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A fleet of shite


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21 hours ago, Matty said:

Least you've another 2 days before work pal. Like you said, walk away for the night. Get pissed, inspiration will strike (always does) then van will work tomorow¬†ūüĎć

Wise words. Its good to walk away sometimes. And get pissed. Time and a place for perseverance for sure though sometimes quitting is winning.  Maybe haha. 

Shall sort the incontinence issues in the morn first off though have a feeling could be a tooth out. Turned a little easy by hand plus starter sounds a bit free revving on reflection. Shall reflect more of course with another few cans. Was gonna work the Monday as a fair too many bank hols this month for no work no pay folk though binned that off in hope of a fix and a doss day. 

All fun and games. Id be more sweaty 30k into finance.60BB9282-9DFC-41CB-A1BF-D75334630745.thumb.jpeg.c4a199e6dc6a9893e2e484971a270cbe.jpeg


Fucked up here and showed the mrs pics. She clocked the missing washing up bowl!






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That big arse lead that goes onto the intake fannymold. Yeah i didn't plug that in. Started first turn of the key whoop whoop. 

Could do with some gear through the water system to clear the last of the peanut butter out then good to go.

Only one lost bolt for camshaft pully lost when it bounced of the scuttle last night after i shut the bonnet in anger! 
Just the one bit left over too. 

Weight saving.





Edit again. Road tested and all seems well. wacked in some rad flush then bleed it though with some new pink stuff.

A set of drop links and a fuckabout with the exhaust will make it more pleasant to drive and are next on the hit list though sorting some bikes out is next priority.


Edited by Rustybullethole
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  • 1 month later...

quick update whilst i wait for the woolwich ferry. Berlingo running nice got a fair few thousand miles on it since works all seems good.    Front end knocking still needs attention and exhaust needs a coat of looking at too. Otherwise a ok.



Kdx mostly back together after being in parts for too many years 


Horse box gone. Starter had seized solid and it had done a great job of sinking into the field. Ultimately it was the knackered tyres that stopped me driving it to the bridge myself so got it lifted.




Buggy off to pastures new though happy to say its staying on the forum.


Transit, r6 and the gs 1100 next on the hit list then i can start buying more shite.

Boats coming in back to driving duties. 



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On 8/7/2022 at 6:38 PM, Rustybullethole said:


yam tdr 250 plus spare tzr motor. Never part with that one it’s a tool.



Just clocked this bit...

Love a good TDR, I've owned, i think 5 now. Probably wont have another as getting pricey. But they might just be the perfect motorcycle

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1 hour ago, Stinkwheel said:

Just clocked this bit...

Love a good TDR, I've owned, i think 5 now. Probably wont have another as getting pricey. But they might just be the perfect motorcycle

I very much agree. Mines been stored now for many years though id have to be very much in need to part with it. Lovely engine lovely handling light and flickable and most importantly has the right amount of strokes.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ordered a new filter next day prime for f amazon as leaving in a few days and thought it my best bet. It arrived some two weeks too bloody late so a gas gas filter was bodged tight with zip ties so I could ride for the weekend.

Little bit of bogging though Italian tune up was employed and after a fashion the kwickasfucky ran great. Got to love old tech. Constant loss on the fuel mind and off is still on at the tap plus it seems reserve isn't though luckily one of my mates is still mixing gas and kicking ass so some premix was on tap when i run out half way up a mountain miles from camp.

Rear wheel spindle is seized too attempted a tyre change before i went though the spacers are somewhat welded to the spindle so much hammering just saw the bearings pop out and say hello. I of course twated them straight back in and neglected to check the wheel all weekend.

Great time was had with a great bunch of lads. Good riding, good food lots of beer and many laughs.




Towbar has arrived for the Berlingo. Weathers shite today and am knackered so it remains in the kitchen in its box. The carvan has been treated though. Is now running fresh oil and i even gave it its first wash in my ownership of 6000 miles. Comes up alright mostly. It repaid me by the wash destroying the wiper blades. Was on a sleepover at work and only had a tub of handwash available. Maybe not the smartest idea but hey, shiny.


Oh its got a new screen too. The old one got somewhat compromised by a very angry man. Probably a story not to get into on an open forum. Old screen had a debatable mot fail crack in field of vision though was better before this happened.


Vision was somewhat compromised! Insurance couldn't fit one for a month so gave budget screens 200 quid to do a shit job. Need to call them back out a third time as the wind still whistles though the seal* Should of taken a day off and cut one out a scrapper in hindsight.

