Pointless Car Features

[Negative Creep]

My MR2 has 4 positions on the light stalk - off, a line, sides and dipped. I couldn't work out what the second position does, it does turn any of the lights on or even raise the headlamps. So I looked in the manual and sure enough "this position has no function". Only thing I can think of is marker lights for other markets but other than that I have no idea why it's there. My old mk.2 Golf had blank switches which it actually suggested you can use them for you own installations. Or the Citroen AX has bottle holders in the door, but designed for 2 litre bottles. When on earth would you be driving along wanting a swig from one of those?

 

Any other bizarre or pointless standard features?

[Albert Ross]

Inclinometers on Japanese 4x4 vehicles. Why people need to know what angle they are at, when they dump it on the pavement to cash their Giros is a mystery to me.

 

Automatic lights and wipers. If it's dark, you put the lights on. If it's wet, you put the wipers on. Surely it's not that fucking hard?

 

Auto dipping mirrors. If it's too bright behind, look forwards!

 

Tyre pressure monitoring systems. Oil level indicators. Oil life indicators. EGRs. DPFs. Grrrr@all-this-shit

[pogweasel]

The AX bins are designed to hold a bottle of vin blanc and some brie. FACT.

[scaryoldcortina]

I had a mk4 escort 1.3 Eclipse (HCS) which had a fifth gear. Totally pointless and unuseable

[autofive]

130 MPH speedo on a 1.6 Cortina

[Alexg]

Astra Twintop has a button for the driver to disable the rear passengers electric windows switches, despite it not having any.

[ashmicro]

My Metro (R6) had a little "o" on the wiper stalk. Said stalk moved in that direction, but did nothing.

 

Engine in a W123 200D. No discernible point either.

 

"Resonators" On anything. For those not in the know, it's a pointless empty plastic box on the air intake side of many moderns. Allegedly, it stops "motorway drone", but I don't Belieeeeeve it. My S Type shrieks like a banshee when you show it the shoe anyway. Taking the resonator off only made it sound meatier, but defo no louder. I removed the offending item from a pal's Rover 800 KV6 Coupe, and shat-nav confirmed it was marginally quicker without it.

[dollywobbler]

Land Rover has a full bank of switches. Pulled the panel out to discover that most of the bulbs are missing - from the factory! Explains why there are two parking brake warnings at least (one of the Australian market that says PARK BRAKE and the normal (P) as well - though neither are wired up!).

 

Every 2CV made has mounting points for the externally fastening hoods (not fitted since the early 1980s) and the canvas bootlid (not fitted since 1959!). They just never got around to removing them.

 

Front fog lights. I know some people claim they're useful, but they only seem to be good at blinding people.

 

High coolant temperature lights in the BX. There's a yellow one to tell you that the head gasket is f*cked, and a red one to tell you that now the entire engine is pretty much ruined. Useful. There is a low coolant warning though - something that should have been fitted as standard to anything with a K-Series engine...

 

Power steering on the smart roadster. Well, all smarts really. It's a tiny, lightweight car with the engine at the back. Why does it need power steering?! smarts don't go around bends anyway. I might have given in and bought a smart roadster (in the days when I thought finance was a good thing...) if the steering wasn't absolutely awful.

[Albert Ross]

Here's a few more. CD players within reach of drivers.

Ipod connectors within reach of drivers.

Satnavs with fucking window mounting suckers.

 

All these things should be banned and binned immediately. People need LESS distractions and toys, not more.

[Cavcraft]

Those 'trip computer' affairs in Iveco 7.5 tonners. They only actually work for the the first three yards on brand new trucks then give up the ghost.

[dollywobbler]

Satnavs with fucking window mounting suckers.

 

All these things should be banned and binned immediately. People need LESS distractions and toys, not more.

 

I'd rather have people being shouted at by a sat nav than driving along with a full-size map spread across the steering wheel!

[Albert Ross]

Either way they aren't watching the road. These things get in your vision, what's wrong with planning a route, and making notes, stopping occasionally in lay-bys getting the folding chairs and a flask out....? Eh?

