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eBay tat volume 3.

Ross_K

By Ross_K
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Ben_L Rank: Austin Maxi

Ben_L

Posted
Posted

That 1.1 must've been owned by some sort of Ecomentalist Eliteist pig... It has plastic hub caps!!!

oldford Rank: BL Wedge

oldford

Posted
Posted

This must be right up our street:

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/281060393993?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649

 

SHITROEN CRAPSO (UN-DESIRE-ABLE) 1.5 N/A DIESEL

 

 

 

UP FOR SALE IS MY NOT SO WELL LOVED CRAPSO, UNFORTUNATELY THE TIME HAS COME TO PART WITH THIS TANK OF A CAR. THIS CAR HAS BEEN USED, ABUSED AND THRASHED DAILY, AND THEN ABUSED SOME MORE...ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT FRENCH CARS ARE UNRELIABLE, CAN SIT AND SWIVEL ON THE GEAR LEVER(MAY FALL OFF). IVE DRIVEN THIS CAR TO HELL AND BACK AND ITS JUST ASKED TO GO BACK AGAIN. SERIOUSLY I COMMUTE 20 MILES ALONG THE RIDGEWAY EACH DAY AND IT TAKES THE BEATING BETTER THAN MIKE TYSON.

 

THIS SHITROEN HAS WANTED FOR NOTHING...SO IVE GIVEN IT FACK ALL.

 

THE SUNROOF LEAKS LIKE A SIEVE, WHICH IS HANDY IF YOU ARE RUNNING LATE, BECAUSE YOU CAN SHOWER IN THE CAR.

 

THE FAG BURNS IN THE SEATS AND ON THE DOOR CARDS COME AS STANDARD.

 

AS DO THE FILTHY DIRTY DOOR SHUTS,

 

THE ROLAND GARROS HALF-LEATHER INTERIOR IS IN SHITE CONDITION, IT HAS OIL, DIRT, GRIT, FAG ASH AND FARTS BURIED DEEP INTO THE FABRIC, AND THE CREAM LEATHER IS STAINED FROM CAKE HOLE TO ARSE HOLE.

 

THERE IS ENOUGH BACCY IN THE CENTRE CONSOLE AND OVER THE FLOOR TO SUPPLY A PRISON FOR A WEEK, SO IF YOU FANCY A ROLLY, ALL YOU WILL NEED IS SOME RIZZLA.

 

THE SHITROEN ALSO COMES WITH SOME ADDITIONAL MODIFICATIONS, THE FLOURESCENT ORANGE WHEELS, HOWEVER BRIGHT THEY APPEAR, DO NOT STOP DEER, RABBITS AND PHEASANTS RUNNING INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAR, AND THE STICKERS ON THE BONNET AND THE BOOTLID ARE ONLY REALLY THERE TO ALLOW THE VILLAGE IDIOT SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT.

 

THE ENGINE IS REALLY FECKIN RELIABLE, HOWEVER IT DOES SOUND LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT WITH STONES, NAILS AND SWEETCORN IN. IT HAS SEVERAL OIL LEAKS, THE POWER STEERING PUMP HAS THE OCCASIONAL MOAN(STOPS IF YOU HIT IT WITH A HAMMER) AND IT STARTS WITH ONLY 3 GLOW PLUGS BECAUSE SOME SORT OF HARRY TWATTER BROKE ONE OF THE PLUGS OFF IN THE HEAD.

 

THE CRAPSO COMES COMPLETE WITH ALL THE MUD, CRAP AND STICKERS ON (EVEN COMES WITH THE DIRTY CHROME TAIL PIPE)

 

I AM SELLING THIS CAR, AS 56MPG IS JUST TOO THIRSTY FOR MY LIKING AND I NEED SOMETHING MORE ECONOMICAL, AND THE 80MPH TOP SPEED IS BOTH TERRIFYING AND BREATH TAKING AND REALLY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED. I NEED SOMETHING SLOWER IN MY LIFE.