Running smooth which really shows the focus to be the nag of nails it is. Mrs even asked if the engine was running the other day as we rolled off down the hill haha. 



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  • 2 weeks later...

So. I crashed it. Bit embarrassing really but here goes. 
A127 to M25 roundabout coming from town and heading to the bridge and home. If you know it you'll know its a shit junction with traffic coming fast and jot a lot of veiw. Am second in line and the merc in front goes like fuck I assess and follow suit applying all the powers the little 1.4 has to make safe passage. 

Guessed what happens next? Yep matey in the merc gells on the anchors I on the other hand dont. Really didn't know what hit me till i realised Id hit him. 

Luckily* there was a van full of coppers and a undercover car full of more of them waiting in the traffic. Must say to their credit all they did was check we both had licence and insurance gave us both the details, said it was a shit  junction and fucked off without any unnecessary search for contraband or other intimidation techniques. Me and matey sweated it out till they disappeared I gave him a wad of cash to save insurance bummage for both of us and all was well.

Merc took it well. Berlingo crumple zone did that thing though popped back out. Next day at work whilst boss fucked of for supplies I fixed it.


Headlight was pushed back and a bracket a little broke though nothing a reposition and careful retightening couldn't sort. Bumper has more scuffs and cracks and only the grill needed a little surgery.



Fixed that. This grasshopper seemed to like my work.


After much searching for second hand I did what i did with the last van and just bought a new towbar.

Useful donkey is now more useful. Time to test that rear beam. 2E7FEB4B-34BB-407E-B03C-287A1281BC28.thumb.jpeg.c261039747bbc575be84e898521ce88a.jpeg


Bike rack for my dirt bike fitted too and drop pin tow ball i've had on my last few motors. Never know what need's tugging.  Off to see my folks in a few weeks am hoping my old man don't want his trailer anymore, i could use that. 

Tracked the exhaust blow too a fresh looking back box blowing at the joint. Clamp is clamped and looks like it'll need a tickle with the grinder to make the clamp clamp proper. Job for another day as left grinder at work. Its pretty crispy in places too* though that patch on the sill is the only bit of mot concern. Risked it regardless and jacked it from there with no folding so id say its fine.

*bits fell in eye. As did spanner. Par for cause. 

Edited by Rustybullethole
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  • 2 weeks later...

New three legged donkey joins the stable. 

This is the 2nd most expensive vehicle and after our flat  3rd most expensive thing i have ever bought. Ummed and ahhd (like a pirate) for ages and decided with the cost being being a main driving issue to spend my hard earned on one of these. 

2 bags of genuine 1 pot single cam 2 valve English heritage. StraightoutaIndia. 


Posted about it elsewhere on this forum so wont bang on. Just a few hundred mixed miles so far and its been a mostly good experience. Immediately on setting off across the carpark and stopping at the gate its short comings were evident. Also immediately when upon a twisty road coast bound I feel in love with it. 

Yeah its slow though unlike the ungrateful german its taken the pasting well. 

Time will tell how that pans out long term i've bought a few rides based on reliability rep and killed more than one. Well all of them apart from the mighty cb500.

Sit rep;

Fresh oil added.


Much faf removing seat to get to quality tool kit


That be why. Retaining clip broken.


I couldn't be arsed drilling the plate and and finding a zip tie so shall regret that next time I'm fishing under the pillion seat to release the bugger.

Meanwhile draining oil is caught directly by bashplate. Nice.


Heritage and that


You can buy longer bolts that allegedly clamp that down enough to stop leaks though i feel thats character that should be kept. Will stop those fins from furring up as well. 

Someones modded the airbox cover for more power


Nice job m8


cross head from the tool kit had been used in anger so yet to see the air filter. After the fuckabout walking back upstairs to see in the manual if i was trying to pop the seat right or there was a secret lever i really couldn't be arsed to go back up again for a screwdriver or move all the shite in the garage to potentially not find one there either so can wait for another day. Intake looks gr111 for sucking pond shall pack a can of no spray no lay instead of roll on for next trip.


Looked at an end can i have laying about. Fuck loud and too much pressure lost was my thoughts though potential to make work. One pot, single cam, two valves make a great sounding lump. Id like it a little louder though not silly loud. Shall probably chop the original can up a bit unless something comes my way cheap.



Adjusted the on its last legs chain and lubed the shit out of it as it got nicely washed after last nights run from Holborn in the pissing soaked to the skin my filter and skins are fucked monsoon summer weather. 