[Justin Case]

My favourite of all the cars I have owned was my Saab 96L V4. As it had none of the following they are all therefore pointless:

 

ABS

Air con

Alloy wheels

Automatic lights

Automatic wipers

Cassette player

CD player

Central locking

Climate control

Electric seats

Electric windows

Fog lights

Heated rear window

Ipod player

Radio

Rear wiper

Sat nav

Stability control

Traction control

 

On the other hand, a driver's door that opened from the outside would have been a useful feature.

[dollywobbler]

Either way they aren't watching the road. These things get in your vision, what's wrong with planning a route, and making notes, stopping occasionally in lay-bys getting the folding chairs and a flask out....? Eh?

 

When you're working, that's rarely an option. Instead, you'll be usually alone without time to stop every few seconds to check where you are. Don't get me wrong, I often drive a lot with no sat nav (and I do get wound up by people who now seem unable to operate without it) - after all, I can get to my friend's place in Sussex using about 5 roads from here - but especially when you're travelling cross-country, you can't beat a sat nav.

[CreepingJesus]

The extra position on many German cars - including some Fords and GM's - on the light switch, which activates the 'parking lights'. Now, while they do work, anyone using them in the UK, will cause mass confusion.

Actually, the worse offence is scattering the working switches far and wide among the blanks.

[dollywobbler]

Sport mode on an Astra 1.4 automatic.

[Albert Ross]

I put Satnavs down to laziness, coupled with this incessant need to be in a hurry. I plan routes, check bottlenecks the night before, fly by instinct. I had to do it tonight, as a bridge was closed on my way home. I went my own way, got home quicker than a neighbour who was in the same traffic. He has a 1.8 Focus, and was on main roads, on the designated Satnav route, I went cross country, with manned level crossings, single track roads, unguarded canal bridges, tight unlit turns, and cowshit.. I was home a good 20 minutes before him, and I never exceeded 30mph... Mileage was within a mile of his. Ha!

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

Automatic lights and wipers. If it's dark, you put the lights on. If it's wet, you put the wipers on. Surely it's not that fucking hard?

 

Auto dipping mirrors. If it's too bright behind, look forwards!

 

Tyre pressure monitoring systems. Oil level indicators. Oil life indicators. EGRs. DPFs. Grrrr@all-this-shit

 

Most drivers need that shit.

[dollywobbler]

I put Satnavs down to laziness, coupled with this incessant need to be in a hurry. I plan routes, check bottlenecks the night before, fly by instinct. I had to do it tonight, as a bridge was closed on my way home. I went my own way, got home quicker than a neighbour who was in the same traffic. He has a 1.8 Focus, and was on main roads, on the designated Satnav route, I went cross country, with manned level crossings, single track roads, unguarded canal bridges, tight unlit turns, and cowshit.. I was home a good 20 minutes before him, and I never exceeded 30mph... Mileage was within a mile of his. Ha!

 

Might be lazy, but that's not the same as pointless. Oil level indicators aren't pointless either. The BX has one. I don't rely on it, but if it refuses to budge up much, I'll get out and double-check the level. It has therefore made its point.

[eddyramrod]

Mr Hatred: I'm with Mr Ross on that lot. Anyone who actually needs that lot can't call themselves a driver. The only thing I take issue with is the mirror, as I've far too often found mine to be filled with some inconsiderate bastard who can't find dip beam and wouldn't turn his fogs off if he was paid, and he's always the one who will tailgate me! I seriously think the only answer is to be driving the biggest toughest thing you can lay your hands on, and jump on the brakes. "There was this black dog, you see, officer... Yes, please get me a paramedic, my neck hurts now..."

[morris_ital_lover]

For most cars today they should have a "Hey fuckwit your car is broken again" light. This is basically a light which tells them to get it to a garage because something incredibly complicated has gone wrong which they couldn't possibly do (such as it needing coolant topped up/oil etc) since they have stuffed their brains with Simon Cowell x factor bullshit instead of actual pieces of information.

