2012 -Your year in Shite

[messerschmitt owner]

I have Flickr pro. It's easy to use.

[R9UKE]

What a great thread, though you may regret posting it after this.....

 

Yeeesh, excellent year at NI Shite Buyers, I hope 2013 proves just as kind. I'll give a brief rundown of the highlights, I don't have time for every car.

 

I started off in January with perhaps the most impressive car I've ever owned. Unfortunately it had a coolant leak and a Polish chap made me an offer I couldn't refuse after four very happy weeks with this monster of a BMW 540i.

 

 

 

Quickly followed by a 2.5 Safrane Exec. An equally impressive barge but for very different reasons. This car is now sitting outside the front of my friends house with a flat battery and a bonnet that refuses to open.

 

 

February saw my daily Mégane for the past three years rendered a Cat C thanks to a neighbour. This started off a flow of shite in an unsuccessful attempt to replace it.

 

 

First came a Hyundai Accent Auto. What a miserable, miserable car, the definition of a white good, but was marginally more acceptable than the courtesy car I had as the Meg was being assessed.

 

 

 

Following the auto theme, a really tidy 2000 Clio 1.6 was had for buttons. Ended up making a very tidy profit after it MOTd needing fuck all and only had 44k miles

 

 

 

Then came what I thought was the ideal Meg replacement. A 2.0 16v ex-press Mégane bunged with all the options including full leather and sat nav. I bought the car going on a shite description on ebay, flew over to Birmingham for it that weekend. Not a bad car at all, well worth the gamble. But I never properly gelled with it, 5 door with beige leather just felt a bit uncool after the 3 door with black leather.

 

 

 

Then came along the 820i Fastback. A beautifully clean example, with stacks and stacks of paperwork, but perhaps the biggest disappointment of all on my bucket list. I'll reserve ultimate judgement for an 827 though.

 

 

April made for another blind eBay purchase which turned out to be one of the biggest surprises. A £500 Laguna II V6 with NO FAULTS whatsoever, even the tyre pressure sensors and leccy windows work. Love this car, it'll be gracing Shitefest 2025 when all the others have electrically disintegrated.

 

 

 

June saw a Volvo 240 join the fleet. I've not MOTd it but it starts first time every time and gets the frequent run around the country roads. Spents most of it's time as a parts shed. 189k miles

 

 

The other Laguna V6 of 2012 wasn't quite as good. A 1998 3 litre manual which had quite clearly been as shagged as Jodie Marsh over the years. The gearbox was shite, the ride was shit, the exhaust was shit, the wheel bearing was hanging off and the economy never got higher than this. Sold the leather interior, wheels and got my money back.

 

 

 

Spent July and August in the States. Came back and set about making up for lost time straight away.

 

1998 Laguna 2.0 RT Sport. 4 months tax and test for £230. Still going strong, never failed, though nearly MOT time

 

 

Then came a 2.2 HDi C5 for £260 with 2 months tax and test. 183k miles and it was the slowest fecker I've ever driven. It was eBayed for a profit.

 

 

Then came another cross off the bucket list. A 2.2 HDi Auto Peugeot 607. Lovely, lovely car despite the power steering fault and frequent false warnings about coolant levels and tyre pressures. Looking forward to a permanent 3.0 V6

 

 

I then crossed another two off the bucket list in one evening. Proton Persona and Chrysler Neon.

 

 

 

 

 

The Proton was charmingly shit, and with 35k miles, relatively fresh. However, the puddle of oil underneath it every morning was a slight cause for concern. Mechanic advised me to get rid sharpish, it was pissing out everywhere and needed the belt removed to cure it properly. The Neon on the other hand managed to stick around for three months. A bloody brilliant car, 2.0 auto with big comfy American leather seats and THREE cup holders. Did the usual American bonging noises for no reason every time it's turned on and was thirsty bastard but MOTd without an issue and I'd definitely have another.

 

On my birthday the £200 Xedos 6 joined the fleet. It was good fun, comfy and despite the shit ride, might have stuck around longer if it weren't for the hundreds that needed spent for MOT.

 

 

 

Not long after came a Volvo S80 2.9. I only wish it was as good as Cort16's, but it was in fact shagged. Auto box was very, very sluggish, aftermarket wheels were fucked, and traction, ABS and EML lights were glowing. Not my finest moment.

