Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 A long time ago in a galaxy far far away there was a thinner and financially much more well endowed version of me browsing a set of Ebay saved search perameters much removed from todays SUB £400 template. I spotted an old green car in the next county, not far from where Papa Shitpeas Snr was residing at that time. The clickfinger was loaded, turgid and INCREDIBLY POKE READY. Poke it went. Then poke, poke. Pause. POKE POKE POKE. CONCRAPTULATE! YOU HAVE WON A OLD GREEN CAR ON EBAY! Literally days later, the old man collected it for me. Oh, at this point, I didnt have a driving licence. Though I was already about 5 cars into my ebay/car career. The Oxford was solid, if clad in very flat thick two tone and would not start. Also the brakes didnt work. Luckily, a condenser and balls of MILD STEEL allowed rehoming to commence the same callender day. It went round the back of John Dere dealership in Cramlington and we washed it. The three spotlights (one fucking peaked) on the front and the 8 ball gear shifter were of course my idea. 2 kewl 4 fuck skewl m9. Rolls eyes. The carpet was poor so my stepmother literally retrimmed it in offcuts left over from her recent bathroom remodeling. loserone, Jim Bergerac, DeeJay and 25 others 28 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatharris Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Do you still have this? Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 I drove it round for a few weeks with various mates shouting warning and advice from the front bench seat as I barreled through intersections because I didnt like stopping or pulling away. I loved it very much and pledged to keep it forever. The wind then changed direction and I decided to sell it on a whim. In dailly use m8: I advertised the fucker on CARANDCLASSIC at double money and played the waiting game. About 47 minutes later, the phone rang. John F, worldofceri, Dick Longbridge and 18 others 21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lankytim Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I'd bum myself all over that. It's gorgeous! Jim Bell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 Do you still have this? Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk Of fucking course not. The purpose of this thread is content. In the face of all of the winging and fighting on here recently, its all that can save us. As I do nothing of any interest any more, I'm gonna plumb the darkest corners of the recent past for moments of interest. Asimo, Shep Shepherd, Tickman and 8 others 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 At this point I would also like to admit to the chrome GB badge. It was a different time. Dave_Q 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mercrocker Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Well I cannot think of a better thing. Best colour scheme, too. I wish you had kept it so that I could buy it off you in a drunken moment.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 So, the phone rang. I answered it. "Halo. I em a firmer olympic ice dence chempion from Vienna and I woot velly metch like to buy zis car. I can get plane tommorow, is ok?" He said. Words to that effect anyway. Yeah mate, nen bosh. I'll pick you up. Just ring me when you land. I went to sleep. Then the phone rang again. I woke up. "Hi! I am at the airport Newcastle. Can you pick me up?" Er, no. I dont have a driving licence and I didnt expect you to turn up. Pause. "Is ok. I get taxi. See you soon," And then. NorfolkNWeigh, Conrad D. Conelrad, Semi-C and 22 others 25 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 Well I cannot think of a better thing. Best colour scheme, too. I wish you had kept it so that I could buy it off you in a drunken moment.... I wish this too. The only thing that didnt work on it was the semaphore indicator cancellation on the drivers side. You had to do it manually with the toggle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeJay Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 The purpose of this thread is content. In the face of all of the winging and fighting on here recently, its all that can save us. Well said, carry on. Shep Shepherd, alf892 and Jim Bell 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 The crazy legend set off from my door, headed for Huddersfield (I think, possibly Hull) to pick up some Land Rover wheels that he had also won on ebay. After that he was heading home to Austria. Via road. In a car that he had just bought blind on ebay. Er, I think you'll need some lead replacement. Ok I find som on ze way. Ok. Give me two rings when you get home so I know you made it home safe. About 4 days later he emailed me this: No note. He was probably too busy being a badass. Or ice skating. garethj, Asimo, inconsistant and 30 others 33 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavcraft Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 You sold a car (and a bloody nice one at that) to Ralph of Ted and Ralph fame and didn't even tell us? The Moog, DeeJay, Jim Bell and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tooSavvy Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 The purpose of this thread is content.GR9 logikk m8 I have ToMM©...... But, fuckstikks, what to post Nooze! "I have opened bonnet twice = nadda :/ " Keep it up - for those who can't <cos Toyota>! TS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 You sold a car (and a bloody nice one at that) to Ralph of Ted and Ralph fame and didn't even tell us? I dont know about dat sor. This was pre-Autoshite sor. Something Something drainage in the top field sor. r.welfare, eddyramrod and worldofceri 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoadworkUK Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I'm not sure I've ever read anything better than this. I finished "20,000 leagues under the sea" yesterday. It was crap in comparison. Jim Bell and tooSavvy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tooSavvy Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I'm not sure I've ever read anything better than this. I finished "20,000 poprivets under the seats" yesterday. It was crap in comparison.The A$ revised version. TS eddyramrod, The Moog, RoadworkUK and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holbeck Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Strangely, I have feeling I've seen that dude who bought the car before. wuvvum, stephen01 and Jim Bell 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigstraight6 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Brilliant stuff, fair play to Captain Von Trapp for driving that back to Austria. I wonder if he still has it.... Asimo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkman Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 At this point I would also like to admit to the chrome GB badge. It was a different time. But not that different. You should be ashamed of yourself.I would never drive a car festooned with such bling kitsch. Jim Bell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplebargeken Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Austrians are all crazy buggers. Hitler for example. Josef Fritzl for another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplebargeken Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 At least car guy was crazy in a good way. Jim Bell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hooli Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 That was a bloody lovely Morris, I'd love something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael1703 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 From this thread I have learnt that Sir Barry of murd pois is much younger than I imagined Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UltraWomble Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 But not that different. You should be ashamed of yourself.I would never drive a car festooned with such bling kitsch. Me neither Jim Bell and Junkman 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 From this thread I have learnt that Sir Barry of murd pois is much younger than I imagined Not any more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkman Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Austrians are all crazy buggers. Hitler for example. Josef Fritzl for another. Well thanks God I'm such a notable exception. Jim Bell and martc 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 I think Autoshite should maybe have a Chrome GB badge owners sub forum. And well done JM for not doing a genocide or any subterranean kidnap bumming. Not ALL Austrians are bad Austrians. Junkman and Dave_Q 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkman Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Me neither Oh no, not another one of those bling giffers void of any taste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkman Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I think Autoshite should maybe have a Chrome GB badge owners sub forum. And well done JM for not doing a genocide or any subterranean kidnap bumming. Not ALL Austrians are bad Austrians. Well, I do have a dungeon of much mad science, but the only living things I keep there are spiders.Currently residing there are Eusebia, Arnold, Frau Stangl and Bud Spencer.However, they all came on their own account and they are free to leave whenever they like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkman Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I had to leave the front dungeon window slightly ajar.If I closed it, it would destroy Bud Spencer's web. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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