The Epic Austrian owned R16 from Germany doing French things in a Parallel Universe near England Saga

[chaseracer]

Is Junkman shouting in Austro-inflected German yet?

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Stuff is happening. We have paid the insurance, but now we are in a waiting room with about 30 other people. Junkman says we should count on approx three hour wait.

 

No one is being called.

 

We have also just found out that they will want to see the car. The car is not here. The dealer will go and put it on a trailer and bring it here.

[John F]

I've experienced the well-oiled efficiency* of a German Verkehrsamt before... it's like the slowest deli counter known to man, with the added disappointment of no snacks to look forward to.

 

Haltet die Ohren steif, Kumpels!

[dollywobbler]

Should have just made your own number plates. You could be back home now, having had no* problems at all.

[Sloth in a bowl]

Behind an office door in Bremerhaven

 

'Ere boss, we have a couple of nutters from England, want to register a knackered old Renault. One of them is waving an Austrian passport at me and shouting something about 1986.'

'Have you checked the dangerous persons watch list?'

'Yes, the're not on it, that can't be right, I blame the computer'

'We need to hold them while we look up the old Stasi paper files, keep them busy for a couple of hours.'

'How boss?'

'Is the car here?'

'No boss.'

'Excellent, tell them that we need to inspect it, by the time they have recovered the vehicle and we have pretended to prod it, then the paper work will have been found.'

'I'm on it boss.'

 

The junior leaves. The boss picks up a phone and dials a number written in red on the inside of his desk draw.

There are clicks on the line, then a muffled voice speaks softly, 'Yes.'

'We have a code beige situation.'

 

to be continued...

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Are you one of the other people in this waiting room?

 

Only one person has been called since my last post. Someone came out and told all the recent arrivals that they were wasting their time and should go and find a different office.

 

I am getting closer and closer to yelling "Gawd save the Queen" while waving a V5C like a flag.

[beko1987]

Do the international shiter rescuers need to assemble? Beige a frames unite!

 

Maybe play the dambusters song on your phone, that's bound to get stuff moving

[richardthestag]

might be a pain now but it will make Doovla experience seem almost pleasurable by comparison.

 

Do they have oompah lift musak playing in the background?

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

There isn't enough air in this room to support even a tape recording of an oompah band.

[richardthestag]

revert to Dambusters or Great Escape theme tune renditions

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

The artwork in the stairway is a painting of some stairs.

[alcyonecorporation]

The artwork in the stairway is a painting of some stairs.

 

Picture please. 

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

[trigger]

Your shattering this glitz and glamour image i had in my head of a European car collection.

[Sloth in a bowl]

Décor by Werner Herzog

Atmosphere coordinator Friedrich Nietzsche

[John F]

This is, of course, complete guesswork and certainly hasn't been done by me before, but surely the best way to collect a car from Germany is to do it on a Friday night & legally get all the way back to Blighty on the previous owner's registration & insurance with the boot full of crates of beer before the Verkehrsamt opens on the Monday morning?

[Sloth in a bowl]

Deep in the bowls of the Stasi archive, an elderly communist mutters to himself.

 

'So, their names are Christian and Peter and they have come over here to buy an old Renault. Peter has a load of cat pictures on his phone and Christian owns a pair of bright yellow trousers. All this and they aren't flagged as homosexual? The whole bloody system must be bolloxed.'

[eddyramrod]

Doesn't matter what's going on in reality, I prefer the Sloth version!

 

Cue Ipcress File music...

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Almost exactly three hours later, the car has plates! Three hours wait for five minutes of paperwork!

 

We are trailering it back to the dealer to finish up business.

[dollywobbler]

Excellent! I reckon they would have hurried things along if you'd told them it needed to be back in the UK for an event called Shitefest.

[bub2006]

Well done chaps. Mighty good work there.

[anonymous user]

Almost exactly three hours later, the car has plates! Three hours wait for five minutes of paperwork!

 

We are trailering it back to the dealer to finish up business.

I can't understand why you didn't ask Skizzer if you could borrow the plates off his 16, it would have saved an awful lot of bother.

[Sloth in a bowl]

Sub basement 13 NSA headquarters, a red light flashes.

 

Corporal Dwayne: 'Captain we have a trigger in Bremerhaven, Germany. Keywords Renault Autoshite Collection'

Captain Dick: 'Let me look at that, those Limey bastards are up to something. Nobody buys a car that comfortable without an ulterior motive'

Dwayne: 'Previous linked report is of ISIS, Renault 20 and Paris sir, this is a fairly tenuous link, only 23% probable.'

Dick: 'Darn it Dwayne, don't tell me the numbers, we've been two years late to every major fuck up on that continent so far. We aren't even due to know about Breixit till 2020. This time, this one time, I'm going to be in at the beginning. Activate Agent Orange.'

Dwayne: 'Yes, Sir, Dick , Sir. Agent Orange triggered.' 

 

 

Dwayne: 'Captain'

Dick: 'Yes, Corporal'

Dwayne: 'Do you feel like somebody is listening in on us?'

Dick: 'Stop being a pussy, this is the NSA, of course somebody is listening in on us'

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

We are driving!

[richardthestag]

Your shattering this glitz and glamour image i had in my head of a European car collection.

 

someone possibly needs to go buy something from Marina's "Goldies Boutique" though most of the motors seem to be terminal non-runners and the whole operation seems to be some sort of cover for some other business.

 

Maybe not

[richardthestag]

We are driving!

 

ver iz das photo!

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

ver iz das photo!

[John F]

^ I find it strange yet comforting that Renault felt the need to remind passengers what vehicle they were travelling in.

[pshome]

Stuff is happening. We have paid the insurance, but now we are in a waiting room with about 30 other people. Junkman says we should count on approx three hour wait.

 

No one is being called.

You didn't bring proof that the car papers, or even better the car itself, do not exist, that's why you have to wait.

[pshome]

In the interest of that nice R16, may i suggest to change the side of the road until you see signs reading "Red Lion", "Royal Oak" or similar.