Autoshambles - NEC?

[Bear]

If you want to do an AS display, I think the most important thing would be to capture the sense of community.

 

As such, any cars displayed should only be washed if that's what you normally do - if your car is filthy and full of litter, leave it that way.

 

And in the manner of the last day of school, we could bring a toy - something that truly defines the diversity of the community and reflects that the cars are not the main thing in most of our lives. For example, I'd either fill the back of the hearse with a display of retro computers, or bring a synthesizer or a guitar. You get the idea.

 

I came here stupidly late for the cars. I stayed because I've never seen such an awesome, drama free, open minded, non-aggressive forum.

[BorniteIdentity]

If you want to do an AS display, I think the most important thing would be to capture the sense of community.

 

As such, any cars displayed should only be washed if that's what you normally do - if your car is filthy and full of litter, leave it that way.

 

 

I truly love this idea.

 

We could be to motoring what Damien Hurst is to art.

 

People would flock to see my Toyota Avensis with "2 for £1.50 boss?" crisp packets strewn over the offside rear footwell.  They'd be enchanted by the cup holder fashioned from two interlocking cable ties and be mesmerised by the windscreen chip that's been an advisory for no less than 6 consecutive years.

 

I'm in.

[cms206]

Family friendly name? How about Cars that are Underrated, Nasty Tat. The acronym could be...

Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrible Automobiles, and their Rehabilition Into Society?

[Sloth in a bowl]

Autoshite: we are the self deprecation society.

 

And repeat

[dollywobbler]

You see, I like my cars to be clean. Autoshite doesn't mean neglect. Sure, it doesn't mean concours either but it does mean love for the unloved. Yet occasionally, it means putting a V8 in a Hyundai Stellar. Or restoring a Triumph Dolomite of non-Sprint spec. Or heroics to save an entirely rotten Talbot. We're surprisingly varied here.

[Alexg]

I tell you what, the V8 Stellar would be fantastic. Surely if you're pitching for a stand throwing that duesy into the conversation can't hurt.

[Bear]

I truly love this idea.

 

We could be to motoring what Damien Hurst is to art.

 

People would flock to see my Toyota Avensis with "2 for £1.50 boss?" crisp packets strewn over the offside rear footwell.  They'd be enchanted by the cup holder fashioned from two interlocking cable ties and be mesmerised by the windscreen chip that's been an advisory for no less than 6 consecutive years.

 

I'm in.

 

Wasn't there already talk of having an observer for world records there? Two in one NEC? If anyone could do it, Autoshite could. Maybe. If it's not too far. And ideally, only if the end result is a raffle that results in spending £400 in fuel, train tickets and pasties to collect a £50 car.

[Bear]

So, we have:

One polished white XM

One tastefully* modified hearse

One filthy Toyota

One V8 powered Hyundai

I think there should be a Mk 3 Cavalier, white, diesel, four mismatched trims, with a cutout of a small white dog peering out of the rear window. Possibly with Doge captions hanging over the car on fishing line, like a sort of mobile of mobile mediocrity. "Such Rust. Many Miles. Very Diesel. Wow"

[Bear]

Also - art installation - a hiab about to pick up a Daewoo Espero from a diorama set of an overgrown front driveway, with a group of shiters all pulling the car back to the ground, like demons preventing a worthy soul from ascending to heaven and the promised land of Charnock Richard services and the anointed Holy KFC. For it is said, when driving from Tewkesbury to Glasgow to collect a 1993 Kia Pride, our great prophet heard the cry of hunger from his disciples, and swept upon the magnificent concrete wasteland, ascended to the Great Bridge, and upon that construction, saw the inscription "Variety Bucket, £13.99". And his disciples were fed, and washed with the Great Lemon-Scented Towel, and could attempt the climb up Shap without shame or breakdown.

 

But be warned. There is a dark side. Cast out with nothing but the letters PCP tattooed onto his toner-stained hands, Kevin From Xerox watches for those that cross to Burger King, the false monarch, and makes claims of the promised land of the outside lane, and the decadence of the lesser demon Audi, of the Four Rings of Sin. Do not be fooled. The luxuries of cruise control, heated seats and not breaking down in the pissing rain come with a price.

 

Your soul.

 

 

 

 

 

(and £5,599 down + £259/month tithe for the rest of your life, or the car runs out of warranty, whichever is soonest).

[Split_Pin]

People 'on the outside' won't get the irony of that. Agree with DW here, its got to show love for the unloved.

[beko1987]

I won't volunteer to help, as I've never done this sort of thing before but will volunteer to turn up and hang around if that's needed? I presume there's a day parking rate, we could all park together outside and make an external display?

[Taff]

I truly love this idea.

 

We could be to motoring what Damien Hurst is to art.

