Grogee's spannering (Maestro , Corsa & Avensis). FONDLE MY PARTNER

[grogee]

8 hours ago, Noel Tidybeard said:

every video i've watched from gaydon seems to show WWL- it get fkin everywhere 🙄

What's WWL? 

[grogee]

8 hours ago, High Jetter said:

Fuck me, bring back Tandy! £35 seems a lot, unless their special

£15 gets you no-name 4" speakers. £20 for branded but equally shit ones. 

Need to spend £30+ to get something I'll actually be able to hear over the exhaust and creaking interior. 

They'll be amplified through a separate amp so need to be beefy. 

[Tepper]

For messing about with this including coding, you ideally want a laptop set up with BMW Tools (INPA, ISTA, NCSExpert, WinKFP etc). This is paired with a K+DCAN cable to give you (almost) all the capability you could ever want. A simpler (but not free) way is using this app: https://bimmercode.app/ - I haven't used it myself but it's supposed to be good. If you have an Android phone you can still use a K+DCAN cable with a USB OTG adapter to plug it into your phone - you don't have to buy the expensive WiFi/Bluetooth dongles.

If you're ever passing Reading you're welcome to make use of my BMW laptop. Or if it's of interest, I'm actually putting a Volvo VIDA setup together for another member at the moment, so I could do a BMW one for you if you like.

[Noel Tidybeard]

3 hours ago, grogee said:

What's WWL? 

ummm 🙄

[Noel Tidybeard]

14 hours ago, grogee said:

The only other action was to remove the Maestro door card to see what options are available for a speaker upgrade. Standard size is 4" and by the looks of things the originals are a bit ripe... 

I've ordered some of these based on zero science or reviews. The main reason I bought them is because I like the weave of the cones, and the magnet looks nice and phat. 

and yet a montego takes 13cm iirc

[Noel Tidybeard]

just be mindful that the depth of those speakers may stop the windows going down- but they will fit in the rear fine under the shelf supports

thet do make a shallow set that hellfrauds have for similar monies

https://www.halfords.com/technology/car-audio/car-speakers/in-phase-sxt1035-200w-coaxial-speakers-626582.html?stockInventory=undefined

[grogee]

1 hour ago, Noel Tidybeard said:

ummm 🙄

Duh! Well it's nice to know it was seen and appreciated. Do you have a link to a vid in which it might have 'starred'? 

[grogee]

36 minutes ago, Noel Tidybeard said:

just be mindful that the depth of those speakers may stop the windows going down- but they will fit in the rear fine under the shelf supports

thet do make a shallow set that hellfrauds have for similar monies

https://www.halfords.com/technology/car-audio/car-speakers/in-phase-sxt1035-200w-coaxial-speakers-626582.html?stockInventory=undefined

I checked yesterday and I've got 55mm to play with which is plenty. I have made that mistake in the past... 

[grogee]

2 hours ago, Tepper said:

For messing about with this including coding, you ideally want a laptop set up with BMW Tools (INPA, ISTA, NCSExpert, WinKFP etc). This is paired with a K+DCAN cable to give you (almost) all the capability you could ever want. A simpler (but not free) way is using this app: https://bimmercode.app/ - I haven't used it myself but it's supposed to be good. If you have an Android phone you can still use a K+DCAN cable with a USB OTG adapter to plug it into your phone - you don't have to buy the expensive WiFi/Bluetooth dongles.

If you're ever passing Reading you're welcome to make use of my BMW laptop. Or if it's of interest, I'm actually putting a Volvo VIDA setup together for another member at the moment, so I could do a BMW one for you if you like.

That's very kind. I've downloaded most of the stuff you previously recommended and I've got a K+DCAN cable ordered. 

From memory the bit I struggled with was ISTA because one of the links was dead. But I'd happily post you the laptop (and cable?) if you're able to set it up. The lappie is a freebie I got so I'm not too precious about it. 

Thanks a lot! Job#1 is to enable the aux input which opens up a host of upgrade possibilities from £10 Bluetooth to £300 Android screen. 

[Noel Tidybeard]

8 minutes ago, grogee said:

Duh! Well it's nice to know it was seen and appreciated. Do you have a link to a vid in which it might have 'starred'? 

