Clarkson at it again

[ashmicro]

new doovd : DUEL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be fair to him, the Marina was a right shitter, and on the whole, the DVD is a right laff.

[Station]

I saw one of his videos in the early 90's. Probably the first 'disposible' video ever made, you can't watch it more than once. And I believe he makes the same thing over and over and over and ... etc.

[FredTransit]

Doesn't matter if it was a shitter or not, I defy anybody to show me a scrap car or van I can't get something useful off, so torching it for a laff is just a waste.

[michiel]

I'd worry about copycats if I had a Marina - you come back to your car to find a grand piano in/on it, or a caravan, or some flames.

[brammy777]

I have seen most of his video releases since he started them in '96, and it annoys me how he used to have a valid opinion about the ones he trashed, back on the first video he destroyed a Yugo and a 1983 Nissan Sunny, which lets be fair, werent really that obscure or rare, just second hand bangers back then.But now he just does it for controversy, that Marina thing just proves hes becoming a slave to his own bad press for it.The only person hes betrayed is himself.

[Pete-M]

I watched this DVD last night (after I spotted the filename...) and thought it was pretty good. Wasn't too happy about the 24v Ultima Scorpio biting the dust - I likes them. The Marina did make me giggle, but mainly because it's a thumb in the eye for those who spend their lives complaining on forums about Marinas being scrapped. There are probably less 24v Ultimas left than Marinas, but at least it wasn't one of the late spec facelift ones. That would have irritated me as mine was a bloody good car.Oh bollocks, I've just "done a Marina" about the Scorpio haven't I?

[brammy777]

I watched this DVD last night (after I spotted the filename...) and thought it was pretty good. Wasn't too happy about the 24v Ultima Scorpio biting the dust - I likes them. The Marina did make me giggle, but mainly because it's a thumb in the eye for those who spend their lives complaining on forums about Marinas being scrapped. There are probably less 24v Ultimas left than Marinas, but at least it wasn't one of the late spec facelift ones. That would have irritated me as mine was a bloody good car.Oh bollocks, I've just "done a Marina" about the Scorpio haven't I?

Yes you have hahah.What was the reason he destroyed it anyway?Ive grown to like those scorpios, the looks arent that bad to be fair.I bet he made several comments about the looks.Balls to ford for putting that into production, they always seem to replace long lasting designs with something a bit 'controversial' dont they?

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I still like Clarkson on Top Gear, but he is a boorish middle aged twat, albeit a wealthy boorish middle aged twat. The DVD's are aimed squarely at the tattoed underclasses who find wanton destruction entertaining - you only need to go to a banger race to find a rich seam of these untermensch.I don't really give a shit about a Marina as such, but it does annoy me that such a car is destroyed after surviving against the odds for so long.The fact that he produces DVD after DVD shows that there's money to be made out of stupidity!Hammond is an annoying little fart and a publicity whore. James May though has my utmost respect - his current series about Toys is superb and the one about making a real sized Airfix Spitfire was excellent television.

[brammy777]

Heres some pictures of the cars clarkson has wrecked in his videos:

 

This one was pretty funny to say the least.

 

Got shot and flattened, by a tank.

 

 

Got thrown in the air by a catapult and destroyed.

 

Self explanatory.

 

These were all done in 96-98, and there was also a corvette wrecked in 97..... I think.

 

And this one was probably the rarest car he destroyed:

 

 

Destroyed in a game of conkers with this:

 

[Mr H Sceptre]

I still like Clarkson on Top Gear, but he is a boorish middle aged twat, albeit a wealthy boorish middle aged twat. The DVD's are aimed squarely at the tattoed underclasses who find wanton destruction entertaining - you only need to go to a banger race to find a rich seam of these untermensch.I don't really give a shit about a Marina as such, but it does annoy me that such a car is destroyed after surviving against the odds for so long.The fact that he produces DVD after DVD shows that there's money to be made out of stupidity!Hammond is an annoying little fart and a publicity whore. James May though has my utmost respect - his current series about Toys is superb and the one about making a real sized Airfix Spitfire was excellent television.

I agree with everything you've said there Rev.

[CortinaDave]

I notice no-one is lamenting the loss of all those pianos, I can only imagine that somewhere, Raymanboy is furiously typing away on the Steinway forum regretting the destruction of yet another Model B which had plenty of tunes left in it. Likening it to the demise of Baron Richtoffen with reference to Charlotte Rampling

Out of interest, I just googled raymanboy and one of the first search results that came up was him being slagged off on a piano forum calling him a "complete and utter twallock" http://www.uk-piano.org/piano-forums/vi ... f=3&t=6571

[HillmanImp]

I notice no-one is lamenting the loss of all those pianos, I can only imagine that somewhere, Raymanboy is furiously typing away on the Steinway forum regretting the destruction of yet another Model B which had plenty of tunes left in it. Likening it to the demise of Baron Richtoffen with reference to Charlotte Rampling

You know you are so right. Had such a bad day at work and that has sooooo cheered me up.