The rubber shit ain't the best. 


Matey i bought it from was a truck driver maybe he's tfr'd the shit out of it at work or maybe TADT. Rubber intake is on the service schedule which i thought strange as never had dramas unless 15 plus years old and they need the silicone and cycle inner tube treatment.

Fitted new grips got given in the deal and bodged some bar ends on till I've cash for handguards. 



Have a rear rack and in the deal too bit its heavy as fuck and more so couldn't be arsed to

fuckabout with seat again. Screen too though have some changes planned and don't think a screen is needed.

Many plans. Not a load of time. 


Edited by Rustybullethole
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  • 2 weeks later...

Quick fleet update whilst the sausages are cooking. 

Focus still a good an car. The long running deal that if she cleans the rubbish out of it then ill give it a wash still stands and it remains looking like a bird shit covered council bin whilst doing its thing with nowt but oil topped up on a fairly regular basis. 

Gave my mate Steve a drink to wire up the towbar as he will only do a proper job and point blank refused to use the supplied scotch locks. It sits outside brimmed with petrol with fluids checked awaiting to transport us four to Devon and return hopefully with a trailer.

Himalayan has of course been my transportation of choice at every opportunity and although that's mainly been around town to work and back a few mini adventures have been had too.


Have added some bags for tat carrying and the rack too. Have also binned off the two mudguard situation in favour of a proper off road one and added a flexi plate as the original will get broke some enough. 



 Every bike ive had for years has had none working winkers. Need to get used to turning them off again! Can't wait to get away on it. 

And we're nearly off


Edited by Rustybullethole
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11 minutes ago, Rustybullethole said:

Yes it is tiny! I feel its future involves some greedy boards.

I owned a 102 for a few years and pretty much doubled the internal storage size with a mesh extension kit. I couldn't fit a larger trailer down the side of the house so the 102 was the best solution. Did the job perfectly.


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  • 1 month later...

Small update of latest trials and tribulations. 



As per small trailer and more so being very very small its a bugger to reverse as you can see by my that'll do parking effort.

Mixer got a fix that day when the on off switch finally broke so employed knowledge form misspent youth and hot wired the fucker.


Berlingo continues to provide good service. Lent it to a mate for a week to take his mrs on holiday after his latest car imploded.


He returned it with a massive exhaust blow and said my back box is fucked. Bought a new one turns out old was fine with a new clamp happy days. Fired it up and middle box farts. Bollocks. swapped back box for mid section at the factors and fitted that. Now blows from back box connection as the two wont seal up without modding them. Fucksticks. 

Focus got hit and run by a lad on a moto. 


The mrs and youngest were a bit shaken by this and quick to be out checking the lad was ok. He was though fucked off sharpish when she said she was going to check her motor for damage. Cunt.

Focus has massive airleak. Sounds like a 747. ran out of spray trying to find it after sealing up the first culprit it still sounds like shit and has erratic idle. Bumhats.

Given up on motors this weekend shall tile bathroom instead.

Himi been used most as not having to carry loads of tools of late. Rear brake seizing on the only issue though have now sorted that. 

Had to piss on it  on multiple occasions at side of the road/live lane on Blackwall approach. Fun. 


Fitted new exhaust. Sounds nice and not too load. Have left the baffle in and not even tried it without. Must be getting old. 

Had a tug by traffic. My plate is too small and wrong colours. Apparently it would be ok if it were pre 81. Must of changed the law. Did ask if it would be ok if i changed the 1 and 8 around which caused a titter. He was mostly concerned that if my bike were stolen it wouldn't be picked up on anpr. Best get that fixed then. 

Had some garage dramas and a bit of work on the transit though out of time to type that up. You'll have to wait for the next exciting instalment for that. 


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  • 2 weeks later...

So my garage has finally been condemned and is ear marked for demo. My notice was f this sated i have 7 days to clear out (all of which i was working) and if i needed access i had to contact the council. After 7 days they take possession of my possessions and i may be charged for the privilege.  Great thanks. There may have also been additional drama about a few* abandoned * vehicles.

It took three days of phoning and emails before i got a response. Bit of a sweaty time sorting this mess out though the upshot is i should at some stage have a usable garage that i can fit my stuff in. Fingers crossed.

Focus came apart. 



Some good folk on here where correct in their diagnosis and also correct its a pig of a job.


