The grumpy thread

[autofive]

some ebay arsehole sent me a book containing live mould through the post today, which i opened while eating my tea

 

oh the lovely feedback he's going to receive, once he refunds me in full

[autofive]

some ebay arsehole sent me a book containing live mould through the post today, which i opened while eating my tea

 

oh the lovely feedback he's going to receive, once he refunds me in full

[Cavcraft]

Anyone want a virus that hides in the day and roasts you alive in the very early hours of the morning? Waking up to find half my ear lobe swimming in sweat is not one of life's nicer experience, nor is the asthma it kicks in that hasn't been visiting since I stopped smoking.

[Cavcraft]

Anyone want a virus that hides in the day and roasts you alive in the very early hours of the morning? Waking up to find half my ear lobe swimming in sweat is not one of life's nicer experience, nor is the asthma it kicks in that hasn't been visiting since I stopped smoking.

[Cavcraft]

Bullshit Bingo.

 

Business needs, core, foundation, global journey, all in one place, obviously, goals, key, tough environment, global leaders, and all the other fucking bollocks have been usurped by 'robust' recently, a word that makes me want to find a robust industrial strength razor blade and robustly shove it up the next person to mention that words RobUSTlY bullet hole.

[Cavcraft]

Bullshit Bingo.

 

Business needs, core, foundation, global journey, all in one place, obviously, goals, key, tough environment, global leaders, and all the other fucking bollocks have been usurped by 'robust' recently, a word that makes me want to find a robust industrial strength razor blade and robustly shove it up the next person to mention that words RobUSTlY bullet hole.

[M'coli]

I'd choose a ruggedised, sorry, ruggedized*, razor blade for such events.

[M'coli]

I'd choose a ruggedised, sorry, ruggedized*, razor blade for such events.

[Rocket88]

Bullshit Bingo.

 

Business needs, core, foundation, global journey, all in one place, obviously, goals, key, tough environment, global leaders, and all the other fucking bollocks have been usurped by 'robust' recently, a word that makes me want to find a robust industrial strength razor blade and robustly shove it up the next person to mention that words RobUSTlY bullet hole.

 

 

Add "focus" WTF was wrong with "concentrate"

[Rocket88]

Bullshit Bingo.

 

Business needs, core, foundation, global journey, all in one place, obviously, goals, key, tough environment, global leaders, and all the other fucking bollocks have been usurped by 'robust' recently, a word that makes me want to find a robust industrial strength razor blade and robustly shove it up the next person to mention that words RobUSTlY bullet hole.

 

 

Add "focus" WTF was wrong with "concentrate"

[pompei]

And add "I am clear/we are clear" meaning I think/believe.

[pompei]

And add "I am clear/we are clear" meaning I think/believe.

[Ross_K]

Bullshit Bingo.

 

Business needs, core, foundation, global journey, all in one place, obviously, goals, key, tough environment, global leaders, and all the other fucking bollocks have been usurped by 'robust' recently, a word that makes me want to find a robust industrial strength razor blade and robustly shove it up the next person to mention that words RobUSTlY bullet hole.

 

Also any person using the terms "green shoots", "going forward", or "touch base" is a cunt, and should be kicked in the bollocks (or vagina) forthwith.

[Ross_K]

Bullshit Bingo.

 

Business needs, core, foundation, global journey, all in one place, obviously, goals, key, tough environment, global leaders, and all the other fucking bollocks have been usurped by 'robust' recently, a word that makes me want to find a robust industrial strength razor blade and robustly shove it up the next person to mention that words RobUSTlY bullet hole.

 

Also any person using the terms "green shoots", "going forward", or "touch base" is a cunt, and should be kicked in the bollocks (or vagina) forthwith.

[RobT]

"Going forward" gets my goat too. Others include:

 

Independent thinking - used to be called initiative

Information exchange - talk/discussion

Helicopter view - oh just sod off!