[simmo]

I still like Clarkson on Top Gear, but he is a boorish middle aged twat, albeit a wealthy boorish middle aged twat. The DVD's are aimed squarely at the tattoed underclasses who find wanton destruction entertaining - you only need to go to a banger race to find a rich seam of these untermensch.I don't really give a shit about a Marina as such, but it does annoy me that such a car is destroyed after surviving against the odds for so long.The fact that he produces DVD after DVD shows that there's money to be made out of stupidity!Hammond is an annoying little fart and a publicity whore. James May though has my utmost respect - his current series about Toys is superb and the one about making a real sized Airfix Spitfire was excellent television.

I agree with everything you've said there Rev.

Hardly intelligent input is it though, so you went banger racing?

[Mr Lobster]

I still like Clarkson on Top Gear, but he is a boorish middle aged twat, albeit a wealthy boorish middle aged twat. The DVD's are aimed squarely at the tattoed underclasses who find wanton destruction entertaining

The fact that he produces DVD after DVD shows that there's money to be made out of stupidity!

Yep, spot on. Clarkson can be very good and very amusing. I've seen a couple of the videos and I'm sure the market they are aimed at absolutely fucking lap them up. So thats why he does more of the same. Can't really blame him for that I suppose.

[Pete-M]

I must admit if I was in Clarkson's position (and I'd fuckin' love to be) I'd be destroying Marinas left right and centre just to wind up the boring old sods on forums who complain for a month every time he wrecks one. It's a win-win situation for Clarkson. Every old car forum seems to have a "Top Gear does it again" thread, and I must admit I find it quite amusing reading rabid posts from BL apologists who're frothing at the mouth about yet another Marina getting destroyed. I'm pretty sure if they stopped writing about it, he'd probably stop doing it. As it is, they encourage him, to wreck cars they themselves can't be bothered buying. TG doesn't spend big money on them after all, they're normally a couple of hundred quid and he gets about £10k worth of free advertising for every one. He gets a load of BL fans kicking off and saying they'll never watch again, and then next time he does it they're all there complaining about it.... so they're obviously watching.For the non-Marina fan like myself it's rather funny, even if I did cringe about the death of the Scorpio, I was impressed with the way the cabin stayed pretty much intact.Hmm. goes off to search for a facelift 24v Ultima Estate

[Pete-M]

He reminds me a bit of me, which isn't a nice feeling.

[RedSparrow]

I still like Clarkson on Top Gear, but he is a boorish middle aged twat, albeit a wealthy boorish middle aged twat. The DVD's are aimed squarely at the tattoed underclasses who find wanton destruction entertaining - you only need to go to a banger race to find a rich seam of these untermensch.I don't really give a shit about a Marina as such, but it does annoy me that such a car is destroyed after surviving against the odds for so long.The fact that he produces DVD after DVD shows that there's money to be made out of stupidity!Hammond is an annoying little fart and a publicity whore. James May though has my utmost respect - his current series about Toys is superb and the one about making a real sized Airfix Spitfire was excellent television.

I agree with everything you've said there Rev.

+1

[Justin Case]

Top Gear has become the Groundhog Day of BBC 2, everything about it is so predictable, and Clarkson etc have just become boring caricatures of themselves. I no longer bother to watch it.I have more time for Raymanboy. He is unique, a true eccentric and a 100% fruitcake to boot. The world would be a poorer and a greyer place without him and his like.

[chester drawers]

The Book People left a copy of The Top Gear Annual at my place of work the other day. Predictably enough there’s a “look how crap British Leyland / Austin Rover products are†section. Just in case little Johnny had forgotten. Thanks Santa that's great

[Negative Creep]

At least the cars die in a blaze of glory, as opposed to rotting on some pikey's driveway

[MrDuke]

The most amusing thing about Clarkson, is that he actually knows sweet fuck-all about cars per se - he's the epitome of the 'pub know-it-all' who just states random rumours as absolute fact.

 

My 'favourite' quote? When road-testing some random sports saloon a few years ago: "...it's got double wishbone suspension. And what's that? Who cares, it's what Ferraris have!!!..." Yes, you retarded prick, it's also what fucking Lada Rivas have, but being the half-baked amateur motoring journo that you are, I wouldn't have expected you to be able to grasp one of the most basic concepts of automotive engineering...

 

Although, in spite of his TV appearance making my blood boil, I do enjoy his columns (and compilation books) in the main, as he does have some fairly credible opinions, expressed in true 'grumpy old man' stylee. For one thing, anyone who publicly states his utter loathing of football gets a healthy slice of respect from me.