 

 

 

It left the day the project C5 V6 came home. It's still not going

 

 

A Rover 75 V6 came and went very quickly indeed. Not because it was a bad car, but just because I saw a quick profit. 2.5 V6 auto Connoisseur with blue leather and electric rear sunblind! Sunroof leaked like fuck but the thing was a delight to drive. If slightly uncool for a 21 year old.

 

 

 

The guy who bought that traded in his Volvo C70 (I gave him £300 for it). It was one of those cars that I actually felt like I'd robbed the guy as soon as I drove it - but he suggested that figure, not me! 2.0 Low Pressure Turbo manual, it had no MOT but I put it through without even looking underneath and it passed. 120k miles, grey leather and an 11 speaker JBL stereo. The car was cool as ice and very, very Swedish. Again, the profit to be gained saw it being sold last Saturday.

 

 

 

 

 

My first Motorhog purchase arrived here a few weeks back. One of the last of the old shape Mégane Cabrios. 1.6 auto, black with black leather. It was a dealer trade in, bodywork is rough but with 70k miles, the engine is great. Same can't be said for the auto box, which goes THUMP and puts the warning light on at any hint of a slip road or if you have a particularly fat passenger. I expected this before it even came home, anyone who has had a Renault auto will know it's just part and parcel of the car. I look like a raving homosexual with the roof down so it's girl passengers only on warm days.

 

 

 

And finally the new daily, it's official as my private plate is coming off the Cat C Meg and onto this. Another 2.0 Petrol, 45k miles, one lady owner and tonnes of options including heated cloth seats - odd but amazing.

 

 

 

Anyway, here's to 2013, and remember that on the off chance one of you feels the need to visit NI, you're always welcome at the Garden of Shite.

 

[theorganist]

A miserable year of shite motoring for me:

 

Started off with:

 

A) 1998 Renault Megane Scenic - working

1980 Renault 14 - working

C) 1978 Austin Maxi - not working, off the road since 1997 but definately going to be on the road by spring (not)!!

 

Currently the Maxi is still not on the road, although I am determined that it will be by February at the latest, January possibly, the 14 has been on SORN since the end of July and the Megane is still functioning and surprsingly reliable!! However it now has a dent in both offside doors, it was parked in the church car park one Friday night during choir practice and when I came out to go home there was a dent and white paint on both doors. No-one in the choir has a white car so I do not know who the culprit is, lots of people use the church car park for various means, some could appear in the "what cars have you had sex in" thread!!

 

I have decided that I am going to sell the 14 it is going to rot on the drive and so I will be putting it on e-bay over the next week or two and I will use the money to get the Maxi done.

 

I want to get something old back on the road as the Megane whilst competent is quite depressing!

[DVee8]

R9UKE that is one hell of a thread you are a shite collector

[R9UKE]

Surely as an Organist you should have a bronze Volvo 960?

 

Haha cheers Mark, it's a bit out of control tbh, just what happens when shite gets under your skin I s'pose

[cms206]

Full of bad ideas was 2012...

 

Started the year with this...

 

*blinks*... what year is it... is it safe to go outside yet? by cms206, on Flickr

 

Which is still here, in that same spot - does anyone want it before the garage lands on it?

 

... this...

 

N702 UVN by cms206, on Flickr

 

... which left for a profit after about nine months... and this...

 

G341 NTO by cms206, on Flickr

 

... which is still here and at long last creeping towards an MOT again.

 

 

February saw the arrival of this...

 

 

... which was crustier than anticipated. Much crustier. Wheels sold (profit), stereo removed (still in the boot of the Senator awaiting me being stupid and buying another Ford), battery removed (profit) and sent over the bridge (for a profit).

 

 

In March, this arrived...

 

J512 PVC by cms206, on Flickr

 

... and did nothing but disappoint me. I may now never buy another far eastern car again. It lasted a few months before heading to Yorkshire, being replaced by...

 

J455 PKX by cms206, on Flickr

 

... which is in winter layup, lest it dissolve any more or kill me in the snow and ice; it should be back on the road early next year when I've had it's sills tickled.

 

Winter beater duties are now undertaken by the ex Scooters/Sam Glover/Hillmanimp/Scooters Council Estate 740...

 

 

... which hit 145k on Friday last week and continues to impress with it's appetite for fossils, lack of handling and it's ability to make me look the baddest-assed pikey/dogger/sheep rustler in any local flytipping/dogging/sheep rustling hot spot.

 

 

The year is still young and I suspect I may end up owning a K10 Micra before the year is out, purely by virtue of being the only one interested in it. We shall see.