 

m0rris

 

TBH I should have put this in GOM/P thread

[rml2345]

Anything that has fallen off, stopped working entirley or is not MOT essential could be considered a bit pointless... Although lots of that stuff is quite nice to have.

[seth]

Early MX5s have an oil pressure gauge that is fed an electroinic sender unit. Fine and Dandy.

 

Later MX5s have an oil pressure gauge that is fed a signal by the ECU and an on/off oil pressure switch. Basically the oil "pressure" that is displayed is established by electronics going "Yes there is some oil pressure" and varying it according to rpm.

[dollywobbler]

Oh yes, over-complication is completely pointless. I'll start with the CX.

 

Electronic ride height adjustment. No, a lever is fine and doesn't get 'confused' about the position and burn out the stepper motor, as there isn't one.

Electronic flap adjustment for the heater. More bloody stepper motors to fail. Look, I LIKE LEVERS!

 

Mix in some other new car tricks, like the reverse lights on a Land Rover Discovery 3. Operated by a switch? Er, no. For some reason, a bloody computer has to decide whether you're in reverse, but obviously this would never go wrong.

[retrogeezer]

twin trip meters on the bluebird....

[scaryoldcortina]

Electrically operated handbrakes. I mean WHY, especially when it's a citroen/peugeot one which works a motor that pulls the cable that pulls the rear DRUMS on the same way the mechanical lever did......

[Split_Pin]

The following are pointless/annoying in my opinion.

 

ABS: Expensive to fix and doesnt slow the car down any quicker.

Traction control: Expensixe to fix and does not improve traction enough to stop you getting stuck in the snow.

Power Steering: Expensive to fix.

Electric windows: Tempramental when the system gets old

Air conditioning: Not normally a DIY job to fix, therefore expensive when the system leaks or the condenser rots. Winding down the window is perfectly sufficient.

Fog lights: If you want to see the side of the road IMMEDIATELY in front of you, they are GR8

Engine management, emissions control, sensors etc - Expensive to fix, strangles performance. Only necessary because of tree-hugging gypos (sort of).

 

Other than the last item, my fiance's car has none of the above and it required very little maintenance

[Guest]

Cosmetic indulgences on basic family transport which actually make them less practical - alloy wheels, colourcoded bumpers which show all scrapes (the sort with no textured "rubbing" area), great big headlights which cost a fortune to replace, all that sort of thing.

 

I can completely understand why people want interior convenience like iPod sockets or Satnav, because the bulk of drivers think more about what will make a journey satisfactory than anything else. It's "just a car" and being able to find their way to the wacky warehouse whilst playing Nickelback keeps them happy - they're not really bothered about the driving, fair enough. They don't think a great deal about what their car might actually look like from the outside - providing it looks comparable to everything around it and isn't in a daft colour or is a bit of a joke brand-name, etc. Unfortunately, one manufacturer will go "let's make it so all our basic ones have alloys" and the others end up joining them, then eventually some daft bird eventually finds out that she's got to pay £85 a tyre on her Corsa 1.2, because they're special low profile ones. I'm not completely against progress, but when you start making it awkward for all these "something to get from A to B" people it kind of defeats the object of making mass-appeal cars for Joe Public.

[Albert Ross]

I understand why people want them, but they get in the way of driving. It's a forgotten art. They used to call it Roadcraft.

[Guest]

Yeah, I guess we're just a bit past doing anything about that now. iPod connections are just the replacement for a collection of rubbish tapes, though I must admit I don't like the idea of people fiddling around with a little tiny display screen - most of the old OEM radios were easy to use "blind" and I suspect the bulk of these aren't unless you're responsible enough to just "set it and forget it".

 

I do think that all these built-in satnavs should be wired into the ECU so you can't set/change the route unless you're parked up with the handbrake on though, the amount of times I've seen people messing around with them on the motorway etc. That would be a bit of "nanny state" meddling I'd actually support.