[Pete-M]

My 'favourite' quote? When road-testing some random sports saloon a few years ago: "...it's got double wishbone suspension. And what's that? Who cares, it's what Ferraris have!!!..." Yes, you retarded prick, it's also what fucking Lada Rivas have, but being the half-baked amateur motoring journo that you are, I wouldn't have expected you to be able to grasp one of the most basic concepts of automotive engineering...

HUGE POST ALERTHmm, I suspect that he knows a lot more about various bits of a car than you think. He's been one of the UK's best known motoring journalists for over 20 years. His comments like the one above are there to wind people up. He's trying to make cars 'cool', and by saying things like that he makes it easier for 'non-car' people watching Top Gear to feel comfortable. Of course he knows what double wishbone suspension is, you're not really that gullible are you? If Top Gear were to waffle on about double wishbone suspension it'd lose about 100 million viewers worldwide, and a large percentage of the people who watch it for entertainment. It would go back to being the flop it was in the late 90's when they killed it off completely. The flop with Kate Humble doing 'consumer' items and the like. Remember it? It was shite. That's why they don't go on about suspension geometry, and that's why they always stop James May before he starts getting technical.People watched the old Top Gear for Jeremy, for Tiff going sideways, for Quentin taking the piss and for VBH's dirty laugh, When Jeremy left it went shite, so they killed the old format and it skulked off to become Fifth Gear. The consumer bollocks they replaced it with just didn't work. Panic Mechanics with Trevor Nelson? WTF? Get it off. Jason Barlow showing you how to buy a car? I think not. Dominic Littledick showing you how to avoid being ripped off? No mate. All failed dismally.They gave Top Gear to Clarkson and he made it work. Dawes was removed rapidly (I suspect he was only there to keep a programme planner happy by doing consumer stuff to get the show back on the air) to be replaced by James May doing interesting stuff. Hammond basically gets what a younger version of the old Tony Mason or Steve Berry would along with a few road tests, and Clarkson is an amalgam of Jeremy, Quentin and Tiff - driving sideways, taking the piss and telling you not to buy boring cars. It works perfectly. Leave James May to do all the stuff the anoraks enjoy and take the piss out of him while you're at it. Get Hammond to do the schoolboy fantasy stuff and generally piss about in mud and the like, and Clarkson gets to drive the big fast V12 type stuff sideways while making comments to annoy 'Disgusted of Uttoxeter' and the Marina Owners Club. The challenges are there for everyone - and lets face it, if you had a Bugatti Veyron and someone paying the fuel bill to screw it across Europe you would. Well, I hope you would, I definately would. You'd have trouble stopping me. There's even a bit of Autoshite for the celebrity laps. Who wouldn't kill for a go at a lap in the Lacetti or the Liana?If Clarkson was as thick as you're making out, he wouldn't be a multi-millionaire, he'd be a bloke on usenet going apeshit about someone dropping a piano on a Marina - or indeed dropping a Scorpio from a crane (but that's a different matter...)Top Gear is the only TV programme about cars that works. It's the only one in the world that is shown in about 100 countries, and it's the only one in the world that gets huge viewing figures every week. When Clarkson left, it died. When they gave it to Clarkson it turned into the biggest motoring show on the planet. Clueless? I think not.Without Clarkson there would be bugger all chance of three UK channels showing different episodes of any car programme simultaneously and one channel that pretty much shows them all day, and that's what happens now. Can you imagine that with Classic Gear? Nah. Driven? Nah. Anything with Mike Brewer? Nah. The old 'Chris Goffey / William Woollard' Top Gear, No fuckin' way.There seems to be a large number of people who think they can do better, so lets have an Autoshite challenge. Get your camcorders out people, make what you'd like to see instead of Top Gear, shove it on YouTube and post the link on here. 6 minutes of what you think motoring telly should be about, (10% of a Top Gear time slot) don't worry about the camerawork being a bit shabby or only having half an Ital and your mates Avensis to film, it'll do. If you've not got a car then get some mates involved, use their cars, go to somewhere where car stuff is happening and make us a report or summat. Go to a garage and show us how things work or whatever. Just don't do anything illegal or dangerous.Shall we say 1st of December 2009 as a deadline for entries? Best entry gets an 'Autobooks' Talbot Horizon workshop manual.

[simmo]

I still like Clarkson on Top Gear, but he is a boorish middle aged twat, albeit a wealthy boorish middle aged twat. The DVD's are aimed squarely at the tattoed underclasses who find wanton destruction entertaining - you only need to go to a banger race to find a rich seam of these untermensch.I don't really give a shit about a Marina as such, but it does annoy me that such a car is destroyed after surviving against the odds for so long.The fact that he produces DVD after DVD shows that there's money to be made out of stupidity!Hammond is an annoying little fart and a publicity whore. James May though has my utmost respect - his current series about Toys is superb and the one about making a real sized Airfix Spitfire was excellent television.

