Ronald Mc_Bo11ox's LAGUNA ODYSSEY OMG FTP SOS ETC LOL

[SiC]

That looks proper nice R9UKE! Laguna I brings back memories of my parents Laguna I estate and my granddads Laguna I hatch.

I remember distinctively going on holiday in my parents Laguna I estate (2.2 non-turbo diesel, apparently was a utter bag of rattly, slow, fuel thirsty crap.) that had a alternator failure on the A303 coming back from Devon.

Being an old school diesel, we carried on motoring until we got home. It was a race in getting home with enough electricity in the battery before the lights dimmed too much! The most comical fault was the radio power button failing, so driving constantly triggered it on and off. While the most scary for my mum was when her and us 3 kids were coming back home, it had a complete PAS failure. Luckily we weren't far from home, so my mum ended up dumping it on the side of the road and we walked the 2 miles back. My dad then had to go out and muscle the damn thing back home. After that disaster of a car, my parents (no idea why), bought a brand new Scenic...

 

I don't remember so much drama in my granddads one though. IIRC it was a 2l auto and I very much remember that climate control panel and of course, the speaking computer! Specifically that box was ticked as the synthesised voice annoyed my nan and kept us (me probably) entertained. I don't think it really served too much purpose in reality. I also remember him going for the model one below top trim but ticking all the boxes (and ended up paying more) - just because he's a vegetarian and the top trim only came with leather seats...

 

Ahh memories.

[Cavcraft]

24V Estate £400

 

 

http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTIwMFgxNjAw/z/vfsAAOSwZQxW6AeF/$_57.JPG

[Mr_Bo11ox]

That £400 one looks like decent VALU,he was asking 800 last week. Its been off the road a canny while I think and has no ticket but it seems honest enough and looks tidy (although his midnight picture shoot isn't the most flattering).

[Cavcraft]

Formerly CAT C or D, too. But at that age it doesn't really matter if the price is right. Didn't see the no MOT bit soz, but would imagine if it's out of test he's going to have to knock another 35% off that to find a buyer.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I just picked up the 2.0 turbo wagon. Its flippin ace!!!! Will knock up a couple of pics the morra as its too dark now. ALL UR GOONERS R BELONG 2 US

[barrett]

Jesus man! I feel it's my duty to intervene here. You have a serious problem. NO MORE GOONAS

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I'll see what I can do

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

MORE GOONAS

[SiC]

A bit of night time viewing to remind us how amazing Lagunas II are

 

What other modern car comes equipped with a speaking computer, that its sole purpose in life seems to be, to tell you what the faults are?

[SiC]

Incidentally I think that fault is when it looses control of the throttle body. Either its sticking from being dirty, or corroded connectors/a wire in loom broken. A proper fault code reader that can read Renault specific codes would say if its the TB.

 

Might also be the throttle pedal. But can't remember which failure causes the fault where it revs around 2-3k.

[Kiltox]

A bit of night time viewing to remind us how amazing Lagunas II arehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5kdPh9tpN8What other modern car comes equipped with a speaking computer, that its sole purpose in life seems to be, to tell you what the faults are?

That is horrific

[carlo]

That video is hilarious.  Liked the comment on the Youtube page:

 

The definition of optimism; putting a full tank of fuel in a Renner Laguna II

[Daniel R25]

More goonas!

Mine (Phase 2 / 2005, 2.0 16v on lpg) has actually done 20.000 troublefree km since I bought it... It is however a bit gutless. So I am considering upgrading to a turbo on lpg...

But mine is greenish beige outside AND beige inside. The turbo is blue / black. A bit boring

And then - should I swap a reliable car for an unknown one? Probably not... This is the one-
https://www.ebay-kleinanzeigen.de/s-anzeige/renault-gas-vollausstattung-zahnriemen-wasserpumpe-neu/441563250-216-2552

Selling mine and getting that one would probably cost me 500 Euros.

Daniel

[SiC]

A great example how British cars are ridiculously cheap!

 

For £1k, you can have this turboed example: http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201603061703726

No nav or LPG, but nearly €3k in difference pays for a much better TomTom (than the integrated nav) and either LPG conversion or a lot of petrol.

 

Or €2400 buys this: http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201603151997868

Less miles too.

[Daniel R25]

Too true.

However I not ready for a rhd car in Germany yet!

I was considering a rhd laguna 3 gt turbo für 3000 Pounds a few weeks ago

Daniel

[Guest Hooli]

Just watched this. Looks like tomorrow morning's job to stop my laguna 2 having matching indoor swimming pools.

Never know, if it works I'll remove the plastic bag drapped over the fusebox currently...

 

If anyone cares, I did this. The drains are still blocked, need to find some thin wire to poke down & tear holes in the pipes now.

[RayMK]

'kinell.  Laguna drivers must be near suicidal (watched the video).  Why doesn't the computer just say which bits, if any, are working?

[Lankytim]

What if the voice stops working?? Will the world explode??

[Cheggers]

What if the voice stops working?? Will the world explode??

The voice never stops working...where do you think they spent all the development budget?

[Guest Hooli]

Strimmer cord.

 

Ben

Good idea! I've got a roll of it laying around too.

[Guest Hooli]

That video is hilarious.  Liked the comment on the Youtube page:

 

The definition of optimism; putting a full tank of fuel in a Renner Laguna II

 

 

I've done that twice!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

What if the voice stops working?? Will the world explode??