 

I HOPE YOU ARE A FAN OF THE 'TOP GEAR' CHALLENGES, THESE HAVE BEEN MY INSPIRATION FOR THE CRAPSO, BUT IVE JUST NOT BEEN ABLE TO DESTROY IT. EVERYTIME YOU GET IN THIS CAR, YOU JUST GET THE URGE COME OVER YOU TO STEER IT INTO A TREE OR PLOUGH THROUGH A FIELD BOUNCING OFF THE RED LINE AT 6500RPM.

 

MAYBE YOU WILL HAVE MORE LUCK WITH THIS PILE OF PREVERBIAL POOP, BUT I JUST HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO CRACK THE TOUGH OUTER LAYER.

 

THIS WILL MAKE AN IDEAL FIRST CAR FOR SOMEONE, I CAN IMAGINE IF I WAS HANDED THE KEYS TO THIS CAR THE DAY I PASSED MY TEST I WOULD HAVE DROPPED TO MY KNEES WITH EXITEMENT.

 

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ABOUT THE CRAPSO IS EVERYONE IS TERRIFIED OF IT, IT MAKES OLD LADIES RUN FOR THE HILLS, AND KIDS BURST INTO TEARS SO THERE WILL NEVER BE A DULL MOMENT DRIVING IT. (APART FROM THE SECOND YOU TURN THE KEY)

 

 

 

 

 

"I HOPE YOUVE ENJOYED MY LISTING, AND THE CRAPSO REALLY IS FOR SALE SO SERIOUS BIDDERS ONLY PLEASE, NO TIME WASTERS, TEST PILOTS OR TYRE KICKERS"

 

(MENTALLY INEPT MORONS, AND HILL BILLY TYPES MAY BE ACCEPTED TO BID - PROVIDING THEY CAN REFRAIN FROM LICKING THE COMPUTER SCREEN FOR LONG ENOUGH, OR CLIMB DOWN OFF THEIR MOTHER, FATHER, SISTER OR BROTHER TO PLACE A BID)

 

 

 

99p STARTING BID WITH NO RESERVE

 

 

 

! MANY THANKS - AND HAPPY BIDDING !

Mr_Bo11ox Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

Mr_Bo11ox

Posted
Posted
The Saxo advert made me pull a face like Neil Hamburger's in my avatar.

 

Like almost all 'comedy' eBay listings, its about as funny as being melvin'd by a tramp.

retrogeezer Rank: Renault 16

retrogeezer

Posted
Posted

I loved my Mk2 Astra GTE even though it was the 2nd most unreliable car I have had (behind the Calibra). Great fun to drive, wish I'd had a Mk1 at some point too.

Mash Rank: Renault 16

Mash

Posted
Posted

Just thinking about that Strada from the auction. I don't think anyone has any objection to buying at auction and making a bit of a profit, but it's a bit rich just putting it straight on eBay after a week with only a slop over with the shammy. For the extra 800 quid I'd expect a bit of prep work, look at the fuggin state under the bonnet.

 

$(KGrHqNHJFIFEFjY(J(2BRCskqRO0g~~60_12.JPG

Bobthebeard Rank: Lancia Gamma

Bobthebeard

Posted
Posted
Look at this. Cutaway Astra!! Wonder how easy it would be to put it on the road, fair old chunk missing off the front. Only 7 miles on the clock.

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/MINT-BRAND-NE ... 0912249940

 

Images are huge, don't know how to resize, sorry!

 

Whilst great as a piece of motoring history etc, would have thought that putting it on the road would be almost impossible! It would need all the cut away bits replacing with second hand parts. Defeating the point surely? The only place it belongs is in a car museum or similar probably.

cort16 Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

cort16

Posted
Posted

1 life live it

LPG'd Cherokee Sport with T&T and LPG for £350. Needs sill weldage for next MOT.

$(KGrHqNHJFIFEFjY(J(2BRECJ+oJyg~~48_80.JPG

http://www.gumtree.com/p/cars-vans-motorbikes/jeep-cherokee-25-sport-petrol-lpg-gas-motd-and-taxed-towbar/1008795306#gallery-item-full-1

 

Cherokee LTD with long MOT and seemingly parked on a 90% gradiant.

 

NEED IT GONE TODAY.

Price will go up if I tax jeep today or tomorrow, would rather not as this isn't main car.

 

Er, alright. Still it seems decent for £500.