7.05 onwards

i thought i'd seen more but can't find them

[Noel Tidybeard]

https://www.facebook.com/groups/mandmoc/permalink/10159183079356744/

[Tepper]

21 hours ago, grogee said:

From memory the bit I struggled with was ISTA because one of the links was dead.

Try here: https://www.bimmerscene.com/showthread.php?tid=5132 or torrent files here: https://www.bimmerfest.com/threads/ista-4-39-2x-standalone-sdp-full-4-42-1-torrent.1411305/

You don't need ISTA for aux in anyway, programming on an E61 is done using NCSExpert. Drop me a PM if you get stuck!

[grogee]

We're on the road to Devon. Just noticed that the Corsa's turbo has become very whistly. This has only been apparent since I serviced it at the weekend and there's a chance I didn't do up one of the turbo intake hoses properly. Seems a bit weird that it's only happened since I serviced it... 

I've done Stage One of the Maestro tank which was degreaser. Not sure what it was, I'm assuming something like Gunk but it's now as clean as it's going to get before Stage Two, which is rust treatment. The degreaser was a bit nasty to get on my hands so yes I should have worn gloves. More annoying is that it's stripped some of the paint I'd only just done. 

Again not sure what Stage Two is but I'm assuming it's like the acid rust juice I put on steel stuff. 

Once all that is throughly rinsed out and thoroughly dry, Stage 3 is the coating. I'm a bit worried this might block the pickup pipe and return pipes so I might stuff these with something (cable ties?) to stop them getting blocked. 

Finally - I've ordered a filter screen and fluid for the BMW autobox. I need to know if it's going to respond to a fluid change or if I need to seek out a repair or replacement 'box. I did find one for' just' £100 on the Bay but it may well be as bad as the one I've got. However having two boxes would allow me to strip and potentially repair one... Choices choices. 
 

[grogee]

Also @SmokinWaffle - does this thing have sentimental value, do you want me to post it back? Nice kitty. 

[SmokinWaffle]

16 minutes ago, grogee said:

Also @SmokinWaffle - does this thing have sentimental value, do you want me to post it back? Nice kitty. 

I forgot about that! Yes please - that's our handsome little man 😸 

[Low ontime]

34 minutes ago, grogee said:

We're on the road to Devon. Just noticed that the Corsa's turbo has become very whistly. This has only been apparent since I serviced it at the weekend and there's a chance I didn't do up one of the turbo intake hoses properly. Seems a bit weird that it's only happened since I serviced it... 

I've done Stage One of the Maestro tank which was degreaser. Not sure what it was, I'm assuming something like Gunk but it's now as clean as it's going to get before Stage Two, which is rust treatment. The degreaser was a bit nasty to get on my hands so yes I should have worn gloves. More annoying is that it's stripped some of the paint I'd only just done. 

Again not sure what Stage Two is but I'm assuming it's like the acid rust juice I put on steel stuff. 

Once all that is throughly rinsed out and thoroughly dry, Stage 3 is the coating. I'm a bit worried this might block the pickup pipe and return pipes so I might stuff these with something (cable ties?) to stop them getting blocked. 

Finally - I've ordered a filter screen and fluid for the BMW autobox. I need to know if it's going to respond to a fluid change or if I need to seek out a repair or replacement 'box. I did find one for' just' £100 on the Bay but it may well be as bad as the one I've got. However having two boxes would allow me to strip and potentially repair one... Choices choices. 
 

A380/ a38 towards Torquay / Plymouth if I’m not mistaken? 

[grogee]

18 hours ago, Low ontime said:

A380/ a38 towards Torquay / Plymouth if I’m not mistaken? 

A30 but close enough

[grogee]

@Tepper the CAN cable arrived today. It's come with a CD-ROM of INPA that looks to hail from the Land of Quality*.

Should I hard ignore the supplied software and stick with the Bimmergeeks supplied stuff? 

Also I have a (very large) folder called E60 which presumably contains the vehicle specific info relevant to my car. Do you know which folder this should be extracted into? 

Finally - what does the switch do on the CAN cable? Looks important. 

[Tepper]

1 hour ago, grogee said:

Should I hard ignore the supplied software and stick with the Bimmergeeks supplied stuff? - Yes, but you might still have to turn your antivirus off. Generally best to use disposable laptops for this kind of thing with no personal details on and keep it offline as much as possible.