[RobT]

"Going forward" gets my goat too. Others include:

 

Independent thinking - used to be called initiative

Information exchange - talk/discussion

Helicopter view - oh just sod off!

[Spiny Norman]

"Thinking outside the box".....

[Spiny Norman]

"Thinking outside the box".....

[autofive]

"let's kick that idea around and see if it has legs"

[autofive]

"let's kick that idea around and see if it has legs"

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

"employee RESILIENCE".

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

"employee RESILIENCE".

[Cavcraft]

I like thinking outside the box. I often think that the person saying it is outside a box themselves and needs to be inside it asap with the lid screwed down, and daydream of that.

'Blue sky thinking' is another, I quite often do this at meetings by simply gazing upwards out of the window and thinking of somewhere else I'd like to be. Usually absolutely anywhere.

[Cavcraft]

I like thinking outside the box. I often think that the person saying it is outside a box themselves and needs to be inside it asap with the lid screwed down, and daydream of that.

'Blue sky thinking' is another, I quite often do this at meetings by simply gazing upwards out of the window and thinking of somewhere else I'd like to be. Usually absolutely anywhere.

[ayd]

'touch base'

 

 

 

fuck off

[ayd]

'touch base'

 

 

 

fuck off

[Ross_K]

Add value.

Ongoing basis.

Hit the ground running.

 

To save everyone time, this article contains every nearly buzzword imaginable:

http://businessfinancemag.com/article/l ... imono-0701

Laughing Matters: Cliche Expert Opens the Kimono

 

July 1, 2002

 

by Dan Danbom

 

Frank Lingua, president and CEO of Dissembling Associates, is the nation's leading purveyor of buzzwords, catch phrases and clichés for people too busy to speak in plain English. Business Finance contributing editor Dan Danbom interviewed Lingua in his New York City office.

 

Danbom: Is being a cliché expert a full-time job?

 

Lingua: Bottom line is I have a full plate 24/7.

 

D. Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of clichés that spew from business?

 

L. Some days, I don't

have the bandwidth. It's like drinking from a fire hydrant.

 

D. So it's difficult?

 

L. Harder than nailing Jell-O to the wall.

 

D. Where do most clichés come from?

 

L. Stakeholders push the envelope until it's outside the box.

 

D. How do you track them once they've been coined?

 

L. It's like herding cats.

 

D. Can you predict whether a phrase is going to become a cliché?

 

L. Yes. I skate to where the puck's going to be. Because if you aren't the lead dog, you're not providing a customer-centric proactive solution.

 

D. Give us a new buzzword that we'll be hearing ad nauseam.

 

L. "Enronitis" could be a next-generation player.

 

D. Do people understand your role as a cliché expert?

 

L. No, they can't get their arms around that. But they aren't incented to.

 

D. How do people know you're a cliché expert?

 

L. I walk the walk and talk the talk.

 

D. Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you?

 

L. I wasn't wired that way, but it became mission-critical as I strategically focused on my go-forward plan.

 

D. What did you do to develop this talent?

 

L. It's not rocket science. It's not brain surgery. When you drill down to the granular level, it's just basic blocking and tackling.

 

D. How do you know if you're successful in your work?

 

L. At the end of the day, it's all about robust, world-class language solutions.

 

D. How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry?

 

L. Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing synergies and being first to market with a leveraged, value-added deliverable. That's the opportunity space on a level playing field.

 

D. Does everyone in business eventually devolve into the sort of mindless drivel you spout?

 

L. If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you're a duck. They all drink the Kool-Aid.

 

D. Do you read "Dilbert" in the newspaper?

 

L. My knowledge base is deselective of fiber media.

 

D. Does that mean "no"?

 

L. Negative.

 

D. DOES THAT MEAN "NO"?

 

L. Let's take your issues offline.

 

D. NO, WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE MY "ISSUES" OFFLINE.

 

L. You have a result-driven mind-set that isn't a strategic fit with my game plan.

 

D. I WANT TO PUSH YOUR FACE IN.

 

L. Your call is very important to me.

 

D. How can you live with yourself?

 

L. I eat my own dog food. My vision is to monetize scalable supply chains.

 

D. When are you going to quit this?

 

L. I may eventually exit the business to pursue other career opportunities.

 

D. I hate you.

 

L. Take it and run with it.

[Ross_K]

Add value.