 

It starts musing on the big philosophical questions of the 21st century, and cracking 'your mum'-type gags

[Daniel R25]

Renault solved that problem by deleting the speaking computer from the entire range in 2006

However, if you really want to- you can retrofit the system in later cars...

3000 Euros would buy me a 2006 Vel Satis 2.0 turbo with a auto gearbox fault. Sounds tempting as well... It really does

Daniel

[Parky]

"Anti Pollution system faulty. You know who else has a faulty anti pollution system? YOUR MUM!"

 

Consult Renault Dealer......you know who else has been consulting the Renault dealer?"

 

I could go on.....at least the computer sounds friendlier than the tills in B&Q

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Anyone wanna see my new Gooner? Well TOUGH SHITTLE cos here it is:

 

 

Picked it up last night in Basingstoke and drove it back to Oxford, then got up early this morning and drove to work (Derby) then in the evening took it up the workshop and dumped it there. Its flippin ace!!!!

 

 

The lad I got it off was nice enough but I think he was more into dogs than cars, the Gooner had failed its MOT and the garage quoted him like 800 to fix everything which didnt make financial sense so he ebay'd it.

 

 

Obe of the things it failed the test on was a knackered tyre, so he'd put the spare on already. That was fair enough, but it meant driving it almost 200 miles with no spare wheel, which added to an already high stress level due to the fact that it didnt have any tax or test (I did insure it though).

 

It actually drives alright, save for some banging from the arse end on bumps. It failed the test on u/s rear subframe bushes (a Laguna favourite). I stuck my head under the back and can see that there is almost no rubber left in them so I think a new set will make a lot of difference.

 

 

The engine is cracking, really quiet and pulls very well. Its got that lovely 'elastic' feel of a good petrol turbo set-up, with no great lag or VTEC-style kick, but a satisfying 'swoosh' if you floor it. On the motorway 70mph is 2500rpm and you have the throttle about 2% open, its well chilled. Pressing the accelerator has it surging forward without any fuss so you can burn off dawdlers a treat. Its not blistering;ly fast by any means but its certainly swift enough. The gearbox (5-spd auto) is very smooth as well.

 

 

The interior is nice enough but it does need a good clean, especially the insides of the windows which have been licked to death by dogs. Actually in the front is not bad. The seats are very comfortable with good lumbar support - ideal for a hunchbacked cretin like myself who is always moaning about his bad back.

 

I couldnt fathom out the shatnav but I did get the ICE working and it sounds good, 6 speakers I think. The seller left in some CD's - Adele, Paolo Nuttini and flippin James Blunt - I mananged about 30 secs of mr Nuttini then all three had to GTF. Cruise control works and there are no mental error messages coming up whihc is nice. The driving position is really good and you feel like you could drive this car 500 miles in a sitting no probs, its quiet, comfortable and fast.

 

 

 

The paint on the drivers side has been marked by something, looks like 'Acid rain' or something but Im not even sure if we have acid rain any more? Anyway I hope it will mop out... I think it probably will. The front wings on these are plastic so I am mildly worried about mopping those, as they dont dissipate the heat as well as a metal panel, so its a lot easier to scorch the paint. Theres none of this paint staining on the passenger side which looks flippin ace.

 

 

Dunno whats going on here with this, I hope I can improve it.

 

So it seems fundamentally an absolutely ace car but it does need some fettling for the MOT. 2 front tyres - 17" so thats going to be £100+ straight off. New rear bushes are about 60 notes with the special extractor tool. It needs one wishbone (£35) and one TRE (£10) and a new mirror glass!!!! (£5). Thats £200+in parts alone to get it through the test. Then on top of that it needs a really good scrub, and extrenal moppage on all its blue bits. Oh and both front windows seem to have regulator problems.

 

I'm still chuffed to bits with it though, its potentially the swishest car I've ever had!!! £185 well spent still.

[mouseflakes]

The seller left in some CD's - Adele, Paolo Nuttini and flippin James Blunt...all three had to GTF.

 

Nice to hear that the three worst things about this car can so easily be eliminated. Good luck with the rest. I once drove a brand new Laguna Saloona hire car. Don't even recall what engine it was. But it felt proper swish.

[Jon]

I'll admit that this does look nice but I wonder whether all these modern motoring shenanigans are the start of a slippery slope? Less welding and more soldering, etc? That said, moderns (i.e. from this millennium) do have their place as effortless work hacks and I was pondering exactly this as I'd noticed I'd put 2000km on the odometer of the 2 litre beater '06 Mondeo in 16 days, with no more than a cursory glance of the oil and water (both fine). 

 

Anyway, here's a solution for this:

 

 

 

With a deft hand, fill in the scratches with some contrasting paint to make it look like some of that fancy hotrod pinstriping, as confusingly demonstrated on this tissue box:

 

 

An apt gift for a modern Renault owner?

[cms206]

I'm starting to think that Le Testicle isn't doing this for a laugh any more but he's actually subject to an employment trial by Renault as a troubleshooter for a UK launch of GOONA_4.

[Lacquer Peel]

The Laguna ceased to exist last year, and its successor isn't available in the UK. A shame*.

[Bstardchild]

A bit of night time viewing to remind us how amazing Lagunas II are

 

What other modern car comes equipped with a speaking computer, that its sole purpose in life seems to be, to tell you what the faults are?

 

That is frankly horrific........................ No wonder people steer clear!!!