Also I have a (very large) folder called E60 which presumably contains the vehicle specific info relevant to my car. Do you know which folder this should be extracted into? - These files are called Datens and you're right, it's got all the info INPA, ISTA etc needs to deal with your car. Use a program called BMW Coding Tool (should be included in the Bimmergeeks stuff) to automatically put it where it's needed.

Finally - what does the switch do on the CAN cable? Looks important. - It is important! If you connect it wrong you'll irreversibly brick your car. Just kidding - it shorts pin 7&8 on the connector which is required for older cars. Yours will need pin 7&8 disconnected. If it's labelled then great, if not then just try it both ways, you won't do any damage.

 

[grogee]

14 minutes ago, Tepper said:

 

Lovelyjob. Really appreciate the help. Thanks a lot. 

[grogee]

The list of jobs for the BMW is growing faster than I can complete them, but that's mainly because all I've done is put fuel in it. 

Drove to Leighton Buzzard today to collect @Andyrew's tumble dryer. An enjoyable amble down the A5 and the Beemer was doing 35mpg if its trip computer is to be believed.

The autobox lock-up issue is much better when it's warmed up, I don't know why. 

However it's now got the money light on. I checked the codes on Sunday and it was a P0174, system too lean. So I cleared it but it's come back. A bit of googling reveals that most of the time it's a shonky rubber intake pipe that's cracked or holed so I'll investigate with a can of easy-start when I can be bothered. Could be the Chinese MAFia I suppose. 

I'm listening to my old iPod which I found in a rucksack recently, having lost it for a couple of years. I thanked the old me for having such great taste and I really enjoyed letting it shuffle its way through the contents. 

The FM transmitter I'm using is aaaaallllrrrriiiigggghhhhttt I suppose but sometimes sounds a bit crunchy in the higher frequencies. However now that I'm armed with knowledge from forum titan @Tepper I shall be tweaking it to accept an aux input and maybe a DAB unit too.

Meanwhile the final stages of Maestro tank prep are under way. Having been thoroughly dried out with a hot air gun, the contents of the magic coating have been poured into the tank. Cue lots of shuffling it around to get the paint into all the crevices. Apparently it takes 96 hours (!) to fully dry so it'll be a job for next week to refit the tank. 

[grogee]

Found a window of time to tackle the BMW autobox fluid today. Once warmed up after a little drive up and down the bypass, I jacked it up level* and drained the fluid. 

No need to remove the undertrays, they're long gone. It's running naked in true AS style. 

The old fluid was proper stinky, and 'too many kickdowns' dark brown. I can't really describe the smell other than to say it was synthetic and decaying. 

Managed to round off one of the Torx bolts holding the pan/filter on. I'm going to claim innocence here because I did my best with a good quality t27 bit and impact driver but in the end it just chewed it up. Being a plastic item it wasn't too hard to just break it off then retrieve the stuck bolt with some mole grips. Fortunately it was one of the most accessible fixings, what are the odds? 

Cleaned up the gasket face. I considered taking out the solenoids for a 'decoke' but my spidey sense told me I'd regret it so I left well alone. 

Feeling smug, I set up my fuel pump to confirm it would be happy pumping ATF. Clickclackclickclackclickclackclickclackclickclack

<silence>. 

Oh, buggeration. Pump won't pump. I'm going to have to resort to manual fill method, with gravity fill not an option due to location. 

Found my Big Syringe thing that I'd bought for whatever was the last bastard gearbox I did. What a piece of crap! Leaky, shitty seal inside and it wouldn't suck up enough juice. So I took it apart thinking maybe I could somehow improve the seal. I turned it around then heated it with a hot air gun to soften it. 

That sort of worked, but the process of suck up fluid -> shuffle under car -> find fill hole -> press plunger was fraught with drips and spills. In the end I estimate I lost a litre of fluid to my shitty filling tool but it was either that or have no car while I find another fill tool. Luckily I'd bought 8 litres and I've got maybe 1-2 litres left over. 

It's not helped by the method, which is:

1) fill to level

2) start and run for 30 sec

3) fill to level

4) start and select gears with foot on the brake, hold for 3 sec, change gear, repeat for a while. 

5) select Park, go back under, remove fill plug, fill to level (with engine running). 

Basically this means I and the drive were showered in ATF - in my hair, all over my clothes, legs, arms etc etc. 