[Lacquer Peel]

 

I covered 20k hard miles in this 405 TD Executive but it got tired and ratty.

 

 

940 TD. Loveably rubbish but it didn't get on with running on veg oil.

 

 

 

 

Xantia 1.9D. Kept up with traffic ok in spite of its 72bhp, long and sharp inclines troubled it. Parked it in a ditch.

 

 

Xantia 1.9TD estate. Bought from ruffgeezer, rides better than the 1.9D did, much more relaxing to drive quickly thanks to the turbo. ABS to help avoid parking in ditches.

[HMC]

started the year with my mafia chic w126 420se, in the literal sense as we spent new years day driving back from Germany in it. It had a bit of a smokey top end and soft rear springs, but what prompted the sale was the wifes grazing the side of it down a gate post in Germany, and me uncharacteristically reallising that is was a good time to bale out rather than sink money id never get back into it. I was quite impressed with myself as i usually do the opposite of this!

refueling man and machine possibly somewhere in Holland. Yes it was bloody cold

Das Boot! the new owner broke it for spares

My low point was then buying this turd which was a worn smooth w124 300td that never really drove right and had a habit of coughing up expensive problems

I breifly also owned these.....

Lovely old oxford MO

P4 100, and a 'barn find' a35 that is now being restored by the new owner

Cock Piss Partridge! lovely to drive

Enjoyed all these, the one in the middle dug its heels in on the day of sale when it started misfiring

The taxi was marvellous, the saab great aside from a whining gearbox

didnt really like the BMW

Amusingly fast, but also leaked water like a seive

dint have this long, had been taken on a banger rally, which seemed to envolve lots of trampling over the roof, bonnet and boot

finally the discretely fast wagon had in mind after having the car chipped and turbo repaired. Still owned

great fun to whizz round in

 

I still own the volvo, the eunos roadster and the S type.

Its rare moments of clarity like this that I reallise i have some sort of car buying disease/addiction

[ruffgeezer]

 

 

Xantia 1.9TD estate. Bought from ruffgeezer, rides better than the 1.9D did, much more relaxing to drive quickly thanks to the turbo. ABS to help avoid parking in ditches.

 

Yay! You made it back then! I hope she is treating you well.

[ruffgeezer]

 

It left the day the project C5 V6 came home. It's still not going

 

 

 

I grabbed you some a pic of a C5 V6's battery today, not sure if it is of any help?

 

 

There is a large stud on the positive terminal with nothing on it at all.

[Mike D]

Started the year with my '90 L200 pick up, '99 mexi beetle, 88 SJ/Jago, Datsun 1200 estate, VW T25 van, - still got them!

Next up, in Feb, was my '95 840ci - used as a daily for about 3 weeks before the 17mpg started crippling me! Still got this, but it was replaced by...

1999 Mk2 Mondeo 'zetec' - had this 2 weeks before buying...

2000 Focus 2.0 Ghia hatch - Mondeo went to my mates dad as his car got burned out.. Focus was used as my daily til May time, when I bought..

2003 BMW 330ci Clubsport - This is my daily now, and I freaking LOVE it. Best car I've ever had. Focus loaned to my folks long term as a second car for my Dad now he's retired. Next up I got bored.. so bought a £100...

1999 Renault Megane RT sport - I had this a week til the ECU gave up - it's getting weighed in this week. Yesterday saw the arrival of...

2002 Focus 1.6 zetec estate. fantastic condition, towbar, low miles and a mega bargain. It's going to replace the other focus as my folks 2nd / my emergency and tat hauling vehicle, and I shall punt the hatch on to cover the cost of the estate.

 

Think that's it! So far....

[Pete-M]

Started the year with the Jag, a 300k BMW 528i, the 604, a Mk2 Escort and the Heep Grand Cherokee.

 

528i went and was replaced by the now Andy CMS Senator. 604 finally returned to the road in March - only for me to properly hate the power delivery so that was sold in July. In May the Jeep went to be replaced by the Impreza. Escort restorer tried to fuck me over in May which led to that project being abandoned and left in the Czech Republic. September brought a Mk2 Granada Ghia X estate and In October!!! The Jag returned to the fold. Granada went last week after not being used at all.

 

Current tally is Impreza and XJR.

[Guest]

Current tally of shite is 6, which is eight too many.

