Automotive bull5hit facts thread

[j.johnson23]

The TR7`s headlights were designed to malfunction intentionally.The large panel gaps were to give the bodywork the ability to dry quickly after rain,hence why so many are still on the road.

It also had the most reliable electrical system in the world at that time.

[j.johnson23]

Contrary to enviromentalists lies, most car manufacturers have made green cars for years.

[barefoot]

As a quick aside, I've recently been copying and pasting assorted bollocks from this thread on another forum that I frequent and folk have been replying to the utter crap what I have wrote as if it is trooth.

[Sloth in a bowl]

As a quick aside, I've recently been copying and pasting assorted bollocks from this thread on another forum that I frequent and folk have been replying to the utter crap what I have wrote as if it is trooth.

 

This posting is no good without links, so then we can all join in the fun.

[Sloth in a bowl]

Due to recent ISIS activity, there has been an international ban on the trade in Renault 20s.

[Sloth in a bowl]

The Donnington Collection of racing cars only has post war cars in it as all their pre-war stock was melted down in 1941 to make Spitfires.

[barefoot]

Bugger me, I live in Donington & I never knew that.

[inconsistant]

There are only three hens in Donnington. But four 'n's.

[inconsistant]

Panel gaps... a little know fact about panel gaps is that they exist to allow for metal expansion. They were bigger in the olden days because the summers were hotter and the metal panels expanded more. Summers were hottest in the 70's and panel gaps were widened during that decade to compensate.

[barefoot]

I thought they were so that you could see your Range Rover parked next to the great wall of China whilst orbiting the Earth.

[Norbert]

Further investigations into VW's corporate conduct have revealed that they have been using Hydragas suspension for many decades, while hiding the fact in order to avoid paying royalties to Dr. Moulton. This explains why many VWs more than a few years old sit very very close to the ground. The legions of VW fanatics explain this away as deliberately 'slamming' their cars to the deck, when in actual fact it's an inherent fault with the displacers which can easily be solved with a damn good pumping (to the cars that is, not the VW fans).

[sierraman]

They used to do a Mondeo RS Cosworth, but they only made one and it's in my mates garage, he found it in a barn where Ford leave all their rare models. It's like new apparently, but he can't show it me or the magic will go away.

[Taff]

Mike Brewer doesn't exist in human form. When Endemol Productions first commission the idea of Wheeler Dealers, they conducted a survey and identified several key factors that the viewers identified as essential in a TV motoring journalist. As there was no-one available who had all these

characteristics, green screen technology and CGI was combined to create "Oldaahtyerhand" Brewer. Ed China is however, quite real.

[inconsistant]

I heard that Edds workshop assistant Paul actually buys and sells the cars.

[rml2345]

Ed China's mate Paul is actually Ed China. The Paul you see is the actor wo plays Barry Scott in the Cilit Bang commercials.

[John F]

As the name suggests, Mike Brewer was actually built as a tea-making robot by Ed China out of Daf Variomatic gearbox components, Land Rover Discovery 1 alarm ECUs and damaged Fiat 500 body panels.

 

The trademark "Oldaatyeraaahnd" motion is actually an untraceable glitch that rendered the robot useless in its intended task, but the – entirely involuntary – gesture became its distinctive feature in its new role as TV car salesman slimeball.

[fordperv]

They used to do a Mondeo RS Cosworth, but they only made one and it's in my mates garage, he found it in a barn where Ford leave all their rare models. It's like new apparently, but he can't show it me or the magic will go away.

Reading this i can't help think of the green n reg one built in the 90s by reyland and was very well known, it got rolled and rebuilt a few years back with a new roof etc

[Sloth in a bowl]

As the name suggests, Mike Brewer was actually built as a tea-making robot by Ed China out of Daf Variomatic gearbox components, Land Rover Discovery 1 alarm ECUs and damaged Fiat 500 body panels.

 

The trademark "Oldaatyeraaahnd" motion is actually an untraceable glitch that rendered the robot useless in its intended task, but the – entirely involuntary – gesture became its distinctive feature in its new role as TV car salesman slimeball.

 

 

Just add to this, Brewer's face is paint code 284 Mura Yellow and they can only use him for 30 minutes at a time when filming else the local grid starts to get blackouts.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Wheeler Dealers is actually filmed in reverse, an industry expert( obviously not Brewer) sources an immaculate example of a classic car. The final scenes of Oldoutyerand selling it to a punter are filmed first, then a process of fucking it up begins, this takes a day or so then it's parked on a trailer behind whichever Motor Industry big bucks product placement vehicle Brewer has blagged because of his high profile media star staus( a Ssangyong Rexton). The ' as bought ' scenes are filmed and it is immediately bridged.

This may seem a waste of a good car but it's cheaper in the long run, the main advantage is that there's always a happy ending and Brewer and China look good.

If you don't believe this, ask yourself why , after 10 years of Wheeler Dealers there has never once been an advert on EBay boasting 'As seen on Wheeler Dealers' ?