Crankcase breather cracked. Yea i did try to fit some straight pipe which predictably didnt go well. Went main dealer as none of the local factors could find a bit and stuff on line although cheaper looked of dubious fit or quality and lead times were hard to determine.

Nights drawing in has ment it sat in the road on stands looking sad for a week till i had time to tackle it yesterday.


Access is not great to refit



Pics have stopped loading... TBC

Edited by Rustybullethole
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Ah here we go. Couldn't of done it without the trusty magnet on a stick. Lots of blind bolts some you couldn't feel either and many places for them to fall and get trapped when they inevitably fall from your grasp.


Great genius was employed 


with predictable results


You can take my blood sweat and tears but you're not having my ten mil socket ya bastard. Hacked at it with a steel rule and other long, thin instruments till in fell into the abyss to be fished out with said magnetic car ariel contraption.

Eventually all went back together and it fired up with no leak and a steady idle. Great stuff. Shall give it an oil and filter as a reward. Drained the oil and removed the filter. Again the removal tool was no where to be found. My neighbour who i lent it to once is still the only person to use that tool.


Jumped in the Berlingo had headed to the local factors for oil,  just caught them locking up but they let me in good lads that they are. 

Just opened the door of Berlingo to get back in and got honked by a bus travelling towards me at unnecessarily fast pace. Managed to jump in the motor out of the way but bus caught my door. Only metal hey least it didn't hit me. Bus driver got out took a pic of my car and fucked off. I have his plate best report to insurance as is obligatory.

I retrieved the door handle cover shall glue it back on and straighten the edge up with an adjustable. 


After much faff trying to find my garage keys (Id left them inside the unlocked garage!) new oil added car spun down the street and then parked on the only level surface available my neighbours drive. 

Yea you guessed it this is when it refused to start. Killed the battery before realising it was likely the lack of fuel. Got fuel and got shat on. 


Bumped focus of the drive die to now pancaked battery. Didn't fire. Walked back up hill with battery.


Charged it up in the flat and walked back down at about half one this morning luckily i had left the keys in a safe place this time.


What a twat. All fixed now though. Happy days.

Himi has fresh mot. Need to sort a better knobbly for the rear as off trail riding at the weekend.

Berlingo exhaust gun gummed to get that another ticket. Advisory for cataracts in one eye bit of a result there. Shame its good side is now tarnished but nevermind shit happens. 




Edited by Rustybullethole
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22 hours ago, Matty said:

Fuck me, I'm worn out just reading that¬†ūüėÜ

Mate it was deeply exhausting. Shes very happy to have her car back and more so that it now silent as a fish and uses less fuel.

Shall go back over the above post and tidy it up sort spelling when i get a sec. 

Just waiting on a floor to dry so can start tiling so have done a bit of body work on the carvan. 


Have also placed a bid on these beauties.


What two new tyres!! I am one of lifes winners. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

In typical style on the day of leaving this happened.


Mate had brakes and tyre changes to do I had chain and sprockets to fit plus tyres and since all went well decided to fit the rear shock and front fork extension kit. All the time in the world turned into running late and bags were packed in a rush to hit the road. Boyed with false hope tyre levers and spare tubes/pump were left in my garage. 

First blow out was approximately three miles in so came back for the bits we should of packed. Didn't pick up the repair kit mind. Mistake number two.

Great weekend away had the weather on our side if not the gods of flat tyres. 




Back shocks a big improvement and the added ground clearance a godsend. knobblies were well worth fitting too as lots of the going was sandy. Did a 160 mile loop on the Saturday before of which 70% was in the dirt. Great stuff. 

Berlingo now has lots of tread on all tyres. Pimp.



It passed a mileage erm milestone.


It celebrated this by throughing up an airbag warning light. Nearly 10 thousand miles in my ownership has earnt its keep many times over. 

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Focus has just failed to proceed the ungrateful bastard that it is. Am sure* its just a failing battery and nothing far more untoward with its wanky modern electrical bollocks. 


Winters coming think this ones going in the scarp pile. Might just have enough old batteries/lead and brass taps to buy a new one on trade. Was rather hoping for a bottle of single malt but hey ho. 

Mrs is pissed. I need the carvan all week and next as running the firm whilst the others are away. Pointing out walking to work would be far cheaper did not placate. Best finish up the tiling and get down the factors. 

Edit; New battery added and normal service has resumed. Could of well done without shelling out for that on top of water bill/pocket money and general hiked prices of eveything but hey ho. Have enough money left to pay for fuel to get to work and plenty of packs of 39p supernoodles plus could do a dry week anyway. 

