Crazy FTP. Thoughts invited.

[Jim Bell]

The car: 2.1 XUD 406

 

It was cold as fish wife's foof and wet as an otters pocket the other morning.

I shuffled out to the 406 at half five and tried to unlock it.

Key turned but no central locking. Opened door, no interior light. Put key in ign, no dash lights.

 

I diagnosed COMPLETELY BATTERY COMISERATIONS.

 

I didn't lift the bonnet, I just took the Lupo to work.

 

I knew that the previous owner had bought the battery from RAC and that it was still under warranty so I rang them up this morning.

 

No I am not a member. No I did not buy the battery. Yes I do want a patrolman to attend and give me a new battery. I think you'll find I have a piece of paper.

It took some fucking doing, but eventually I got them to send someone out. £30 charge, refunded when battery is confirmed diagnosed as fault. Sounds fine to me!

 

Patrolman turns up. Key opens door, central locking works, interior lights work, key in ign, all lights come on as they should, car starts fine.

 

WTF?!

 

Patrolman checks battery health and charging. Everything is AOK.

 

TITS. He has a good giggle and I scratch my head.

 

The interior clock is now ten hours incorrect and the radio is asking for the code, so it seems that the car has lost all power for ten hours, then got its shit together and fixed itself once the sun was up.

 

Drove it to work and back today and it was fine. No issues.

 

Does anyone have any idea what could cause all of this French?

 

I r literally in bamboozlement.

[Jim Bell]

Have a bonus pic of the bugger near a colleagues SLK.

[twosmoke300]

Crystal meth is a hell of a drug !

[scaryoldcortina]

Are you sure it isn't a Renault?

 

 

Seriously though, pull the battery terminals, give them a good clean with sandpaper and a bit of grease then refit. You would be surprised at the mayhem a slightly moody connection there can cause.

[Sloth in a bowl]

That's got to be a bad earth getting frosty or something similar hasn't it?

[dollywobbler]

Shit electrics FTMFL. But battery terminals certainly seems a good place to start. The XM occasionally throws strops where the central locking and interior lights all pack up, but it will still start. I have to disconnect the battery and reconnect and it sorts itself. Once a year.

[dugong]

My 605 sometimes decides it doesn't like its start up code.

[cort1977]

My garage door switch refuses to work below about 5 degrees, happily that's only twice a year.   For the 406, can only agree about battery terminals and possibly earth strap.

[Eddie Honda]

I had a Kawasaki that would run like shite when it warmed up. It turned out to be a dodgy bit of wiring to one of the coils, so when the heat from the engine below, warmed them up, it would start running like shite. The Pug sounds like the reverse. It got so cold that everything contracted just enough for ten hours to break the connection.

 

Find a drive-in freezer and test at -10C.

::

Anyway, why does this bloke use the Lupo or phone the RAC?:

 

[Lacquer Peel]

Does it have screw-on terminals? They are 100% certified shite.

[Junkman]

You should have kept the 405.

[Guest Lord Sward]

Duff cell on the battery?

[UmBongo]

Nuclear blast (only affects French cars) over Lindisfarne around ten hours ago and NOT REPORTED by SKY NEWS!!!

 

North Koreans to blame if Saddam Hussein confirmed dead.

[oldcars]

Power cut, we had one last night. Microwave time was way out.

[Lacquer Peel]

You should have kept the 405.

 

[Jim Bell]

::

Anyway, why does this bloke use the Lupo or phone the RAC?:

 

 

Because if there was a chance of getting a free replacement battery under warranty, from the RAC, I wanted it to be as flat and fucked as possible when they "tested" it.

 

 

Does it have screw-on terminals? They are 100% certified shite.

It does have shite screw on terminals.  With plastic screw knobs.

 

 

 

You should have kept the 405.

You have a point, but the world keeps turning.

[Asimo]

Those screw on battery (not) connectors are not to be trusted even when new, warm and clean.

 

Hose clips are good in an emergency

[Eddie Honda]

Those screw on battery (not) connectors

What are these? Are they anything like those stupid ones from yesteryear (that I can't find a pic of) that used to have a self-tapper in the the middle and sort of screw down into the top of a round post??

[Tamworthbay]

It's french, nuff said

[Eddie Honda]

Because if there was a chance of getting a free replacement battery under warranty, from the RAC, I wanted it to be as flat and fucked as possible when they "tested" it.

Fair enough it it had a couple of days of warranty left, but any more than that I would have given it a second chance.

 

If it went the again. I'd of ensured (nudge, nudge) that the battery had shat itself.

[scaryoldcortina]

What are these? Are they anything like those stupid ones from yesteryear (that I can't find a pic of) that used to have a self-tapper in the the middle and sort of screw down into the top of a round post??

Almost as dumb - there is a male threaded bit that looks sort of like a crown that gets push fitted onto the lead terminal post on the battery, and a female threaded bit on the cable that screws down onto it.

[Lacquer Peel]

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Fair enough it it had a couple of days of warranty left, but any more than that I would have given it a second chance.

 

If it went the again. I'd of ensured (nudge, nudge) that the battery had shat itself.

Thank you for letting me know what you would have done.

[Guest Lord Sward]

I'd have set fire to it.

[Jim Bell]

I'd have set fire to it.

 

Thats more like it.

[Pillock]

Does anyone have any idea what could cause all of this

 

 

 

French?

 

 

You asked, and yet you answered too.