The Epic Austrian owned R16 from Germany doing French things in a Parallel Universe near England Saga

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

We missed the ferry. We waited until the very last possible second to switch on the sidelights.

 

With 15km to go, the fuel gauge was resting on its stop. By now we had less than half an hour before the 11pm ferry, but we couldn't risk the fuel level anymore.

 

We missed the second ferry.

[dollywobbler]

Oh dear. Comfy seats mind...

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

England!

 

 

Car started on the ferry, although it blew a breather pipe leading to poor idle and ferry repairs.

 

 

Since it started so enthusiastically and the headlights aren't dim, we've decided the ammeter is bullshitting us and we're pressing on.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Economy on Loxstadt to Dover: 36mpg / 7.87 l/100.

 

And that's with a cling film wrapped bonnet on the roof having unfortunate aerodynamic effects.

[Felly Magic]

JM looks knackered, I bet you both are with this marathon, you are 100% pure, certifiable shiters. 14568.8/10

[Norbert]

Beigey-white R16 with extra bonnet on roof and German plates spotted cruising northbound on M6 at Junction 7 at 0600hrs..........

 

Car looked excellent and very much at home at motorway speeds.

 

But... I can understand avoiding Lincolnshire, but then to go right through the West Midlands? You're braver than I thought......

[drum]

Top bombing chaps.

The bodywork looks good on the photos.

What's written on the door?

[Junkman]

R16 and we made it home without any catastrophic grenadisations.

Off to bed.

 

Sorry for the utterly boring collection thread. We honestly expected it to turn out more entertaining.

[richardthestag]

I had a dinky version of one of these as a nipper. opening tailgate if I recall correctly.

 

Oh and super bouncy suspension

 

top bombing makes me want more french shite in my life and I thought I had enough already

[John F]

These cars remind me of an old lady that's probably called Hilda or Enid.

[John F]

 

[bub2006]

I like rusty spoons?

[John F]

Yep

[Dick Cheeseburger]

Find next E-car charging point, steal battery from Tesla: enough energy to run ignition, CD-player and flashers all the way home.

There should be plenty of spare Tesla batteries on offer shortly, as Amurica have pledged to ban them, due to not enough hydrocarbons, therefore not enough jobs for the Amuricans.

In the meantime, here's a review of R16 vs. Maxi, where the Renner shit all over it's British counterpart. Hopefully this'll cheer up (failure to?) proceedings.

http://www.aronline.co.uk/reviews/tested-austin-maxi-vs-renault-16/

 

As you were.

 

Edit: I see you've returned home with joie de vivre. Felicitations.

[Eddie Honda]

 

FAT-HANDED TWAT!

 

[loserone]

We honestly expected it to turn out more entertaining.

 

You could always head back out to shitefest?

[Junkman]

These cars remind me of an old lady that's probably called Hilda or Enid.

 

 

I was instructed by the guys from a French car forum that it must be called Brigitte.

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

I had a dinky version of one of these as a nipper. opening tailgate if I recall correctly.

 

Oh and super bouncy suspension

 

top bombing makes me want more french shite in my life and I thought I had enough already

 

 

I did as well - painted in the same bluish grey as my mother's Renault 4TL.

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

An excellent thread!

[Junkman]

Here are my hitherto last photos of the ordeal.
 
Before we left, the seller led us into yet another one of his halls full of treasures.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
The place was also cluttered with every conceivable 1980s BMW chod one could possibly imagine.
These Bimmer Youngtimers are a passion of the patron, who also runs two lots for regular used cars
and has much more stuff in a barn further away as well as stored at many places in the area.
 
The man himself, unloading our trusted Renner upon return from the reg office:
 

 
He really went out of his way to make sure that we two clowns leave his country again as quickly as possible the export plate registration goes through.

[Junkman]

Rubber hose reattachment attempt in the DFDS Dunkerque car park:

 

 

 

 

 

At the Junktowers, already dedubbed:

 

 

 

 

Stay tuned for the longwinded and boring account of the events soon at this venue.

[Junkman]

Okay, here goes.

 

Wednesday morning we got up at an hour that should be made illegal to catch the 06:40 flight to Hamburg.

Mr Conelrad's father took us to the airport despite numerous assurances from both of us that he is nuts and we would happily take an LTI.

From Hamburg we took several trains to a place called Loxstedt, which is in a part of North Germany locked between the Weser and Elbe rivers.

It's called Altes Land, is very rural and infamous for not many outwith bloodlines ever having entered it, if you get my drift.

So with my healthy and well justified aversion against anything bumpkin, you can imagine how much I was actually looking forward to the whole thing.

But what doesn't one do for some bona fide shite?

 

So like two cherry pits we were spat into this North German bog from a train, wandered on through something like a light industrial area

and in the end immediately realised that we found the right place.

