgy trader/pikey type I want to see the car parked outside the house I'll be visiting to view it at.

 

Another personal 'avoid like the plague' hate is cheapo NI 'private' number plates.

[Bobthebeard]

Or a Transit pick up. Or in fact any commercial vehicle in the photo puts me off. If you're trying to convince me you're not some dodgy trader/pikey type I want to see the car parked outside the house I'll be visiting to view it at.

 

Another personal 'avoid like the plague' hate is cheapo NI 'private' number plates.

Cheapo NI plates don't always indicate the owner is a mong...

My 944 has such plates, but in my defence I bought the cheap plates just after my dog died. Had her for 14 years and bought the plate as a kind of memorial thing. Plate spells JAZ. Bought on line, with the Jasmine RIP bit on the bottom of the plates. Missed the old girl. Couldn't afford the ££££s for a headstone at the pet cemetery, hence the plate.

 

Edit. I could be a mong of course! Never thought of that!

[Spiny Norman]

Nope, fair point, and that's a nice tribute to an old pal, but 90% of times an NI plate on a motor means only one thing.

[warren t claim]

If the car comes with a Haynes B.O.L then flick through and see were the grubby fingerprints are, for example if it has a crunchy gearbox and lots of dabs on the corresponding page then walk away.