 

$T2eC16VHJGIE9nnWqr5oBRENHgn7u!~~48_80.JPG

http://www.gumtree.com/p/cars-vans-motorbikes/jeep-cherokee-for-sale-urgent-11-months-mot-no-taxbargain/1008817248

 

Holy shizola.

 

$T2eC16FHJGkE9no8f)sQBRD-ybni1!~~48_80.JPG

$(KGrHqF,!n0FD+V+5ZfoBRD-y)dU-g~~48_80.JPG

http://www.gumtree.com/p/cars-vans-motorbikes/hot-rod-morris-minor/1008771764

 

From the land of confused metaphors such as silent as a fish, drawing a line under the sand and lets put all our eggs on the table.

 

Runs sweet as a dream, drives great, needs the 2 front bottom suspension arms changed and the tracking done.

 

will consider swaps but must be VAG!!!

 

I'm pretty sure that's illegal even if you are offering a car rather than cash.

 

$(KGrHqR,!j!FC9QjmMYIBRD7FZ72Ew~~48_80.JPG

http://www.gumtree.com/p/cars-vans-motorbikes/mk2-scirocco-gt/1008744298

pompei Rank: Renault 16

pompei

Posted
Posted

That Minor is the thin end of the cake (metaphor nicked from a council planner's report I saw)

CortinaDave Rank: Renault 16

CortinaDave

Posted
Posted

The guy with the Minor lives fairly locally to me and is notorious for making hideous "rods" out of what were nice enough cars.

 

He turned a lovely mk4 cortina 2.0 Ghia in Roman bronze with a black vinyl roof into a General Lee replica, ripping off the vinyl, painting it dayglo orange and throwing out the mint interior, bumpers and other trim in the process and fitting just one COBRA seat instead..

 

I've also seen him give similar RODDIN' to a mk2 and 3 cortina, an anglia, capri and others. He buys them, does a really bad rod job on them then straight away sells them at a huge loss. Ah well whatever floats your boat!

cort16 Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

cort16

Posted
Posted

Apparantly there's was guy that did that with SD1's. He bought them then performed hideous roof chops, botched pickup conversions and no more nails attached body kits. They're then totally trashed and get binned when MOT time comes as they're death traps.

Spiny Norman Rank: Lancia Gamma

Spiny Norman

Posted
Posted

Would you buy a Jeep from someone who doesn't even have the brains to click the "rotate 90°" button so his pictures are the right way round? :?:roll:

seacow Rank: Citroen Ami

seacow

Posted
Posted
Would you buy a Jeep from someone who doesn't even have the brains to click the "rotate 90°" button so his pictures are the right way round? :?:roll:

 

 

I was seriously tempted at £600 then I looked at the insurance angle - we exchanged emails and he offered £500 - its tempting as it looks nice but if it seems too good to be true.......he did say it has nearly new tyres and had just had the passenger door hinges welded. Seems a lot of metal for half a bag...

theorganist Rank: Renault 16

theorganist

Posted
Posted

Well it is in Quarry Bonk! I think cars are still a new invention round there!

 

Pete

Cavcraft Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

Cavcraft

Posted
Posted

That Trabant is ace, wish I had £1,400.

RedSparrow Rank: Renault 16

RedSparrow

Posted
Posted

It's in good nick yeah, but I'd prefer it if it was in the original shat green.

CortinaDave Rank: Renault 16

CortinaDave

Posted
Posted

$(KGrHqR,!p!FEEL5rEjDBREQmLzWN!~~48_79.JPG

 

http://www.gumtree.com/p/cars-vans-moto ... 1008842055

 

HERE WE HAVE A ROBIN RELIANT LX 850cc 1993 L REG

2 MONTHS TAX 5 MONTHS MOT

WAS BOUGHT FOR TRIKE PROJECT BUT DON'T HAVE THE TIME SO FORCES SALE

HAS 2 HARD PLASTIC BUCKET SEATS IN THE FRONT NOT THE COMFIEST

RUNS OK COULD DO WITH A SET OF POINTS BUT THESE COME WITH THE CAR THEY JUST NEED FITTED

THE PRICE IS £350 NO OFFERS

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