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Jim Bell

1958 Morris Oxford (.............the ghost of)

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A long time ago in a galaxy far far away there was a thinner and financially much more well endowed version of me browsing a set of Ebay saved search perameters much removed from todays SUB £400 template.

 

I spotted an old green car in the next county, not far from where Papa Shitpeas Snr was residing at that time.

 

The clickfinger was loaded, turgid and INCREDIBLY POKE READY.

 

Poke it went.  Then poke, poke. Pause. POKE POKE POKE.

 

CONCRAPTULATE!  YOU HAVE WON A OLD GREEN CAR ON EBAY!

 

 

 

Literally days later, the old man collected it for me.

 

Oh, at this point, I didnt have a driving licence.  Though I was already about 5 cars into my ebay/car career.

 

 

 

The Oxford was solid, if clad in very flat thick two tone and would not start.  Also the brakes didnt work.  Luckily, a condenser and balls of MILD STEEL allowed rehoming to commence the same callender day.

 

It went round the back of John Dere dealership in Cramlington and we washed it.

 

 

 

 

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The three spotlights (one fucking peaked) on the front and the 8 ball gear shifter were of course my idea.  2 kewl 4 fuck skewl m9.  Rolls eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

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The carpet was poor so my stepmother literally retrimmed it in offcuts left over from her recent bathroom remodeling.

 

 

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I drove it round for a few weeks with various mates shouting warning and advice from the front bench seat as I barreled through intersections because I didnt like stopping or pulling away.  I loved it very much and pledged to keep it forever.

 

The wind then changed direction and I decided to sell it on a whim.

 

 

 

 

In dailly use m8:

 

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I advertised the fucker on CARANDCLASSIC at double money and played the waiting game.

 

 

About 47 minutes later, the phone rang.

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Do you still have this?

 

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

 

Of fucking course not.

 

 

The purpose of this thread is content.  In the face of all of the winging and fighting on here recently, its all that can save us.  As I do nothing of any interest any more, I'm gonna plumb the darkest corners of the recent past for moments of interest.

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So, the phone rang.

 

I answered it.

 

 

"Halo. I em a firmer olympic ice dence chempion from Vienna and I woot velly metch like to buy zis car.  I can get plane tommorow, is ok?"

 

He said.  Words to that effect anyway.

 

 

Yeah mate, nen bosh.  I'll pick you up. Just ring me when you land.

 

 

I went to sleep.

 

 

Then the phone rang again.

 

 

I woke up.

 

 

"Hi! I am at the airport Newcastle. Can you pick me up?"

 

 

Er, no.  I dont have a driving licence and I didnt expect you to turn up.

 

 

Pause.

 

 

"Is ok.  I get taxi. See you soon,"

 

 

 

 

 

And then.

 

 

 

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Well I cannot think of a better thing.   Best colour scheme, too.   I wish you had kept it so that I could buy it off you in a drunken moment....

 

 

I wish this too.  The only thing that didnt work on it was the semaphore indicator cancellation on the drivers side.  You had to do it manually with the toggle.

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The crazy legend set off from my door, headed for Huddersfield (I think, possibly Hull) to pick up some Land Rover wheels that he had also won on ebay.

 

After that he was heading home to Austria. Via road. In a car that he had just bought blind on ebay.

 

Er, I think you'll need some lead replacement.

 

Ok I find som on ze way.

 

 

Ok.  Give me two rings when you get home so I know you made it home safe.

 

 

 

About 4 days later he emailed me this:

 

 

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No note.  He was probably too busy being a badass.

 

Or ice skating.

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I think Autoshite should maybe have a Chrome GB badge owners sub forum.

 

And well done JM for not doing a genocide or any subterranean kidnap bumming. Not ALL Austrians are bad Austrians.

 

Well, I do have a dungeon of much mad science, but the only living things I keep there are spiders.

Currently residing there are Eusebia, Arnold, Frau Stangl and Bud Spencer.

However, they all came on their own account and they are free to leave whenever they like.

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