 

Amazon is still in Wales waiting for me to find a restorer who isn't a wob merchant or suffering from elevated dubber tendencies. I went down to the garage last week and it fired up again, as happy as a pig in shit. I still love it and want to have it on the road again for my graduation.

 

305 is still in its pit at the bottom of the yard because SCTSH_ANDY still hasn't finished his Saab. Thinking of setting fire to it.

 

460 Turbo is still farting around although the exhaust blow is getting worse and it needs a pair of track rod ends. The insurance went up because of a difference in postcodes and it gets used about twice a week. It still puts a smile on my face.

 

C4 still works, but I haven't cleaned it in 3 months and it's starting to feel a bit baggy. I'm convinced two shocks are blown, it still shits blue smoke on start up and needs about £500 chucking at it to keep it sweet. To be fair, it doesn't cost much to run, so I should bite the bullet and show it some gratitude, even if it did nothing but fill me with bile for the first 18 months of ownership.

 

Japanese shite is in the Wirral and hasn't moved because of scheduling crap.

 

Blue French shite remains next to the Japanese shite and I want SCTSH_ANDY to finish his fucking Saab so it can go in the corner of the Stockport unit, you know, before it disappears completely. And the twunts I bought it from still can't find the log book. That'll be £27 you owe me then chaps.

 

I cannot see me acquiring any more shite in the foreseeable future.

[R9UKE]

 

I grabbed you some a pic of a C5 V6's battery today, not sure if it is of any help?

 

There is a large stud on the positive terminal with nothing on it at all.

 

Big help, much appreciated. I thought there should've been something on that stud, so that's that eliminated. The saga continues. Thanks for that

[Split_Pin]

R9UKE thats an impressive year in shite! I'm looking forward to seeing the progress with your C5.

 

This SCTSH_ANDY fella has a lot to answer for too lol!

[RoadworkUK]

So, I started the year with this:

 

 

And this:

 

.

 

I now have this:

 

 

And this:

 

.

 

Yeah, I've been the most disappointing member of Autoshite for 2012, and I wasn't especially worthwhile in 2011, either.

 

Every spare quid this year has been ploughed into the house which, well, eats money. Bought it knowing full well that the only way we could afford a three-bedroom semi with a garage and a bit of garden would be if we bought one that was hideous and have spent all year de-hideousificating it. But we're miles off. We now have four finished rooms; a Kitchen waiting for me to tile it next week and a bathroom being installed in January. Just leaves the hall, stairs and landing to, er, restore (a bit much when a 1991 house needs restoring) and then I can make a start on liberating the garage.

 

Rover will be back on the road for the spring; Audi needs something doing at the front to unclunkinate it. And I still haven't fixed the heater fan.

 

Tragically can't see any shite aquisitions on the horizon so I shall have to continue to frantically masturbate over all yours.

[RoadworkUK]

So, I started the year with this:

 

 

And this:

 

.

 

I now have this:

 

 

And this:

 

.

 

Yeah, I've been the most disappointing member of Autoshite for 2012, and I wasn't especially worthwhile in 2011, either.

 

Every spare quid this year has been ploughed into the house which, well, eats money. Bought it knowing full well that the only way we could afford a three-bedroom semi with a garage and a bit of garden would be if we bought one that was hideous and have spent all year de-hideousificating it. But we're miles off. We now have four finished rooms; a Kitchen waiting for me to tile it next week and a bathroom being installed in January. Just leaves the hall, stairs and landing to, er, restore (a bit much when a 1991 house needs restoring) and then I can make a start on liberating the garage.

 

Rover will be back on the road for the spring; Audi needs something doing at the front to unclunkinate it. And I still haven't fixed the heater fan.

 

Tragically can't see any shite aquisitions on the horizon so I shall have to continue to frantically masturbate over all yours.

[Captain Mainwaring]

 

That looks the dog's bollocks. Mega hornage.

[HillmanImp]

 

Why is that not on the calender thread? What a great shot.

[fotorabia]

The MB W123 /230 that I bought n rescued out of the desert..and unfailingly brought my friends and I 3000kms to Melbourne...unfortunately...the transfer from one state to another complications plus a front suspension rebuild meant it had to be sold to the Lebanese so it could be broken for spare parts to help save Hezbollah taxis in Beirut..

 

Which of course led me to indulge the W123 obsession..and ultimately acquired the 300 diesel version which I had always wanted in the 1st place...

[Junkman]

- Carried over into 2012 a shite Saab 9000, which was my last WBoD (Winter Beater of Distinction), my venerable Rover V8, and the white Pug 405 2.0 GTX auto estate, which is predominantly used by my wife.