Anyway. With my tools cleaned up with brake fluid and the car back on terra firma, I treated* myself to a shower. While disposing responsibly* of the old filter/pan, I noticed a 2012 date stamp. So not the original fluid as I suspected, but still perhaps ten years old so well worth changing. Who knows if it was filled with the correct fluid last time? 

With some trepidation, I got in the car to go for a confirmation drive - has my hard work (and mess) fixed the problem? 

Yes. Yes it has. This is a big relief and means the big BM is more or less cleared for duty as a winter beater. I celebrated by checking the tyre pressures which were all wrong then confused myself with the 'RPA' tyre pressure monitor thing... It needs to be run to initialise properly. 

Someone is smiling on me up there today. I CBA cleaning up the oil stains on the drive but luckily it rained before Mrs Grogee could see the mess, hopefully it will all magically disappear. 

[grogee]

Got the Maestro out of its lockup and onto the drive for tank refit. I had grand designs to fettle the filler tube but having glanced at it for 30 seconds I changed my mind. I will regret this when it rusts out, but not immediately, and who knows, I might score a NOS one in the meantime. 

So, on with the tank. It has the magic inner coating now and a quick glance through the filler hole with a torch revealed pretty good coverage. Judging by the stuff that drained out, it is weird stuff. It almost sets like a foil layer over the metal. Hopefully it'll do the job. 

Getting the tank back on ended up being a wrestling match. It'd be much easier with a 2-post lift and 2nd pair of hands but who has actual friends these days? 

Made a new gasket for the sender out of EPDM which is apparently alright with E10. 

Filler hose seems to be in alright condition as do the supply & return hoses - 3.6 Roentgen. But I've put on new jubilee clips because I've got them in stock. 

There's a new cheapo fuel pump going on too, as well as a new filter - Shirley it won't block up now, will it? 

I don't get the tank design. It's unnecessarily complicated with four pipes welded onto it and lots of internal baffle nonsense. Then there's the fuel pipes which are routed around half the tank instead of being at the front. 

I was thinking if I do eventually have to get a new tank I would seek out a plastic tank from A. N. Other Small Car and make up some bracketry to fit it. That said, making the sender and stuff work might be a challenge. I wonder how proper classic car nerds do it? 

Anyhoo, I'm verboten from firing it up for a test because the POR-15 needs 96 hours to dry. It'll have to wait until next week, boo. 

[grogee]

First job today was to change the fuel filter which although new, was subject to the silty fuel from the tank before its makeover. Only the finest cheapest Borg & Beck. 

Then I filled up the tank with a few gallons then fired her up for a systems check. It fired up pretty much straight away but then died, doing the same coughing symptoms as when it was blocked. Weird. Scratched my head for a while then did what any self-respecting mechanic would do - went and ate a bacon sandwich. 

Came back out and checked fuel supply at various places, nowt coming out anywhere. 

Eventually worked out the fuel pump relay wasn't functioning for whatever reason, and I've had that issue before. Basically the ECU isn't pulling the relays to earth like it should be, something else I need to investigate. 

Bypassed the fuel pump relay by just connecting the contacts and then it fired up and idled, all good...

EXCEPT

Spotted a few drips of coolant coming from the head gasket... FFS. It's creeping out then dribbling down the front of the block. 

Some further sleuthing revealed it's only doing it when stone cold. After a few rotations the dribbles stop and it seems to be sealed... My 'solution' was to tighten the head bolts a bit and now hard ignore. 

Long term this is getting a new head, so I'm not too concerned, but next time I might invest in a Rimmers HG rather than just the cheapest one off ebay. 

Then I went for a little tootle, the scenic route to a petrol station to put some E10 in and a gobble of Redex. Systems appear to be normal, goes alright when asked, and no more coughing once warm (thanks @Geoff Smith).

I would say it's not 100% happy though. It's a bit lumpy and occasionally stumbles at very light throttle. Pretty much everything in the system is brand new though so I'll give it a try with E5/98 RON and see if that helps. 

I had intended to get some audio action happening inside the 'Stro but an urgent work task came in plus we're out with the in laws tonight so no progress on that front. 