I agree with everything you've said there Rev.

+1

Team Coathanger

[Mr Lobster]

Hmm, I suspect that he knows a lot more about various bits of a car than you think.

I'm fairly sure a lot of what people see of Clarkson is a fairly well crafted persona created especially for TV. He is obviously a fairly big petrolhead and I'd say he knows a lot more than he lets on. In any case, spending twenty years driving and mucking about with the stuff would give you a fair insight anyway.

 

 

There seems to be a large number of people who think they can do better, so lets have an Autoshite challenge.

 

Get your camcorders out people, make what you'd like to see instead of Top Gear, shove it on YouTube and post the link on here. 6 minutes of what you think motoring telly should be about, (10% of a Top Gear time slot) don't worry about the camerawork being a bit shabby or only having half an Ital and your mates Avensis to film, it'll do. If you've not got a car then get some mates involved, use their cars, go to somewhere where car stuff is happening and make us a report or summat. Go to a garage and show us how things work or whatever. Just don't do anything illegal or dangerous.

 

Shall we say 1st of December 2009 as a deadline for entries?

 

Best entry gets an 'Autobooks' Talbot Horizon workshop manual.

Superb idea Pete! However, I know I can't do any better. So for that reason, I'm oooot. Look forward to seeing the results though

[RedSparrow]

Team Coathanger

Eh? Please explain!

[ashmicro]

Team Coathanger

Eh? Please explain!

Autoshite Antenna config, I suspect.

[simmo]

Team Coathanger

Eh? Please explain!

Jumping on the band wagon, wearing the clothes of someone without the underlying substance to fill them. But no probs with the third riech lingo thou

[Mash]

I find Top Gear very repetitive too, not a big fan though sometimes I see something that makes me laugh.I can't make my mind up about Clarkson - occaisonally he'll be drivng a car you think he'll slate but actually makes valid compliments and constructive criticism about it.I agree with the BL baiting and the Marina, of course it's done for badness. I quite like the Marina but I also acknowledge they were a bit pants but then again no more than most mid size RWD 70s family car. I've read forums where every Marina that comes up on eBay gets a post with reference to "another one for TG to destroy". How many have they wrecked in fact? One? Two? They're not particularly rare or ultra desirable really and far more cars have been destroyed by banger racing and other period TV programmes than Clarkson on his own. OK it's a shame to see it trashed but really not the end of the world. The Samba Cab on the other hand is a bit more controversial because I suspect these are down to double figure survivors.I reckon the answer is to buy a Marina and not watch Top Gear then you can have your cake and eat it!

[Guest]

My opinion of Top Gear is that I've never really liked the show much - old or new. When I think of the new one, I think of them all sat in that dreary studio with a crowd of grinning plebs, an appearance from some famous person I don't know, a bloke in a helmet driving some generic supercar around a runway or something being blown up/crashed. Dull. Millions of people enjoy Top Gear, but millions of people enjoy Strictly Come Dancing and that's a right load of balls.

 

I just find it a bit boring and it frustrates me, most other people seem to like it that way and as such there seems little point anyone producing their own show as it'll never get off the ground. I'm not wanting some deeply technical thing either, I'm no mechanical engineer myself, but it'd be great if someone could do a show where they were clearly really enthusiastic about cars - pretty much any cars, not just some cars. They look like they're having a good time of it all, but it's just lacking somehow, it's hard to describe.

 

I suppose one way to explain it - I caught a few episodes of that Chris Barrie show about big industrial machines and he was driving around in some big digger or something. He seemed genuinely chuffed about it and it was interesting to watch, I know very little about big machines, but he was so enthusiastic about the subject matter you got caught up in it. Another good example would be Fred Dibnah knocking chimneys down, really interesting. I've rarely got that feeling with Top Gear, I'm sure they love cars but it doesn't make me feel that way. It's just a load of flashy photography of cars on a runway.

 

Also this "The Stig" toiletry set makes a good case for Top Gear not needing to exist:

 

Make my own show eh, I doubt it'd be very good. Might do. It'd be near-entirely about the Daewoo Espero. I like Daewoo Esperos.

[dollywobbler]

Oi! Strictly is by far the best thing on television! Well, apart from that gurning ol' chap who doesn't seem to know what humour is. It's the ultimate in wife-friendly telly because I can get away with watching gorgeous girls in skimpy frocks prancing about. It's actually far better than Top Gear granted - I don't give two hoots about missing TG these days, but I have to get my Strictly fix! Have I made a mistake admitting to this on a public forum?James May's Toy Stories is absolutely brilliant mind. Fabulous idea, brimming over with enthusiasm. Great stuff. Chris Barrie's shows are good too, as you say. Not always technically that perfect, but enthusiasm counts for a lot. I met Chris at the NEC a couple of years back. Very nice chap.