Ongoing basis.

Hit the ground running.

 

To save everyone time, this article contains every nearly buzzword imaginable:

http://businessfinancemag.com/article/l ... imono-0701

Laughing Matters: Cliche Expert Opens the Kimono

 

July 1, 2002

 

by Dan Danbom

 

Frank Lingua, president and CEO of Dissembling Associates, is the nation's leading purveyor of buzzwords, catch phrases and clichés for people too busy to speak in plain English. Business Finance contributing editor Dan Danbom interviewed Lingua in his New York City office.

 

Danbom: Is being a cliché expert a full-time job?

 

Lingua: Bottom line is I have a full plate 24/7.

 

D. Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of clichés that spew from business?

 

L. Some days, I don't

have the bandwidth. It's like drinking from a fire hydrant.

 

D. So it's difficult?

 

L. Harder than nailing Jell-O to the wall.

 

D. Where do most clichés come from?

 

L. Stakeholders push the envelope until it's outside the box.

 

D. How do you track them once they've been coined?

 

L. It's like herding cats.

 

D. Can you predict whether a phrase is going to become a cliché?

 

L. Yes. I skate to where the puck's going to be. Because if you aren't the lead dog, you're not providing a customer-centric proactive solution.

 

D. Give us a new buzzword that we'll be hearing ad nauseam.

 

L. "Enronitis" could be a next-generation player.

 

D. Do people understand your role as a cliché expert?

 

L. No, they can't get their arms around that. But they aren't incented to.

 

D. How do people know you're a cliché expert?

 

L. I walk the walk and talk the talk.

 

D. Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you?

 

L. I wasn't wired that way, but it became mission-critical as I strategically focused on my go-forward plan.

 

D. What did you do to develop this talent?

 

L. It's not rocket science. It's not brain surgery. When you drill down to the granular level, it's just basic blocking and tackling.

 

D. How do you know if you're successful in your work?

 

L. At the end of the day, it's all about robust, world-class language solutions.

 

D. How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry?

 

L. Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing synergies and being first to market with a leveraged, value-added deliverable. That's the opportunity space on a level playing field.

 

D. Does everyone in business eventually devolve into the sort of mindless drivel you spout?

 

L. If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you're a duck. They all drink the Kool-Aid.

 

D. Do you read "Dilbert" in the newspaper?

 

L. My knowledge base is deselective of fiber media.

 

D. Does that mean "no"?

 

L. Negative.

 

D. DOES THAT MEAN "NO"?

 

L. Let's take your issues offline.

 

D. NO, WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE MY "ISSUES" OFFLINE.

 

L. You have a result-driven mind-set that isn't a strategic fit with my game plan.

 

D. I WANT TO PUSH YOUR FACE IN.

 

L. Your call is very important to me.

 

D. How can you live with yourself?

 

L. I eat my own dog food. My vision is to monetize scalable supply chains.

 

D. When are you going to quit this?

 

L. I may eventually exit the business to pursue other career opportunities.

 

D. I hate you.

 

L. Take it and run with it.

[Louise2cv]

iI haven't really read what you are talking about (sorry) but I really dislike the word "colleague" in place of the word "staff".

 

eg. "colleague parking"

 

It's see-through, insincere, "we're all in this together" management speak bullsh*t. I'll bet they're "staff" as soon as something goes wrong or someone needs sacking or a pay cut.

[Louise2cv]

iI haven't really read what you are talking about (sorry) but I really dislike the word "colleague" in place of the word "staff".

 

eg. "colleague parking"

 

It's see-through, insincere, "we're all in this together" management speak bullsh*t. I'll bet they're "staff" as soon as something goes wrong or someone needs sacking or a pay cut.