The problems that drivers of Modern Cars face

[willswitchengage]

I can only hope people vote for England out of this madness in the upcoming.

 

Good to see this is the quality of the argument presented by the average eurosceptic.

 

I've put it in the recycling now but as a result of this 'madness' The Economist reported last week that Britain has the safest roads in the world. Am I trolling?

 

Problem #94 of modern cars - can't go up snowy hills:

 

[oldcars]

With the amount of unnecessary, complicated nonsense on new cars I'm not surprised some of it goes wrong. Pedestrian safety airbags and auto collision brakes on cars sound lovely but is it not easier for both parties to look where the fuck they're going?

Reminds me of the bother another shiter (forget who, soz) is having with a passenger seat ECU.

Why the hell does a seat need it's own computer? Does it have to check and adjust comfyness every 5 seconds or something?

Passenger seat in the reliant has a ecu - Extra Cushion Unit

[Ben_O]

Passenger seat in the reliant has a ecu - Extra Cushion Unit

TPS too don't they?

topples post slide

[xtriple]

It's me that has 'seat ecu' problems... Bentley! It has an ecu for EVERYTHING and they are all individual so one each for each front seat!

 

I really have nothing to add to this thread. I hate all the new stuff that just takes away responsibility from the driver, but, I think this is just a gentle, gradual way of getting the public to accept driverless cars.

 

It's going to happen sooner rather than later and in some ways, I think it's great! The standard of driving these days is shocking and road rage all the rage!

[doobietoo]

I rather like the way Saab do things with the lights, leave the headlights on and it switches everything off but leave the sidelights on and it beeps at you when you remove the key but leaves them on... typical sweedish thought process.... VW is the worst as if you leave the indicator on when you take the key out it leaves the lights on that side on and beeps.... very annoying during daylight hours....

[rml2345]

On 740/940 (and probaby other) Volvos, the ignition is like a master switch and cuts everything. If you then want parking lights you can leave the sidelights on wthout it going mental.

[Richard]

That's the normal Swedish way, Saabs used to do the same.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Not saying I drive too many modern cars ,but I was driving our 600 the other day and when it started raining I couldn't work out why the wipers weren't working. Then I realised it was because I had to switch them on, you know the old fashioned way manually.

It would be far too embarrassing to admit I went on a Mercedes forum to find out how to check the oil level in my e280 cdi last month. Luckily someone else had been ridiculed for asking the same question -Use the dipstick,dipstick! In my defence a W211 220 I had a couple of years ago didn't have a dipstick and the one on the 280 is right at the back where you'd expect an auto gearbox dipstick to be.

[HH-R]

My friend has just got a new Toyota something estate (hybrid). I like them, it's nice inside etc but I asked loads of stupid questions of what's that and why's it beeping all the time? etc.

 

It was beeping because it was in reverse, I said I'd have to find the buzzer and smash it.

[PhilA]

I thought the electric concept in my mother's Fiat was good.. ignition key cuts EVERYTHING off. Nothing works without the key in. Key has 3 main positions. OFF ON START. If you wanted parking lights, push the little (intentionally) awkwardly-located spring loaded button in next to the key and turn the key backwards from OFF

 

Good idea really

 

--Phil

[oldford]

I've often seen XFs at our local dealer parked up around the workshop with their bonnets 'deployed', it makes that no damage done, 1 mph impact into a bollard or a cars tow ball into a £5,000 insurance job.

[anonymous user]

I know it's a stupid question, but can't you just drive it anyway with a deployed bonnet and if anyone asks say it's for extra cooling, like they used to do on things like Fiat Abarths

[Barry Cade]

It's me that has 'seat ecu' problems... Bentley! It has an ecu for EVERYTHING and they are all individual so one each for each front seat!

 

Just been reading this about the new Bentley Bentaygo

 

"Bentley is the first in group to use 48V control for this, apparently increasing response and scope for the system; in total the car features 90 separate ECUs to manage the various systems onboard. Beyond that are various optional off-road modes, should you wish to test the claim of "Effortless Bentley performance, unrestrained by climate or terrain" as the press pack has it in one of its more restrained moments.!!"

[HH-R]

90 separate ECUs

 

"Run, Dougal. Run quite fast, quite fast!"

[steve_earwig]

90 ECU's? Dear god!
 

"Effortless Bentley performance, unrestrained by climate or terrain"

*Sets sat nav for Mariana trench*

[Des]

I got 99 problems but an ECU aint one.

There's something truly sinister about more than a single ECU per vehicle, getting on for a three figure quantity is irrefutable evidence of the involvement of Satan in car design that I have suspected for some time now.