Also , if Edd China was such a great mechanic/ restorer he:

A.cant afford a decent jumper, and

B. Is only known for making fucking sofa's and sheds and shit with Mini engines.

[John F]

NorfolkNWeigh, on 25 Nov 2015 - 12:29 PM, said:

Wheeler Dealers is actually filmed in reverse, an industry expert( obviously not Brewer) sources an immaculate example of a classic car. The final scenes of Oldoutyerand selling it to a punter are filmed first, then a process of fucking it up begins, this takes a day or so then it's parked on a trailer behind whichever Motor Industry big bucks product placement vehicle Brewer has blagged because of his high profile media star staus( a Ssangyong Rexton). The ' as bought ' scenes are filmed and it is immediately bridged.

This may seem a waste of a good car but it's cheaper in the long run, the main advantage is that there's always a happy ending and Brewer and China look good.

If you don't believe this, ask yourself why , after 10 years of Wheeler Dealers there has never once been an advert on EBay boasting 'As seen on Wheeler Dealers' ?

Also , if Edd China was such a great mechanic/ restorer he:

A.cant afford a decent jumper, and

B. Is only known for making fucking sofa's and sheds and shit with Mini engines.

 

This also ties in well with Mr China's habit of getting dressed backwards too.

[Pillock]

Lexus trialled using a spinning disc of friction material clamped by two hard metal brake pads for the LS400 disk brakes. This is well known, however what is less well known is that they got the idea from BL - In the 1980s, on the Montego with 1.3 engines, they used a modified rear drum brake assembly as a clutch and connected the handbrake cable from it to the clutch pedal.

 

In the service book there is an entry for "clutch service" - every 6000 miles you have to untangle the handbrake cable from the output shaft by spinning the wheel backwards for 3 months.

[Formula Autos]

Cars are usually fitted with a cigar lighter rather than a cigarette lighter because a cigar lighter is lighter than a cigarette lighter.

It saves the weight of four letters' worth of ink in the handbook each time it's mentioned. In a typical handbook, this means a shorter word in the contents, topic heading, twice in the instructions (of how to remove and replace it), and index. Thus saving 20 letters' worth of type, at an estimated weight of 0.000000072g. Over the average lifespan of a car this can save up to 330ml (or a Coca Cola can's worth, in tabloid speak) of petrol or, in a diesel, up to 440ml (a Can of Carling, to use the same analogy) if the handbook is carried in the car throughout its life.

 

Adopting the term cigar rather than cigarette lighter could save the planet.

[Formula Autos]

Mike Brewer is the result of a genetic experiment which fused the DNA of comedians Eddie Large and Mike Reid in 1973.

 

He escaped from a Truman show style existence where he was forced to play the character of Roland in Grange Hill, and eked out an existence selling bangers he'd bought at auction.

 

He chose to combine his new found skills and his experience in front of the camera in several car based TV shows and has a dedicated* fan base until today.

 

Edd China was also created around the same time from DNA harvested from Frankie Howerd and Bernard Cribbins, and was briefly forced to work on Top Gear. After his escape, he hides in the Wheeler Dealers workshop, and is only occasionally taken out, under Mike's supervision, into the real world.

 

Edd has a crippling fear of what Jeremy Clarkson might do to him if his whereabouts are discovered. It is rumoured that Clarkson punched Jason Dawe in the face repeatedly after he learned that Jason had assisted Edd's escape from the Top Gear hangar. Jason grew a beard to hide the resulting facial disfigurement and forged a new career under the name Justin Lee Collins.

[simmo]

Cars are usually fitted with a cigar lighter rather than a cigarette lighter because a cigar lighter is lighter than a cigarette lighter.

Clint Eastwood once ordered an Austin Healey 3000 and insisted that the cigar lighter was labelled Cheroot. Another modificaton was an oversized glove box capable of accommodating a standard US imperial poncho

[fred]

The Ford "Essex" engine actually got its name through being cheap, a bit of a goer when having a drink, and likes to smoke heavily

[Felly Magic]

Edd China was in fact made by The Bloke From Stoke and Petemate whilst drunk after filming a Sherpa Floppytop is Born with Mark 'hand up a cows arse' Evans

[Noel Tidybeard]

when the cgi bods created brewer they got the scale rong and made him a midge which is whyt ed china who is only 5'10" looks so huuuge

[Sloth in a bowl]

If bub2006 ever owns a Laguna II and gets to his destination without an FTP then the world will have brake failure and crash into the sun to compensate the eternal balance of the cosmos.

[hauserplenty]

All modern cars (i.e. post-1896) are shit. Therefore, I refuse to drive any vehicle which does not feature tiller steering, kerosene headlamps, chain-drive and boiler tube ignition.

Das beste oder nicht.

[bub2006]

If bub2006 ever owns a Laguna II and gets to his destination without an FTP then the world will have brake failure and crash into the sun to compensate the eternal balance of the cosmos.

Give me the keycard and ill show you