The seller turned out to be one of the friendliest persons I have met in my life and he is actually a lot younger than most of his cars.

Upon a quick inspection the deal was quickly finalised and he took us to the hitherto most Northernly temporary GGG headquarters,

where we had a beer fuelled evening and ran into one of Mr Conelrad's fellow countrymen, who is literally living at the place, working

as an engineer for a nearby company making wind turbines.

 

The next day we were picked up by the seller and taken to the German reg office in Bremerhaven to get our export plates sorted.

For this, you first need insurance. These reg offices are surrounded by portacabins, from which numberplate makers and insurance brokers

peddle their services. Only one of them catered to export plates, but we were told, that we first need to initiate the reg process itself.

So we went to the info desk in the reg office, where we were told, before anything can be done, we need proof of insurance.

Good, I said, so we can spend the rest of our days walking forth and back between the insurance broker and the reg office.

This is when our trusted seller intervened and started to sort things out in earnest. After sorting the insurance, we were facing a

three hour wait until it was our turn, during which the seller went back to his place and fetched the Renner on a trailer, since it had to be

inspected by the clerk of the reg office, i.e. a VIN check needed to be made.

In the end, the whole thing turned out to be successful and we buggered off back to the dealer, to unload the Renault from his trailer, fit the

plates properly, do a final checkover including tyre pressures etc, etc and around 13:00 we were on our way.

 

The only 'real' problem was that the car would stall on tickover, which I semi sorted right there and then. This tickover stall thing would continue

to haunt us for the major part of the journey, but could ultimately be rectified altogether by means of reattaching the crankcase vent hose which

had slipped off its connector at the Solex.

 

The rest was in essence simply driving. I felt a lot like my father when he was younger, I must admit, but an ultimate childhood reliving moment

came in Belgium, when I bought me a bottle of Orangina the content of which was subsequently consumed in the R16.

 

Despite the weather was really nice all the way to Stoke on Trent, thankfully the temperature was quite moderate.

Still, the R16 acts as a greenhouse and I don't know how much more unbearable it would have been inside without the safari roof it was

sporting.

Entirely btw. the spare bonnet was thrown in because the current one had been bent at the front following a little shunt and thus mainly

consists of wob.

 

The driving experience is exactly as I remembered it. The car's suspension is among the best ever and the seats are the most comfortable

thing outside a bed. It is a bit noisy courtesy of permaopen windows and the exhaust touching the bodywork somewhere.

The brakes are terrible, but this could have to do with a suspicious small puddle underneath the master cylinder, which needs urgent

investigation due to single circuit brakes.

Also, for some odd reason the LH indicators stopped working half way through Belgium, which isn't a big deal over there, but sure makes

life exciting in the UK.

The car is not a high performance machine by any means, cruising speed was a mere 100 clicks, but honest ones, since in order

to sail at the genuine metric ton, the speedo must indicate 111, exactly as my father always said. You also really notice inclines so reasonably

rapid progress must be planned in advance. This slowness led us to grossly underestimate travelling time, so we missed boat 1.

Driving the wrong way in Belgium led to us missing boat 2, so arrival in Blighty only happened half an hour past midninght today.

It took us another seven hours to get to Manchester, thanks to carefully closed motorways, junctions we needed to take and the assorted usual

other chaos this country should urgently sort out, because it would actually be quite easy.

 

I bet Mr Conelrad has a lot to add, but in a nutshell, this is it from me.

[hairnet]

win at frog

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

There is something peculiarly resonant, nostalgic and romantic about this old 16.

[Junkman]

Oh totally.

For me it's reliving my childhood.

In total comfort and with 36 OMGMPG.

 

The principal question remains - where is the progress of the past half century?

[Junkman]

Top bombing chaps.

The bodywork looks good on the photos.

What's written on the door?

 

Chauffeur: Jean-Jacques

 

Which prompted much hilarity at the French ferry check in. A bit like this:

 

We - Sorry, we're late, missed two boats, had some trouble.

He - But not weez French car! Sere iz nevaire trouble weez French cars!

We - Oh no, the car is fine. French cars are best, etc. etc.

He - So oooh iz Jean-Jacques? I must see eez passaporte!

We - Sorry, he jumped ship, errr, car halfway through the trip.

He - But you must ave Jean-Jaques wizz you, eef it's written on the door!

We - We swear, it's only us two!

He - Eeetz okay wizz me, but les Flics over sere, oh la la! You weel ave trouble! Sen again, probably not weez French car...

[Uncle Jimmy]

Seething with jealousy here, R16 is one of my favourite designs. Well done.

[JeeExEll]

[Junkman]

Right.

 

First things first.

 

 

 

 

[Junkman]

Second things second.