Road trip/new shit collection.

[Cavcraft]

Last day on the Pat from work and with a mended hand, fuel in my car and a song in my car it was road trip/collection day. Three cyclinders of THROBIN POWAH was charioted to the garage and a rip roaring £11.50's worth of Total's finest was duly lobbed into the tank.

 

Just to get me in the mood I held the door open for some old duffer at said garage and he barged past without so much as a 'thankyou' so I was forced to shout 'don't mention it, you miserable get'.

On the forecourt were two cars, a BMW 3 series and an Astra 'H'. Want to guess which one he was driving? Yep, you've got it, the Astra. Miserable, shower of shit VAUXHALL DRIVING WANKER. I hope his EML has a fight with his DMF and his tracking explodes, causing his tyres to only last 16,874 miles.

 

But I digress, on to the epic road trip. Sat nav set, passenger in back, it was time to head off. I passed a few nice places on the way, none of which was Wrexham, but I didn't have to hold my nose for too long as it was soon gone and I was crossing the border once more into England, this time Shropshire, the cheese rolling bumpkin county of livestock botherers.

Here's a cracking panoramic picture of the A5/A483 near Chirk

And here's another competition winning standard picture of the same road, only with some Corsa windscreen wiper action

 

Due to the unique uniqueness of the vendor of my new wheels, he didn't seem to grasp the difference between left and right so many an entertaining minute was spent piss-arsing about going down wrong roads. Like this one for example. *UP YOUR'S SAT NAV.

 

Shite collected from AAA** DEFO USE AGAIN THX M8 5* internet auction vendor and off we set. But what's this the fuel gauge on the Corsa is a bit wonky and I don't have as much juice as I thought. OMG I AM SO TRADING THIS CAR IN FOR A BRAND NEW FORD MONDUS ON MOBILITY.

I'm worried now, worried that I have sod all fuel and start to plan other journey's back home instead, and then, as if my magic and out of nowhere miles from a garage I find a railway station. This is convenient because my fellow shite recovery agent is obv. in need of a gypsy's kiss, though he never complained. Rolls into station carpark, finds bog for passenger, happy days.

HAI M8 WOT TIM IS DER NEXT TRANE PLZ?

 

'Erm, the next train due is 20.13. The year 2013 that is and the bogs are shut.'

 

Passenger getting desperate now so he went behind this to relieve himself whilst I kept Dixie.

 

Time to set off again, have some David Bailey is shitting himself pictures

 

And a brief stop by Moreton Hall to use the bogs myself as my passenger waited in the car to fend off unwarranted attention from duboius looking foreign truck drivers. Have an old ERF that's still working

 

Back home after an epic 82 mile round trip and time to try out my new wheels. The crescendo of excitement hit me like a tidal wave of euphoric N-TRANCE excitement, this must be what it's like going to Ibiza, necking a load of DISCO BICUITS and having it large with that fat bird from the Co-op who's staying in the hotel and knows your missus so you have to be careful she doesn't grass you up when you get home.

So the first drive? Oh my God, it was OUT OF THIS WORLD. I held back a bit as anything after 2 hours in the seat of a 1.0 Corsa is going to seem like a rocket, and I meany ANYTHING.

 

Things to do? It seems a little down on power so I'll get it plugged into a laptop and try and download Stephen Hawking 9, I believe the chip in that upgrades the BHP at the wheels.

Next up I think it might individualise it, current train of thought is either sticker bombing, rat look or iron cross stickers and Empi wheels so I can rioll with those crazy V-Dub boys, yo.

 

Special mention to my mate who came with me and kept me entertained there and back. He almost, almost, literally PMSL-d himself at one point but like a trouper he hung on until the bitter end.

Cheers Sausages, you can come again next time.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Dog is adorable, scooter has promise. Nice writeup!

[cort16]

Class write up. Did you a-frame it home?

[trigger]

Very funny write up Billy, Will we be seeing you doing some cross country orienteering in a Top Gear styleee?

[Guest]

Very funny write up Billy, Will we be seeing you doing some cross country orienteering in a Top Gear styleee?

 

If you can somehow contrive a way to drift it through ShopMobility in the Arndale I will give you ten English pounds.

[hairnet]

hi m8 iz it ron i not now what you just rote?

 

*confused of manchesteristan*

[eddyramrod]

Now that's how to do a writeup! Marvellous! Do they make Mickey Thompson slicks in that size?

[cort16]

[Pete-M]

Heh. Why?

[shaun1706]

Quality trip down my way I thought about that scooter too, why should the afflicted have all the fun Nice one mate

[fiatdaft]

Good write up

[maxpower]

dog looks like it's thinking..... "sod the holiday snaps,can i just get out for a piss!"

[Albert Ross]

I "think" I detected a whiff of sarcasm there. But still, the world's shittest car got you there and back, without incident,and without a minor component shitting the bed, or the front tyres disintegrating and showering you in discarded plies. Nice trike. I suggest a set of springers with a hardtail rear, and a stainless battery cage for the bling!!!!

[michael1703]

that dog reminds me of leo sayer

[Split_Pin]

QUALZ write up.

 

The bit about the 'upgraded software' patch made me laugh.

 

Those Vauxhall drivers eh?!

[shaun1706]

Nice photo's of the Cambrian Railway at Llynclys too One day the line will be open (including bogs) from Gobowen via Oswestry all the way to Buttington Junction (Welshpool)

[boobydoo]

Nice work.

I've only ever seen really fat people driving them. Usually in a shell-suit and moccasin combo. Queuing at the fag counter in Morrissons.

[Cavcraft]

I think it is still open, the shop bit on the station looks like it's in use and there were signs up saying for £70/day, £50/half day £10/single journey they'd teach you to drive the trains. Quite fancy that for something a bit different one day.

 

Modifications may/not start tomorrow!

[eddyramrod]

there were signs up saying for £70/day, £50/half day £10/single journey they'd teach you to drive the trains.

 

You need to leave this lying about in the runup to your birthday!

[Cavcraft]

there were signs up saying for £70/day, £50/half day £10/single journey they'd teach you to drive the trains.

 

You need to leave this lying about in the runup to your birthday!

 

 

I did and it's tomorrow!

[eddyramrod]

Oh Happy Birthday!

[shaun1706]

Happy Birthday Billy

[Cavcraft]

Thankyou.