Look its just made it back home.


Once again. Winning. 

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  • 2 months later...

Focus has not ftp. It rumbles on, this is good. 

Enfeild has new plug, the old one was wrong spec and loose. This has gained me more powers. Ive also fitted some hand guards which i deem essential for off road and are nice to have for London filtering plus keep some wind blast of my mitts.

New grips too as the old ones fell apart. Headset adjusted (top nut was loose) Ive a new front tyre to go on it also as am foolishly racing* it in this years boxing day enduro. 


Shall probably remove the centre stand for that for more ground clearance and the rear rack in a pre race diet exercise.

Berlingo has now done over 10 thousand miles in my careful ownership.




Amongst other heroic endeavours it rescued some old truck.


And spent a few days sounding like a banger racer when the down pipe sheared its bolts. 


Through bolted that back on it rattles and blows a bit though im done with it for now. Chuffing hate exhausts and this one has exhausted my patience. 

Uses/looses a bit of oil and had to bung a repair in the tyre (fucking builders dropping screws) though thats it since last update.

Turns out its not too bad off road too. Impressively very nearly got off a low lying field yesterday where we were having a shoot. None of the other chaps in the 4x4's we're expecting that. 


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  • 1 month later...

An eventful week it has been. Focus got stuffed by a bus.



It was parked up at the time, driver stopped and we have witnesses so hopefully fairly painless. Got that recovered home and whilst I could wack a track rod end on it and a mirror from the scrap yard it sits waiting for insurance assessment in the curb looking sorry for itself in an unusable state. Turns out a courtesy car is not included in out policy and though the bus company say they could provide one they have not as yet so naturally I went searching for another vehicle. Didn't search very far as this budget friendly frenchie was in the forsale section.


Low miles, a bit of a stutter, and slight braking judder, some scuffs and much dampness. Needs a tyre though one was donated by our very own captainboom which ill fit when i find my gert big lever bar. One of the rears has a screw in it though said screw is doing a good job so haven't touched it yet. Shall bung that when i get a sec. The spare is brand new. 

Looks alright at a glance and goes well enough. Four adults in it today, cosy. 


Leaks like a sieve. This has been my main priority to sort. Have done a hatchet job of masticing up the sunroof. Could be cut out and resealed in the future, I however cant be arsed right now and with their rep for leakage and my experience of sunroof's generally sealed shut it is.


Scuttle drain was blocked to. Backs up and runs straight into the footwells causing driver all passengers to be paddling like a day down Margate.

Invested in a dehumidifier as had been meaning to grab one for the flat anyway. After a mop out this things had another few ltrs in it overnight hopefully more come the morning.


Fluids checked like do topped oil to max so can keep tabs. 

Discs and pads look good to me and it brakes well. The judder feels abs, most likely a fucked ring (oh err mrs). Further investigation required though not overly worrying. 

Clutch is a little high though no slippage. Am led to believe they are high biting when fresh anyway.

Battery swap with the focus as id only just shelled out for that after it gave up. Retaining clamp was a prick to access on refitting involving loss of skin and much expletives. Much joy was had when I dropped the socket and had to remove the battery again and refit in darkness. IMG_9185.thumb.jpeg.49a1a51f500cd743ea5478c13d414f77.jpeg

Berlingo got clotted by a Nissan which decided it wanted to be in my lane on the Barking roundabout after skipping the que and ducking into no space at last minute.


No space to stop immediately so i gestured for them to follow me at the next exit, they stayed out third lane, and the exit after though eventually stopped behind me in the first available layby where listening to their ranting raised voice and very rude diatribe it transpired that it was all my fault as i had driven into their lane and tried to kill their child. The fuck. 

I gave details and showed the depth of my patience for 40 minutes remaining very calm before reporting them to the police as they refused to give any details. I then called them a cunt and wished them a shit day before taping my mirror back on and fucking off.

Not much else to report really. Berlingo pre crash had its second wash in 13 thousand miles, came up quite well.


Little trailer got greedy boards and a lid


Kawasaki got some new brakes and bearings then ripped around the valleys


Need to make a list for a scrapyard forage and the transit is not inviting a sale sans ticket so need to sort that too. Himi needs the headset greasing up and back brake is binding afuckinggain! Due out trail riding on that next weekend so shall di an eve shift in it in the week.


Bonus clio bonnet stay fixeration pic there. I is top mechanic.

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