 

People would flock to see my Toyota Avensis with "2 for £1.50 boss?" crisp packets strewn over the offside rear footwell.  They'd be enchanted by the cup holder fashioned from two interlocking cable ties and be mesmerised by the windscreen chip that's been an advisory for no less than 6 consecutive years.

 

I'm in.

 

The MGF feature a cable-tie-based cup holder, with added bacon crunchies

[BavarianRetro]

Is Autoshite not the antithesis of the NEC Classic Car Show?

 

Or is that the point?

[chaseracer]

I can offer a disreputable, slightly battered Blingo full of percussion instruments*.  Alternatively, a blue/yellow/rust Dyane with the bonnet painted as a Welsh flag.  Or a 'weathered' 205D with sealed sunroof.

 

Halfords wheel trims feature on two of the above.

 

 

* The timpani were a particular achievement...

[bub2006]

You all know what I've got to offer. And you all seen the pics now the saxo had a photoshoot!

[chaseracer]

You could fill the stand solo, Daryl...

[bub2006]

That best not be a dig at my weight anyway I've only got two now!

[chaseracer]

Alternatively, how about this for a plan:

 

Don't stress about what cars to put on the stand, or how to get them there, or any of those organisational issues.  Just send the Midland Massiv with a small crowdfunded budget to the Cannock auction on the Tuesday evening before the show.  Any chod we get from there will be representative of your average AS rammel and can be either sold/distributed/roffled among the brethren during/afterwards - or bridged, as appropriate.

 

Acksherley, that's a thought: an online realtime roffle of the random shite on the stand to raise dosh for server costs!  Or maybe, if we pony up for a ticket for Old Geezer Auctioneer, he could come over on the Sunday to do a live auction of the cars he sold to us the previous week...

[Justin Case]

I'm not too happy with this whole NEC Classic Car show thing, I feel that our natural home is the Restoration show. We could have a stand there with masterclasses in the use of cable ties, a wall find Vectra to display alongside the barn find Aston Martins on other stands, rebuilding an XJS rear suspension with nothing more than a large hammer and a selection of smaller sockets, re-attaching a front bumper after a failed attempt at the world synchronised Woollarding record and as a centrepice Shitheap Challenge, where two teams race against the clock to weld up Ford Kas faster than they can rot away.

[John F]

You'd need a large toolbox full of hairy yellow string.

[scruff]

Do you remember a few years back when all the club stands were "themed", some were really good others bloody naff, e.g. the Morris 1000 Trunnion Enthusiasts Guild would have a Heartbeat theme. My suggestion is a tribute to AS hero George Cole and a 1:1 (space permitting) replica of Daley's car lot with Lord Stirling in his car dealer's jacket.

 

I also think no disrespect to lovers of MX5s and stuff that this is a golden opportunity to get some 100% solid-gold, proper obscure shite there which would never usually go. The V8 Hyundai is a prize example and there's Alexg's C5, Wuvvum's Innocenti etc etc etc

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I think this is all part of the plot to legitimise the Autoshite brand, it's no coincidence that this is been discussed at the same time an effort is being made to have AS listed on Wikipedia.

What next? Sponsoring Wheeler Dealers ? A Roffle ticket deal on Wowcher ?

 

If we get an influx of normal people , some of them will be offended by the bad language and farting, much like when your local transforms itself into a Gastropub. Thing is, there are more normal people than there are of us, they'll demand strict moderation, you know by the sort of people with a lower IQ than the number of Facebook friends they have,

The slippery slope ,will be changing the name , for whatever reason. Let's go the whole hog and start saying 'curse word ' instead of cunt or fricken instead of fucking.

Maybe someone is brokering a multi million pound deal that centres around the name. Is it just a coincidence that high profile shiters from the legal and publishing worlds are currently "on a break" ? Is Dave currently browsing the Bentley website configurator deciding if his piping should match or contrast with his knee roll?

[John F]

I'm prepared to call anyone a cunt that wants to turn Autoshite into a gastro-pub.

 

There. I've said it.

[catsinthewelder]

Is there anyone you're not prepared to call a cunt?

[John F]

catsinthewelder, on 19 Nov 2015 - 8:04 PM, said:

Is there anyone you're not prepared to call a cunt?

 

OK, you've got me there

[AlabamaShrimp]

I fear change and the loss of the ability to call people cunts. In the words of Duncan Bananatime, I'm out!

 

Well really it would be a nice idea to have a stand and yeah I'm offering help and a car but thinking about it I don't want to have to change the site name and don't want this place being over run with retro rides/pistonheads type wankers

[cms206]

Hold on, hold on... Club HBF is our official club name is it not? I'm sure that'd leave us a Local Forum for Local People.

[chaseracer]

Yeah!  We'd know, even if the great unwashed mass of civilians were none the wiser...

[MarvinsMom]

this is a local club for local people, there's nothing for you here.....

 

[AlabamaShrimp]

Well I am very local....