If I'm ever forced to drive a modern, I'm drinking a pint of holy water before fashioning a gimp suit in tin foil that I shall accessorise with rabbits feet, lucky heather and welding goggles. And I'll wear a noddy. tuck the nads in and gaffer tape me bum crack for good measure.

[M'coli]

Re: MRS III - I would've assumed that MRS I & II would have been "bumped off"! 

 

The lights-on thing is easy enough to forget about when it's foggy or when you've driven from darkness into dawn.  Twice I parked up my first Imp in Glasgow with the dip beam on, walked away and came back 2 hours or so later to a dead battery - nothing, not even a flicker from the oil light.  Luckily though, I'd parked near a hill, and it had a dynamo rather than an alternator.  Got it up to speed, popped it into gear, a second or so later it fires and runs, and the choke is kept on for a decent while to prevent stalling at junctions until the battery's got enough charge to at least allow a bump start on the flat.

[D Spares & Tyres]

You try driving a VW Tiguan slowly and taking your seatbelt off

 

It will apply the brakes and you will stop instantly

[anonymous user]

You try driving a VW Tiguan slowly and taking your seatbelt off

 

It will apply the brakes and you will stop instantly

Will it be so sudden that you go through the windscreen and is that only on the driver's belt? Sounds fun.

[Asimo]

Any car of mine tries to put the brakes on without I asked it too, I will take a shit in it and walk home.

[cros]

I've just read a road test of the top of the range Vulva 4x4, the XC90 T8. It has a 2 litre 4 cylinder petrol engine that makes over 300 bhp with the help of turbo and superchargers, and skirts all the hassle of transmission to the rear wheels by employing an electric motor to turn them when required. The tester is fairly uncomplimentary about how this all comes together as a driving experience, but I'm astounded that a lash up like this is marketable. The specification screams that the company can no longer afford to provide proper underpinnings for a 4x4 but still expects punters to stump up 54 grand to buy it. This price includes a 'plug in hybrid' grant.
The claimed EU combined economy of 134mpg translated to 33mpg on test and CO2 figures make no allowance for the emissions at the source of the plug-in power. Why the bloody fucking hell should taxes be used to fund this spunk-bubble?

[beko1987]

Just set the clock and date on the meriva after fitting the new battery, and the fucking thing will be scrap in 50 years from when it was made (2004), the year goes back to 2004 after 2054.

 

 

No faith at all from vauxhall, they dont expect it to last more than 50 years. Challenge (not) accepted...

[cros]

I wouldn't be surprised to see the message 'You're havin' a larf' if you try to scroll past 2020 on a new car.

[cros]

You try driving a VW Tiguan slowly and taking your seatbelt off

 

It will apply the brakes and you will stop instantly

Applying the brakes and stopping instantly is not a concept I'm familiar with in my cars.

[HH-R]

I'm surprised Vauxhall haven't thought to cost cut the extra calendar info past 10 years, thinking it would save them 0.000000001p per unit.

[PiperCub]

Recall reading one angst-ridden cry-baby who was whining about the fact his super-whizzy Iphone or whatever wouldn't communicate with the in-car system and how his new umpty-dillion pound lease car was crap & this was a tragedy of biblical proportions for reasons that I was too disinterested to carry on reading.

Presumably he was unable to use Arsebook while driving or couldn't 'Twat' his latest inner-most thoughts to a world hanging on his every word I guess, so yes, fair one, a real problem then. 

[For Fiats Sake]

It's not just modern cars that are full of technology, tractors need a degree in computer science to be operated these days - or rather to set them up. Once set all an operator is required to do is monitor the systems and turn around on the headlands, self steering is common these days.

[cros]

Just set the clock and date on the meriva after fitting the new battery, and the fucking thing will be scrap in 50 years from when it was made (2004), the year goes back to 2004 after 2054.

 

IMAG4940.jpg

 

No faith at all from vauxhall, they dont expect it to last more than 50 years. Challenge (not) accepted...

Can't you scroll that temp. up a bit? Some of us are freezing our bollocks off.

[anonymous user]

It's not just modern cars that are full of technology, tractors need a degree in computer science to be operated these days - or rather to set them up. Once set all an operator is required to do is monitor the systems and turn around on the headlands, self steering is common these days.

Do they drain the carb themselves now so that you can start on petrol before switching to TVO?

[beko1987]

Can't you scroll that temp. up a bit? Some of us are freezing our bollocks off.

Tell me about it, I had to fuck about with this this morning