We've come in the Beemer which seems to be behaving but the engine light came back which is presumably system too lean again (air leak). Does anyone reckon that would cause lasting damage to run like that? Seems to run OK. I'll give it a squirt of easy start tomorrow morning before the Lincs trip to see if I can find a leak. 

Bonus pic of BiL's disgusting footwell. Poor car. 

[Cookiesouwest]

As you know I'm no mechanic, but I can't see lean running causing lasting damage.

Its just running outside of designed parameters.

 

[grogee]

1 hour ago, Cookiesouwest said:

As you know I'm no mechanic, but I can't see lean running causing lasting damage.

Its just running outside of designed parameters.

 

Yeah, I suspect the cat may not be happy and performance may take a knock, but I haven't got time to investigate before we go to Lincs this afternoon let alone fix it. 

I have been pouring over RealOEM site for part numbers of bits to suit my parts darts approach to fixing suspension knock and PAS rumble. 

[grogee]

51 minutes ago, grogee said:

Yeah, I suspect the cat may not be happy and performance may take a knock, but I haven't got time to investigate before we go to Lincs this afternoon let alone fix it. 

I have been pouring over RealOEM site for part numbers of bits to suit my parts darts approach to fixing suspension knock and PAS rumble. 

Actually I found a window of time and wielded the easy-start around the intake hose. The engine continued its smooth straight-six idle without any indication of ingesting easy-start. 

However I did find evidence of a previous repair. I would criticise this for shonkiness except I was planning to do exactly the same thing - smother some goo over the offending area. 

Anyway I think I've found a £25 replacement so that's not too extortionate... assuming this is the area of the air leak. 

[grogee]

Mrs Grogee pronounced the BMW 'very smooth' which it is really. Fantastic cruiser. Trip is claiming 37.2mpg now which I don't believe but it's better than I expected. 

I was musing on the journey to Lincs why it seems a bit slow off the mark sometimes. I think it's because peak torque is around 4-5000rpm but it spends most of its time trundling around at 1500-2500rpm, so it needs to be wound up before it finally feels fast-ish. 

I couldn't help but wonder what a less shonky 525d-530d-535d might be like, with max torque from 1500ish rpm. I bet they're pretty needy with miles on the clock though. 

The cabin is a really nice place to be but I would like to be able to sit higher, being a short arse. I have considered unbolting the seats and putting in some spacers with longer bolts but dunno if I'll do this. Crash safety yada yada. 

Had another think about the supposed PAS grumble. Surely if there was a PAS problem, it would be worst at low speed or stationary. But when manoeuvring it's basically silent as far as I can tell. The grumble comes when cornering at speed - not racecar cornering but just a gentle curve at cruising speed. 

I'm beginning to think it's the winter tyres on the front because it's not consistent left to right and there are two mismatched winter tyres on the front. I'm going to put the Continentals I've purchased on the front to test this theory. 

[Geoff Smith]

Good to hear it is running better with the fuel tank clean, shame about the head gasket 😬.

I had the same issues related to the relays on mine (funnily enough)after I got it running, on mine it would not start one day, no 12 volt feed to the injectors, found the grey relay above the gearbox/ on the inner wing was faulty, replaced it, had been fine every since. From memory there are a couple of grey relays, I cross referenced them and got them from Ecp and replaced both, hopefully that’s all you need on yours. 

[grogee]

8 hours ago, Geoff Smith said:

Good to hear it is running better with the fuel tank clean, shame about the head gasket 😬.

I had the same issues related to the relays on mine (funnily enough)after I got it running, on mine it would not start one day, no 12 volt feed to the injectors, found the grey relay above the gearbox/ on the inner wing was faulty, replaced it, had been fine every since. From memory there are a couple of grey relays, I cross referenced them and got them from Ecp and replaced both, hopefully that’s all you need on yours. 

Yes there's two. The front one is the "main" relay which enables most of the ignition-on systems. The back one is the fuel pump. 

I didn't check to see if the back one was working properly by putting 12v across its coil, I'll check on Tuesday. But the front one isn't pulling to earth so it's been bodged to be 'always on'. 

The ECU should pull both to ground which switches the relays on, but it may not be doing that for the fuel pump and definitely isn't for the 'main' relay. I'm now wondering if there's an earth fault from the ECU itself which is causing this problem. 

If I can't find the cause I may bodge modify it to work off the ignition switch by running a feed into the cabin and to the key switch.