 

- In April, I unloaded the Saab onto a friend who uses it as a YrBoD (Year round Beater of Distinction) ever since.

 

- Took the 405 on a trip to Austria in July. It got nixed in an accident in Germany on the way back. We then spent a few days in France before returning to merry old Blighty.

If someone asked me what I'd prefer - another accident in Germany, or another holiday in France, I'd certainly opt for the former.

 

- Bought a Lada Riva Estate just to have a runaround for my wife. This because I thought I'll never find another 405 2.0 GTX auto estate (now 3 left according to HML). At this time, the fleet consisted only of this Lada and my Rover V8. This was the shitiest fleet I ever had in my life.

 

- I found a 405 2.0 GTX auto estate a month later on Ebay and made the owner an offer he couldn't refuse, pretty much in line with what is asked for a certain white 405 1600 manual saloon occasionally being listed on Ebay.

 

- Subsequently sold the Riva, which is now used for a Gumball Rally to Moscow.

 

- Bought a 1992 BX TXD with 190000 mls and imminent MoT from an acquaintance. He had bought a Picasso to replace it due to the fact, that his garage told him it's 1500 quid to get the Bixe through another MoT. I got it for scrap value, replaced the front tyres and chanced it. It sailed through the test without any advisories, but it has a noisy wheel bearing.

This is now my WBoD, while the Rover is off the road for some enhancements during this Winter.

 

The Bixe will deffo become available in spring. It's a manual and frankly, I'm fed up with that shifting business already.

[Mash]

Well I still have the same number of cars I started 2012 with but a couple of them are different:

 

Start:

 

1967 Triumph 1300

1968 Datsun 1000

1974 Datsun 140J

1984 Mazda 323 GT

1999 Toyota Starlet

 

End:

 

1967 Triumph 1300

1968 Datsun 1000

1974 Datsun 140J

1983 Datsun Sunny

1997 Alfa Romeo 155

 

Next year? Well the 140J may go to make room for something I have my beady eye on but time will tell.....!

[freebird]

I came into 2012 with this:

Im now going into 2013 with this:

With lots of this:

Roll on 2014...........

[eddyramrod]

So far we have seen....

As 2012 began I had the Granada up for sale in Cyprus, the A40 in many many boxes, the grey Mazda still stranded without wheels and the relatively modern Vauxhall/Isuzu pickup.

In the spring, as the price of the Granada was steadily falling, I struggled to maintain the correct combination of MoT and tax (yes, even in Cyprus) to keep the two runners, well, running; so it was that I went to a Classic Vehicle Club event in the pickup, and won a trophy! It was a driving, rather than showing, event...

With extremely pressing demands on my non-existent funds I was offered a staggering bargain, so obviously I grabbed it, this being Tomato, my little red Metro van.

I then sold the pickup, which was by far the most useful general-purpose vehicle on the fleet, but if it's the only one people want to buy... so it went, and I subsequently saw it out and about in Paphos on several occasions. That doesn't happen often!

Moving day approached, and it became clear that the Granada wasn't going to sell, so I booked a bigger container than originally planned in order to ship it with the rest of our stuff. I gave the Mazda to Andreas, my friendly garagiste, at whose premises it had been stranded for over a year, and sold the A40 (at a vast loss) to one of his sons, who has promised to finish the project according to my vision. I'm not holding my breath.

So we moved to sunny romantic Barrow-in-Furness. For 6 weeks I had a rental, a grey Vauxhall Meriva, which was actually quite nice except for the stupid electronic parking brake. And being grey, FWD, and manual. And finally my container arrived, so now I have a 1972 Ford Granada and 1983 Metro van, neither of which has ever seen snow, parked on-street outside my house. I have to MoT them to register them, and once registered they are both going up for sale. Mrs R struggles to get in or out of either, as they are too low, so I will have to find a people-carrier for the seating altitude. The likes of a Zafira would do most of what we need for daily life, but I'm a shiter... I'm thinking 13-year-old Chrysler Voyager, V6 auto. There's no way I'm having manual, or diesel. In anything.

Time will tell. Tune in to the next exciting episode folks!

[Doctormop]

Started 2012 with an 04 Ford Ka with 142.000 on the clock, now have an S reg Proton Persona with 64.000 showing, in between had a Saab 93 but least said, soonest mended,

(God I wish I was more interesting)